1 year breakup anniversary

[D.r.e]

It's been almost a year since I was dumped. I've dated a few girls this year, and overall I think I've done ok. I'm seeing someone casually right now, more of a FWB situation than anything really romantic. Neither of us want anything serious.

 

However, this past week, I've been feeling extremely alone. It just occurred to me that this is the month that a few other exes have dumped me as well. It always seems to be a tough time of year for me.

 

I see myself getting more clingy with this new girl and I don't like it. For one, I think it will definitely push her away. For another, I don't like the feeling of needing someone's validation. It's almost like the feelings I had when she first broke up with me a year ago, only to a lesser degree.

 

I almost feel like I should walk away from this new girl for the time being because of it. Anyone have any insight?

[Satu]

You might need some time 'uncoupled.'

 

Have you had any time alone?

 

Here's a clipping from my journals:

 

 

"Never begin a new relationship until you've fully moved on from the one before.

 

Also never begin a new relationship with someone who hasn't fully moved on from their one before.

 

By 'moved on,' I mean any necessary grieving done, not preoccupied with the ex, enjoying life, feeling good about yourself, and optimistic about the future.

 

The best way to move on is to decide to be single for a while; not dating, not hooking up, no fwb. Some short term counselling if that appeals to you.

 

'Get back on the horse' is sound advice, but its best to let the cuts and bruises heal before you do."

 

 

And regarding validation:

 

"You don’t need anyone’s affection or approval in order to be good enough. When someone rejects or abandons or judges you, it isn’t actually about you. It’s about them and their own insecurities, limitations, and needs, and you don’t have to internalize that. Your worth isn’t contingent upon other people’s acceptance of you—it’s something inherent."

 

- Danielle Koepke

 

 

Take care.

[Mr Scorpio]

I agree with Satu's point. You may need some alone-time if you've been bouncing from one person to another for companionship. At the same time, I'll offer contrary advice.

 

I almost feel like I should walk away from this new girl for the time being because of it. Anyone have any insight?

 

What other challenge in life would you overcome by walking away from it?

[D.r.e]

You both give very good advice.

 

At the same time, I'll offer contrary advice.

 

What other challenge in life would you overcome by walking away from it?

 

I'm wondering if your question isn't contradictory at all. It's almost the total opposite. My challenge is that I do not feel as though I am enough on my own. Maybe the actual walking away from the challenge is trying to get validation from anyone to soothe a wound that isn't healed.

[Lifeissomething]

You both give very good advice.

 

 

 

I'm wondering if your question isn't contradictory at all. It's almost the total opposite. My challenge is that I do not feel as though I am enough on my own. Maybe the actual walking away from the challenge is trying to get validation from anyone to soothe a wound that isn't healed.

 

In my opinion if you can't heal alone, then you aren't truly healing.

Sorry about your 1 year--mine passed in the summer and it hurt too.

Dating other partners during healing/recovery--yes I've done it, hooked up a few times etc...--hasn't worked out for me. The idea of needing companionship to heal was contradictory, but mainly because the person I wanted to heal with was my ex, not a new partner. It was a comparison game. It taught me that I'm not ready to let go. But that's me.

 

Think about your situation. It might be that you still deep down aren't over your previous relationship. In fact, I think that's true. If so, consider trying to face it head on and alone. While others are wonderful benefit to help getting through hurt, but for growth purposes you should also to rely on yourself.

[Satu]

You both give very good advice.

 

 

 

I'm wondering if your question isn't contradictory at all. It's almost the total opposite. My challenge is that *I do not feel as though I am enough on my own. Maybe the actual walking away from the challenge is trying to get validation from anyone to soothe a wound that isn't healed.

 

 

There's your real problem.

 

You are escaping into another, because you don't like being in yourself.

 

Thats a real problem, but its fixable.

 

You just need to spend some time uncoupled; being with yourself.

 

No women for a while.

 

 

Take care.

[D.r.e]

There's your real problem.

 

You are escaping into another, because you don't like being in yourself.

 

Thats a real problem, but its fixable.

 

You just need to spend some time uncoupled; being with yourself.

 

No women for a while.

 

 

Take care.

 

thank you, i will do this. Any advice on how to do this? I've attempted it in the past, but what tends to happen is I will see someone, find them attractive, assume that it's just natural for a man to be attracted to a woman and talk to the woman and then I am in it again. Even if I keep myself from approaching. I will have woman approach me, I have fun, flirt and I find myself where I am.

[whatnot]

thank you, i will do this. Any advice on how to do this? I've attempted it in the past, but what tends to happen is I will see someone, find them attractive, assume that it's just natural for a man to be attracted to a woman and talk to the woman and then I am in it again. Even if I keep myself from approaching. I will have woman approach me, I have fun, flirt and I find myself where I am.

don't worry about it