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His ex apparently has messages he would leave me for her. , so hurt

elenanic5757

By elenanic5757
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Sweetfish Established Member

Sweetfish

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I got this over the weekend and I just don't know what to do. I love my boyfriend but what do you think of this? I feel numb.

 

To the girlfriend,

I am not sending this to hurt you at al!! I am the ex. It might be hard to hear but it's important.. I would want to. I have NOTHING to gain from this, I dumped him and I am now engaged and the happiest I've ever been so I'm not sending this to be nasty at all. I believe you don't deserve to be second best. No woman does. I would hate to be that person so here it goes..

 

I know you two are living together but just know that he has messaged me keenly wanting to meet. He has told me that's there's no contest between you and me . he has told me he would be with me in a heartbeat if given the chance. He said that he is very fond of you but 'obviously he doesn't love you when he still loves me'. These were among other similar sentiments he expressed.

I have all of these in black and white text if you think I am only sending out of malice.

As charming as he can be he is a great liar, trust your instincts with him.

This is not against you at all, not in the slightest. I wish you all the best and hope you aren't angry at receiving this x

 

Why they breakup?

 

My red flag is how quickly she has moved to another guy and engaged to him and how she is the happiest girl on the planet. This msg has nothing to do with you... this msg is to destroy him.

 

Yes.. he may still love her and is conflicted... exactly why you shouldn't jump into a relationship right after a breakup.

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elenanic5757 Member

elenanic5757

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She broke up with him.. I don't know why. She has never bothered me before, this is almost a year after their breakup now..

goingcrazy123 Member

goingcrazy123

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Ask for the proof first of all. Then you read it and decide how you want to handle it. Maybe talk to him or maybe leave him depending on what you see in the texts.

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darkmoon Established Member

darkmoon

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how did she know where to contact you?

 

wierd...

 

but I do think she is lying - "the happiest..." "messged me keenly".... all too dramatic, overstated

Edited by darkmoon
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Sweetfish Established Member

Sweetfish

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She broke up with him.. I don't know why. She has never bothered me before, this is almost a year after their breakup now..

 

 

I would avoid contact with the girlfriend..

 

Its possible that he got wind of the marriage and it affected him. I think this is natural and he is still healing. To marry someone after a short period of time after a LTR is hard to swallow. You start to question your self and when ppl breakup they do still love each other.. so it's hard.

 

Why don't you ask him why they broke up and make assements from there?

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dispatch3d Established Member

dispatch3d

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The ex girlfriend is definitely overstepping her bounds here I wouldn't contact her anymore. I would talk to the boyfriend about her message and be very upfront about everything.

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central Established Member

central

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You're his second choice, but only choice - so far.

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Dis Established Member

Dis

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Sounds like she's telling you the truth

 

This sounds like something I would send a woman if I knew she was dating my ex. He still texts me and messages me and yup...he's a very skilled liar too

 

Ask her if she can send you the messages and beware that when you talk to your bf, he will NOT tell you the truth....he will deflect....defend etc etc

 

If you see the messages with your own two eyes theres no point in 'talking things out' with your bf as he has demonstrated 0 respect for you and would get back with his ex in a heart beat. Its time to get out of dodge

 

I'm sorry girl, I bet your heart feels broken....but its time to wake up and get out before this gets worse. Pls dont think this can be repaired or that he will change...respect yourself and leave hun. Xoxo

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elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

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The ex girlfriend is definitely overstepping her bounds here I wouldn't contact her anymore. I would talk to the boyfriend about her message and be very upfront about everything.

 

Never heard of deny, deny, deny?

Of course he is going to lie and lie and lie to save his own skin.

She needs to see the messages first and then she can make her own mind up.

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Sweetfish Established Member

Sweetfish

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Never heard of deny, deny, deny?

Of course he is going to lie and lie and lie to save his own skin.

She needs to see the messages first and then she can make her own mind up.

 

 

 

How is this any different than snopping in someone's phone...?

 

This was a private msg he may have sent and for an ex to meddle in his/her new relationship is malice. She may not be perfect her self. Ever considered that?

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Marc878 Established Member

Marc878

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No confrontation without proof. All you'll get will probably be lies and denial.

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dispatch3d Established Member

dispatch3d

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Never heard of deny, deny, deny?

Of course he is going to lie and lie and lie to save his own skin.

She needs to see the messages first and then she can make her own mind up.

 

He could react in a number of ways. She's in a relationship with the guy, he should get to have his say first. If he denies it then you can go back to her and say look do you have evidence of this. I find this to be especially true given the whole nature of her message. The ex girlfriend doesn't just get to send off a text and destroy the guys next relationship because she's bitter. I wouldn't blame you if this did cause a break up, but anyhow.

 

As far as it being ok for someone to snoop through your phone, come on now. Do you really think that? I'm a grown ass man, and I want to date a grown ass woman, and grown ass woman don't snoop through their partners phones.

Eternal Sunshine Established Member

Eternal Sunshine

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It doesn't really matter what ex's intentions are. If she is telling the truth, bf needs to be dumped. Sadly I think op will opt to ignore and stay :(

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dispatch3d Established Member

dispatch3d

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Well I wouldn't be too happy with the ex girlfriend. Best case scenario for her actions, he contacted her, she doesn't ignore it (which she should), he confesses his love to her, and she goes and sends this message to opening post. I could not imagine involving myself in an x girlfriends drama, replying to the message, or sending a message to their boyfriend. So I don't get her actions and I think she's not being very nice.

