Ex girlfriend, hurtful messages. No contact?

[Straziin]

If someone can give me some advice it would be greatly appreciated :/. Having a really hard time at the moment. I’ll start by saying I’ve been dating this most beautiful amazing girl I’ve ever met; wanted to show her the world. I’m 21 and she’s 23 dated for 5 months. Everything was doing good, we had our ups and downs and arguments but nothing too rank. She broke up with me last month once cause she was drunk and told me I stopped appreciating her by not taking her out as much or buying her like gifts.

 

So I told her I’ll change which I did and I was doing great again. We got back together. But she slowly stopped doing everything, and I was doing all the work. Close to the end of the relationship. But she did give me small gifts, and little cute notes. She also wanted one back. Which I was scared to.

 

Now she left me again because she told me I’m not treating her right, even though I was. Told me I lied. It’s been 7 days now, I NC her the first 2 days then we talked yesterday and today. I’d do anything for her and she knows that. She told me again I stopped, which I hadn’t she worked 6 days a week and I only had 1 day to do something. Told me I broke her heart twice now with broken promises.. and I also ruined her favourite concert by being hammered she told me. But that’s forgivable.. I really want her back. We talked 3/7 days now since we broke up. She was indecisive and told me she wanted to think. So she made the decision today. she also picked me up lastnight cause I got a text saying I really need to see someone I cant be alone right now, I got no friends to talk to and you’re my only best friend. So I said yes thinking things are going to go good, Then no. She sat there and said thanks I needed this for closure, seeing you one last time before I let you go. I was heartbroken, I was expecting something different. So now I know not to be an emotional tampon for her or giving her my friend benefits.

 

yesterday she texted me saying she can’t forgive me, even though she already did before for the same reasons. And these are what I thought were small, but I understand it’s big now. I sent her my note and she said she cried reading it, it was all she wanted but told me it’s too late :/. That I’m a bad boyfriend. She had done worse to me and I always forgave her because I loved her tons. Told me she needs to walk away as much as its so hard to do but has to be strong. I understand I hurt her but was that really the big deal or was she just wanting to end things? Men are hard to open up as it is, the note I gave her was 5 pages long and I know it got to her. i explained my love to her.

 

So she texted me saying this today that this is the hardest decision I’ve ever made but it has to be done this time. I can’t go back with you as much as it hurts. My heart is shattered. I just want to be with you but I can’t trust you and it hurts so much. Told me she’s in physically pain and she still is inlove with me. I’m always on her mind but can’t be with me. Trying to think of the good times but only bad times came up, which was only three incidents. which wasn’t as bad as what she did to me but I forgave her. Told me I treated her like no man did, I was her first love, her first best friend and she can’t wait till the day come till she’s not crying cause it’s over. She doesn’t want to be alone. The damage is too big to be repaired and she can’t open up to our love anymore even know she’s in so much pain cause all she wants is to be with me. :/

 

I responded, I respect your decision and you were the best girlfriend. I was hurt. I didn’t know what to say.

 

Her last text was. Thank you, I miss you already. And again. I hope one day we can become friends again.

 

 

I didn’t reply. I was thinking on going NC and show what it’s like when I’m not around. Or should I keep trying for her? I love her so much. She loves me back but told me her heart can’t be fixed and she’s crying every night because we’re going to be strangers. she always told me I was the only guy that ever cared for her but she has it in her head I’m bad for her. What can I do? She loves romantic, I was the first guy to ever show her my love, first guy to take her out on a date, first guy to buy her a gift, flowers or even told her I’m in love with her. She said she wanted to be saved and wished it was me that done so from her past ****. I did I thought but guess I failed. :/ help.

[Kelley]

You have to move on and go NC to heal. I know it's hard when a relationship ends and sometimes two people can still love each other and the relationship is not working for various reasons and yes it's painful. You will both miss each other for a while, have each other on your mind but in time that will fade and the days will seem easier.

 

I have been through the same and I have got to the point where he pops in my head now and again, but not all the time like before and the missing has also faded. It takes time and distance, respect her decision as hard as it is. The more you chase after her she will start to resent you. Give her space, give you space and who knows in the future when you have both healed you could be friends. Or you may have met someone else amazing by then and believe it or not, not care.

