LoneWolf5493 Posted November 12, 2016 Posted November 12, 2016 I met this girl through my PS4. Ever since we met she's played with me and a friend of mine. I never chase her. In fact, she always randomly joins my party, or creates a party for herself and invites me to one if i'm not already in one. She know's I like her, and I know she likes me. I told her that I see her in a romantic light, and have no interest in remaining as just friends. I don't want a relationship right this minute, though I am open to one forming in the future. I'm looking for something casual, and I have no interest in wearing the 'friend' label, because i'm not interested in her platonically. I told her this. She told me she feels the same, but my age freaks her out. I'm 26, and she's 17. I live in SAfrica, she in UK. She's out of school, works, lives on her own and incredibly mature for her age. We get on very well and hardly a day goes by where she isn't with me playing games, or even just talking. I never initiate (except when we met), because I don't need to and I want her to come to me at her own pace and when she is ready. It'll be long distance when it does form. How do I put her at ease about the whole thing and encourage her to follow her heart and do what makes her happy (even if I'm not in the picture) regardless of how society views it or what the age gap is?
Satu Posted November 12, 2016 Posted November 12, 2016 snip How do I put her at ease about the whole thing and encourage her to follow her heart and do what makes her happy (even if I'm not in the picture) regardless of how society views it or what the age gap is? You don't. She'll decide for herself what she wants, and what the age gap means. Take care. 1
Herbalist Posted November 12, 2016 Posted November 12, 2016 Well age gap problems when it comes to someone who is very young (like her) have to do with an imbalance of power, the vulnerability of the younger person psychologically, emotionally, in regards to life experience, financial independence, and so on. People who select younger partners in these regards often want the control and power they get from it, as opposed to the equal footing they would have with someone their own age. Interestingly, your message to her seems to be, "I only want anything to do with you if it's all on my terms. We must become a couple now and can't be friends any longer, and it must be casual," and then you are looking to manipulate her views/feelings into what YOU want. So you are basically living up to the stereotype. Just an FYI. 3
carhill Posted November 12, 2016 Posted November 12, 2016 Having done LDR's, my only suggestion is that you make the first visit. It's not a bad flight, I've done LHR-JNB, the reverse of what you'd be doing. One sleep and you're there. I'm making the suggestion because of her age. Yeah, she may be 'mature' but she's still 17. If you're thinking of internet keyboard pals and are fine with her disappearing without notice or apparent reason, that's cool too. Beware that, being young, she's subject to many flights of fancy as she grows up. What do you think of her digs in the UK? She's sent pictures or videos, right? Look like fun? Life and times? Same for you. Share any of yours? I found putting women at ease who were interested and long-distance was pretty easy. Be direct, open and set a date to visit. They liked that. Closest one was around 12 hours flight time, not to much off your gig. Have fun!
Gaeta Posted November 12, 2016 Posted November 12, 2016 I'm 26, and she's 17. I live in SAfrica, she in UK. She's out of school, works, lives on her own and incredibly mature for her age. Please! She could be 14 or 15. Girls look much older these days and at 12 they dress like they're 19. You wouldn't be the first one to be fooled by a young teen girl making you believe that she's older. 4
Popsicle Posted November 12, 2016 Posted November 12, 2016 You lost me at "I only want something casual", while stressing that you want to me more than friends. Translation: I just want sex from a teen girl. At least go have casual sex with a woman your own age who wants that too. 4
PogoStick Posted November 12, 2016 Posted November 12, 2016 Stop worrying about it. She's a teen who lives on the other side of the planet. 1
JewelD Posted November 12, 2016 Posted November 12, 2016 Please don't do this. This situation of reeks of statutory rape. 26 year old dude meets 17(if she is even that old) year old girl on PlayStation. Leave that girl alone and find someone your own age. She is certainly right to be freaked out about the age difference. A 26 year old man who wants to start a relationship with a teenager is very odd and probably means that 26 year old has issues getting with women his own age. You're not interested in her platonically but you also don't want to be in a labeled relationship. So what do you want exactly? Nude photos and sex? What else is in between not being friends and not dating? 3
PogoStick Posted November 12, 2016 Posted November 12, 2016 And a 17 y/o playing lots of PlayStation isn't that mature. You're living in a strange fantasy world. Why do you think you'll even meet her in person? 1
Popsicle Posted November 12, 2016 Posted November 12, 2016 Stop worrying about it. She's a teen who lives on the other side of the planet. And a 17 y/o playing lots of PlayStation isn't that mature. You're living in a strange fantasy world. Why do you think you'll even meet her in person? lol good point.
MarkIVSteel Posted November 12, 2016 Posted November 12, 2016 Please don't do this. This situation of reeks of statutory rape. 26 year old dude meets 17(if she is even that old) year old girl on PlayStation. Except it's not. The age of consent is 16 in England.
