acadsur Posted November 13, 2016 Posted November 13, 2016 I went through a devastating break-up after a 4 year relationship a couple months ago. I never really stayed in my room but decided to go out with friends and socialize and I have met new people and women in the process. A couple weeks ago I got to know a girl and we get along really well. Things have been kind of crazy and moving fast in my opinion with us meeting 3 times in the first week. It brought up some issues connected to my recent break-up. I actually want to stay single and date just for fun for a while, not get into anything serious because I haven't quite regained my trust or confidence in anything like that. On one hand I really like this girl and we can have great conversations together, our dates are super easy-going, no awkward silences or anything like that. So on a character-level we really hit it off but she isn't really my type looks-wise and besides that I really feel the need to stay single a while longer as I don't want to feel tied down. My question is, how do I best bring my situation up in a conversation and has anyone ever had a similar situation? I told myself after the break-up that I won't lie about anything so I want to tell her the truth of course, I just don't know how to say best that I need some time alone and everything. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!
BDJ_1 Posted November 13, 2016 Posted November 13, 2016 Would you be more "ready" to date if she was your type looks wise? 1
SamIam5 Posted November 13, 2016 Posted November 13, 2016 The most important thing to do now is to make your intentions clear. Take her out on a nice date, and tell her that you want to talk to her about something. Don't beat around the bush, just say it. My ex wanted the same thing you want. She never said it out loud, but it was obvious. She started dating me a month after her ex left her, but never really made time for us or made me a priority. I won't lie, it hurt.
Author acadsur Posted November 14, 2016 Author Posted November 14, 2016 Would you be more "ready" to date if she was your type looks wise? It is hard to tell, I don't even know where to draw the line between dating and "something serious". You might have a point but I can't really tell, for a while I just felt like the situation was kind of ruining my plan of being alone for a while I guess the thing is that I don't want to be committed or tied to anything and I have gotten the feeling from her that she is really looking for that, something I can't give right now. On one hand it is super nice to get the attention and everything but I think I should tell her as early as possible that I am probably not looking for the same thing right?
Author acadsur Posted November 14, 2016 Author Posted November 14, 2016 The most important thing to do now is to make your intentions clear. Take her out on a nice date, and tell her that you want to talk to her about something. Don't beat around the bush, just say it. My ex wanted the same thing you want. She never said it out loud, but it was obvious. She started dating me a month after her ex left her, but never really made time for us or made me a priority. I won't lie, it hurt. Thank you for your insight SamIam5 and I am sorry about the pain your ex caused you! It seems pretty obvious that I should tell her the truth about my situation before it is too late and she asks me what we are all about. So I will try to arrange something this week and tell her. My problem is, I really enjoy talking to her and would hate to give that up. Have you had any success in just staying close friends? Thanks for your reply!
BDJ_1 Posted November 14, 2016 Posted November 14, 2016 It is hard to tell, I don't even know where to draw the line between dating and "something serious". You might have a point but I can't really tell, for a while I just felt like the situation was kind of ruining my plan of being alone for a while I guess the thing is that I don't want to be committed or tied to anything and I have gotten the feeling from her that she is really looking for that, something I can't give right now. On one hand it is super nice to get the attention and everything but I think I should tell her as early as possible that I am probably not looking for the same thing right? It's hard to give advice without knowing what you actually want. Is it casual sex, a friend or just attention from a female? If it's casual sex, let her know you aren't in it for anything serious. If it's a friend, direct your intentions down this path. If it's attention, leave the poor girl alone - man up and deal with that one yourself. Why are you dating if you want alone time?
Author acadsur Posted November 14, 2016 Author Posted November 14, 2016 I have been asking myself the same question: what do I actually want? It is not attention I know that for sure. I haven't made any experiences with casual sex, and so far I don't believe I am the type for that but I wouldn't know, I had been in a relationship for 4 years and no experience before that. At least with this girl I know that I don't want casual sex. But of course I have seen a couple young women that I wouldn't have said no, too, but as I said no prior experience whatsoever in that! So I guess for the moment what I want from the girl is a good friendship with maybe more in the future. As to answer your question about dating even though I want to be alone: we didn't really meet when I was going out with the intention to hook up or meet young women, I was just out with some buddies when we ran into each other. I try to spend time out socializing instead of getting depressed about all the **** that happened 2 months ago.
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