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His ex apparently has messages he would leave me for her. , so hurt

elenanic5757

By elenanic5757
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BluesPower Established Member

BluesPower

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Yes I am afraid it is.

 

You have your proof. Print it out and show it to him when you break up with him TONIGHT.

 

You are second place girl and you don't deserve that.

 

I can only imagine how much this hurts but you have to put you big girl panties on and end it.

 

There is not coming back from these words that he sent to her. It really would have been better if he just screwed her. That you could explain away for the most part. But not this.

 

You know, she really did you a huge favor and she did not have to.

 

Take that as a blessing, break up and move on...

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elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

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So, ask yourself why, why would someone keep copies of those conversations? unless it's to eventually hurt someone with them.

 

My guess is that he did something similar to her, or that he even cheated on her.

She sees history repeating...

  • Like 5
stillafool Established Member

stillafool

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What I wonder is why she kept copies of this conversation? and this is a conversation at least 1 month old. It would never cross my mind to keep copies of an ex trying to work his way back, I'd tell him I am happy and to not contact me again and would block him, actually that is what I did each time.

 

So, ask yourself why, why would someone keep copies of those conversations? unless it's to eventually hurt someone with them.

 

Probably because he has been bothering her for quite sometime and she thought the only way to stop it was to keep a copy of the conversation and forward it to OP.

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elenanic5757 Member

elenanic5757

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Thank you all, you're very kind to help me. I have not said anything yet as I am at work and trying not to cry at my desk. Texting him now is not an option, I would only get upset.

 

The messaging app they used I am not familiar with so I do not know for 100% certainty its his username, though she referred to him by his name in it and he revealed details that he would know. Am I clinging to hope here with this username issue? (Its not his own name or anything you could identify him with) But the contents make me believe it has to be him...

 

Thanks everyone

Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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I had married men coming on to me and didn't go to their wife. It's not my business to play god and modify people's destiny.

 

How long ago was that conversation?

 

Why use that copy at this very moment and not before?

 

This woman only told OP they had this 1 conversation, there was no mention of him being harassing her to the point she needed to take matters into her hand and warn OP.

 

It doesn't change the fact he said those things but I am just wondering why she is coming out with this at this time.

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Redhead14 Established Member

Redhead14

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Thank you all, you're very kind to help me. I have not said anything yet as I am at work and trying not to cry at my desk. Texting him now is not an option, I would only get upset.

 

The messaging app they used I am not familiar with so I do not know for 100% certainty its his username, though she referred to him by his name in it and he revealed details that he would know. Am I clinging to hope here with this username issue? (Its not his own name or anything you could identify him with) But the contents make me believe it has to be him...

 

Thanks everyone

 

All you need to do is tell him that his ex is sent you incriminating evidence and show it to him. Observe his reaction and behavior and let him talk.

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VeveCakes Established Member

VeveCakes

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The ex definitely has motive though...why would she asked if he loved the OP and was happy if she truly didn`t care about him?

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darkmoon Established Member

darkmoon

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from facebook to another part of the internet? so she found you on facebook, nice and easy, but then turns anonymous and proofless?

she is quite the internet busybody, with proof not there when it suits her

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Sweetfish Established Member

Sweetfish

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The ex definitely has motive though...why would she asked if he loved the OP and was happy if she truly didn`t care about him?

 

 

And this is the whole conversation...?

 

Sounds like she baited his feelings

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Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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The ex definitely has motive though...why would she asked if he loved the OP and was happy if she truly didn`t care about him?

 

Exactly my thought.

 

Why drill him with questions instead of getting rid of him, after all she is in a relationship herself and has no business taking interest in the love life of her ex.

 

Also her proof is a conversation from username that cannot be identified directly to him? meh...

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VeveCakes Established Member

VeveCakes

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Yeah...easy enough to ask your bf if he has that messaging app and if he does what is his username because you want to add him...

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dreamingoftigers Established Member

dreamingoftigers

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Exactly my thought.

 

Why drill him with questions instead of getting rid of him, after all she is in a relationship herself and has no business taking interest in the love life of her ex.

 

Also her proof is a conversation from username that cannot be identified directly to him? meh...

 

Whatever her agenda is or isn't, he still responded.....

  • Like 7
dreamingoftigers Established Member

dreamingoftigers

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Yeah...easy enough to ask your bf if he has that messaging app and if he does what is his username because you want to add him...

 

Or just try adding him.

  • Like 3
Redhead14 Established Member

Redhead14

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The Ex claims to be giving the OP a heads up as a matter of "sisterhood", i.e. one girl to another to let her know that the man she loves is a d'bag. The EX may be doing it to spite him because he was a d'bag to her as well. We don't know what their history is . . .

 

If the guy is being "framed", he will need to deal with the EX accordingly. I doubt very much he would appreciate the Ex trying to interfere in his relationships, regardless of whether had those conversations or not.

  • Like 4
Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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Whatever her agenda is or isn't, he still responded.....

 

He responded through an app using an unknown username.

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dreamingoftigers Established Member

dreamingoftigers

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He responded through an app using an unknown username.

 

So, she should add him, and see if he responds.

