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Met a guy online, things were going great, now another person in the picture steps in


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Posted

Ok I don't know if ANYONE has ever experienced this before. I started dating a guy that I met online. Things were going well for almost 3 months. He works in medicine and has a lot of things going on in his life. He finished his internship and was working the graveyard shift for the last two weeks, started his new residency and was moving into his first apartment that he purchased. So I didn't hear from him for a week and knew something was up. I just wrote him a note and I told him to just be upfront and if wasn't interested in me anymore, to just say so or if he was too busy to have a relationship, to just tell me. Well, he writes me back and tells me that he had actually started to get serious with one of his friends who had been visiting him from out of town. She was staying at his place but he was confused about his feelings. He then proceeded to tell me that he really liked me but that his head was all messed up from everything. So I wrote him back to tell him that I understood and to get back to me when his head was on straight. So I have no idea what the story is behind this girl or what is exactly going on. I just know that she is visiting him and that is has wrecked everything that was going on between us. I keep getting conflicted advice from the people around me. Some have told me to blow him off and move on. Others have told me to just wait and see and what happens happens. In the meantime if someone wants to date me, to go on a date.

 

I just want to know, if someone doesn't want to have anything to do with you anymore or doesn't like you anymore, would they bother telling you that you can keep in touch if you want? His last email to me was saying that he didn't know what was going to happen but that we could keep in touch if I wanted. I responded by telling him that I will talk to him when this girl leaves.

 

Anyone who is reading this right now might be thinking it would be crazy to hold on to a hope. But I am human, it's hard to shut off the emotions. Anyone ever have a situation like this or is this one-of-a-kind? How can someone be confused about how they feel about 2 people? Any advice would be great.

Posted

You were right when you told him to call when the other girl leaves. It is hard to let go of someone you really like, but if you get more involved in this mess, you are going to be very hurt and upset. He knows how to get hold of you. Let it go for now. Move on. Be good to yourself.

 

Good luck.

Posted

I'd guess that she is someone from his past. Possibly someone he was dating before he/she moved away. Sounds complicated. I think you have done the right thing. Wait, and talk to him after she leaves. It may have been a shock visit and he needs to get his head around things. Don't give up, just yet :)

  • Author
Posted

Hey thanks Zaira,

 

So I take it that something like this might have happened to you before or you know someone who has experienced this before? His message to me today said that I was really sweet and that he wasn't sure what was going to happen but we could keep in contact. I don't know how I should take that to mean.

  • Author
Posted

I originally posted this in the "coping" section but since it pertains to online dating, I thought maybe someone in this forum could shed some light.

 

 

Ok I don't know if ANYONE has ever experienced this before. I started dating a guy that I met online. I just don't know what it is about online dating, I always seem to find guys who have some serious issues. Things were going well for almost 3 months. He works in medicine and has a lot of things going on in his life. He finished his internship and was working the graveyard shift for the last two weeks, started his new residency and was moving into his first apartment that he purchased. So I didn't hear from him for a week and knew something was up. I just wrote him a note and I told him to just be upfront and if wasn't interested in me anymore, to just say so or if he was too busy to have a relationship, to just tell me. Well, he writes me back and tells me that he had actually started to get serious with one of his friends who had been visiting him from out of town. She was staying at his place but he was confused about his feelings. He then proceeded to tell me that he really liked me but that his head was all messed up from everything. So I wrote him back to tell him that I understood and to get back to me when his head was on straight. So I have no idea what the story is behind this girl or what is exactly going on. I just know that she is visiting him and that is has wrecked everything that was going on between us. I keep getting conflicted advice from the people around me. Some have told me to blow him off and move on. Others have told me to just wait and see and what happens happens. In the meantime if someone wants to date me, to go on a date.

 

I just want to know, if someone doesn't want to have anything to do with you anymore or doesn't like you anymore, would they bother telling you that you can keep in touch if you want? His last email to me was saying that he didn't know what was going to happen but that we could keep in touch if I wanted. I responded by telling him that I will talk to him when this girl leaves.

 

Anyone who is reading this right now might be thinking it would be crazy to hold on to a hope. But I am human, it's hard to shut off the emotions. Anyone ever have a situation like this or is this one-of-a-kind? How can someone be confused about how they feel about 2 people? Any advice would be great.

 

I am trying to move on but I am finding it difficult to do so because I feel like I have been left in the dark.

Posted

Wow, that was really harsh. 3 months is a good bit of time to be dating somebody for them to do a 180 on you like that. I would say that you've been dumped & move on. The guy is a jerk & doesn't even deserve your keeping in touch with him. Even if you 2 weren't officially bf/gf & hadn't agreed to be exclusive or anything like that, you still got some shabby treatment.

