How I Messed Up With My Ex

[raven_vampyre]

Before you read, sorry if any confusion because I'm a ****ty writer and story teller.

 

He was one of those almost relationships, but I still consider him as an ex.

 

Long story that I tried to make short but failed miserably:

 

We met last year in August. He had feelings for me but I didn't at the time so I tried to get him to stop having feelings for me. I succeeded by making him feel indifferent of me by doing NC for a week which I broke after he sent me a text saying that it was his first and last time he cried because of me.

 

Then I started having feelings for him after he became cold. I would knock them down with the excuse that it was just my ego that was getting hurt since he no longer texted me daily like he did before when he liked me.

 

Soon he brought up wanting to be in a fwb relationship(in May) with me and i stupidly agreed because I wasn't ready to stop seeing him.

 

I never told him about my feelings and still continued to have what he liked to call "no feelings" sex. I thought I could control my feelings but they got stronger. It hurt every time but I was addicted to him like a coke addict wanting another sniff.

 

Anyways I started acting like a crazy person because of my feelings. I would text him like I would when he liked me but got upset when I didn't get a response till days later. It hurt me more because it was always a one worded answer. And then I would get angry and tell him that I wouldn't talk to him anymore since he only ever called me when he wanted sex. I know what you guys are thinking. YOU AGREED TO A FWB WITH HIM YOU IDIOT! There is no other reason for him to talk to you other than when he wants to hook up!!

But obviously I wasn't rational like that and kept thinking of the days when he liked me. The days when we would talk on the phone and message each other daily.

 

He would say "ok" whenever I told him I don't want him to call me, without argument. Which is normal because it was a "no feelings" agreement in the first place. But then a few weeks would roll by and I would get desperate to hear from him. First call I got from him, I'd pick up. And I knew that he was only calling to still try and see if he could still have sex with me, not because he had feelings for me. So we'd meet up and do the deed as usual, me instantly regretting it every time.

 

One thing though, he would agree to cuddle afterwards. And I think him agreeing to do this got me confused, thinking he still might have feelings. He would even initiate a hug and kiss when I'd leave his place afterwards. And once after he even kissed my hand and wrapped my arm around him to cuddle. But because it was still the same with the way he'd contact me, only ever for sex, I thought that it's all just his way to get me to keep coming back. I'm overthinking those little gestures..

 

Overall, it was this cycle of me telling him to not call me but he still would. After all, he is just a guy who wants to get laid.

 

Then I finally broke the cycle by my last message a few days ago. I know this because this is the first time he has blocked me on whatsapp and snapchat(even though we weren't friends on snapchat because I unfriended him during one of those cycles). I started with texting him not to talk to me anymore. I got no response. The next day he called but I didn't pick up. I messaged after an hour saying: "I'm glad I'm no longer someone's toy." He responded with: "You can't say that" (which i secretly agreed to because i did agree with fwb in the first place) but instead responded with: "sure". Then that was it. No response after that.

 

Two days later he calls at night and as usual(because I never listen to myself) I pick up. Like nothing ever happened, he just asks me about the name of a wine I told him about before because he's currently in the liquor store planning to drink with his friends. I tell him and we end the call. I think nothing of him wanting to drink because he usually does drink on some Saturdays with his friends.

 

Another two days go by and I'm feeling curious so I check whatsapp. Nada. Snapchat? Can't search his name.

 

It has been over a week since that last call from him. I feel relieved that he blocked me because it stops me from being able to contact him but sad because I really think I'll never see him again and I still care for him even though I know he doesn't care for me.

 

This may seem pointless but I guess I'm still trying to make sense of it and I don't have anyone that I would want to tell this to.

Edited November 14, 2016 by raven_vampyre

[ExpatInItaly]

You really need to finally walk away from this. He's toying with you with agreeing not to call, and then calling. I think he's enjoying the fact that he has that power over you.

 

You should take the next step and block him as well.

 

Nothing good is going to come of keeping up this game with him. (And I realize it doesn't feel like a game for you)

[raven_vampyre]

You really need to finally walk away from this. He's toying with you with agreeing not to call, and then calling. I think he's enjoying the fact that he has that power over you.

