relunia_james_1 Posted July 13, 2005 Posted July 13, 2005 I've met Daniel since my first year of college (I'm going into my fourth year), and we've been great friends (we're both guys), if not best friends. I studied abroad this past year, and Dan's pretty much been the only one I've kept in touch with. He would be the only one to IM me, and we would have a great chat online throughout the past year. I also know he met a girl this past year (his first girlfriend), and they're quite smitten with each other. I'm back home now, although I'm a full 12 hrs. drive away from where Dan lives (and vice versa, of course). He's "promised" to come visit me in Los Angeles this summer, but I seriously don't know now. As I said, I've been back for a few weeks, but I haven't talked to him since. I know he and his girl are into country music, and they've scheduled over a dozen concerts this summer. He's also spending the weekends at her place (they live close to one another). Before I came back to the States, I also did some travelling in Europe, and I sent him a postcard or two. But still, I haven't heard anything from him. Sometimes I just feel like I'm putting so much effort into our friendship. He's ecstatic (really) when he receives a postcard from me, or when we talk online, but we hardly e-mail each other (it would have to be me to initiate it; he would never send one if I don't send one first). I also know he's smitten with his girlfriend, but I had thought that his friends--and our friendship--should also have a place in his life and all. And I've always felt that he values our friendship too, but I also know sometimes he just "doesn't care" about things until it's too late. So what should I do? It's the summer, so he's hardly on IM now. Should I keep trying to talk to him, IM him or stuff? I feel like I should just stop trying, and that the onus is on him to send/talk/write to me--whether he's still coming up to LA or no later this summer. I know, I can call, but I've come to a point where I feel that he needs to put some effort into our friendship. Should I e-mail him or something? or just wait for something from him?
Merin Posted July 13, 2005 Posted July 13, 2005 This happens a lot. I'm not saying it makes it right, but it does happen. Sounds like Dan has got a lot going on with his GF at this time and while I don't think he intends to ignore you or hurt your feelings, honestly I'm willing to bet he hasn't even given a second thought that you're upset at all. The 2 of you have been friends for a pretty long time and just like any other relationship from time to time we've all been guilty of taking our friends for granted without meaning too. I wouldn't guilt him or stop talking to him.. don't throw away a friendship like that.. but mention to him the next time you send him a email that you're starting to wonder if you need to send out a search party for him since he's been MIA... hopefully he will get that hint and give a little more to the friendship. Hang in there
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