 

OP did say that he gave details that his ex wouldn't otherwise be privy to.

 

So she is convinced that it's him.

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BluesPower Established Member

BluesPower

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Maybe you guys are right???

 

But is she is engaged to someone else, why would she trap him or frame him? It would seem that she has moved on.

 

I guess it could be for revenge, maybe? But so far we have not heard any descriptions of the ex being a psycho so that would not make sense to me.

 

She could want the ego kibbles but that would lean toward psycho again.

 

I think dreaming is right, the BF answered and no one forced him to do that.

 

I am really leaning that they are real and she needs to dump him.

 

But, Reds suggestion about just confronting him with the "Proof" and judging the reaction may work as well.

  • Like 2
VeveCakes Established Member

VeveCakes

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We don't know if it was really the BF though. It most likely is but there is no proof.

 

Ex could have fabricated the whole thing.

 

Engaged or not, lots of crazy ppl do things while engaged.

  • Like 1
lana-banana Established Member

lana-banana

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Is everyone missing the part where OP says the conversations included details of her relationship that only she and her boyfriend would know? How would the ex possibly be able to make that up?

 

OP: I'm sorry, but unless his ex is operating surveillance cameras in your apartment, this is legitimate. You need to confront your boyfriend now.

  • Like 13
introverted1 Established Member

introverted1

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Is everyone missing the part where OP says the conversations included details of her relationship that only she and her boyfriend would know? How would the ex possibly be able to make that up?

 

OP: I'm sorry, but unless his ex is operating surveillance cameras in your apartment, this is legitimate. You need to confront your boyfriend now.

 

Agreed.

 

Plus, this isn't a case of Is his ex trying to meddle OR Is the bf still pursuing the ex. It could very well be both.

 

As for having a different username on a messaging app, what's so odd about that? Maybe he prefers using a name that his current gf won't trace to him in the event she joins that same app.

  • Like 4
Saracena Established Member

Saracena

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Agreed.

 

Plus, this isn't a case of Is his ex trying to meddle OR Is the bf still pursuing the ex. It could very well be both. .

 

Exactly. Her motives are incidental - it's HIS response that's relevant here!

  • Like 6
olivetree Established Member

olivetree

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I think it's pretty irrelevant what the ex's motives are.

 

Maybe she liked the attention at first but then realized how unfair it was to you. Who knows, who cares.

 

I also think it's pretty normal that she would still have the messages. I don't delete my messages.

 

All that matters is that he VERY LIKELY said those things, whether she was fishing for it or not.

 

OP, you said that there was evidence that it was him, like her saying his name and him saying details about you.

 

If you REALLY need more certainty, you could always ask the ex to text him on his regular number, talk to him until he says something incriminating again, and send those screenshots to you too.

 

Anyway, I feel for you OP. What a horrible housewarming gift.

 

Be careful when you confront him. Confronting a liar is a good way to make yourself feel crazy, as he will try to lie his way out of that too.

  • Like 5
LD1990 Established Member

LD1990

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OP's first post says "he recently moved in." If that's the case OP and it's your place, I'd recommend telling him to hit the road. Never settle for being someone's second choice.

  • Like 5
JellyTot Established Member

JellyTot

Posted
Posted (edited)

I'm so sorry this has happened to you. Yes, it is possible that the ex made the whole thing up to cause trouble, and created fake usernames etc. However it's more likely to be true, based on the fact that she was the one who dumped him, she has moved on with someone else, and the conversation contains personal details that only he would know. It would be a very elaborate scam for the ex to set up, and a much simpler explanation is that he actually sent those messages.

 

He met you six weeks after a nine year relationship ended, and he was the one who was dumped. It's impossible for him to have been over it by then. At least in the beginning, you were a rebound fling. Perhaps you still are.

 

If I were you I'd probably do a bit of snooping on his phone or computer to find out if that's his username and if he sent those messages. You could also try googling the username to see if it pulls up anything that you can definitely relate to him. Then confront him with the screen grabs and don't let him talk his way out of it. If he has sent those messages, have some self respect and dump him immediately. You deserve better.

Edited by JellyTot
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Sunkissedpatio Established Member

Sunkissedpatio

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And this is the whole conversation...?

 

Sounds like she baited his feelings

 

Baited his feelings!? :laugh: She baited him to ask her to meet up with her too? She baited him to reach out to her and tell her he still loves her?

 

This guy is a dirtbag, no way around it. No one baited him into this other than his own indecision. He just happened to get caught. No way around it. Regardless, the ex's motives are irrelevant. He did this 100% on his own. BUSTED!

 

 

I'm sorry you had to find out this is actually happening. :mad:

So now the next step is confront him with what you know, hear him lie through his teeth when he hears the story and hear him backpedal and lie some more when you show him the truth.

 

Cheaters are very good liars. They never change. Be smart and always remember that when he tries to wow you with platitudes and his ridiculous explanations.

 

Wouldn't be surprised if he wants to move your relationship along to the next step now just to distract you and to compete with his ex that he can no longer have. These types of guys will go to great lengths to:

 

a) prove a point

b) live a lie

 

Be careful. Most of all stay strong!

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