mortensorchid Posted November 13, 2016 Posted November 13, 2016 I think I posted on this before, but had a general question for others out there, specifically for men vs. women. I have heard many men say to me over the years that women always leave them, be they guys I have dated in the past or guy friends. Reasons? There could be millions of reasons. Is this true? Because I am here to tell you that I have always been dumped by every man I've ever been with with only a few exceptions here and there. I am not wallowing in self pity, truly I am not. I have taken a new stance in life to remind myself over and over that it's his loss, not mine. He does not deserve me, he deserves trash, etc. But if that is the case that women are usually the ones who dump, why is that so? I know the difference between lust and love, long vs. short term, etc. I want to know why that is the case with the world?
Redhead14 Posted November 13, 2016 Posted November 13, 2016 I think I posted on this before, but had a general question for others out there, specifically for men vs. women. I have heard many men say to me over the years that women always leave them, be they guys I have dated in the past or guy friends. Reasons? There could be millions of reasons. Is this true? Because I am here to tell you that I have always been dumped by every man I've ever been with with only a few exceptions here and there. I am not wallowing in self pity, truly I am not. I have taken a new stance in life to remind myself over and over that it's his loss, not mine. He does not deserve me, he deserves trash, etc. But if that is the case that women are usually the ones who dump, why is that so? I know the difference between lust and love, long vs. short term, etc. I want to know why that is the case with the world? More often than not, the woman could/should have been the one to end it but women tend to rationalize, deal with their insecurities in unhealthy ways, push down their concerns, wear rose-colored glasses, and are accepting of the unacceptable, etc. until it all comes to the surface in various ways that become intolerable for the partner who actually has the insight and security in themselves to move on. Women will "lose themselves" in relationships. Bottom line, I'd bet money that more women would be the ones to end a relationship that isn't working for them if they were more in touch with their needs and have the ability to evaluate for themselves and back off when they realize things aren't working for them and stop lying to themselves. 4
Gr8fuln2020 Posted November 13, 2016 Posted November 13, 2016 I think I posted on this before, but had a general question for others out there, specifically for men vs. women. I have heard many men say to me over the years that women always leave them, be they guys I have dated in the past or guy friends. Reasons? There could be millions of reasons. Is this true? Because I am here to tell you that I have always been dumped by every man I've ever been with with only a few exceptions here and there. I am not wallowing in self pity, truly I am not. I have taken a new stance in life to remind myself over and over that it's his loss, not mine. He does not deserve me, he deserves trash, etc. But if that is the case that women are usually the ones who dump, why is that so? I know the difference between lust and love, long vs. short term, etc. I want to know why that is the case with the world? Well, for those guys, yes. But here is an interesting thought... I find it interesting that women, more often than men, are the ones who file for divorce. Both parties are well aware of the imminent demise of the relationship, but the woman is the one more likely to file. So, does this behavior, in any way correspond to dating? Could it be that the lady is the one who does the vocal/active breaking-up b/c, frankly, the guy is unwilling or hesitant to do it? It should also be noted that it is likely the guy who has screwed up to lead to the break-up. What do you think? 1
Redhead14 Posted November 13, 2016 Posted November 13, 2016 (edited) More women may file for divorce, but I don't think more women end dating relationships. Men don't file for divorce usually because "it's cheaper to keep her" There really isn't any reliably measured data/correlation about this. Too many people lie about relationships and their role in a break up even in anonymous data collection scenarios . . . Edited November 13, 2016 by Redhead14
Shanex Posted November 13, 2016 Posted November 13, 2016 I'm a man and have been dumped about as much as I've dumped. The reasons why I was dumped? When I was 18-25 were because I was more foolish and not looking long-term, though possibly pretending otherwise. Since that age, I've had either relationship or more casual flings but to stay on point. I presume that was Redhead14 says is right... I often show the best part of my personality in the earliest stage of a relationship until I settle down, and maybe neglect the woman for my friends or other hobbies until they grow tired of it and dispose of me. We live and learn, looking back, I have no regrets to have either been the dumpee or the dumper, some relationships just cannot work, and there are thousands reasons to breakup or file divorce, though in my case the reason was never infidelity.
