Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted November 13, 2016 Posted November 13, 2016 Why do a lot of confident people attract really clingy guys? Got to know this guy just causally. Already, he calls me sweety, baby... I've told him to stop as it makes me uncomfortable and I don't think he knows me well enough to call me such things. he also facebooks me all the time, if I don't reply he asks if I am sulking or pissed at him or angry. When I say I am busy, he continues by saying " me too". I just find his behaviour quite like that of someone in his early 20's or something. But I have a busy life and know what I am looking for, one thing I am not interested in is someone who "claims" you without even taking the time to get to know you. Is it quite common for confident people to attract clingers? and if so, why? xo D
carhill Posted November 13, 2016 Posted November 13, 2016 Outgoing and confident people tend to attract more admirers and, all else being equal, the chances of getting socially challenged folks or disordered folks increases as well, since all personality types are part of the population matrix. You'll also get creepy, shy, introverted, stalkers, you name it. If you were invisible, meaning people didn't notice you, no problem. It's very peaceful. They like you because of your personality and appearance. That crosses the gamut of humans. I remember that anytime I run into the type of people who are widely attractive and confident. I think, for a moment, wow it would be nice to be them for a day and then, nah, that's OK. There's no panacea in life. In your specific situation, this is where your confidence can pay off. You can be gentle and direct and tell him, whoa there pardner, slow it down a bit. If he doesn't listen or comprehend, eject. 2
dispatch3d Posted November 13, 2016 Posted November 13, 2016 Well I dont see how this is connected to confidence. He just has weak game haha. Everything you said he shouldn't really be doing. He's got a crush and he's acting on it in his own way.
jen1447 Posted November 13, 2016 Posted November 13, 2016 Got to know this guy just causally. Already, he calls me sweety, baby... I've told him to stop as it makes me uncomfortable and I don't think he knows me well enough to call me such things. Something to think about ....is he clingy or are you aloof? 2
Author Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted November 14, 2016 Author Posted November 14, 2016 No, I think if you've only met once and he is desperate to know how you are every second and if I don't reply he'll say " baby?" as if we were dating for months and months. I don't think I am aloof; I think I am communicating fair and well on how I preferred to be treated. And what I don't prefer is someone being clinging and claiming you as theirs when they have barely had any time to put things into perspective and get to know you. He hasn't even asked me on a second date! It's all messaging through Facebook or text messages like a teenager. I'm already put off.
Herbalist Posted November 14, 2016 Posted November 14, 2016 Well I dont see how this is connected to confidence. He just has weak game haha. Everything you said he shouldn't really be doing. He's got a crush and he's acting on it in his own way. I agree with this. I don't there is a correlation to being confident or assertive or very social or whatnot. If you put yourself in the social spotlight more often, then you will be noticed by more people, and some of those people are going to have poor social skills. But it's not like people with poor social skills are attracted to you just because you are confident. You're just much less likely to notice the people who notice you but don't make fools of themselves. I'm very introverted and have still had a few creepers over the years, but most people I have known have had good social skills and manners. I imagine that if I were suddenly noticed by many more people, the ratio would be the same, the numbers would just increase.
smackie9 Posted November 14, 2016 Posted November 14, 2016 I thought love bombing and calling ya babe is in the players handbook.....
Grey40 Posted November 14, 2016 Posted November 14, 2016 I'm not sure it's totally related to confidence, I think it has more to do with the fact that there are a LOT of really desperate insecure guys in the world. That being said, confidence is an attractive quality to have for either sex, and people are naturally drawn to it because it's something we all strive to be. I can't speak how women are, but as a guy, there are tons of us that act on that desire to a fault. I used to make that mistake a lot in my early 20s. OP, your scenario is simply that these guys are naturally attracted to you (looks, confidence, aura etc). To the point where they don't want to mess up their opportnity. So they try super hard to show interest and maintain control over you and they do the exact OPPOSITE of what actually creates attraction. It's sad when I watch it these days from afar because we always shoot ouraelves in the foot by acting way too desperate early on
jen1447 Posted November 14, 2016 Posted November 14, 2016 No, I think if you've only met once and he is desperate to know how you are every second and if I don't reply he'll say " baby?" as if we were dating for months and months. I don't think I am aloof; I think I am communicating fair and well on how I preferred to be treated. And what I don't prefer is someone being clinging and claiming you as theirs when they have barely had any time to put things into perspective and get to know you. He hasn't even asked me on a second date! It's all messaging through Facebook or text messages like a teenager. I'm already put off. Ok, that's a little more info than we had initially so I'll agree he's going overboard. I wouldn't guess clinginess in particular tho ....if he doesn't even really know you then it's more likely he's just plain desperate behaving that way. I don't like to fear-monger but desperation and romance aren't really good matches so ....you might want to distance yourself. btw I wish someone would send out a memo to the lovelorn that attaching yourself like an anchor to someone's ankles isn't a good way to make a good impression on them.
Recommended Posts