MarkIVSteel Posted November 17, 2016 Posted November 17, 2016 I sent her a text last night that I was thinking about her a lot and miss her. Just wanted her to know I can't get her out of my mind. She actually replied today saying she's thinking about me too but has a lot on her mind and that she'd let me know when she's ready to talk. I hope that's a positive sign. Not going to send any flowers - think it sends the wrong message now that I've given it some thought. I'm just going to back away 100% now and let her do the thinking she needs to do. I've done my soul-searching and know that I want her back. I want to treat her the way she deserves to be treated and will do anything to get our relationship back to where it was. Long shot, but one can hope. Lol. She is whipping you properly. 2
olivetree Posted November 17, 2016 Posted November 17, 2016 I sent her a text last night that I was thinking about her a lot and miss her. Just wanted her to know I can't get her out of my mind. She actually replied today saying she's thinking about me too but has a lot on her mind and that she'd let me know when she's ready to talk. I hope that's a positive sign. Not going to send any flowers - think it sends the wrong message now that I've given it some thought. I'm just going to back away 100% now and let her do the thinking she needs to do. I've done my soul-searching and know that I want her back. I want to treat her the way she deserves to be treated and will do anything to get our relationship back to where it was. Long shot, but one can hope. I think she appreciated that. What do you mean you want her back? I thought this was a week of space, not a breakup.
inmyownworld Posted November 17, 2016 Posted November 17, 2016 I haven't read the 10 pages, but I am wondering why you want her back if you're not attracted to her anymore. 1
TheTraveler Posted November 17, 2016 Posted November 17, 2016 I sent her a text last night that I was thinking about her a lot and miss her. Just wanted her to know I can't get her out of my mind. She actually replied today saying she's thinking about me too but has a lot on her mind and that she'd let me know when she's ready to talk. I hope that's a positive sign. Why did you do this? Now it's at least three times with the same answer. People here told you not to send anything.
Poutrew Posted November 18, 2016 Posted November 18, 2016 Well, this lady sure is breaking in her boyfriend the right way. He won't dare utter a single syllable if she gains 70 pounds, or decides to adopt the uniform of the slouch - the jogging suit. I tuned in this couple using my future-radio... this is the conversation they will be having in a years time: Her: "Byron dear, since you 're on the way home from work and it's 10 pm, be a dear and swing by the all night Walmart and get me a quart of Ben & Jerry's Decadent Chocolate, ok? I'm so stressed at work that I ate the last quart I had in the freezer, allright?" Byron: "Yes Dear". Yep, OP. If I were you, I'd be getting very used to saying those magic phrases every whipped , er, properly trained boyfriend says to keep the peace: 'Yes, Dear', 'I love you , dear', 'Whatever you want, snooky ookems', and, 'if you get too drunk at the bar with your pals, call me and I'll pick you up...' 4
Author Byron12 Posted November 18, 2016 Author Posted November 18, 2016 Update: she sent me a text this afternoon that she's been thinking about me too, but has a lot on her mind and will let me know when she is ready to talk. She then sent me a text earlier tonight asking if I am around to talk tomorrow night, to which I said yes and asked her if she wanted to talk on the phone or in person. She said in person, and she wants me to come over to her place. I'm cautiously taking these as positive signs, but we'll see. And to the people in this forum saying I'm getting "whipped" - sometimes you need to go through piles of **** to get back the person you love. If you disagree, I don't care. 7
MarkIVSteel Posted November 18, 2016 Posted November 18, 2016 And to the people in this forum saying I'm getting "whipped" - sometimes you need to go through piles of **** to get back the person you love. If you disagree, I don't care. :lmao::lmao: 4
LD1990 Posted November 18, 2016 Posted November 18, 2016 You've seen too many romantic comedies. Going through piles of **** for the one you love isn't quite so noble when the one you love is also the person piling the **** in front of you. 4
