Author elenanic5757 Posted November 15, 2016 Author Posted November 15, 2016 Thank you all so much, Just read through responses this morning and they are all very helpful and supportive. I feel heartbroken and can't stop crying- probably silly after seeing what he his like! I showed him everything she sent me last night. At first he denied everything, he said someone with an 'ulterior motive' had sent them. I could tell by his reaction he was lying. I asked him how this person would know the exact timeline of our relationship etc and he said, 'I don't know'. He finally admitted talking with her and said he knows 'he should not have been', it was just the shock of her engagement, after all he had spend a 9 years with her (he is 30). He said it was wrong and he is so sorry. He said he still does love her but he is 'in love' with me. I went into the bedroom last night and locked the door and just cried. In black and white he told her, nobody compares to her and given the chance to work things out with her he would. He wants us to work thing through, I cannot look at his face even. Thanks everyone xx
ExpatInItaly Posted November 15, 2016 Posted November 15, 2016 Yikes. I'm really sorry, OP. Time to end this. He's not invested in you. 4
stillafool Posted November 15, 2016 Posted November 15, 2016 So bascially he is going to settle for you because she doesn't want him anymore. I hope you think more of yourself than to settle for being someone's second choice. She really did do you a favor by letting you know. 5
Author elenanic5757 Posted November 15, 2016 Author Posted November 15, 2016 Sincerest thank you to everyone. I am re-reading these messages and I can see he said elsewhere in them that he does 'not love me but it could turn into that down the line', he told her he is not downplaying the fact that he is 'invested in the relationship'. I am tired and so confused... probably just searching for some hope in these string of messages??? What do you think? Thanks guys, you are very good . I just feel so hurt
Popsicle Posted November 15, 2016 Posted November 15, 2016 It's not uncommon for people to settle but their SO rarely knows this. Now that you know, and even if you forgive him, the problem is, you will always think he's going to cheat on you, and you can't live like that. 3
Gaeta Posted November 15, 2016 Posted November 15, 2016 Sincerest thank you to everyone. I am re-reading these messages and I can see he said elsewhere in them that he does 'not love me but it could turn into that down the line', he told her he is not downplaying the fact that he is 'invested in the relationship'. I am tired and so confused... probably just searching for some hope in these string of messages??? What do you think? Thanks guys, you are very good . I just feel so hurt Yes sweetie, I am afraid you are reaching for the impossible. You have been dating for 8 months, a man will fall in love well within 8 months. So he never told you ILY? Why did you move in with a man that didn't tell you he loved you? 3
Author elenanic5757 Posted November 15, 2016 Author Posted November 15, 2016 Thanks, absolutely. I messaged the ex saying thanks for shedding the light and she got back to me saying, she is sorry and she has no ill towards me but he cheated on her and she is so glad someone told her. Not that they were seeing each other but she just said he has not changed and to be aware of what he is like. I find this so hard to take in as this does NOT sound like the person I have fell for. He said he didn't cheat on her by the way, for what its worth. 2
Author elenanic5757 Posted November 15, 2016 Author Posted November 15, 2016 Yes sweetie, I am afraid you are reaching for the impossible. You have been dating for 8 months, a man will fall in love well within 8 months. So he never told you ILY? Why did you move in with a man that didn't tell you he loved you? Thanks for getting back to me, he has told me this.. he tells me every day devastated. Is he lying to me or to her?
