leftist women and the right-of-center men who love them...who are 5 years apart

[confused12345]

A new once-a-week coworker 5 years my senior and I started dating after some flirtation. One month later we're over. She says she changed her mind in that it could be too risky in relation to work, and she gets the sense I "could not be happy with her." She and I had an electric chemistry, however. The day she broke the bad news to me I "tackled" her to the grass in the park, again, and she LOVED it. We spent hours there. I have the photos of that day and she and I could not look happier. Not to get too vulgar but I was sliding into 3rd base after rounding 2nd, but I didn't push it figuring we were still together, so why rush? We briefly mentioned having sex and sleeping together; I thought to myself this is going to be torrid. A rain storm and a friend's birthday party I had promised to attend cut things short or I would have remained with her.

 

 

Three days later she breaks up with me over the phone when I call her. I talk to her once more for an hour and half a week later after writing her a letter. We could still feel the chemistry between us as she laughed and smiled at me through our conversation. I asked to see her again, but it came crashing down as she saw insurmountable obstacles, some not clearly defined. These I think included differences of political attitudes born of our different backgrounds--she's a radical protesting leftist, and I am not--and my ignorance of the world this would-be teacher will face. Based upon anecdotal evidence I always thought illiterate 17 year olds taught to read by teachers were one amongst many, not entire classrooms at a time, and I said as much in a serious tone that was taken rudely. For that I suddenly do not provide her with enough support in her decision to become a teacher and she won't forgive me, accept any apology, or even admit I made a mistake. She says there is no mistake, no misunderstanding, we just wouldn't work, nevermind I would never intentionally not support her. She also says in so many words I am not a safe enough bet as a potential suitor for her hand in matrimony, and worried I'd dump her in 6 months.

 

 

I think she still smiles at me as she does for no one else. I resumed dating other people, but no one steady yet as the dates are mostly bad so far. She's lovely, beautiful, effeminate, and looks as young or younger than I do--and that according to disinterested ignorant third-parties. She can also be self-righteous, dowdy, somewhat withdrawn and almost bovine in her matter-of-factness, but that's what makes her unique to a certain extent.

 

 

She may leave my company as originally planned in 6 months, or at worst, next summer as she is a graduate student. We do not work together in any capacity beyond being at the same firm. I've decided to be polite, but no more, date other people and hopefully find someone else. If I don't drown all feeling or attraction for her I contemplate asking her out again just as she leaves my firm for good. If she's till beaming at me I wonder if I could plant an unexpected but welcome kiss on her lips too. Am I on the right course? Is someone this insecure in her choice of work worth it?

 

 

And most recently she calls me over to her desk and lit up for me as if we were still dating. I've never seen anyone light up like she did that day--giggles, smiles, squirming, eyes, as I had to lean over her to get to her keyboard as she had a computer question and problem. I smiled back, but dropped my smile as I reminded myself she would not date me. I could have kissed her, but others were so close by it was too risky. The next time I saw her she was eyes cast down, no direct eye contact, etc. I figure she still likes me but objects to her own attraction on some moral ground.

 

Then she calls me in a sad tone to wish me a happy weekend, as I've stopped going out of my way to either leave with her or say goodbye (and it's the 2nd time). There's just no point and no reason to go out of my way now, and I don't do it for anyone else in her section ever. So I say thank you and slip up. I ask her to come over to my desk so I can share a book with her. Yes, on politics. She promised to give me her review and I've not heard since, but I'm not asking about it either. And since I've had no beaming at me. And I get the sense she's avoiding me altogether. Perhaps the final nail in the coffin put this flame to rest, but I'm not certain. (And it's not as if I voted for Bush or gave her a book that would suggest it.)

 

So what gives!?!?!

 

Luckily I think I have a shot with a very attractive girl I ran into elsewhere, far afield, but that is not certain yet. I cannot sit and wait and hope the first girl will decide to go out with me again. Though sometimes, even now, I think about her and I think I miss her company.

[lostinbc]

As an minor to this forum and I have read all these suggestions and ideas, some are great and some are shooting from the hip so to speak. I say keep on trying till you find the right girl, no sorry right woman. Only you will can and make yourself happy and better (don't need to rely on anyone else) and when you are feeling great, it will only over flow to the person you care about. And besides one thing I have know personally is that time will not stop for anyone nor will it reverse to make amends. You learn and experience and make yourself better 1st for yourself and then for the next fortunate lady. Just my thought but then again what do I know?? We are all individuals with different ideas and thoughts and actions and reactions to situations that life throws at us.