Dating as an introvert?

[SamIam5]

I was talking to a friend today about dating. She asked me how I've managed to get so many dates. It dawned on me that I haven't actually dated that many women (3). It just seems that way because 2 of the relationships were LTR, and the other just ended.

I also realized that I'm somewhat of an introvert. I don't really start conversations with strangers or people who I've never met before. But, if one walks up to me and starts talking to me, I have no problem keeping the conversation going. In fact, I love when that happens! I'm not a super-interesting guy; did well in school, career minded, volunteer, treat the girls I date with respect, etc. I'm more romantic than I am fun.

The problem is, I'm realizing now that it's going to be difficult for me to meet another girl who I could eventually ask out. During college, it wasn't that difficult since there were plenty of women around me. But, I've graduated and won't be starting Grad School for awhile - the grad school I'm going to is incredibly competitive, and I don't anticipate meeting someone who will actually have time for a relationship...it's also a relatively small school. I'm also not interested in dating any of the girls from my church, aside from the ones who are close friends with my ex.

That said, do those of you who classify yourself as an introvert have trouble meeting and dating others? If so, how do you go about it (e.g. where do you meet new people, etc.)?

 

I should also mention that every girl that I have dated in the past made the first move. Whether it was giving me her number without my asking, or starting a conversation with me. I always asked them out, but never got the ball rolling.

[JoeSmith357-1]

I found that I am the same way. I dated very few women, most of them were LTR's. Online dating sites help that out quite a bit because you are not necessarily put on the spot to make casual converation. You can compose a complete thought, send it, wait for a response, etc

 

You can also get to know someone at a pace comfortable with your life.

 

These are my thoughts anyway.

[SamIam5]

I found that I am the same way. I dated very few women, most of them were LTR's. Online dating sites help that out quite a bit because you are not necessarily put on the spot to make casual converation. You can compose a complete thought, send it, wait for a response, etc

 

You can also get to know someone at a pace comfortable with your life.

 

These are my thoughts anyway.

 

Thanks for the insight regarding online dating! Just one question, have you had a successful relationship that started as an online date?

[Sweetfish]

I was talking to a friend today about dating. She asked me how I've managed to get so many dates. It dawned on me that I haven't actually dated that many women (3). It just seems that way because 2 of the relationships were LTR, and the other just ended.

I also realized that I'm somewhat of an introvert. I don't really start conversations with strangers or people who I've never met before. But, if one walks up to me and starts talking to me, I have no problem keeping the conversation going. In fact, I love when that happens! I'm not a super-interesting guy; did well in school, career minded, volunteer, treat the girls I date with respect, etc. I'm more romantic than I am fun.

The problem is, I'm realizing now that it's going to be difficult for me to meet another girl who I could eventually ask out. During college, it wasn't that difficult since there were plenty of women around me. But, I've graduated and won't be starting Grad School for awhile - the grad school I'm going to is incredibly competitive, and I don't anticipate meeting someone who will actually have time for a relationship...it's also a relatively small school. I'm also not interested in dating any of the girls from my church, aside from the ones who are close friends with my ex.

That said, do those of you who classify yourself as an introvert have trouble meeting and dating others? If so, how do you go about it (e.g. where do you meet new people, etc.)?

 

I should also mention that every girl that I have dated in the past made the first move. Whether it was giving me her number without my asking, or starting a conversation with me. I always asked them out, but never got the ball rolling.

 

 

You need to break some of your personal norms.

 

Either you will end up with an introvert..

End up with an extrovert who is ok with introverts.

End up with a girl who will pick you for the wrong reasons.

 

There are different types of introverts.. but trust me I pride

Myself at being an introvert and later as you move away from the comforts of school and college and youll start to see the disadvantages of being an introvert.

 

Being more romantic than fun... I think is not a good mix.

Once the romance wears out. The partner will start evaluating you and this is when she starts to really question the relationship. The laid back behavior of an introvert will get into her/his head. The question is why did your otger relationship end? This is solely my opinion and one introvert to another.

 

In essences.. my opinion is not to change your self..but build from what you got..

 

I would recommend reading "no more Mr. Nice guy" if you get a chance.

Edited November 13, 2016 by Sweetfish

[thecrucible]

I'm an introvert too. I know what you mean about being more romantic than fun. It doesn't mean you are saying you are not fun but that the fun doesn't come across as immediately as the romance does. I think the best thing is to show as much of the 'fun' first so she sees what being with you would be like and it appeals to her. But definitely don't do that to the extent of putting on a facade as the truth will become apparent soon enough. You add 'fun' into your life by taking up a few additional hobbies (they become good conversation material).

 

I also think you can be own being an introvert. It doesn't have to be a weakness. I mean I'd say I'm a friendly introvert. I'm not shy with most people but I like peace and quiet and can spend a lot of time on my own when I am really focusing on something. I think introversion can make you quite sensitive to others' feelings which is good.

 

You say there are some girls in the church group you like but they are friends with your ex. Are there larger scale religious or other events you can go to where lots of people congregate and you can meet like-minded people? You could go with friends or volunteer at something like that and you might meet someone there.

 

P.S. Try and check out the Dr Nerdlove blog. I've always found it pretty interesting to read and there are good tips there.

[Herbalist]

I think it's trickier because we have to be strategic about where we spend our social energy. Extroverts gain momentum from socializing, while introverts spend energy when socializing. We only have so much on reserve at any given time, and when it runs out, we're burnt out. I find it easier to manage energy when something is actually engaging for my mind. One thing I'm getting ready to try is taking a class or two this Winter semester at the community college in some topics that actually interest me.

 

To me social anxiety is a whole 'nother beast to deal with, and I find that it's more challenging than simply being introverted. Being introverted means I don't want to spend my social energy unless something really seems worth it, so I don't get out much, but when I do, it's for something that really engages me like the Renaissance Festival. Social anxiety is the part where multiple guys talked to me at the festival, and I mostly just stared at the ground, hid behind my friends and made excuses to quickly walk away. Lol.

 

Sounds like you don't have the anxiety problem, OP, just introversion. So you should do alright if you pick a couple social activities that you find engaging and spend some of your energy on them. And plus there are some periods in some lives where yeah dating is just tougher in general. Being slammed with really hard classes in college might just mean that dating is put on the backburner for a little bit.

[SamIam5]

Thanks for the responses, everyone. It seems like the general consensus is, it's a tad more difficult for introverts to date.

After reading your descriptions of introverts, I'm realizing that I may have misclassified myself.

I don't feel like I'm expending energy when I go out and socialize. It's more so that I'm not fueled by it (like extroverts). I enjoy it. However, because of how my life was structured growing up, I didn't make a ton of friends. And, those friends that I did make, I eventually outgrew. So I guess my problem is, I truly do want to get out there and socialize, but because I'm getting such a late start, I have no idea how.

My primary avenue for meeting new people was my church friends. However, they are much closer to my ex...so for the time being, it's a tad awkward being around them.