ziaw Posted November 12, 2016 Posted November 12, 2016 I would appreciate some advice! I was dating this girl for a while, we loved each other deeply!. But there was some family trouble for which our long future seemed kinda impossible. After a while she decided we should not date as there seemed to be no future and she started talking to someone else. But she remained attached to me all the time. We would meet quite frequently, go on dinner and lunches, watch movies and alot more (except sex). There were multiple times we told each other we loved one another. Anytime I would ask her how are things with the other person, she would say we are talking, it is ok, not like you. She never told me she liked or loved him, she would always say he is nice, he likes me. A few weeks ago I proposed to her. Instantly she said yes and hugged me. But then after a few days I started noticing her acting weird. She said, this other guy also told her he loves her and she is not sure it is love, but she will think it through and let me know. I kept trying to convince her for 10days (was kinda desperate too, as I really loved her). She finally said it is not fair for her to stop seeing this other person. Though she never said she loves him or wants to break up with me completely. But I told her, if she chooses him then we cant be friends anymore because I want more. We work at the same place, and she cries most of the time when she sees me, I did once too. It is complicated, she doesnt open up why she is confused or what is stopping her, because clearly she said she does not love him. But I am thinking of ending it nicely with her and sending her a txt with goodluck in life. I am hurt. But I also want her back in my life. I dont know what to do. Any advice on this would be appreciated.
Marc878 Posted November 12, 2016 Posted November 12, 2016 I would appreciate some advice! I was dating this girl for a while, we loved each other deeply!. But there was some family trouble for which our long future seemed kinda impossible. After a while she decided we should not date as there seemed to be no future and she started talking to someone else. But she remained attached to me all the time. We would meet quite frequently, go on dinner and lunches, watch movies and alot more (except sex). There were multiple times we told each other we loved one another. Anytime I would ask her how are things with the other person, she would say we are talking, it is ok, not like you. She never told me she liked or loved him, she would always say he is nice, he likes me. A few weeks ago I proposed to her. Instantly she said yes and hugged me. But then after a few days I started noticing her acting weird. She said, this other guy also told her he loves her and she is not sure it is love, but she will think it through and let me know. I kept trying to convince her for 10days (was kinda desperate too, as I really loved her). She finally said it is not fair for her to stop seeing this other person. Though she never said she loves him or wants to break up with me completely. But I told her, if she chooses him then we cant be friends anymore because I want more. We work at the same place, and she cries most of the time when she sees me, I did once too. It is complicated, she doesnt open up why she is confused or what is stopping her, because clearly she said she does not love him. But I am thinking of ending it nicely with her and sending her a txt with goodluck in life. I am hurt. But I also want her back in my life. I dont know what to do. Any advice on this would be appreciated. She told you what you need to know. Move on!!!! She's not relationship material. You're doing the pick me dance and she's playing you both. This must be great for her ego. Why would You lower yourself to this level? You are saying to her she is worth more than you. Why?
acadsur Posted November 12, 2016 Posted November 12, 2016 I can't say much about it as my break-up was a lot different and I never talked to my ex again in order to protect myself but there are a couple things I think are important to think about, that I had to realize myself too. I told my friends about the whole story and how my ex told me this big fat lie that she needed time for herself and to figure herself out and couldn't be with me for that even though she still loved me. I found out later that that was all a big lie and her real reasons were much less "noble"... what I am wanting to say is the following: The truth about things lies in actions and not words. So maybe think about this: you will never be 100% sure whether she is telling you the truth when she tells you she doesn't like him as much as you or that she is in love with you. But her actions will not lie, and it seems like she is unable to quit seeing the other guy, so I would say it is safer for you to call it off. As for the second point - You being hurt but still wanting her back in your life - I found myself in the same situation. My ex had made me the happiest person in the world but also hurt me more than anyone else. And I feel so crazy for saying this: but I sometimes still think I would take her back even after all she has done to hurt me, after how selfish and careless she was. Love is crazy and totally irrational, that is all I can say but I think you find yourself in the following situation: your heart wants her in your life but your head is telling you to protect yourself. It is a terrible struggle - heart vs mind. And no matter how tough and wrong it feels, it might be a good time to listen to your mind. It was extremely difficult for me as I don't like to stay in the way of my feelings but I knew I had to do it to help myself recover as quickly as possible. It takes a ton of emotional, exhausting effort but in the end it will be healthier than chasing the (maybe wrong) heartfelt goals. I hope this helps some, I am sorry if it's a bit long or confusing, it is quite late but I will gladly specify tomorrow if you have questions!