 

You should take the next step and block him as well.

 

Nothing good is going to come of keeping up this game with him. (And I realize it doesn't feel like a game for you)

 

That's what I was thinking! I think it helps him with his ego whenever I go back. But because of those random hugs and goodbye kisses he'd initiate, I felt that maybe deep down he might still feel something for me. So I held on to whatever I could get, even if it was to use me.

 

I didn't block him because I don't want to give him the satisfaction of thinking it affected me deeply.

[DarrenB]

That's what I was thinking! I think it helps him with his ego whenever I go back. But because of those random hugs and goodbye kisses he'd initiate, I felt that maybe deep down he might still feel something for me. So I held on to whatever I could get, even if it was to use me.

 

I didn't block him because I don't want to give him the satisfaction of thinking it affected me deeply.

 

It's a shame that you have that emotional attachment towards him. If erasing memories and having to cope with them out of your life wasn't enough, you have to deal with the internal emotions also. I feel you there.

 

A lot of people would assume that if someone blocked them would give them a huge ego boost or give them some sort of satisfaction, but the fact is... what does it matter now? Blocking someone on social media/networking I feel personally is a huge step to acceptance and moving on. In all honesty, having been on the receiving end of being blocked out completely, if definitely does not give any ego boost or satisfaction at all. More so complete rejection. Some people might say it's harsh, some people the complete opposite. Again, personal preference.

 

The adoration, the care and the love you currently carry, will ease. As harsh as it sounds, the more you begin to realise and accept he is infact moving on, you'll face you days, weeks, possibly months of sorrow and grief. However, gradually you will begin to care less and you'll be in the process of coping and moving on yourself. There's a few phases to coping, I don't know precisely what they are but I know of a few: Grief, sorrow, anger, acceptance. I think for any breakup, that is the specific order and is probably the most efficient.

[raven_vampyre]

It's a shame that you have that emotional attachment towards him. If erasing memories and having to cope with them out of your life wasn't enough, you have to deal with the internal emotions also. I feel you there.

 

A lot of people would assume that if someone blocked them would give them a huge ego boost or give them some sort of satisfaction, but the fact is... what does it matter now? Blocking someone on social media/networking I feel personally is a huge step to acceptance and moving on. In all honesty, having been on the receiving end of being blocked out completely, if definitely does not give any ego boost or satisfaction at all. More so complete rejection. Some people might say it's harsh, some people the complete opposite. Again, personal preference.

 

The adoration, the care and the love you currently carry, will ease. As harsh as it sounds, the more you begin to realise and accept he is infact moving on, you'll face you days, weeks, possibly months of sorrow and grief. However, gradually you will begin to care less and you'll be in the process of coping and moving on yourself. There's a few phases to coping, I don't know precisely what they are but I know of a few: Grief, sorrow, anger, acceptance. I think for any breakup, that is the specific order and is probably the most efficient.

 

I guess because it's so fresh that it still hurts so much. I literally think of him before I sleep and when I wake up. It's like this depressive weight that suddenly falls on my chest seconds after I wake. Then I try to shake it off by trying to change my direction of thoughts. It doesn't always work but I do what I can. And I know I shouldn't runaway from my feelings because they'll come back stronger later on. As much as I hate it, I need to let time do it's healing. Which is the most difficult thing to do.

 

I decided to block him off everything after all. I need it more than caring about what he thinks of me blocking him. I need to let it go. I need to build myself and my self-respect.

 

I really hate that I put myself in this situation because before I met him I told myself I'd never let a guy affect me so deeply. Though I'm sure every girl has said that to herself until she met that one guy..

[raven_vampyre]

One thing I didn't mention.. few days after the call from him about the wine I texted him because I wanted to ask a car-related question(he's a mechanic)(it was also a convenient problem, that had occured, to use as an excuse to see if he would talk to me still after I found out about the blocking). He didn't respond and the next day I told him that never mind I figured it out and thank you.

