acadsur Posted November 12, 2016 Posted November 12, 2016 This is my first post here, and I wasn't sure if anything similar has already been posted. I guess in the end every break-up is a little bit different and so this might bring up some not-so-much discussed issues. Anyways, my break-up happened a 2 months ago. Yesterday would have been our 4-year anniversary but my ex-girlfriend decided to dump me in September this year. It came unexpectedly and at the worst time ever. She went off to Iceland for a week and while before that she would tell me how she thought we were soulmates and made for one another, after that week she suddenly felt like she needed time to figure herself out. Right when I was taking all my university tests (which I had been preparing for an entire year!) she put all the stress of her needing a break and me not knowing what's going on on me. When we got together in September she dumped me and a little later I found out that it wasn't at all to figure herself out but just to bang other guys at college. I have made a lot of progress in the past couple months dealing with the break-up. I have accepted it is over, realized that she wasn't as perfect and angelic as I made her seem in my mind. As time passed I also realized that it was harder for me to let go of the idea I had with her and our future life than her herself. It helped me a ton realizing that I could have felt the same way with a lot of other young women as well and that I fell in love with the ideas of a shared future that she let me project onto her. As far as I have come - I obviously haven't completely moved on yet -, there are still a couple of things that bother me 2 months after the break-up. And it is mainly the memories that keep coming up, the memories of the great times together that still hurt. How do you guys deal with the memories? What are your experiences with it? How long did it take you to look at the memories with a thankful sadness rather than a stinging pain? I would love to hear about your stories a bit! I have come as far as to meet new young women again - which then in turn confronted me with new confusing feelings... but I will ask you for advice on that in another post! To end on a positive note: I never thought I would be able to move on from this in the time I did. I thought she was the love of my life - my first love as well, and I thought I would never be able to let go, but I did anyways and am still doing it. So however deep a hole you find yourself in, know that it does get better when you focus on yourself, put some effort in your healing and trust time to be on your side! 1
cucumber95 Posted November 12, 2016 Posted November 12, 2016 My girlfriend broke up with me in september as well... We have only been 7 months. At the beginning memories hurt me so much, I have seen something which reminded me of her than I had **** day... but it is getting better now. I can't look at pictures of us at the moment, because I would probably cry, but it is small steps you need to take. So I can't really say that I moved on, but thinking about memories doesn't make me so sad anymore, it hurts that it's over but what I can do... I need to let go to not go crazy.
Author acadsur Posted November 12, 2016 Author Posted November 12, 2016 Very sorry to hear mate! It sure sucks! I know how you feel, it is physical reminders - places, objects, songs or movies - that bring up memories every once in a while, or special dates like yesterday. It has gotten better as well but I still can't say that I don't miss her and don't want those times back. It is even weirder though as when I remember the last couple of weeks we were together, when she had already turned into a totally different person, I am almost glad we are broken up because I felt so uncomfortable. Unfortunately, all the memories I get all day are from the good times when everything was perfect. I hope you will soon feel better - I am 2 months into my recovery and feel quite good most of the time, it will eventually get better! 1
Chief1970 Posted November 13, 2016 Posted November 13, 2016 Been in the same boat...first and foremost you must go 100% full no contact. This means deleting her number and blocking her from all social media. No facebook stalking. Put all of y'alls pictures together in a hiding place, etc. Once, you go full no contact it gets easy. Second, be as social as possible. Set a goal for a new date each week or something. Remember, do not talk about your ex in front of your new dates. This is a huge turnoff. Lastly, understand that at a young age people don't know what they are looking for. You've seen the bad and now you'll appreciate the good.
goingcrazy123 Posted November 13, 2016 Posted November 13, 2016 All good advice here. Best to go no contact. Hit the gym make new friends keep moving forward. The no contact as hard as it is does work.
Author acadsur Posted November 13, 2016 Author Posted November 13, 2016 Been in the same boat...first and foremost you must go 100% full no contact. This means deleting her number and blocking her from all social media. No facebook stalking. Put all of y'alls pictures together in a hiding place, etc. Once, you go full no contact it gets easy. Second, be as social as possible. Set a goal for a new date each week or something. Remember, do not talk about your ex in front of your new dates. This is a huge turnoff. Lastly, understand that at a young age people don't know what they are looking for. You've seen the bad and now you'll appreciate the good. I haven't talked to her since the break up and no contact has definitely helped me! I don't stalk and refuse to look at any social media whatsoever because I have become a bit traumatized by what happened on there in the month leading up to the break-up. So that has definitely helped. Every once in a while an uninformed friend will make a remark that really bothers the sh*t out of me when they see a picture or something but most of them are on board that I don't want to know anything! It seems so crazy that a person you talked to 24/7 can suddenly be gone from your life completely but I guess you have to make the experience first before you can actually believe it happens!
Author acadsur Posted November 13, 2016 Author Posted November 13, 2016 All good advice here. Best to go no contact. Hit the gym make new friends keep moving forward. The no contact as hard as it is does work. I have been socializing a lot and met new women as well, one that I have come to like but I now find myself in the weird situation that things are moving too quickly and I need to tell her about my situation because I can feel her really getting invested into whatever it is we are starting to have and I am not ready for anything like it yet... If I may ask, did physical reminders ever bother you? Like places you went to or things you did together, saw together etc? I get very melancholy sometimes when I run into situations of old memories.
negritaultra Posted November 13, 2016 Posted November 13, 2016 nostalgia is inevitable . any time you have those rush of memories coming back in , i would acknowledge them but release them ... i always try to send my former lover love and light and i'll busy myself with going to the gym or going for a walk . it's impossible to battle the memories because they're so easily triggered but hopefully you can find something positive in them and carry on 1
MrPlop Posted November 14, 2016 Posted November 14, 2016 The memories will always be there, I guess it's the way you look at them. You will go through different stages, I still have trouble going places I've gone with her. The hardest thing for me is thinking "we could've made it work if she hadn't given up on us", but that's just being selfish, it wasn't going anywhere for her and I have to accept that. Look at the bigger picture and be nothing but thankful she has given you a lesson, a chance to learn from your mistakes, learn things you didn't know about yourself and grow. 1
cucumber95 Posted November 14, 2016 Posted November 14, 2016 Yes, make sure that you learned something, and that relationship/that time is not wasted so next one can be better.
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