Author ziaw Posted November 12, 2016 Author Posted November 12, 2016 so should I just send her a nice good bye note, so just end things abruptly and say nothing?
BC1980 Posted November 12, 2016 Posted November 12, 2016 so should I just send her a nice good bye note, so just end things abruptly and say nothing? I'd send her a note and tell her you are moving on. One thing I learned the hard way: I don't know equals NO. 2
acadsur Posted November 13, 2016 Posted November 13, 2016 so should I just send her a nice good bye note, so just end things abruptly and say nothing? It would probably be healthiest for you. As tough and unfair as it seems but from your explanation it seems that you are both chasing different goals, maybe take an evening to think whether you are happy with the situation you are in right now and if the answer is no, it is more than OK to tell yourself and the girl that you have come to a point where you need to put your happiness above everyone else's (including hers).
fromheart Posted November 13, 2016 Posted November 13, 2016 Well she's got it made hasn't she. One boy for emotional support, one boy for sexual. Why would you propose to a woman who's left you for someone else? You do realize the next day after you proposed she probably went and had sex with the other man right? Come on man, buck up and have some self respect.
Author ziaw Posted November 14, 2016 Author Posted November 14, 2016 I told her nicely and we ended things. But I still get occasional txts of her checking up on me. It hurts to see her text everytime ... Inside I still hope, things workout for us
acadsur Posted November 14, 2016 Posted November 14, 2016 Don't hesitate to block her out of your life! If it hurts you to still get those reminders all the time block her number and make sure you can disconnect and protect yourself from everything that brings back bad feelings! It seems very tough and is not easy to do but it is the only way to heal in decent time! I burned all the letters, love notes, little drawings etc. after the break-up, it was extremely emotional and heart-breaking but a necessary step in staying sane!
JellyTot Posted November 14, 2016 Posted November 14, 2016 I would appreciate some advice! She said, this other guy also told her he loves her and she is not sure it is love, but she will think it through and let me know. I kept trying to convince her for 10days (was kinda desperate too, as I really loved her). She finally said it is not fair for her to stop seeing this other person. Though she never said she loves him or wants to break up with me completely. If she loved you enough to marry you, she'd be 100% committed to you and not keeping her options open with this other guy. She isn't even willing to stop seeing him! Have some self respect and dump her. You deserve someone who is totally committed to you and not dating other people.
Author ziaw Posted November 16, 2016 Author Posted November 16, 2016 So she texted me again a couple of times. When I told her we have to end, she needs to move on and that she should be happy with who she is. She cried and said its not like she is happy, it is hard for her to lose me too. I dnt know if she really means it or if she is just saying thing, but it is affecting me within deeply ..
DarrenB Posted November 16, 2016 Posted November 16, 2016 So she texted me again a couple of times. When I told her we have to end, she needs to move on and that she should be happy with who she is. She cried and said its not like she is happy, it is hard for her to lose me too. I dnt know if she really means it or if she is just saying thing, but it is affecting me within deeply .. For a relationship or any similar connection to work, you need to be compatible. Obviously, your r/s with her was unfortunately overdue and lasted longer than it probably should have. I'm not saying she isn't being honest or didn't love you, but those feelings and emotions deteriorate over time. It's mandatory to feel like this after a breakup. It's obvious you both feel this way, but in some time you'll probably never think about it again. Say your final goodbye's for now, remain out of contact with her. Put reconciliation off your agenda and focus on the future. Maybe you can become friends in due time but that shouldn't be addressed. There's no point wasting time on something/people who are temporary and who want you when it suits them. Don't waste time.
fromheart Posted November 16, 2016 Posted November 16, 2016 So she texted me again a couple of times. When I told her we have to end, she needs to move on and that she should be happy with who she is. She cried and said its not like she is happy, it is hard for her to lose me too. I dnt know if she really means it or if she is just saying thing, but it is affecting me within deeply .. She has made her decision, time for her to put on her big girls blouse and live with it. She could have been happy with you, her loss. Tell her you're not interested in a friendship, she can let you know if she changes her mind. STRICT NC. Do not reach out to her. That might get her back if you want her, but only if you get rid of the lack of self security, that was allowing her to kick you about in the first place. Because thats what she was doing, kicking you about and controlling you to satisfy her needs. Once you establish a high level of self respect, I promise you would not be interested in a girl like this. 1
elaine567 Posted November 16, 2016 Posted November 16, 2016 I guess she really wants neither of you. If she could chop you both up and take bits of both of you to make a new and better person she probably would.
Author ziaw Posted November 17, 2016 Author Posted November 17, 2016 I am moving on, thank you guys! 2
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