Author chumly Posted November 12, 2016 Author Posted November 12, 2016 Why on earth would he say that? He knows very little about you. You have only known him for about three weeks and for one of those weeks he hardly communicated with you... Forget what men say and watch their actions instead. Men who keep "saying" that they are honest and kind, are often only doing that to manipulate you and lull you into a false sense of security. Men who ARE honesty and kind never mention the fact, they just ACT honest and kind. you are probably right about that! ha ha I have a bad habit of falling in love with the idea of certain people rather than the reality. As much as he has plenty of good points..Now that I am looking at the situation a little more realistically I realize that there are actually so many things about him that were really not that great in addition to his desire to want an open relationship. In fact, if I listed them all most people on here would probably laugh that I was even interested at all. In reality he really is not much of a catch. I cant see too many ladies fighting over him..lol:D Ok, thanks for that heads up..you are right:bunny:
NuevoYorko Posted November 12, 2016 Posted November 12, 2016 yes, I know u r right. Thanks..the ethical vegan thing is what keeps making me think he is a good person at heart but I guess in this case it might not be true. I have to realize that not all vegans are necessarily good...even ethical ones can be horrible. I don't understand why this has to go to the "he is not a good person" and "he is not worth your time" place. This is EXACTLY the same situation as in your other threads. I think it would be a good idea for you to go back and re-read them, look for the commonalities, and learn to recognize when you engage in the same pattern again. 5
Dis Posted November 13, 2016 Posted November 13, 2016 Hey girly! I agree with the others... I'm not sure why you kept talking to him once he announced he wanted an open relationship....this does NOT jive with what you want at all....which is a pen pal at this point. He wants lots of sex...you want lots of emails and phone calls...not a match....you shouldve cut him loose right there He mentioned even before meeting you that he could see you as a life partner??? Somethings wrong with that girl. He was just trying to get in your pants I havent quite figured out what prevented you from meeting with him in the 3 week span of communicating....I'm sorry if I missed your explaination but....this sounds A LOT like your other threads where the guy bails because he gets sick of waiting for a meet up...which is understandable I said this to you in one of your other threads and I'll repeat here.... #1- Finding "friends" on OLD will not in anyway shape or form work out the way you want it to #2- I think you need some time off from trying to meet new people because its not working hun. Take some time to yourself and evaluate where your at....where you really want to go....that way you can start fresh after you've done some soul searching #3- If I'm not mistaken, you still live with your ex right? That could be the reason why you have one foot in...one foot out. I dont know of anyone that can truley move on when they're ex still lives with them. I think you said he was having some financial issues and thats why you agreed to live with him....but girlllllll....thats not your problem!!!! However you are making it your problem...hence the reason why things have gone so poorly for you meeting/talking to new people. Its time to cut that cord. Plus...if you do decide to date...I cant imagine any guy would consider dating you when your living with your ex I know your getting a lot of tough love on this thread and I know I'm contributing to it but chumly...you're such a sweetheart and I hate to see you in this spot over and over again. Please do try to take a break and during that break please find your own place away from your ex I love ya girl and I really do want to see you truely happy 3
Popsicle Posted November 13, 2016 Posted November 13, 2016 1. 1130pm is f**king late. 2. He just wants sex and told you so and you're being all heavy and stuff. 2
selinaluv Posted November 13, 2016 Posted November 13, 2016 I don't know, I may be cold in this regard, but I always feel like before you meet someone no explanations are necessary should you reduce the talking. I am going through this right now. All he wanted to do was text. He was out of town for two weeks, but texting me every day. I was already getting tired of it because he hadn't actually asked me out. When he returned he changed plans on our date and has tried to continue to talk. But in my case I am over it because of his actions. I told him I am not really interested in meeting him right now and he continues to text. I am no longer responding and feel like I don't owe him anything because we have not met. It has been weeks and I am bored of the whole thing and on to others. It also happens to me when men are talking and then fade away because we can't make our schedules work. I am not really hurt because we have never met. Once we meet, that is a different story. 2
Popsicle Posted November 13, 2016 Posted November 13, 2016 Right. For some people texting/chatting gets boring/old real quick. (I am one of those people) 1
selinaluv Posted November 13, 2016 Posted November 13, 2016 Right. For some people texting/chatting gets boring/old real quick. (I am one of those people) Agree. It is fine once we start developing a connection with dating and fine a little bit in the beginning, but if they continue it without progressing and setting a date I start feeling like it is a time suck. It can get frustrating. 2
Author chumly Posted November 13, 2016 Author Posted November 13, 2016 (edited) Thanks everyone for the added insight here;) I do appreciate it:) I agree that finding friends in online dating is definitely not the best way to do things. I am getting more and more involved with "meet ups" now too...so I am hopeful that I will likely make more friends that way, however, I guess I must be somewhat of an exception because I have made some friends online. In fact, there is a young man that is almost 15 years younger than me and we email each other only every now and then. I think there might have been an initial interest maybe on both ends originally but I dont think that is the case now..he tells me about ladies he has dated and I tell him about men I am talking to..in fact we just emailed each other today. We both said we will hike someday but I am not sure if we ever will..we just chat sometimes. I also have another friend that actually has a girlfriend from online dating now..we never met but are email buddies and we are supposed to do a double date one of these days. There is NO romantic interest on either end with us either. We just