 

The fact he's hung up on the girl he dated 9 years shouldn't really be that surprising, but she's kinda showing her true colors here and he just fails to see her for what she is.

 

There's just no way I'd let the x win outright in this scenario.

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Robert Established Member

Robert

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Note from moderation: we've deleted a handful of posts in this thread that did not address the specific topic. Please stick to the thread starter's specific situation. Thank you. ~6

 

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BluesPower Established Member

BluesPower

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If she can prove it, you really have no choice but to dump him, it id that simple.

 

If she can't you need to have your eyes open and you have to talk to him about this.

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Sunkissedpatio Established Member

Sunkissedpatio

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If you want the truth do not ask him anything yet. Get the proof from the ex and only then confront your guy for his version of things.

 

How does the ex have your contact info please?

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elenanic5757 Member

elenanic5757

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Thank you all! I am devastated about this but I want to do the right thing. I can't look at him knowing given the chance I would be left for her, if what she says is true!

She messaged me over Facebook. I met him 6 weeks after they broke up and it's been great up until now.

I can see on her fb she is engaged so appears to have moved on, why would she lie? I hope she is but I will ask for proof today from her.

 

Thanks guys.

ManyDissapoint Established Member

ManyDissapoint

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I agree with everyone saying to get some proof because it's also a good possibility that your boyfriend's ex is trying to sabotage your relationship, but it's also possible that your BF is secretly pining over his ex.

 

Very curious as to how this turns out. Please do update us.

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Sunkissedpatio Established Member

Sunkissedpatio

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Thank you all! I am devastated about this but I want to do the right thing. I can't look at him knowing given the chance I would be left for her, if what she says is true!

She messaged me over Facebook. I met him 6 weeks after they broke up and it's been great up until now.

I can see on her fb she is engaged so appears to have moved on, why would she lie? I hope she is but I will ask for proof today from her.

 

Thanks guys.

 

Thanks for responding, I can imagine the pain and devastation you feel finding this out and knowing this about the man you love. I am so sorry for your pain and horrible shock. :(

 

People can be so cruel and lead you on and have you believe they are into you an really surprise you in a bad way...

 

Until you can get her to send you the proof of their correspondence I would just sit it out. It may very well be that he saw that she got engaged and he reached out because he still loves her, but maybe she is feeling the same for him so be very careful either way. As soon as you get her to send you some proof then you can confront him. If she refuses then there is something fishy going on.

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elenanic5757 Member

elenanic5757

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I feel sick.

 

She sent me screengrabs of their whole conversation. It was not a conversation that took place over text or facebook, so his phone number is not there or his facebook account. It took place on a messaging app where there are usernames. One part of me wants to believe anyone could have sent them as its only from a username, could be anyone. HOWEVER, there are details of me and the timeline of our relationship etc that nobody could have known, plus she called him by his first name in the messages. What do you think?

 

Here are some main points:

 

She asked: ‘Do you love her?’ (meaning me)

He responded: ‘I am very fond of her, she is lovely, but it’s hard to compare anyone to you'

When she pressed him on the point above, he said;

‘Obviously I don’t when I am still in love with you for gods sake’

 

She asked: were we happy?

He responded: if we were would we be talking?

 

He told her that we are exclusive and he is not playing that down but if he had a chance to work things out with her he would take that chance.

 

He kept asking her to meet up and talk to him.

 

He said he thinks of her waking up and loves her.

 

He said us moving in together ‘just happened’.

 

This seems so hard to believe, shocking. He has acted up until this day like I am his world. What to do?

This has to be real, right?

Redhead14 Established Member

Redhead14

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I feel sick.

 

She sent me screengrabs of their whole conversation. It was not a conversation that took place over text or facebook, so his phone number is not there or his facebook account. It took place on a messaging app where there are usernames. One part of me wants to believe anyone could have sent them as its only from a username, could be anyone. HOWEVER, there are details of me and the timeline of our relationship etc that nobody could have known, plus she called him by his first name in the messages. What do you think?

 

Here are some main points:

 

She asked: ‘Do you love her?’ (meaning me)

He responded: ‘I am very fond of her, she is lovely, but it’s hard to compare anyone to you'

When she pressed him on the point above, he said;

‘Obviously I don’t when I am still in love with you for gods sake’

 

She asked: were we happy?

He responded: if we were would we be talking?

 

He told her that we are exclusive and he is not playing that down but if he had a chance to work things out with her he would take that chance.

 

He kept asking her to meet up and talk to him.

 

He said he thinks of her waking up and loves her.

 

He said us moving in together ‘just happened’.

 

This seems so hard to believe, shocking. He has acted up until this day like I am his world. What to do?

This has to be real, right?

 

Show it to him and see what happens . . .

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stillafool Established Member

stillafool

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I can't believe you haven't already confronted him with this info. What's the hold up?

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dreamingoftigers Established Member

dreamingoftigers

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I'm.sorry this happened to you.

 

I would get rid of him immediately.

 

It's pretty rare for someone to make this stuff up.

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Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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I am in a relationship and occasionally get messages from exs trying to get back in touch. The way your bf got in touch with her.

 

What I wonder is why she kept copies of this conversation? and this is a conversation at least 1 month old. It would never cross my mind to keep copies of an ex trying to work his way back, I'd tell him I am happy and to not contact me again and would block him, actually that is what I did each time.

 

So, ask yourself why, why would someone keep copies of those conversations? unless it's to eventually hurt someone with them.

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