AndyBee Posted November 12, 2016 Posted November 12, 2016 I’m just seeking peoples opinions on whether we have a chance or if she’s just playin games with me. Our parents were both devorced and started a relationship, eventually they moved in together. Obviously that meant we were together in the house as well. I was 15 at the time, she’s 5 years older. We were attracted to each other and one thing led to another. We have been seeing each other secretly since then. No-one at all no's, she has been very insistant on that. I am 18 now and I want to tell people. I want the world to know how I feel about her. I want my friends to stop trying to set me up with other single girls. I want my friends to stop flirting with her because they’d love to go out with her. I want to actually go out with her rather than just staying home or going to secluded places. She says if I tell she will deny it all and it will be over. She’s says she’s worried about what people will think because we’re now “brother and sister”. It’s got to be more than that. I’ve talked, pleaded and begged for her to see reason on this. So what’s going on here? Is there any way that I can get this to be a normal relationship?
splenda Posted November 12, 2016 Posted November 12, 2016 While it would be an unusual start due to the fact your parents were dating at the same time....I have heard of situations like that ( actually, those kids from teen mom were in that situation, and with them being reality stars, you actually don't hear too often about that...meaning people obviously aren't morally outraged about it, other wise, gossip magazines would have been all over it) However...a twenty year old and a 15 year old? that's not appropiate...in fact, it's not even legal a lot of places.... I'm a mother to a 17 year old, and trust me, had he met a 20 year when he was fifteen...well, there's just too much of a difference. I know people may know of exceptions, but perhaps because of one being an outright no no, and then the other being a morally grey area.... well, I can see why she wants to hide it. Which isn't fair to you. And really, with a difference in age and maturity like that....she is the one who should be concerned, and should have given her a head a shake. Not that it will make it any easier to seperate from her.. But yeah...other people may have some very strong opinions about your relationship....are you prepared for that? What would your parents think?
Author AndyBee Posted November 13, 2016 Author Posted November 13, 2016 However...a twenty year old and a 15 year old? that's not appropiate...in fact, it's not even legal a lot of places.... I'm a mother to a 17 year old, and trust me, had he met a 20 year when he was fifteen...well, there's just too much of a difference. I know people may know of exceptions, but perhaps because of one being an outright no no, and then the other being a morally grey area.... I understand, but that is essentially all in the past now. I am 18, we have a well established relationship and even if it was illegal then it is not now, and I was certainly not coerced into it. well, I can see why she wants to hide it. Which isn't fair to you. And really, with a difference in age and maturity like that....she is the one who should be concerned, and should have given her a head a shake. Not that it will make it any easier to seperate from her.. If we forget the past and just look forward why is their any need to seperate anyway? She is not even suggesting seperation anyway, as long as its kept secret. That's the part I am asking about. But yeah...other people may have some very strong opinions about your relationship....are you prepared for that? Probably not, lol. I'd still like to hear them though. Even though we are "brother and sister" we are not related in any way what-so-ever. What would your parents think? Given that our moms decided later in life that they were lezbians and got together and that there is a 10 year age differance between them I hope that they would be open minded enough to accept that we make each other happy.
Sweetfish Posted November 13, 2016 Posted November 13, 2016 I’m just seeking peoples opinions on whether we have a chance or if she’s just playin games with me. Our parents were both devorced and started a relationship, eventually they moved in together. Obviously that meant we were together in the house as well. I was 15 at the time, she’s 5 years older. We were attracted to each other and one thing led to another. We have been seeing each other secretly since then. No-one at all no's, she has been very insistant on that. I am 18 now and I want to tell people. I want the world to know how I feel about her. I want my friends to stop trying to set me up with other single girls. I want my friends to stop flirting with her because they’d love to go out with her. I want to actually go out with her rather than just staying home or going to secluded places. She says if I tell she will deny it all and it will be over. She’s says she’s worried about what people will think because we’re now “brother and sister”. It’s got to be more than that. I’ve talked, pleaded and begged for her to see reason on this. So what’s going on here? Is there any way that I can get this to be a normal relationship? I have a feeling this is not going to workout at all!
