Husband has a new female friend that may be cooler than me.

[utini 86]

I love my husband very much, been together for 5 years now and he is my best friend. I like to think that I trust him, I thought I did but he told me something today that made my stomach sink a bit. Really feel like I am overreacting here but I can't drop this feeling.

 

My husband has been playing dungeons and dragons and I don't really have any interest in it. I am a gamer myself but I would rather play on PC or console. He told me recently how there is a new girl in the group and she likes to draw zombies and what not. My husband plays games with this group every friday. The thing is, how wrong is it for me to worry that this girl may be cooler than me? Worrying that maybe he will end up spending more time with her because they have more interests.

 

I already felt a push in the beginning of the relationship that he would like me to get in to board games more. Should I join the dungeons and dragons group too? I am very shy and I don't see the fun in playing a game that involves that much live interaction and thinking. The group he plays with consists mostly of single men with borderline Aspergers. Hate to sit at home every friday night thinking about how awesome she probably is.

 

What should I do? What should I say? How should I really feel?

[l8estnews]

Girk, it's a board game. Loving you and him admiring her for one similar interest is a very different thing.

[TheWoman]

Give it a go, its really quite a lot of fun. I am a huge introvert, but because its putting on a character it doesn't feel the same as real life interactions. I haven't played for years now but I would if anyone offered LOL. You have nothing to lose by trying, and you can check her out at the same time, heh heh.

[mikeylo]

Why does he go without you ?

[Gloria25]

Never, in the history of coolness, has anyone who plays Dungeons and Dragons been cooler than anyone else. Ever.

 

Relax! Why would she want the one married guy in a room full of single guys? I would wait til you have any sort of evidence to worry, if it ever happens.

 

Doesn't matter if people who play the game are as lame as stale bread. What counts is that he's sharing activities with a woman besides you.

 

I'm all cool for people in relationships to have interests, hobbies, activities, etc. outside of each other. Problem is, if they are SHARING those activities with someone besides their SO - where a connection can happen - is bad....

 

In other words, let's say that I like hiking. If my man doesn't and I join a hiking club, that's cool, but if within the hiking club I start chatting up a dude and within the hikes he and I are becoming thick as thieves = problem.

[preraph]

Hon, drawing zombies and playing Dungeons and Dragons does not make anyone cooler than you. Maybe he needs to broaden his interests to real-world activities that include YOU.

[Grumpybutfun]

When you shared your concerns with him, what did he say? Yeah, before you overreact and create a problem, you need to do that.

G

[darkmoon]

yes, join, one Friday a week is not much compared to the consequences you describe, join... do not put him in the wrong, you are asking for trouble

[basil67]

Has your husband been talking about how cool she is....or is this something from your own head?

[Marc878]

Beware.

 

Facebook, online games start out innocent enough but relationships can and do develope over time. Happens with alarming frequency.

[Sweetfish]

Doesn't matter if people who play the game are as lame as stale bread. What counts is that he's sharing activities with a woman besides you.

I'm all cool for people in relationships to have interests, hobbies, activities, etc. outside of each other. Problem is, if they are SHARING those activities with someone besides their SO - where a connection can happen - is bad....

 

In other words, let's say that I like hiking. If my man doesn't and I join a hiking club, that's cool, but if within the hiking club I start chatting up a dude and within the hikes he and I are becoming thick as thieves = problem.

 

 

BINGO.. big problem

[Mrin]

Never, in the history of coolness, has anyone who plays Dungeons and Dragons been cooler than anyone else. Ever.

 

Relax! Why would she want the one married guy in a room full of single guys? I would wait til you have any sort of evidence to worry, if it ever happens.

 

Truth, but if she played Pathfinder there would be something to worry about.

 

Lol! Kidding.

[Sweetfish]

I don't get it. Why aren't married couples allowed to have separate interests? My fiancé and I do stuff with our friends all the time. Sometimes there are even people of the opposite sex there..gasp!!!

 

Why is everyone so rigid?? I think it's healthy not to be attached at the hip to your significant other.

 

Just because he's in the same room as a single woman (along with a bunch of other men) and he enjoys himself does NOT make him a cheater! Nothing the OP said sets off any alarm bells.

 

I totally agree 100%

 

but its a concern non the less.

[Gloria25]

Beware.

 

Facebook, online games start out innocent enough but relationships can and do develope over time. Happens with alarming frequency.

 

Yep, even though it's a virtual world that may be full of lame, dull, or whatever people - connections happen.

 

Geesh, I saw on Investigation Discovery/ID this married woman with kids who became obsessed with this guy she met in some type of Sims online game. She, one day, packed up her kids in a car and took a gun and kidnapped the guy cuz she wanted him to leave his woman for her.

[Gloria25]

yes, join, one Friday a week is not much compared to the consequences you describe, join... do not put him in the wrong, you are asking for trouble

 

I don't agree...

 

You shouldn't change who you are (i.e. pick up interests, hobbies, etc.) your SO has just cuz you're scared he may think you're not this/that.

 

Again, IMO, while I believe the more "glue" (shared beliefs, religion, activities) a couple has - the more successful their RL and/or marriage will be - it's still healthy for both people to have separate interests/things they do from time to time.

 

Just wondering, how long did you date him before you married? I mean, did you have issue with not sharing D&D gaming with him before? Or, is it that he's made a connection with a female who is into D&D that now you're concerned?

 

IMO, he should respect his marriage/RL enough to keep healthy boundaries between himself and other women. We're not dead. Even after we are dating, married to, in a RL with someone - we're always gonna run into other people that we may develop an attraction/connection with other than our SO at our jobs, gym, down the street, etc. We should be mature and considerate enough to not add fuel to the fire - in other words, he should have cut off this chick long time ago instead of fueling a connection with her.

[surferchic]

Why does he go without you ?

 

Granted, husbands and wives need to do some things independently of one another, but every once in a while you should both experience those things together.

 

The OP is not farfetched.... I know we're trying to make her feel better but realistically of the tables were turned and she were super involved with the opposite sex in a running, boating club, e.g....her husband would also be right to be curios about the level of engagement.

 

Just because people are married, doesn't mEan they should take for granted that the SO will never become infatuated by the opposite sex, especially when engaging in an activity for which they share similar passions...

 

Yes, OP perhaps should make sure she has jet own set of interests as well. But I feel like couples should at some point, do those interests together and have light hearted conversations about their feelings of jealousy or interacting with the opposite sex. A little jealousy can be normal, until it gets excessive or obsessive.