Posted

So you were dating for 3 months....just pretty casual or pretty regularly? Did you get the sense during that time that things were going pretty well? I'm guessing there was no 'exclusivity talk'?

 

I think it's really stinky what he did to you - blowing you off for a whole week and only when YOU asked him what was up, he tells you about this chick.

 

If you want to know my thoughts, err, more of 'em.....I think this 'friend' is actually someone he met online as well......maybe she's from out of town..........and he'd been corresponding with her WHILE dating you.........and now he's maybe meeting her for the first time, things are clicking somewhat but he doesn't want to totally burn his bridge with you in case she turns out to be a dud, so that's why he said you 2 could still email.

 

I think you outta mail him back and tell him that after a bit of consideration on the matter, you've decided that he should have been upfront with you instead of just blowing you off for a week and you having to ASK him what the deal was...that it's unfortunate that he's "confused" but you're looking for a man who's got his proverbial sh*t together - you have no desire to continue communicating with him when he's dating someone sell and you're not going to sit on the sidelines waiting to see how things turn out with her. Wish him luck, tell him SEE YA" and then don't have ANY more contact with him at all.........none, zilch, zip, zero. You deserve better treatment than that.

Posted

This is sooooo weird. I was dating a guy I met online for a couple months. He's in medicine, has recently started a new residency, and works overnight shifts often. He was sprucing up his apartment, and I was staying with him for a short while during a personal crisis involving my own living situation...

 

PM me if you think we might be talking about the same guy.

Posted
Originally posted by Jennifer'sSecret

This is sooooo weird. I was dating a guy I met online for a couple months. He's in medicine, has recently started a new residency, and works overnight shifts often. He was sprucing up his apartment, and I was staying with him for a short while during a personal crisis involving my own living situation...

 

PM me if you think we might be talking about the same guy.

 

Geez, one of you has to let us know IF this is, in fact, the same guy - that'd be wild!!

  • Author
Posted

Hey I don't think we're talking about the same guy but see my PM, JS.

 

Anyway thanks for the responses, I really appreciate it.

 

I know it's time to throw in the towel. Dating really sucks. I've been really down about this whole situation because I really got the short end of the stick. I feel like a fool for getting the wool pulled over my eyes. Even though we weren't dating exclusively, things had been heading in that direction. I was pretty damn patient waiting for him to sort things out with his residency and all that crap too. I am seriously a normal girl, I don't get why I keep finding men like this! This guy definitely takes the cake.

Posted

I don't think anyone you meet on the internet can compete with a real person that has similar qualities. They do not even have to possess the same qualities, just the mere fact that they are real and talking with you, that you can touch them, that you know they are a living breathing being makes it hard to not choose them over someone who despite all the talks is still a little bit unreal and therefore less trustworthy. In my opinion, internet relationships fuel your fantasy, nothing more, nothing less. If I was seriously interested in someone, I'd try to see this person in real life before I committed to anything.

Posted
Originally posted by millefiori

I don't think anyone you meet on the internet can compete with a real person that has similar qualities. They do not even have to possess the same qualities, just the mere fact that they are real and talking with you, that you can touch them, that you know they are a living breathing being makes it hard to not choose them over someone who despite all the talks is still a little bit unreal and therefore less trustworthy. In my opinion, internet relationships fuel your fantasy, nothing more, nothing less. If I was seriously interested in someone, I'd try to see this person in real life before I committed to anything.

 

 

I think you misunderstood her. In this scenario, online dating was merely the conduit to meeting the guy in the flesh. "Online dating" - if you are "dating a guy you met online" - usually implies that the guy they are talking about is a real, breathing, speaking, in-the-flesh person that they are in fact spending time with.

Posted
Originally posted by Jennifer'sSecret

I think you misunderstood her. In this scenario, online dating was merely the conduit to meeting the guy in the flesh. "Online dating" - if you are "dating a guy you met online" - usually implies that the guy they are talking about is a real, breathing, speaking, in-the-flesh person that they are in fact spending time with.

Oh, ok. Sorry, then.

Posted

But I agree with your original proposition, if that's what she was talking about. ;)

Posted

Move on.

 

I personally would lose all interest in someone who's seeing another person and doesn't know where their head is.

 

That's him basically saying, "Well, you COULD be good enough for me, but I have to see if this girl is better for me, so hold on while I figure it out."

 

Classy.

Posted

He basically left you for another girl. What's the dilemma here? To write him friendly emails ocassionally or not?

He is not in love with you, he didn't even want to give you a chance so I don't see why you wouldn't move on like right now.

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