Els Posted November 18, 2016 Posted November 18, 2016 (edited) Update: she sent me a text this afternoon that she's been thinking about me too, but has a lot on her mind and will let me know when she is ready to talk. She then sent me a text earlier tonight asking if I am around to talk tomorrow night, to which I said yes and asked her if she wanted to talk on the phone or in person. She said in person, and she wants me to come over to her place. I'm cautiously taking these as positive signs, but we'll see. And to the people in this forum saying I'm getting "whipped" - sometimes you need to go through piles of **** to get back the person you love. If you disagree, I don't care. As you know, I disagree with the people that are attacking her or calling you 'whipped'. I think many of them have never gotten past the initial stages of dating. But that being said... if you guys have the talk and she says she doesn't want to be in this relationship anymore... let her go and move on. It's worth it to fight for the one you love, but only if she's willing to try and fight beside you (in this case, to try and move past your insensitive comments). If she doesn't want to try, you don't owe it to her to continually apologize and attempt to win her back. You've already apologized and made enough overtures... if she doesn't accept it, that's her choice. Edited November 18, 2016 by Elswyth 11
Author Byron12 Posted November 18, 2016 Author Posted November 18, 2016 As you know, I disagree with the people that are attacking her or calling you 'whipped'. I think many of them have never gotten past the initial stages of dating. But that being said... if you guys have the talk and she says she doesn't want to be in this relationship anymore... let her go and move on. It's worth it to fight for the one you love, but only if she's willing to try and fight beside you (in this case, to try and move past your insensitive comments). If she doesn't want to try, you don't owe it to her to continually apologize and attempt to win her back. You've already apologized and made enough overtures... if she doesn't accept it, that's her choice. Thank you. This is exactly what I needed to hear and it's exactly how I feel. 2
anika99 Posted November 18, 2016 Posted November 18, 2016 op I have a question for you. In your first post you basically said you didnt find your gf attractive and didn't want to have sex with her anymore so I'm wondering why exactly you want her back so bad? Never mind whether it was wrong or right of you to lose your attraction to her over a small weight gain or if it was wrong or right of you to tell her that because that ship has sailed and now the real question is why do you even want to be with her if she is no longer attractive to you and you find her a sexual turnoff? Also why should she want to be with someone who finds her unattractive and sexually unappealing? At this point it sounds like if the two of you got back together you would both be settling for less than. Sounds to me like this relationship has run its course and you should both free each other up to find more suitable partners. You can go find a hot gf who values and priortizes the physical as much as you do (not saying that's wrong) and your gf can go find a man who will still think she's attractive and lust after her even if she does gain a little weight and that's not wrong of her to want that either. You two are not a match and don't share the same values and priorities so just call it a day and move on. You're not sexually attracted to her anymore so the right thing to do is to just let her go. 8
joseb Posted November 19, 2016 Posted November 19, 2016 op I have a question for you. In your first post you basically said you didnt find your gf attractive and didn't want to have sex with her anymore so I'm wondering why exactly you want her back so bad? This is exactly what I would like the op to think about and answer honestly. Because I suspect that if she does come back, once the relief of that fades, he will be back in a relationship with someone who he doesn't want to have sex with. 1
elaine567 Posted November 19, 2016 Posted November 19, 2016 This is exactly what I would like the op to think about and answer honestly. Because I suspect that if she does come back, once the relief of that fades, he will be back in a relationship with someone who he doesn't want to have sex with. And she will be back with a bf who she now knows doesn't find her sexually attractive. Not a great place to be in either. Her "value" is only due to some nice hair and a body 6-10 pounds lighter...