preraph Posted November 14, 2016 Posted November 14, 2016 Mostly relationships, someone gets ghosted on instead of dumped. Or just a break up because one was more serious than the other. I guess I dumped this one guy, but I didn't really, but I was going to have to because he was too clingy. But he saved me the trouble by getting mad after a guy called me who I wanted to go see that I'd had a LDR with. Then I did dump one guy who had been a close friend and more or less wouldn't take no for an answer once he separated from his wife, and then nonetheless was spending every weekend with her under the guise of dividing stuff, but then one day he said they went to dinner because she was too upset to divide stuff and more or less told me it was none of my business, which it most certainly was, so I dumped him. But in that case, it was his actions caused it, not mine, where in the first it was sort of mine but it wasn't going to work anyway. I think a lot of times when guys say they got dumped, it's all online or they are mad that the woman went out a few times and decided she wasn't interested in sleeping with them. And then some get dumped because of different things, of course. 1
thecrucible Posted November 14, 2016 Posted November 14, 2016 I have been broken up with and used to always be the case. But fairly recently, especially as I am finding my feet more, I have done some more of the dumping because I'm getting better at biting the bullet and seeing who the guy really is and sometimes deciding that we're not matched or I want nothing to do with him. I think sometimes the guy checks out emotionally before the woman does the dumping. And sadly when I was younger, a guy I'd been dating for over a year tried to break up with me by doing a fade. I was too naive to see what he was doing and kept trying to call him, worrying about why he was ignoring me. Eventually we met up and he dumped me. I only realised later what had been going on. So I think sometimes men try to manipulate women into doing the dumping or sabotage the relationship to get her to dump him. Even if she dumps him, it's really him who's in control in a way. 1
Els Posted November 14, 2016 Posted November 14, 2016 I've technically ended things in my previous two LTRs, but in reality the person who chose the demise of the relationship was more 'them' than 'me'. In both cases there were clear issues in the relationship that I had communicated to them, but they refused to try and fix. Eventually I got tired of trying, and wrote it off as a lost cause. I'm saying this to illustrate that relationships (LTRs, anyway) typically aren't just ended by one person. Both people usually have some degree of participation in the end. If you're talking about short term relationships of a few months, then it's possible for it to be unilateral - not usually the case for LTRs. 1
Sweetfish Posted November 14, 2016 Posted November 14, 2016 I don't belive there is one answer to this question. Age, location, culture, and up bringing can result in different outcome for different individuals. Male or female. To be honest. I believe most breakups are a battle of ones biological chemistry and personal conditioning. I believe in a relationship within 2 years needs change. It's like when your hungry you think about food and when your thirsty you think about a cold mountain dew. Your needs change So what's happening... why are men being dumped more often than women. 18-25ish Depends on what kinda man is chiseled from his parents and environment. If the guy is good looking and/or has experience with women his chances of getting dumped are lower. He may be more the dumper than the dumpee. The guy who grows up to be the "nice guy" or "great guy" his chance of getting dumped are much higher. The problem is that nice guy doesn't have women at his disposal. He is more likely to be predictable, a problem solver, make sure his S.O. is happy in the relationship at the expense of his own benefit. This is a double edge sword. I believe a lot of young women do want a nice guy... but once they enter a stable relationship with a good guy or nice guy.. eventually the needs start to change... the need to have fun, experience new things. The nice guy may not be this experience.. he was brought up to be kind, helpful, put others before them selves and it works... until he is in a relationship.. it's often for nice guys to be told "they are great catches" and left confused to why they are single. Simply the times have change... more women have many men at their disposal. It's just a reality.. make a profile on an OLD as a female and one as a man. Watch as the female profile fills in hours as the males takes time if the male is average. Remember this is age 18-25ish. I believe as men get older they are more willing to cheat, not really dump. I believe the same goes for women. I believe older men cheat because they are not getting the sex they want or not asking for. I believe women cheat because the S.O. believes supporting her is about material things (rent, bills, car payments) and lose sight of her needs (going out, telling that he loves her) so she finds it else where. 1
tomtheman1234 Posted November 14, 2016 Posted November 14, 2016 (edited) Just to say I am a man and have been in a few relationships over the years. Most of the relationships I was in the girl ended it. Most of the time they ended it when the relationship was going really well and they had opened up to me about there feeling and how much they liked me. So I am left wondering why a lady would tell me they were falling for me then 2 days later ended it with me. I have only ever ended it with 3 girls but 0ne we had only been on 3 dates and the other 2 we had only been on 4 dates. So we were not in a proper loving relationship. I felt bad for the 3 girls I ended it with as I know what's it's like to be dumped but after 3 or 4 dates if it's not right get the hell out of it before someone gets hurt. I think I am just unlucky in love. Edited November 14, 2016 by tomtheman1234
Herbalist Posted November 14, 2016 Posted November 14, 2016 Just based on various conversations and observations I have had throughout my life, I think a lot of men tend to be afraid to break up with women. I think they tend to lack the conviction necessary not to break down and feel like garbage if the woman were to become emotional. A lot of them would rather that the woman breaks things off even if it means that by the time it gets to that point, the woman hates them. That way they can feel like it's something that "happened" and not something that they did, and they can feel that it's all out of their control which makes it easier for them to move on. I think some people would be blown away to discover just what lengths many men will go to to try to avoid being the "bad guy" even if it's just in their own mind. Of course I don't think this accounts for all cases, but I think it accounts for quite a few. 1
Els Posted November 14, 2016 Posted November 14, 2016 The guy who grows up to be the "nice guy" or "great guy" his chance of getting dumped are much higher. The problem is that nice guy doesn't have women at his disposal. He is more likely to be predictable, a problem solver, make sure his S.O. is happy in the relationship at the expense of his own benefit. This is a double edge sword. I believe a lot of young women do want a nice guy... but once they enter a stable relationship with a good guy or nice guy.. eventually the needs start to change... the need to have fun, experience new things. The nice guy may not be this experience.. he was brought up to be kind, helpful, put others before them selves and it works... until he is in a relationship.. it's often for nice guys to be told "they are great catches" and left confused to why they are single. --- Remember this is age 18-25ish. What nonsense. The two LTRs I dumped at 19 and 21 were precisely because they did not do the bolded. My SO did and does, still with him many years later.
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