Recent break up. Would no contact work to maybe reconcile

[catcujo29]

Hey all

 

Recently my girlfriend broke up with me about 6 weeks ago. We were apart for a month and then acouple weeks ago we got together to talk about us after some time apart. Days before we met she had messaged me and called me saying she missed me and hates how we got to this point. She even sent me photos of our cats to let me know they were okay and then a picture of her homemade lemon meringue pie saying "best one yet". Which is my favourite dessert that she'd always make for me.

 

When we finally met to talk she decided that it wasn't going to work for her anymore. Although she loves me immensely and missed me a lot she felt we were too different. I'm not going to say that we aren't different because we do have some differences. However we've never allowed it to be a difference in our relationship. I know she had said recently that she wasn't happy and she wasn't sure why.

 

To give you a bit more information to our situation. I've felt she (as well as I) have had a lot of stress. We lived together in an apartment and then she bought a bought a house that I wasn't really financially prepared for. She is fortunate enough to come from a family where her parents were able to help out tremendously. She is an only child in early 30s. I am a year older. She was able to find a home a 100K over her approved mortgage as that amount was taken care of by her parents. As were the renovations that happened. A new bathroom, kitchen, hardwood floors, Windows, bedroom and appliances. All done within owning the home for only 3 months!

 

During that time is when her unhappiness started and she is crazy OCD when it comes to maintain cleanliness so every day with the messes of the reno's was causing her stress on top of all the work being done, unpack, settling in and everything else that comes with being a new home owner. Again a lot of the things that needed to be taken care of I just didn't have the finances to be able to help out for things for the home and it made me feel pretty useless as a partner and I could tell it was starting to bother her that I wasn't having enough money. Anything I would help out with I was accused of doing it wrong. So I'd stop helping and then she'd be upset that I wasn't contributing. Again, I know her very well and she is just stressed about a lot with the home and I can tell now that that stress started maybe having her questioning us.

 

When she got back from visiting her friends in Europe (she goes once a year and used to live over there) she decided to break up with me not that she really wanted to. I took all my belongs and moved out.

 

I should mention as well that just before we moved from the apartment to the house we ended up finding out she was pregnant although it was still very early and she ended up losing the baby in the first couple weeks. It was something we stressed about because of financial responsibilities that were now presented with the new home.

 

During our time apart however I wasn't good at giving her space as I would have those late night outs and think that it's best to tell her I miss her and say things she already knew but needed time.

 

My question to anyone is has anyone been in anything similar? Do you think if I just give her space perhaps she may have the proper time to think about us and miss me? I obviously love her and miss her too and it's very tough to not make contact with how easy it is to do with social media. I just really think added stress of my finances at this time and her stress for any mess and all the projects that have needed to be done with the house really over took our relationship and it was easier to take her frustration out on me then the people who were helping out.

 

I appreciate any thoughts or comments. Thanks

[Mr Scorpio]

My question to anyone is has anyone been in anything similar?

 

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I've been in something similar in the sense that my GF left me shortly after taking vacations alone.

 

Do you think if I just give her space perhaps she may have the proper time to think about us and miss me?

 

Maybe. But the correct answer is "you won't know" because you won't be contacting her. No contact isn't meant to be a tool to win an ex back. Rather, it is a tool to win yourself back. Stay away. Stay far away.

 

I obviously love her and miss her too and it's very tough to not make contact with how easy it is to do with social media.

 

Can't you block people on social media? Or delete them from your lists? You could do what I do: don't use social media that involves your real name.

[Satu]

No contact can be very helpful for people who want to heal and move on, but as a way of getting someone back, its usefulness is doubtful.

 

She might miss you, and want you back, but she also might not.

 

Just focus on yourself and the other people in your life, and leave her to think about what she wants.

 

 

Take care.

[D.r.e]

You don't hurt someone you care about like she hurt you when you broke up if she wasn't serious about it. Look, no contact may work, maybe it won't, at the end of the day she was sincere about wanting to end it. Otherwise she wouldn't have confirmed the breakup after a period of no contact.

 

What will likely happen, is you will contemplate no contact, go no contact, break no contact, chase the breadcrumbs, feel hope, get it destroyed, follow breadcrumbs again, more pain, until you decide that you want better for yourself. It's a wound that doesn't heal that easy unless you work on it. Not because you want her back, but because you want yourself back.

[Kelley]

When my ex cheated on me and then started a relationship with her I still loved my ex and missed him, it didn't mean I wanted him back. It's natural to have those feelings but she has made her decision. You don't tell the person you love you are breaking up unless you mean it. Why run the risk of losing the person you love forever?

 

The hardest part of breaking up is acceptance. We all hold on hoping the dumper will change their mind. Sometimes the dumper is manipulative and sends breadcrumb texts for an ego boost and others they respect you and leave you alone to heal. You need to go NC and heal now, move on. I know it is difficult but the quicker you accept it's over and work through your feelings the quicker you will get over the relationship. Take care.