MarkIVSteel Posted November 12, 2016 Posted November 12, 2016 You lost me at "I only want something casual", while stressing that you want to me more than friends. Translation: I just want sex from a teen girl. At least go have casual sex with a woman your own age who wants that too. It's not bad for him to want to gave sex with a younger woman any more than younger women prefer older men.
spiderowl Posted November 12, 2016 Posted November 12, 2016 (edited) It is a big age gap. She's a schoolgirl effectively. You don't want anything serious, you want a casual relationship with a young woman. You don't want to be her friend, you only want a physical relationship. What are you offering her? Not love and romance for sure. I can't see why she would want to take this forward at all. It's not in her interests. Edited November 12, 2016 by spiderowl
JewelD Posted November 12, 2016 Posted November 12, 2016 Except it's not. The age of consent is 16 in England. And?? That doesn't make it any less disgusting or predatory. If a man can't get a grown woman with a fully formed brain because he's unattractive, unintelligent, boring, a pervert or whatever reason, then he should figure out a way to make himself more appealing to grown women. Don't start going after children because you're lazy and they're impressionable.
MarkIVSteel Posted November 12, 2016 Posted November 12, 2016 And?? That doesn't make it any less disgusting or predatory. If a man can't get a grown woman with a fully formed brain because he's unattractive, unintelligent, boring, a pervert or whatever reason, then he should figure out a way to make himself more appealing to grown women. Don't start going after children because you're lazy and they're impressionable. Those are all just buzz words due to your insecurities. She's an adult, he's an adult. They are free to date as they wish.
elaine567 Posted November 12, 2016 Posted November 12, 2016 Truth is he is in S Africa and she is in the UK, what sort of "casual" sexual relationship is that going to be? No-one is going to trek literally thousands of miles to see a FWB surely? 2
elaine567 Posted November 12, 2016 Posted November 12, 2016 Those are all just buzz words due to your insecurities. She's an adult, he's an adult. They are free to date as they wish. Yes, and she is already "freaking out" due to his age, so where do you really think this is going to go. She is 17, she will want to date in the UK with real live guys around her own age, men she can interact face to face with, cuddle and hug and have sex with every night if she wants. At 17 she will have loads of options, if not right now, pretty soon. She will soon tire of some older cyber buddy on the other side of the world. The OP at 26, needs to start living in the real world, not engage in some fantasy talk with a 17 yo on a screen. He may want "casual", but he is going to get very hurt when his "dream" girl, starts partying and hanging out IRL with other UK dudes... 1
longjohn Posted November 14, 2016 Posted November 14, 2016 I met this girl through my PS4. Ever since we met she's played with me and a friend of mine. I never chase her. In fact, she always randomly joins my party, or creates a party for herself and invites me to one if i'm not already in one. She know's I like her, and I know she likes me. I told her that I see her in a romantic light, and have no interest in remaining as just friends. I don't want a relationship right this minute, though I am open to one forming in the future. I'm looking for something casual, and I have no interest in wearing the 'friend' label, because i'm not interested in her platonically. I told her this. She told me she feels the same, but my age freaks her out. I'm 26, and she's 17. I live in SAfrica, she in UK. She's out of school, works, lives on her own and incredibly mature for her age. We get on very well and hardly a day goes by where she isn't with me playing games, or even just talking. I never initiate (except when we met), because I don't need to and I want her to come to me at her own pace and when she is ready. It'll be long distance when it does form. How do I put her at ease about the whole thing and encourage her to follow her heart and do what makes her happy (even if I'm not in the picture) regardless of how society views it or what the age gap is? Am I the only one that's going to point out the obvious here? Your a 26yr man and you live in S Africa (allegedly).. she's a 17yr girl living in the UK (allegedly) and your "parties" happened ONLINE! You've never met this girl have you? "She know's I like her, and I know she likes me" are you sure your not 17? You need to stop playing computer games and get off your arse and into the real world where grown men aren't running after teenage girls on the internet unless you want to become a sex offender. 1
Els Posted November 14, 2016 Posted November 14, 2016 She's already told you she isn't comfortable with your age gap, why do you feel the need to try and 'convince' her otherwise? "I like you but...." is a classic way of letting a friend down easy, especially for younger women who aren't used to having to turn someone down point blank. If someone was genuinely interested in you there would not have been a 'but '. Also, assuming you two have talked on Skype before and she truly is a 17 year old girl and not a 50 year old man... 17 and 26 is just wrong in so many ways. Sure it might not be illegal where she lives but that doesn't mean it's a good idea. At 17 she should be having her first date with boys IRL, not in a - I don't even know what to call it, long distance fwb?? - situation with a man 9 years her senior a continent away.
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