sissyf26 Posted November 14, 2016 Posted November 14, 2016 Okay... so last night my bf (of almost three years) and I were being intimate. I was being playing, kinkie.. and blurted out that my goal was to be the best @ *** he had ever had.... so. I know, big mistake on my part. BUT His response was so unexpected. He said okay, I'll let you know when you are. I jokingly say "so, i am not there yet?" Thinking I misunderstood. He replies "no, not the best yet" It took everything I had to continue and finish. But this morning aI a still sitting here thinking wth? I am not sure if i am overreacting and being too sensitive. But, what i want to say is since there is someone out there that is still so memorable and can outshine me, after three years, then maybe this isn't meant to be! I cannot honestly system that I have or have not had better at this point. Most past relationshipseveral are hazy at this point. He outshines most all memories for me. Help!
ExpatInItaly Posted November 14, 2016 Posted November 14, 2016 I can see why that comment stung. Are you two generally quite open about what you each like in bed? Do you feel comfortable enough to share fantasies, and try new things with each other? Do you both initiate equally, or mostly equally?
BaileyB Posted November 14, 2016 Posted November 14, 2016 Is it possible that he was being sarcastic? Perhaps, it was a joke that was poorly delivered? I can see why you would be upset. But honestly, I would try not to worry too much about it. What's more important is to focus on what you have together, and developing your own relationship to be the best it can be.
Herbalist Posted November 14, 2016 Posted November 14, 2016 Has a girlfriend who still gets really into sex with him even after 3 years, tries to get kinky and make it extra hot for him. He responds by taking her dirty talk as an opportunity to tell her that she's not the best he's had, totally killing the mood and hurting her self-esteem. Verdict: Your boyfriend is an ass. 6
Author sissyf26 Posted November 14, 2016 Author Posted November 14, 2016 Absolutely sure he wasn't kidding. That's why I was shocked and asked again. I was speechless. The thing is, I am not a prude, actually, I am allctualitymlways he one to suggest new things, expand on things, buy toys, ask for direction, likes, etc. It is always me lol. I usually initiate sex too. I guess, it makes me a little irritated because of how much consideration I put into our sexlives
Herbalist Posted November 14, 2016 Posted November 14, 2016 Also, just so you know, there are guys out there. Millions of them. Who would kill to have a girlfriend who is playful in the bedroom and still really into sex and making it hot for him even 3 years into the relationship. Good guys, playful guys, guys with a personality so sexy you might not even know it but it's true. You're in the middle of sex with them and say you wanna be the best @ *** he's ever had and they would just grab you do you wilder while talking dirty right along with you, like "Yeah you wanna be a bad @ ***" and then the two of you would orgasm together in the throes of talkin nasty. These guys exist, I swear. Something to keep in mind. 1
Noideanow Posted November 14, 2016 Posted November 14, 2016 you were comparing yourself to his past ... not very sensitive:( because it tells something about You, that you compare him to your past .people.?
Author sissyf26 Posted November 14, 2016 Author Posted November 14, 2016 No, not exactly... In the moment I didn't mean it as a comparison. It was more just talking dirty... until he responded. That's when I realized he had compared me.
Shining One Posted November 14, 2016 Posted November 14, 2016 Has a girlfriend who still gets really into sex with him even after 3 years, tries to get kinky and make it extra hot for him. He responds by taking her dirty talk as an opportunity to tell her that she's not the best he's had, totally killing the mood and hurting her self-esteem. Verdict: Your boyfriend is an ass.I'm curious to what you consider the "right" response should have been. Should he have lied? Or should he have kept his mouth shut? My personal experience is that women differ in these situations. Some want truth. Some want lies. Some want silence in the case of a hurtful truth. 1
SpiralOut Posted November 14, 2016 Posted November 14, 2016 Ouch. It's not as if you asked him upfront. You just stated your fantasy, and he responded by telling you that you're not there yet. Who the heck does that in the middle of being intimate? That's not "just being honest." His comment was totally unnecessary. He could have responded any other way...
Author sissyf26 Posted November 14, 2016 Author Posted November 14, 2016 Idk... i am usually careful with the whole careful with what you ask for and all... I think that is why i am conflicted. I don't think, even if he had asked me directly, during the middle of sex, I would've been honest. Honest like that anyhow. But, truth but told. I do feel like I carry our sex life. I do make sure I keep things exciting, i try to be very considerate and attentive. Again, probably why i am offended.
Sweetfish Posted November 14, 2016 Posted November 14, 2016 Idk... i am usually careful with the whole careful with what you ask for and all... I think that is why i am conflicted. I don't think, even if he had asked me directly, during the middle of sex, I would've been honest. Honest like that anyhow. But, truth but told. I do feel like I carry our sex life. I do make sure I keep things exciting, i try to be very considerate and attentive. Again, probably why i am offended. Looks like he is pulling off the cocky-funny push-pull deal and it back fired in his fave 1
Author sissyf26 Posted November 14, 2016 Author Posted November 14, 2016 I wouldn't say I should lol! I may sound like I am taking credit and pushing blame... a short back story. I left marriage of 12 years (to my hs sweetheart) about 5 years ago. I didnt date AT ALL for almost two years. I spent the time getting to know myself, focusing on areas I wanted think improve, etc. He also divorced ironically almost the same time I did, but dated right away. I feel I am very open minded and try verrrryyyy hard to be communicative, understanding, appreciative, etc. Basically, implement all of the tools i spent developing. I wanted think gauge my reaction because he can be very difficult tor communicate with. I didnt want think come out of left field.