[ExpatInItaly]

Honestly?

 

She sounds like a drama queen.

 

I think she probably lost interest in the relationship, and didn't want to be the bad guy, so she looked for a reason to blame you for the break-up. Twice.

 

As a woman, I can tell you we don't break-up with a guy we're in love with. Not unless he's done something truly horrid or circumstances prohibit a relationship. It doesn't sound like that's the case here.

 

I would let her go. She sounds emotionally very high-maintenance and not exactly mature. She makes a lot of grand declarations but her actions don't match her words. Too much work.

[PLT]

You guys are only 5 months in and there is already a drama triangle forming.

 

Get out now. Go hardcore NC, look for a girlfriend who sees a relationship as more than taking her out and gifts. Those are pretty shallow reasons to start pulling on your emotions.

[fromheart]

I'm not sure why you like this girl, she sounds totally awful. Just read everything you've posted here about her again. If you didn't know her, how would she sound?

 

Now these people have a lovely side to them also, which is why we think we love them. But you have to see all the sides of them, not just the good side.

 

So often people think they are in love with someone, when in reality they only love one part of them. If you're insecure about yourself you end up becoming their doormat, enduring their nastiness and waiting for the clouds to part so that the side you love can shine through.

 

'I'll do anything for her...'

 

That's not love, that's lacking self respect. Gaining high self respect within yourself is the only way to win the girl you deserve. And I can promise you, once you see this woman for who she is and where she's at, you wont want to be with her.

[Marc878]

Go NC. She's not amazing and they'll be nothing but drama here.

 

I promise you the World will not end over this.

[Chi townD]

I agree with everyone else. You need to let this go. You need to heal and move on. So, start no contact with her. Do not respond to text, let her phonecalls go to voicemail. I have a feeling that after some time, she's going to pull on the leash to see if the dog is still there. Do not take the bait.

 

She made the choice and now she has to live with the consequences. She made the choice to have you out of her life, so you give her exactly what she's asking for.

[Been]

She's an attention whore. And everything is always about HER. She tells you she can't be alone and your her best friend so could you please come over. You rush there and what does she do? Oh I just needed to see you one last time for closure. Like she couldn't have told you the reason on the phone-had to make something up like a child to get your attention.

If you get back with her this will always be your relationship-up and down. One minute your the best the next you suck. And eventually you will become exhausted trying to figure what to do to make her happy. And then you'll stop being you and try to be what you think she wants. And it will end bad. I gurrantee you that. Either from your end or hers. Do you really want that?

People accept you for who you are. Don't jump through hoops trying to please someone.

[Straziin]

Thanks for the feedback and I'm trying to agree with you guys. Hard at the moment but it's true, she's always been about her and when I don't do something right she'd threaten to leave me. Or if she goes drinking with a "gay friend and a co worker" then ends up being like 5 random guys. Asked her why lie to me then called me controlling and etc. Threaten to leave me. Which was 2 weeks ago. While I asked calmly. Told her you will never see me out drinking at a bar with just girls I just met, just isn't respectful. She flipped.

 

She's always been the victim saying guys don't treat her right or take her out before. Other then sex. As she told me she used to sleep around tons because she's lonely. She was very clingy at first, cries because I couldn't text her one night when I was at work. Or the last guy she seen he never invited her to their parents acherage and she cried for a week. Then says he treated her poorly and never cared about her. I know I made mistakes but I knew it wasn't something huge. She told me it kept adding up and every guy she sees breaks promises.

 

Her mom is the same, she "friendzoned" some rich 50 year old. Who gets her a car and etc. I've seen her tell my ex girlfriend that's how you get treated. One day my ex bought 400$ worth of clothes and told her mom I helped pay 300$ so it looks like I treat her well. Which was a slap to my face when she told me that.

