Maria53 Posted November 12, 2016 Posted November 12, 2016 Hi all! My boyfriend of about 6 months has been on me lately about spending more time with my friends. He and I are long-distance, and he seems to have it in his head that I'm lonely without him here all the time because I spend a majority of my time by myself. I am very independent, and would much rather spend my time on college classes, my job, getting in shape, etc. etc. and it simply doesn't leave me a lot of time for friends. I'm far from being clingy, so I'm confident that the issue isn't that he's feeling "smothered." I'm wondering why it is so important to him that I find more girl friends and spend more time with them? A few comments about this is one thing, but he's bringing it up so often that it's making me feel very self-conscious. I'm incredibly happy with him, and I'm happy with my social life as it is, but I'm starting to feel insecure about the fact that I don't spend a lot of time with friends because it seems to be so important to him. Is this his way of saying that he wishes I was less introverted? Does the fact that I would rather spend time by myself than with others make me less attractive to him? I don't see how any these things would affect the relationship, but I'm starting to believe that he thinks less of me for not having an elaborate social circle. I'm going to chat with him about this if it continues, but I'd love some opinions before I do. Is he really just afraid that I may be lonely without him here, or does it sound like there may be more to this? Thanks a bunch!
TheAntiHero Posted November 12, 2016 Posted November 12, 2016 I'd chat with him first before looking for answers here; it's between you two really what's going on and what you guys decide to do. I'm like you in that I don't need the company of others to be happy; frankly, I think most people are dumb as **** (haha) and have nothing to contribute to my life.
BaileyB Posted November 12, 2016 Posted November 12, 2016 I'm the same, I really appreciate my time to myself and I get a little grumpy when I don't get it! But, I find there are some who really don't understand this... Maybe he is just a little more extroverted and thus, he doesn't understand. He's probably well intended... He doesn't want you to be lonely. That's nice.
Els Posted November 13, 2016 Posted November 13, 2016 How much time are you spending with friends as it is? Are you already spending, say, one day a week with friends and he thinks it's not enough, or do you literally have no friends and never go out with anyone? If the former, you just need to explain to him that that amount of time is enough for you and your friends and he just has to accept it. If the latter, you should reconsider what you are doing. Especially in a LDR and as an introvert, it's easy to get sucked into spending all your free time at the computer/phone with your loved one. DON'T. Not only does it make you less attractive, it puts a lot of stress on your relationship. While you do need to maintain communication with your partner, you need to go out and have fun with people IRL as well.
Author Maria53 Posted November 14, 2016 Author Posted November 14, 2016 Thanks for the replies all! I definitely do have a few close friends out here at university. We are all part of a group through our religious organization that meets once a week, which is structured but it is mostly a social thing for us, and I try to grab lunch on campus with friends from my program at least once a week. So I definitely don't have a crazy college social life, but I feel content with the small handful of good friends that I do have out here. He's right in the sense that I don't make plans to actually go out very often, strictly for fun, but I am genuinely happy with the way I spend my free time here and know that I do have an amazing support system if/when I need one. I think what may be happening, in response to your message Elswyth, is that I see the situation more as the former, but I believe that he sees it as the latter. He is definitely a bit more extroverted than I am, and I think that maybe he does feel a lot more pressure than he objectively should to constantly call and message me because he thinks I'm lonely out here all by myself, which isn't the case at all. I guess this is more of a misunderstanding than anything, and I just need to figure out how to reassure him that I'm truly doing well out here and am happy with my social circle. Thanks so much everyone!
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