Gaeta Posted November 15, 2016 Posted November 15, 2016 Thanks for getting back to me, he has told me this.. he tells me every day devastated. Is he lying to me or to her? You mean he tells you HE LOVES YOU then he tells her he doesn't love you yet? Am I getting this right? You think a man that loved you he would try to get back to an ex? He is lying to you. 5
Author elenanic5757 Posted November 15, 2016 Author Posted November 15, 2016 You mean he tells you HE LOVES YOU then he tells her he doesn't love you yet? Am I getting this right? You think a man that loved you he would try to get back to her? He is lying to you. Yeah I feel really silly now but thats it exactly- he tells me loves me literally every single day and then that is what he says behind my back to her.... I don't know how I fell for this. Thanks xx
Gaeta Posted November 15, 2016 Posted November 15, 2016 Thanks, absolutely. I messaged the ex saying thanks for shedding the light and she got back to me saying, she is sorry and she has no ill towards me but he cheated on her and she is so glad someone told her. Not that they were seeing each other but she just said he has not changed and to be aware of what he is like. I find this so hard to take in as this does NOT sound like the person I have fell for. He said he didn't cheat on her by the way, for what its worth. Again, I am so sorry. After him telling you he loves you than telling her he is not in love with you yet, I'd say his word is worth sh$t. Right? 1
Author elenanic5757 Posted November 15, 2016 Author Posted November 15, 2016 Again, I am so sorry. After him telling you he loves you than telling her he is not in love with you yet, I'd say his word is worth sh$t. Right? Right! Worth nothing to me now. I am telling myself maybe he does love me but just loves her more and that is why he saying those things to her. That is the level I have reached in my own head....ugh. I have no choice really but to end this I guess... Thanks for your input, so helpful when I feel my head is totally fogged 1
Redhead14 Posted November 15, 2016 Posted November 15, 2016 (edited) Thanks, absolutely. I messaged the ex saying thanks for shedding the light and she got back to me saying, she is sorry and she has no ill towards me but he cheated on her and she is so glad someone told her. Not that they were seeing each other but she just said he has not changed and to be aware of what he is like. I find this so hard to take in as this does NOT sound like the person I have fell for. He said he didn't cheat on her by the way, for what its worth. she is sorry and she has no ill towards me but HE CHEATED ON HER and she is so glad someone told her. -- History is repeating itself. He said he didn't cheat on her by the way, for what its worth -- It isn't worth squat -- he's a liar and she knows it and now so do you you. this does NOT sound like the person I have fell for -- You didn't really know him . . . until now. Don't FALL for his BS. She's not making this stuff up to be mean . . . he hurt her and now she's trying to prevent it from happening to someone else. If he hadn't hurt her so badly, she wouldn't be bothering with all this especially since she is engaged. Yeah, she's biting back at him, probably some spite involved, but . . . Move on. Edited November 15, 2016 by Redhead14 2
darkmoon Posted November 15, 2016 Posted November 15, 2016 he must prove his love for you, he will find a way, he sounds mixed up
JellyTot Posted November 15, 2016 Posted November 15, 2016 It sounds like you're clutching at straws because you don't want to believe that he doesn't love you. The fact is that he's gone behind your back to communicate with his ex, and if she wanted him he'd have dumped you. Those are not the actions of someone who loves you. You owe it to yourself to acknowledge the truth, no matter how painful. Have some self respect and ditch him. 1
l8estnews Posted November 15, 2016 Posted November 15, 2016 If you'll stay with your BF, then you are just settling for someone who is ready tongive you up if he gets the first chance. Facts: 1.) You are a rebound. 2.) He is still in love with her 3.) He is definitely not in love with you the way you want him to. 4.) Based on my experience, there's 90% chance he'll leave you once he got over his ex and finds a new one. 5. He is definitely a cheater. Your call. 1
Redhead14 Posted November 15, 2016 Posted November 15, 2016 What would you? I am so ill this morning, please help. Z I have been dating my bf for 8 months, he recently moved in. When we met he was just out of a 9 year relationship (she ended it). Things have been going so well. His ex recently sent me a mail saying that he has told her he would get back with her in a heartbeat, he wants to meet her. He has told her he wouldn t be messaging her if was happy with me and that he loves her and there is no contest between her and anyone else. I'd send her a text thanking her for the heads up and copy him on it . . . and then pack his stuff up in a box and put it outside the door. Put a note on the box to push his key under the door. No further discussion or contact . . . you owe him nothing. 3
Gaeta Posted November 15, 2016 Posted November 15, 2016 I have been dating my bf for 8 months, he recently moved in. When we met he was just out of a 9 year relationship. Never again date a man just out of a long term relationship. You were the rebound girl. You made him feel good and temporary forget about his heartbreak but the heartbreak never goes away if you don't deal with it right away. It's just burred underneath till it comes back at the surface. 4
Eternal Sunshine Posted November 15, 2016 Posted November 15, 2016 This man has actively deceived you and lied to you. He told you he loved you every day, he moved the relationship forward to moving in together and kept up appearances of being committed. All the while, he was trying to get his ex back. Right now, he doesn't want to lose you because he doesn't like being single and probably has no options on the horizon. The moment he does, he will dump you without a second thought. This man doesn't care about you or your well being at all. It's also worth to note that even when he is deeply in love with a woman (i.e. his ex), he cheats on her. How can you trust anything he says going forward? 2
