Did I do the right thing by sending goodbye letter?

[Flickerandfail]

Hi all, I'm posting here for the first time to help gain an understanding of my recent breakup and the way it ended.

 

My ex dumped me 2 days ago after being together for 10 months. Everything was so good in the beginning. We quickly fell for each other and it was not long before he said I love you. I loved how he had so many friends and that he seemed so attentive towards me in the beginning.

 

After a few months he started acting very cold at times and would often prefer to be with his many (and I mean many!) friends rather then spend time as a couple. Everything we did would revolve around him and his friends and he would rarely show me affection unless I initiated it. I addressed this with him and he refused to talk about it and instead gave me the silent treatment for almost a week. I caved in and contacted him and he admitted that he didn't deal well with emotional people and that he lives life logically.

 

We agreed to try and compromise with each other however it was not long before he was back to acting cold and emotionally unavailable. I asked him on many occasions whether he really wanted to be ton this relationship and he would say he did every time. things improved for a while until a few weeks ago when I approached him about acting cold towards me again. He refused to talk about it and again gave me the silent treatment and did not contact me for a week. During this time my grandmother who was very ill passed away and I reached out to him again as I thought he would support me. All he said was that he was sorry about my grandmother. I didn't hear back from him at all after that. No support whatsoever or any attempt to come and see me at all. I was so upset that I messaged him right before the funeral and told him how I felt and that I thought his actions were absolutely cold and heartless. Especially when I needed him most. He told me that we were very different people and continued not contacting me.

 

We did not contact each other after that. A few days later I revived a screen shot of his picture on a dating site from a friend of mine. I was devastated.i sent the photo to him and asked him what was going on. He told me that he was clear that we broke up last time we spoke (breaking up was never mentioned) and not to contact him again. I texted him a long emotional message and he just ignored it. I dropped some of his things of at his home yesterday but he prentended he was not home (his car was parked in the street so I know he was home). It's been a few days now and I haven't heard a single thing from him. Nothing. I have stopped trying to reach out to him and have blocked him on social media. My question is how can someone act so coldly and show absolutely no remorse? What went wrong? How can he seem to ignore me and act like I never existed especially after I needed his support the most? Has anybody ever had a similar experience?

 

Do you think I will ever hear from him again?

Edited November 14, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
added paragraphs ~6

[Toodaloo]

He is clear in his actions. He does not want to see you and does not want you in his life.

 

Thats fine.

 

Take your time and go out and look after yourself. In a few weeks you will start to feel better. Just be kind to yourself and remember that it is not a reflection on you.

 

I am sorry about your grandmother but you really are better off turning to your friends for comfort rather than someone like him.

 

Just ignore him.

[Sweetfish]

Hi all, I'm posting here for the first time to help gain an understanding of my recent breakup and the way it ended. My ex dumped me 2 days ago after being together for 10 months. Everything was so good in the beginning. We quickly fell for each other and it was not long before he said I love you. I loved how he had so many friends and that he seemed so attentive towards me in the beginning. After a few months he started acting very cold at times and would often prefer to be with his many (and I mean many!) friends rather then spend time as a couple. Everything we did would revolve around him and his friends and he would rarely show me affection unless I initiated it. I addressed this with him and he refused to talk about it and instead gave me the silent treatment for almost a week. I caved in and contacted him and he admitted that he didn't deal well with emotional people and that he lives life logically. We agreed to try and compromise with each other however it was not long before he was back to acting cold and emotionally unavailable. I asked him on many occasions whether he really wanted to be ton this relationship and he would say he did every time. things improved for a while until a few weeks ago when I approached him about acting cold towards me again. He refused to talk about it and again gave me the silent treatment and did not contact me for a week. During this time my grandmother who was very ill passed away and I reached out to him again as I thought he would support me. All he said was that he was sorry about my grandmother. I didn't hear back from him at all after that. No support whatsoever or any attempt to come and see me at all. I was so upset that I messaged him right before the funeral and told him how I felt and that I thought his actions were absolutely cold and heartless. Especially when I needed him most. He told me that we were very different people and continued not contacting me. We did not contact each other after that. A few days later I revived a screen shot of his picture on a dating site from a friend of mine. I was devastated.i sent the photo to him and asked him what was going on. He told me that he was clear that we broke up last time we spoke (breaking up was never mentioned) and not to contact him again. I texted him a long emotional message and he just ignored it. I dropped some of his things of at his home yesterday but he prentended he was not home (his car was parked in the street so I know he was home). It's been a few days now and I haven't heard a single thing from him. Nothing. I have stopped trying to reach out to him and have blocked him on social media. My question is how can someone act so coldly and show absolutely no remorse? What went wrong? How can he seem to ignore me and act like I never existed especially after I needed his support the most? Has anybody ever had a similar experience? Do you think I will ever hear from