MarkIVSteel Posted November 19, 2016 Posted November 19, 2016 And she will be back with a bf who she now knows doesn't find her sexually attractive. Not a great place to be in either. Her "value" is only due to some nice hair and a body 6-10 pounds lighter... Stop being so ridiculous. Of course, taking care of her body is part of her value. It's like saying a woman should be with a man who lets himself go, sits at home all day eating doritos and mountain dew, smokes, gets fat etc. 2
elaine567 Posted November 19, 2016 Posted November 19, 2016 Stop being so ridiculous. Of course, taking care of her body is part of her value. It's like saying a woman should be with a man who lets himself go, sits at home all day eating doritos and mountain dew, smokes, gets fat etc. You mean like 30-40% of the population does... Get real, people in long term relationships get "comfortable" all the time. This girl has put on 6-10 lbs, hardly a disaster in anyone's language. 1
Els Posted November 20, 2016 Posted November 20, 2016 Thank you. This is exactly what I needed to hear and it's exactly how I feel. Hoping for the best for you, OP. You sound like a decent guy who just made a mistake. Worst come to worst, the lessons you've learnt here will stand you in good stead for your next LTR. You mean like 30-40% of the population does... Get real, people in long term relationships get "comfortable" all the time. This girl has put on 6-10 lbs, hardly a disaster in anyone's language. Not to mention that 'sitting at home all day eating doritos and smoking' is really not comparable to not dressing up or doing your hair. It's hilarious how people keep bringing men who do that that up as an analogy. It's like women are expected to doll themselves up all the time - hair, makeup, pretty dresses, not a single lbs gain - whereas men should only be expected to not turn into an unemployed 24/7 couch potato who smokes and puts on 200 lbs. Ridiculous. FTR, if the OP's gf HAD been sitting at home all day eating doritos (never goes out, doesn't work, etc) and started smoking, many of our responses would be different. 5
NuevoYorko Posted November 20, 2016 Posted November 20, 2016 How did you hurt her? By telling her the truth? Boy, I swear that I have no game. Fat, lazy, and withholding sex = Score 1. Gloria25 = Score 0. Wow, you seem to have some axe to grind. He didn't say that she is fat, lazy OR withholding sex. She has gained some weight. It's happened to the best of us. Maybe even yourself. BTW, know that from this point forward when sex diminishes or stops, HE is the one who lost interest sexually, not her. 4
biker23 Posted November 20, 2016 Posted November 20, 2016 Late to the party here. I agree with those that state you need to look deeper into the reasons you were losing sexual attraction. If you loved everything about her then this would not affect you as much. It's not like she gained 30 lbs. it's very difficult when you've been with someone for as long as you have to consider not being with them but that doesn't mean it's right. Without answering the question above then you are wasting each other's time and hurting people. You should have told her what you did. Maybe in a more tactful manner but you can't walk on eggshells with a life partner. Need to be able to have these discussions without them blowing up and wanting a break. The fact she noticed something is quite telling. Maybe you don't love everything about her. Be honest with yourself that she isn't just a good friend.
Weezy1973 Posted November 20, 2016 Posted November 20, 2016 Honestly I think the OP brings up a great general point. Just the question of: "My partner used to do 'blank' which I found really attractive and turned me on, but now they no longer do 'blank'. They asked me why I was no longer approaching them for sex. Should I be honest?" I think being honest is always the best policy, and in this case the OP was honest. If she doesn't like the answer then she can leave him, which might be exactly what's happening.
Els Posted November 21, 2016 Posted November 21, 2016 Honestly I think the OP brings up a great general point. Just the question of: "My partner used to do 'blank' which I found really attractive and turned me on, but now they no longer do 'blank'. They asked me why I was no longer approaching them for sex. Should I be honest?" I think being honest is always the best policy, and in this case the OP was honest. If she doesn't like the answer then she can leave him, which might be exactly what's happening. This might be too late for this particular relationship, but there is a far better way of handling things - it's called positive reinforcement. As an example, I REALLY like it when my SO showers right before sex, gets me all hot for him. Rather than saying, "Ugh, I don't like having sex when you haven't showered all day, turns me off"... what I instead did was jump him after he showers. I also compliment him after he showers, telling him he smells nice (which is true). Nowadays, especially when he himself is in the mood, he often... showers. I have provided multiple suggestions over the past few pages on how the OP could encourage a girl to work out or dress up, in the future. WITHOUT making it an unpleasant critical talk.
salparadise Posted November 21, 2016 Posted November 21, 2016 I think being honest is always the best policy, and in this case the OP was honest. If she doesn't like the answer then she can leave him, which might be exactly what's happening. It must be nice to see the universe as being that one dimensional. Having an idiom for every decision sure would make life easier I guess, even if terribly simplistic, uninteresting and predictable. Oh I'm a bit hungry; what should I eat? An apple a day.... 2
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