BaileyB Posted November 14, 2016 Posted November 14, 2016 You have two choices now... 1. Make your peace with what happened and try to let it go 2. Tell him how you feel. Tell him that your sex life is important to you and tell him that you want very much for it to be good/interesting for you both. And, tell him that it hurt to hear him say that you were not the best. Then, maybe it could become a more constructive conversation where if there is something missing for him, he can let you know. It's a hard discussion to have, especially if communication is not a strength for him. But, ideally it would be good to be able to discuss things with him... 1
BaileyB Posted November 14, 2016 Posted November 14, 2016 And, if I may say, I think the right response would have been to pull you closer, tell you how sexy and how wonderful you are, or to tell you how much you mean to him. But, that's just my opinion... That would have been the kind thing to do. 2
Author sissyf26 Posted November 14, 2016 Author Posted November 14, 2016 I think I just wanted a sounding board. I process things internally before I ever bring them up (or at least try to i guess i feel if I can't or don't understand what is at the heart of what is truly bothering me I can't expect him to understand it either.... so here i am I wanted to make sure it wasn't being ridiculous hahaha
Author sissyf26 Posted November 14, 2016 Author Posted November 14, 2016 I can see why that comment stung. Are you two generally quite open about what you each like in bed? Do you feel comfortable enough to share fantasies, and try new things with each other? Do you both initiate equally, or mostly equally? I am very, very open about sex. Discuss fantasies, explore, try new things. Last year for his birthday I booked a suite for the weekend as a surpise. I boughthink a bags of toys. I mean everything I could toys hinkle of. Straps, whips, tinglers, edibles... i went over the top. He, he is very unwilling to share his fantasies, more so just goes along with mine.
frus69 Posted November 14, 2016 Posted November 14, 2016 OP, are you upset that he didn't give you the right answer (that he didn't lie) or are you upset about the fact that you aren't the best for him ? And if it's the second, are you blaming him for not thinking you are the best sex ever? For the record I know quite a few guys who don't think their current GF is the best sex for them. The best sex is normally with a crazy chick who is only FWB material. As long as he still loves having sex with you, whether it's the best or not doesn't matter
stillafool Posted November 14, 2016 Posted November 14, 2016 I say never ask a question that you can't handle the answer to. You asked and he was honest. You have to accept it. I wouldn't want to be lied to.
stillafool Posted November 14, 2016 Posted November 14, 2016 I am very, very open about sex. Discuss fantasies, explore, try new things. Last year for his birthday I booked a suite for the weekend as a surpise. I boughthink a bags of toys. I mean everything I could toys hinkle of. Straps, whips, tinglers, edibles... i went over the top. He, he is very unwilling to share his fantasies, more so just goes along with mine. All of that stuff doesn't make sex great. For some people it is the emotional connection they get while having sex with another. No toys needed.
Author sissyf26 Posted November 14, 2016 Author Posted November 14, 2016 OP, are you upset that he didn't give you the right answer (that he didn't lie) or are you upset about the fact that you aren't the best for him ? And if it's the second, are you blaming him for not thinking you are the best sex ever? For the record I know quite a few guys who don't think their current GF is the best sex for them. The best sex is normally with a crazy chick who is only FWB material. As long as he still loves having sex with you, whether it's the best or not doesn't matter I a upset because it wasn't a question at all lol. I am upset because it was very poor timing. I am upset because i communicate, ask for his input, ask if he likes something new i tried, or a new technique I read about. I am upset because he doesn't give any, i mean at may ideas, and decided that was the best time to say it. Not that he may not think I am the best lol
Author sissyf26 Posted November 14, 2016 Author Posted November 14, 2016 I can see why that comment stung. Are you two generally quite open about what you each like in bed? Do you feel comfortable enough to share fantasies, and try new things with each other? Do you both initiate equally, or mostly equally? I am very, very open about sex. Discuss fantasies, explore, try new things. Last year for his birthday I booked a suite for the weekend as a surpise. I boughthink a bags of toys. I mean everything I could toys hinkle of. Straps, whips, tinglers, edibles... i went over the top. He, he is very unwilling to share his fantasies, more so just goes along with mine.
Gaeta Posted November 14, 2016 Posted November 14, 2016 Question: on other aspects of your relationship is he usually very blunt like he'll tell you if a pair of jeans isn't flattering on you or he'll say his mom makes a better roast beef than you?
stillafool Posted November 14, 2016 Posted November 14, 2016 I am very, very open about sex. Discuss fantasies, explore, try new things. Last year for his birthday I booked a suite for the weekend as a surpise. I boughthink a bags of toys. I mean everything I could toys hinkle of. Straps, whips, tinglers, edibles... i went over the top. He, he is very unwilling to share his fantasies, more so just goes along with mine. Maybe all of the toys are not turning him on and he's just going along with it to please you. That may be why he isn't the one initiating sex.
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