Him again?

 

 

Do you see you self as needy?

[Flickerandfail]

Do you see you self as needy?

 

I don't consider myself a needy person. Perhaps i came across that way to him, still does that justify his actions and dishing out the silent treatment?

[umirano]

I don't consider myself a needy person. Perhaps i came across that way to him, still does that justify his actions and dishing out the silent treatment?

 

It doesn't, but you know by now, from how he has treated you during the past couple of months, that he's a terrible person, right? Going silent on you without explanation and apology should have been enough to break up with him. Go NC and move on. He's not a person you ever want to be with.

[stillafool]

Some people have a hard time dealing with very emotional people. I'm one of them. Still, it does not excuse his coldness regarding your grandmother and the fact that he did not come out and tell you that you two are officially over. Like a lot of men he chose the silent treatment to break up. No, I don't think he will contact you again. You did right to block him and go silent too.

[confusedgirlfriend11]

I'm so sorry to hear you've been hurt. That guy sounds pretty nasty and you're well shot of him.

 

 

It sounds like he was attentive in the beginning because it was the chase. Everyone loves to know that they are wanted and as soon as he knew he had you, he stopped being attentive.

 

 

He may have issues surrounding his lack of being able to deal with 'emotional people'. This usually means they have their own emotional problems.

 

 

I know it's easier said than done but you need to let this one go and move on. The blocking on social media was a very good idea. Delete his number, pictures of him and sadly pretend it never happened.

 

 

That's how I deal with things but it may not be the healthiest way.

 

 

I think just keep yourself busy. Enjoy time with friends and family or maybe start a new hobby. Live life!!

[stillafool]

I

 

 

He may have issues surrounding his lack of being able to deal with 'emotional people'. This usually means they have their own emotional problems.

 

Um, not always. Some people don't like drama, crying and neediness. Not that there's anything wrong with it if those are your needs; but some people just can't handle it. OP and her bf are not compatible. She needs someone who meets her emotional needs and this guy doesn't.

[Flickerandfail]

Hi all, I've decided to come here for advice after sending a final goodbye message to my ex of 8 months who dumped me a month ago. Despite trying to reach out I have heard absolutely nothing from him except for a quick text that said he doesn't want to be romantically involved right now but would like to stay in each other's lives eventually. I know he is talking to other people and on various dating apps which made me realise that it would be too difficult for me to be friends with him. I sent the following message last night and have not heard a thing. I know he has seen it as I received a 'seen receipt'

 