 

Is it okay that I suddenly block him with no warning to him? I don't know why but I feel guilty to just disappear like that. I want to at least send a last message telling him I won't be talking rather than leaving him in the dark about it. I know he might not read it due to him having me blocked but just in case?(another excuse, I can't help it) Because I'm thinking that what if he messages or tries calling me one day. I know this shouldn't matter to me because he completely ignores me but what if he actually was busy?

 

What should I do? ..and I realize that I'm sort of looking for an excuse to possibly hear some heartfelt reply from him

Edited November 15, 2016 by raven_vampyre

[raven_vampyre]

[]

 

Is it okay that I suddenly block him with no warning to him? I don't know why but I feel guilty to just disappear like that. I want to at least send a last message telling him I won't be talking rather than leaving him in the dark about it. I know he might not read it due to him having me blocked but just in case?(another excuse, I can't help it) Because I'm thinking that what if he messages or tries calling me one day. I know this shouldn't matter to me because he completely ignores me but what if he actually was busy?

 

What should I do? ..and I realize that I'm sort of looking for an excuse to possibly hear some heartfelt reply from him

Edited November 15, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
merged threads ~6

[Satu]

There's no point.

 

You're just looking for an excuse to make contact, even though you know there's no point.

 

 

*No direct contact.

*No sending or receiving of messages.

*Block any means he might use to contact you.

*No replies to anything that gets through your blocks.

*No indirect contact through third parties.

*De-friend or delete him from all social media.

*No monitoring of him on social media.

*No 'little birds' feeding you news.

*Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what he is doing or saying.

 

Take care.

[raven_vampyre]

I broke it. And it was such a stupid mistake too that could have easily been prevented.

 

I picked up an unknown call on the day that he usually would call on. It was at night and when I answered it was him acting like he usually did- that nothing negative has happened. Thankfully I have bad phone reception where I live so the call ended after about 30 seconds of talking.

 

I stupidly tried to call back but it seems he has my number blocked. So I tried hiding my number, from phone settings, and call went through. But.. he didn't pick up.

 

I wanted to tell him not to call me.

 

Since he didn't pick up, I just gave up and also blocked any unknown numbers from being allowed to call me.

 

15 minutes later, my phone said I had 3 calls from him that got blocked.

 

I didn't call back though, as tempting as it was, because I've learned my lesson. And I know telling him not to call me wouldn't have changed anything.

 

I feel a little bit stronger knowing that I resisted the urge to call him after I checked my phone and saw those blocked calls. This is my first step to moving on. I hope it only goes up from here.

[Been]

See if I followed this right. He had feelings for you but at the time you didn't. Then you developed feelings for him but now he didn't have feelings for you?

[ExpatInItaly]

OP, you really need to stop engaging with this guy.

 

Stop checking blocked calls. Stop answering "unknown" numbers. He is loving that you still respond to him. You have taught him he can come and go when he pleases and that you will still be there, waiting.

[marky00]

See if I followed this right. He had feelings for you but at the time you didn't. Then you developed feelings for him but now he didn't have feelings for you?

 

I think this needs to be examined more.

 

 

It may be the key to understanding what's going on here.

 

 

When dating partners or even just people we deal with day to day have an ability to move on super-fast it can be an attractive quality (even though it causes havoc for the victims).

 

 

Is it possible you gained attraction when he appeared to be strong (stiff upper lip) and moved on super fast?

 

 

The thing is but that if he was able to do that, that surely must mean he didn't care as much as you thought he did. It was probably just an act on his part. People who are really into someone don't move on after a week, that is for sure.

 

 

He may have been playing games the whole time or at least not that invested. Initially, u didn't care for the games by your admission (even though u didn't see them as games at that stage). So once, he withdrew (which is easy for a game player), u starting going crazy because you realised you had it all back to front.

[Been]

Don't know but I had a woman really like me. I mean I could tell that she was really into me but at the time I just wasn't into her.

About 3 weeks we were seeing each other still and something just clicked and I was really into her. Funny thing is she wasn't really into me as much as when we started seeing each other. Like are moment had already passed.