have alot of common interests so we email every now and then. So even though I know it is not the most common or easy way to make friends it is not impossible either and again, I am ulitimately looking for more then friends and this is a very IMPORTANT key part of this that i think some on here seem to keep missing..I am looking to only START as friends with people and if nothing else happens I would like to stay as friends with them. All these people that I am now friends with were looking to start as friends too (they had very similar profiles to mine)...so maybe that is why we have hit it off as friends:). I know that most people that do online dating that are looking for something romantic right away (which is the vast majority) will not respond to my profile and that is perfectly fine with me..in fact, I dont want them responding to me. I am okay with a lack of responses since I am after quality and not quantity...I am perfectly fine if I only get one response every now and then...so once again, finding friends (with the possibility of more) is difficult this way, yes, but not impossible by any means and this is not my only avenue either...but i do appreciate all the advice in regards to that issue. and I understand where it is coming from and understand and hear your point. ....Anyway, Just wanted to update this thread to add that I realized yesterday that the man that this post is about actually did try and call me later that night after I left that message that I made a copy of and posted on here, but for some reason I did not hear the ringer or something, so I felt kind of relieved and happy to find out about that. However, all in all I would say he is not overly interested in me at this point and i guess I am not overly interested in him romantically either since he wants an "open" relationship and he really is lacking in other areas as well. However, I still see no reason for him to almost ignore some of my messages though...it is almost as if I did something to offend him in some way..and I keep wondering what it is? it just seems like he went from one extreme (contacting me back immediately and with details) to another, where I am lucky to get a small sentence reply back. I am tempted to ask if I did something to upset him in some way but instead I decided to not check the email he has for me for now. It is just too annoying to see him make posts on FB but not take 2 seconds out to make a quick response to some of my messages...so I decided to not even check that email anymore. I dont want to know if he messaged me or not and I am happier not knowing now too. He told me since we had so much in common he sees me as a really good friend at the very least, however, ignoring messages is no way to treat a friend..in fact, it is no way to treat an enemy either. I am a big believer in using proper manners and etiquette in ALL situations..I respond to EVERYONE (whether I am interested in them or not) who messages me online because i think it is absolutely RUDE not to take the time out when someone has been nice enough to message a person. I am a firm believer in this and I have very little patience and tolerance for those that dont do the same. ..so I guess this might indicate to me even more that him and I are not a match and perhaps not even a match as friends. I may take him off of my FB too. I am still trying to decide on that part though (i kind of like having fellow animal rights/welfare people to sign petitions with me and in spite of it all he has still been at least doing that). I think the bottom line is that I cant figure out if any of this rudeness from him is deliberate on his part.. I just know that he wont be hearing from me anymore unless he contacts me through FB or the dating site or calls me. I wont check out the email address for now and I wont contact him anymore..period! end of story! It is his loss if he suddenly decided for whatever reason it may be, that he does not want to have me in his life anymore, even as a friend. I feel better just typing this right now... ok, well, thanks for all the advice. I do appreciate it..it does really help me to post on here and will consider everything that everyone has said. I do feel MUCH better today! and plan to continue to feel good about myself! Thanks again:) Edited November 13, 2016 by chumly
Author chumly Posted November 13, 2016 Author Posted November 13, 2016 Hey girly! I agree with the others... I'm not sure why you kept talking to him once he announced he wanted an open relationship....this does NOT jive with what you want at all....which is a pen pal at this point. He wants lots of sex...you want lots of emails and phone calls...not a match....you shouldve cut him loose right there He mentioned even before meeting you that he could see you as a life partner??? Somethings wrong with that girl. He was just trying to get in your pants I havent quite figured out what prevented you from meeting with him in the 3 week span of communicating....I'm sorry if I missed your explaination but....this sounds A LOT like your other threads where the guy bails because he gets sick of waiting for a meet up...which is understandable I said this to you in one of your other threads and I'll repeat here.... #1- Finding "friends" on OLD will not in anyway shape or form work out the way you want it to #2- I think you need some time off from trying to meet new people because its not working hun. Take some time to yourself and evaluate where your at....where you really want to go....that way you can start fresh after you've done some soul searching #3- If I'm not mistaken, you still live with your ex right? That could be the reason why you have one foot in...one foot out. I dont know of anyone that can truley move on when they're ex still lives with them. I think you said he was having some financial issues and thats why you agreed to live with him....but girlllllll....thats not your problem!!!! However you are making it your problem...hence the reason why things have gone so poorly for you meeting/talking to new people. Its time to cut that cord. Plus...if you do decide to date...I cant imagine any guy would consider dating you when your living with your ex I know your getting a lot of tough love on this thread and I know I'm contributing to it but chumly...you're such a sweetheart and I hate to see you in this spot over and over again. Please do try to take a break and during that break please find your own place away from your ex I love ya girl and I really do want to see you truely happy Just wanted to quickly say..thanks so much for always being SO sweet to me and everyone on here! you are just so kind and I definitely appreciate all your great and helpful advice and I love you to kid and really want to see you truly happy as well !! :) 1
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