Saracena Posted November 15, 2016 Posted November 15, 2016 . . He said he still does love her but he is 'in love' with me. His ex.....the woman he CHEATED on! This guy is incredible. So sorry you find yourself in this position OP-I truly am-but be thankful you found out what he's like now and not when you're in much deeper. Take care 1
Sunkissedpatio Posted November 15, 2016 Posted November 15, 2016 (edited) Is he lying to me or to her? Yeah I feel really silly now but thats it exactly- he tells me loves me literally every single day and then that is what he says behind my back to her.... I don't know how I fell for this. Thanks xx He doesn't love either of you honey, men like this have no capacity for true love. The reason you fell for it is because they are master manipulators they know what to say and how and they know how to get you to believe them. They convince themselves that they feel what they say they feel fully knowing what boils beneath the surface. You can't blame yourself for someone else's psychotic actions. T I showed him everything she sent me last night. At first he denied everything, he said someone with an 'ulterior motive' had sent them. I could tell by his reaction he was lying. I asked him how this person would know the exact timeline of our relationship etc and he said, 'I don't know'. He finally admitted talking with her and said he knows 'he should not have been', it was just the shock of her engagement, after all he had spend a 9 years with her (he is 30). He said it was wrong and he is so sorry. He said he still does love her but he is 'in love' with me. It's text book how they react when confronted. Unfortunately, those of us who have been there have had the exact same experience. Lies followed by platitudes and like I said earlier they will go to great extents to not lose you once they run out of options and will tell you or her (whomever hasn't closed the door on him yet) whatever he thinks they want to hear. I'm sorry it turned out this way. You need to heed the notion that cheaters are master manipulators that have made their lives out of being really REALLY good liars. If you stay with him and marry him he won't just lie to you about other women, he will: hide things regarding finances, tell you lies about his family that will later come out from his other family members that are not aware that lied lie to you about work situations make you believe he feels a certain way about a decision all the while hiding what is really going on break your trust by sharing intimate things between you too in other people, including friends, family members, worse of all strangers at work The list goes on an on an on about the types of deceitful acts this man will put you through. Unfortunately, they are who they are and they can look like they are not for a while, but they always revert back to their rotten character. I messaged the ex saying thanks for shedding the light and she got back to me saying, she is sorry and she has no ill towards me but he cheated on her and she is so glad someone told her. Not that they were seeing each other but she just said he has not changed and to be aware of what he is like. I had a feeling that might be her motive in all this but didn't want to jump the gun when you were already upset enough earlier in the thread. For your sake I had a glimmer of hope that she was doing this out of spite and that your guy wasn't this horrible human being but he is what he is now. Only a woman who has felt the sting of deceit will go through great lengths for revenge on him and to tip off another woman in the same situation. I am so so sorry. Yes you got involved with someone rather quickly after his breakup and that is going to have to be your lesson out of all this but you didn't deserve this Edited November 15, 2016 by Sunkissedpatio 2
Sunkissedpatio Posted November 15, 2016 Posted November 15, 2016 It's also worth to note that even when he is deeply in love with a woman (i.e. his ex), he cheats on her. How can you trust anything he says going forward? This ^ speaks volumes! Like Eternal Sunshine said, how could you trust ANYTHING he says going forward? It's one thing when you had no idea what he was about not that you know what you know. You will never trust him the same way again. That level of pure trust is gone forever. Ugh, I have a pitt in my stomach reading this story. Feeling that sinking heart feeling all over again... 1
olivetree Posted November 15, 2016 Posted November 15, 2016 Sounds like a guy who doesn't appreciate what he has when he has it, in addition to being a lying cheater. It wouldn't surprise me if he tries to get with you while with his next gf. Gross! OP, so sorry you're going through this. I hope it sinks in soon that this is who he really is. I guarantee you'll feel great about yourself if you toss him. 2
Sweetfish Posted November 15, 2016 Posted November 15, 2016 Never again date a man just out of a long term relationship. You were the rebound girl. You made him feel good and temporary forget about his heartbreak but the heartbreak never goes away if you don't deal with it right away. It's just burred underneath till it comes back at the surface. Agreed... never date a guy from a fresh breakup.. it's up to her now how she will proceed.
Sweetfish Posted November 15, 2016 Posted November 15, 2016 This ^ speaks volumes! Like Eternal Sunshine said, how could you trust ANYTHING he says going forward? It's one thing when you had no idea what he was about not that you know what you know. You will never trust him the same way again. That level of pure trust is gone forever. Ugh, I have a pitt in my stomach reading this story. Feeling that sinking heart feeling all over again... Because people are capable of cheating. It's absolutely a fact of life. I know people who cheat who swear they won't cheat. The most "perfect" ppl. Cheat. However, is this ex going to call and text every girl he goes forward with telling them they are always second to her. The motive was still malice and I don't think her new husband would appreciate she was still talking to her ex on special apps.
Recommended Posts