 

 

She been liking Instagram posts of. Walk away when he treats you bad or man always carry through with actions and boys go with words. So I unfollowed her today I don't need to see that. I know she's sad right now or heartbroken but there's nothing I can do. I hope she just doesn't hop to another guy which she told me she always did cause she was dependent on happiness from them. I'll continue NC. Been 36 hours now. We never had more then a 2 day NC so we will see. Thanks guys and wouldn't mind some more feedback it's helping

[Straziin]

Her snap story is with some random guy getting ice cream together. That sucks she practically just ended it yesterday and already on to another. It's not a friend as she just moved her not too long ago and she only has 3 friends here. 2 girls and me. This sucks to see I must admit, guess I'll delete her snap as well. Feel like **** after I seen that, maybe on purpose.

[Straziin]

She also posting. Know your worth cause you won't settle for any less when you find it out. Sharing it all over Facebook to make me look bad. Why? I'm getting mad now.

[bubbaganoosh]

Man you really picked a real jewel with this one. She's learning all the tricks from her mother and for some reason you cant or wont see it for what it is.

 

Both of them want a wallet. Then when it's emptied out, you get the bums rush and they go find a full one.

 

Wise up friend before it's too late. If it's me I make a bee line to the nearest exit and forget that you even met her. If she calls or texts you, don't answer. She's bad news and all she wants is whats important to her. Your wants and needs don't count for anything. Move on now!

[Frozensushi]

Her snap story is with some random guy getting ice cream together. That sucks she practically just ended it yesterday and already on to another.

 

She's been in contact with this new guy for some time. Do yourself a favor and be well rid of her. She's highly immature, extremely selfish, and definitely doesn't care about you or respects you. She's a real piece of work. You can do so much better. She's someone else's problem now.

 

Click this link and finally get your respect back.

[Been]

Man I'm sorry. I know it hurts. But I'm going to be very honest with you-I'm pretty sure she was seeing this man before you as a couple were finished. That in itself is a lack of morals on her part.

When we make a decision to not be with someone you are in essence killing a part of yourself because for however long it lasted this person was very much a part of your life. And it hurts-their isn't anyway that it won't hurt. But you have no choice. Stay with them and not only will they continue to not treat you as you deserve to be treated but eventually you will have no respect for yourself. And when that happens what do you think the person you are with will do?Treat you worse.

Go NC. Don't look at media feeds that involve her. Block her number.

We have a limited time I believe. Don't waste it chasing after something that never was.

[ExpatInItaly]

As I said, she is very immature.

 

You need to heed the red flags next time. They were there, waving right in front of your nose.

 

Delete her off everything. She can only be a pain in your backside as long as you allow it. And be glad this only lasted a few months. She has some issues you cannot solve.

[Straziin]

Thanks for the feedback guys. I'm understanding more things about her, which sucks. Cause now I'm slowly getting over her and I didn't want that to happen. She hung out with my social circle 2 days ago at their place. Which is weird. I'm just curious why she's been putting self worth posts, or posting like girls are really easy get her flowers and they'll cry over them. Does she want me to fight for her? Is that she's implying, Cause she always told me I never fight or she is always. Which is false. Also that she wishes that I'd just show up to her place at times and make everything better. I still have this feeling to get her back, but after reading your guy's feedback I'm indecisive now since that's the type of girl she is. Any thoughts? I still do love her and I know she's in love with me still. Thanks

[niji]

Does she want me to fight for her? Is that she's implying, Cause she always told me I never fight or she is always. Which is false. Also that she wishes that I'd just show up to her place at times and make everything better.

 

Women sometimes do this (I don't know if men do because I'm not a male). They secretly wish men were mind-readers, and when they say, "Don't come, leave me alone", they expect men to come anyway and say, "I'm not going to leave you alone." So sometimes it seems like they're sending mixed messages - they're not. They actually just want to be with you but didn't want to admit it, so they try to be cool but in the end turn out to be a fool.

 

I've done this quite a few times during my previous relationship. I try to work on it all.the.time so that I don't do the same thing for my current one. Men - or women - aren't mind-readers; some clues can be picked up, some just have to be communicated in a straightforward, honest manner.