Hey , I know you hate long messages so I apologise in advance. I've been deciding whether or not to send this to you for a few days now but I think it's the best thing for me to do. Firstly I wanted to say that I really wanted the chance for us to have some sort of closure in person but it seems that your not up for that which i will totally respect. I also know that you are not one that likes to talk about things so I understand if you prefer to move on and not say our goodbyes. It's with sadness that I write this to you but I think it's best for me if I walk away from your life completely. I know that it will be too hard for me to watch you move on with someone else and that I'll probably always want more than a friendship with you. I know that once your done you don't look back. I honestly wished that we could have given things a second chance and built a stronger and better version of what we once were. A part of me will always regret that because I know we could have built something amazing. It was a short but sweet thing we had going and I only wished we had more time together. But that's life I guess. In the words of a song you once played on repeat 'you can't always get what you want' lol I'll always remember the weekend we spent in kangaroo valley (holding your hand as we sat by the bonfire was truly special) and experiencing Hawaii together, The night you took me to that lookout and we looked at the stars as we talked about our deepest secrets and what we hid from the world, and those first few weeks when we stayed up all night kissing and holding each other. We didn't want to sleep because we wanted the moment to last forever. Thank you for sharing those moments with me. I'm sorry i didn't turn out to be what you wanted but I have no doubt that you will find someone who will make you very happy. So this is my goodbye to you and the last time I will reach out. If you ever decide that you want to try again or respond to this message you know my number, but I can't be waiting and hoping for something that may never come. Take care and know that I wish you nothing but happiness and to be surrounded with love xxx

Did I do the right thing? Was it a mistake to send that to him? I'm not expecting a response but wanted to send it for my own peace of mind so I won't be holding on to hope.

Edited November 14, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
added quote formatting ~6

[Mi7522]

I don't want to seem unkind but that was not the right thing to send him. Remember he made the decision to end things. This honestly looks like an attempt to guilt him in to coming back to you which never works. He made his bed let him lie in it. Going forward NC is your best bet. Good luck

[hurting1078]

Hi all, I've decided to come here for advice after sending a final goodbye message to my ex of 8 months who dumped me a month ago. Despite trying to reach out I have heard absolutely nothing from him except for a quick text that said he doesn't want to be romantically involved right now but would like to stay in each other's lives eventually. I know he is talking to other people and on various dating apps which made me realise that it would be too difficult for me to be friends with him. I sent the following message last night and have not heard a thing. I know he has seen it as I received a 'seen receipt'

 

 

Did I do the right thing? Was it a mistake to send that to him? I'm not expecting a response but wanted to send it for my own peace of mind so I won't be holding on to hope.

 

If it gave you closure then it is fine, but he is not coming back, sweetie. I would salvage pride at this point and not send anything else.. I'm so sorry..

[Lifeissomething]

I don't want to seem unkind but that was not the right thing to send him. Remember he made the decision to end things. This honestly looks like an attempt to guilt him in to coming back to you which never works. He made his bed let him lie in it. Going forward NC is your best bet. Good luck

 

I second this.

OP not that you should feel bad, if you were able to gain some sense of closure and that's why you sent him this. But it does read as trying to guilt him back to you. Also, you should separate that you had good times with a piece of crap of a guy, who now is just a piece of crap. Good times and memories need not a apply. Save those for breakups that the person at least treats you with respect and gives you a proper breakup.

 

Also, he doesn't deserve your apologies. From what you have told us, you have nothing to apologise for, HE is the one that acted poorly.

 

Don't do that again. Some might say "be the better person" but I say screw that. Life is full of people that will screw you over and is far too short to take it from them. If you find yourself ever in a similar situation, walk away and keep your pride in check. If you felt the need to say anything it should have been: You're a horrible person. My life will be better without you.

 

But even then, silence is such a stronger answer.

 

Recover and save yourself for a great partner.

[oldshirt]

The only way it would be a mistake is if he really is a total user and predator he may realize the depth of your feelings and use that as a means of using you as a booty call on his way home from the bar or as some kind of FWB to keep around to keep his tank drained if he's having a dry spell or something.

 

But other than that, I doubt if it was a 'mistake', but it probably was a waste of time.

 

But on the other hand if it gave you some kind of benefit of getting it off your chest or something then so be it.

[stillafool]

Well at least it made you feel better to tell him what was on his mind. Don't expect a response back because your message really doesn't warrant one. It was a final farewell letter; so just take it as that and move on.