JewelD Posted November 13, 2016 Posted November 13, 2016 No, this will never be a normal relationship. Because your parents are together and because she doesn't want it to be. You can't force people to accept something just because you think it's okay. I would honestly question how strong of a relationship you could possibly have with someone you're keeping a secret. You can't be seen together on dates, you can't introduce each other to your friends and family as partners, you will either have to live with that or just move on and date other people. Which I'm assuming she is planning on doing eventually because no one is going to want to be in a secret relationship for ever. Hell, she might already be doing it. If she was dating someone else, it would certainly explain why she does not want to go public with you. And of course because it's going to be a ton of unnecessary drama if you do. But I imagine after 5 years she would at least consider it if she truly wanted to be with you. 1
Author AndyBee Posted November 13, 2016 Author Posted November 13, 2016 No, this will never be a normal relationship. Because your parents are together and because she doesn't want it to be. You can't force people to accept something just because you think it's okay. I would honestly question how strong of a relationship you could possibly have with someone you're keeping a secret. I don't see why it can't be normal. The fact our devorced parents got together should be irrelevant to us. What if we met first before our parents? If people can't accept that 2 totally unrelated people are in a relationship then thats there problem not ours. Why should it matter that one of her parents and one of mine are also together? You can't be seen together on dates, you can't introduce each other to your friends and family as partners, you will either have to live with that or just move on and date other people. Which I'm assuming she is planning on doing eventually because no one is going to want to be in a secret relationship for ever. I hate that its secret. I want to tell the world I'm with her, I don't want to hide her. How do I convince her that is what would be best? Hell, she might already be doing it. If she was dating someone else, it would certainly explain why she does not want to go public with you. Why would she cheat on me? We are happy, she's always saying as much. She's just worried about other peoples opinions as has been said here. I think that is stupid. Why should 2 happy people seperate just because our parents happened to date and then marry? I personally think our parents would approve, she doesn't want to take the chance. She's happy to holiday with me, happy to have sex with me, happy to call me her boyfriend in public when not with our friends but not happy to tell our family and friends. That hurts. I think at times she has just been using me, but why? She's attractive and would not be short of offers from others if she didn't think I was the one she wanted to be with.
Erik30 Posted November 13, 2016 Posted November 13, 2016 Dude she's been using you since you were 15. She knows it's not right, that's why she wants to hide the relationship. It's not just the family thing, she was actually breaking the law. I'm sure you're mom wouldn't be too happy about everything if she found out. I don't blame you, you're still a young guy, but she should know better 1
TheFinalWord Posted November 13, 2016 Posted November 13, 2016 That is an awkward situation. The fact she doesn't want anyone to know is that she knows it is wrong. You were 15 and she was an adult. 2
JewelD Posted November 13, 2016 Posted November 13, 2016 Don't be so gullible. You're 18, she's 24/25. She is manipulating you just as she did when you were 15. And it would be quite easy for her to date other people and date you at the same time. It's not like you're with her 24/7. She would cheat on you because she doesn't consider it a real relationship. It's something fun to do. But clearly she knows it's not going anywhere because she doesn't want to tell anyone. You may as well give up on the idea of going public. she doesn't want to. And there is probably nothing you can say that's going to convince her after 5 years. Especially since she was the adult in the situation and she would catch more flack than you would over it. Your parents are not going to be okay with this, believing that you considered each other siblings and then went behind their back and did this for years. If there was a chance that they'd be cool with the two of you being together, then you would have told them as soon as it happened. But you didn't because you know it's wrong. You and her are probably not going to last much longer anyway so I wouldn't screw up the family Dynamic by going public with a doomed relationship. 1
Author AndyBee Posted November 13, 2016 Author Posted November 13, 2016 That is an awkward situation. The fact she doesn't want anyone to know is that she knows it is wrong. You were 15 and she was an adult. I guess I look at it a little differently. Theres legally wrong and then theres just plain wrong. What we did was probably legally wrong but there was noone hurt, there was no coersion, if anything I pursued her. I don't see anything wrong with that despite the possible legal implications. I was a more than willing participant. In any case that is the past. Right now we have an 18yo and 23yo dating. There's no issue with that right? So why can't we just tell the world we only just started dating if the worlds going to have a problem with what went on previously? I haven't actually put that to her yet. Do you think that will sway her?