 

I still have this feeling to get her back, but after reading your guy's feedback I'm indecisive now since that's the type of girl she is. Any thoughts? I still do love her and I know she's in love with me still. Thanks

 

Really? How do you know? If this is what people in love do, then quite frankly it's better not to have this "love" at all.

[Straziin]

Well if that's the case then I'm confused. She told me even before I'm sorry if I'm giving you mixed signals. She really wants to be with me but cant. It's already been 3 day NC. Also told me it's too late. She always expressed her love, she's very poetic. Also from her past life I know she adores me as I'm the only guy that did anything to her. I mean isn't like sending flowers out of the blue just weird, or texting her telling her she's on my mind. Why I'm confused to either fight for her since she always told me to, or just NC her. Make her feel like she's alone and misses me. While healing her heart as well for whatever I did

[ExpatInItaly]

OP, it's not worth it to be in a relationship with a girl who runs away and makes you jump through hoops to "prove" that you love her. It's ridiculous.

 

I think she's an attention-seeker who isn't actually in love with you but loves the idea that you are in love with her. It makes her feel wanted and validated.

 

But this relationship was on rocky ground. What you describe isn't healthy or loving. It's one-sided and she is manipulative.

[Alltohim]

My gut motion would be to just let her go. If she wants to continue with this relationship it will happen. It just seems with all the 'stuff' that has happened in this relationship it would be better to just move on.

[Chi townD]

Thanks for the feedback guys. I'm understanding more things about her, which sucks. Cause now I'm slowly getting over her and I didn't want that to happen. She hung out with my social circle 2 days ago at their place. Which is weird. I'm just curious why she's been putting self worth posts, or posting like girls are really easy get her flowers and they'll cry over them. Does she want me to fight for her? Is that she's implying, Cause she always told me I never fight or she is always. Which is false. Also that she wishes that I'd just show up to her place at times and make everything better. I still have this feeling to get her back, but after reading your guy's feedback I'm indecisive now since that's the type of girl she is. Any thoughts? I still do love her and I know she's in love with me still. Thanks

 

 

Gut check time, dude. If she loved you, she would still be with you. Sorry.

[Straziin]

News update. Texted her on Friday just something short just she knows I care a bit just went with my gut. I said. Hey just letting you know you're on my mind lately and thinking about things a lot, hope you have a good night. She replied. Thanks, hope you do too.

 

So now Saturday night I come home from work at 6am. I received 6 messages from her saying at 330am-4am.

 

I hate that I miss you

And I have that I'm drunk messaging you

This is so hard, **** my life

And what's going on through my head is you're either at work or at an after party and it's bugging me when it shouldn't be bugging me

I made a choice and I should stay by it. It's just so ****ing hard.

 

Then again at 6am saying.

 

I wish I can just be with you right now

 

I replied at 630am.

 

Are you still up? And she replied with yeah

 

I'm debating to not reply or just act indifferent. I'll reply in 10mins then I'll come back.

 

Reason why she's doing this? Thanks

 

 

Edit: I replied with. I think you should get some sleep maybe.

Edited November 20, 2016 by Straziin

[Straziin]

But I must say it does feel a lot better having a bit more control. Not sure how to handle this situation. Feedback will be greatly appreciated once again. I have a feeling tomorrow she's going to apologize for texting me drunk and she made up her decision. Cause when I drank she was on my mind 24/7 then when I was sober it wasn't so much. So I know how she feels, I just didn't send 6 messages. Plus who parties till 7am? Seems a bit much

 

Also she's taking 40mins to reply so I assume she's still partying somewhere. Weird. But whatever

Edited November 20, 2016 by Straziin

[Straziin]

Her response.

 

I can't

I just want to see you

But you probably work tonight too

Just to cry in your arms and have you hold me

It sucks you're my only comfort

I'm just going to sit in my car till I sober up and wait for a few hours before I can drive home

I'm such an idiot

My heart is racing so fast and my face is on fire

Right now I just want to get in my car and drive somewhere far far away

 

I replied with

 

Sure you can come over if and if you only need help

 

Then I sent another one 5mins later

 

Actually never mind, I can't have you keep coming here whenever you're unhappy just to see me to make you happy. You're the one who left me