Author AndyBee Posted November 13, 2016 Author Posted November 13, 2016 She would cheat on you because she doesn't consider it a real relationship. It's something fun to do. But clearly she knows it's not going anywhere because she doesn't want to tell anyone. I don't think she's ever cheated. She goes out to clubs with her girlfriends and she's very attractive so she could probably have her choice of guys there. But instead she comes home to me at the end of the night, if she was cheeting she would be going home with those guys. I understand your point and it's hard to disagree as she wont make this public but it's so much more than casual sex. I think ske's just scared of peoples reactions like the reactions we are getting here. That is fair enough I guess. I only just mentioned in the last post that we could say we only just started dating. I hadn't thought of that before. Maybe that will ease her mind?
JewelD Posted November 13, 2016 Posted November 13, 2016 I don't think she's ever cheated. She goes out to clubs with her girlfriends and she's very attractive so she could probably have her choice of guys there. But instead she comes home to me at the end of the night, if she was cheeting she would be going home with those guys. I understand your point and it's hard to disagree as she wont make this public but it's so much more than casual sex. I think ske's just scared of peoples reactions like the reactions we are getting here. That is fair enough I guess. I only just mentioned in the last post that we could say we only just started dating. I hadn't thought of that before. Maybe that will ease her mind? That might take care of the age situation but no one's going to forget that your parents are married. And if you're dating now everyone is going to correctly assume there was something freaky going on the entire time you've known each other. Even if you were in your forties, you're still step-siblings. Why on Earth would your parents be okay with that? Regardless, you underestimate the intelligence of this woman. She's past college age and you're just now legal. You are in two very different spaces of life. I guarantee you she is messing around or dating other men her age or older. If she wanted a future with you, you wouldn't be on here asking for ways to convince her. You guys would be public right now. So you can either accept this treatment and wait around until she finds a man her own age who is not her brother to dump you for or you can end it now and save yourself the unnecessary drama. Even setting aside The Sibling and age difference. If you're dating someone and you want them to do something that shows commitment and you don't get it after five years, you are never going to get it. It is never going to happen.
Sweetfish Posted November 13, 2016 Posted November 13, 2016 I would be more concern with the statutes of limitations in child sexual abuse. Some states its 15 years.
Author AndyBee Posted November 14, 2016 Author Posted November 14, 2016 That might take care of the age situation but no one's going to forget that your parents are married. And if you're dating now everyone is going to correctly assume there was something freaky going on the entire time you've known each other. Even if you were in your forties, you're still step-siblings. Why on Earth would your parents be okay with that? Just to set the recrd straight, we have known each other since I was 12. Our parents lived in a dual occupancy house so we saw each other all the time. It was only when both our parents devorced that her and I became close. Then our moms moved in together and that's when we started our relationship. We started our relationship before we knew our moms were getting freaky with each other. If she wanted a future with you, you wouldn't be on here asking for ways to convince her. You guys would be public right now. I can't argue with that. But I do not think she is or ever has cheated. She says she loves me. I don't understand why she would say that, why she would even be with me if it wasn't true. If she was seeing other people why continue with me? Their must be some feeling their?
Author AndyBee Posted November 14, 2016 Author Posted November 14, 2016 I would be more concern with the statutes of limitations in child sexual abuse. Some states its 15 years. This is not a case of child sexual abuse. I was not abused. I was a willing participent. Making this out to be that just deminishes the real cases that we all should be desgusted by.
TheFinalWord Posted November 14, 2016 Posted November 14, 2016 I guess I look at it a little differently. Theres legally wrong and then theres just plain wrong. What we did was probably legally wrong but there was noone hurt, there was no coersion, if anything I pursued her. I don't see anything wrong with that despite the possible legal implications. I was a more than willing participant. In any case that is the past. Right now we have an 18yo and 23yo dating. There's no issue with that right? So why can't we just tell the world we only just started dating if the worlds going to have a problem with what went on previously? I haven't actually put that to her yet. Do you think that will sway her? Have you ever been with any other woman? Did she take your virginity? Also, why did your parents leave an unrelated young boy and girl alone enough to engage in these behaviors? I know you see nothing wrong with it, but the fact is you were not psychologically prepared to handle this and you should not blame yourself. She was an adult, you were a child. She now has probably taken your virginity and so you will be ultra attached. I doubt you manipulated her, she's probably manipulated you so that you will keep quiet. You were a child and she knows it is wrong.
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