EllieW909 Posted November 11, 2016 Posted November 11, 2016 I met a guy about 6 months back, and we started seeing each other casually - had a few dinner dates, met for coffee several times a week, hooked up.. but never made anything official as we had both broken up from pretty serious relationships (marriages) less than a year ago. Anyhow, a back seat was taken for a while and he stopped texting as much and the 'dates' and hook ups started to dwindle a bit, although he still texted and met me now and again as work was pretty hectic for him which I understood. He had still flirted the way he always had, had always told me he wasn't going to be serious with someone again for a while.. just two weeks ago he sent me some pretty saucy texts, which again, now and again he does do. Then, didn't hear from him for a week because of 'work', then tells me he's met a great girl, how she's amazing and how they have 'clicked'. Things seemed to move pretty fast as they were going on a date the day after they met, or so he says. Again, because he told me about this girl, I kept my distance until he text me again a few days later, saying he was heartbroken as he was dumped by this 'great girl who he had met'. He seemed to want to vent out how amazing this girl was to me, and it was like the previous months of seeing me several times a week no longer mattered, or he no longer cared about it. I put it down to a jealous tactic and left it at that. Then.. out of the blue last night he sends a text.. 'coffee tonight?'. Chatting as normal, out of the blue, hours later proceeds to tell me he's actually made up with this girl and they are now official but it would be great to catch up tonight with a coffee as he hadn't seen me. I said, OK, was a bit upset at this as had thought he wanted to meet back up to obviously start seeing me again. Gave him a time for the next day as I wanted to get my head around the news before meeting him, he said this was okay. Then he had to change the time the next day.. told him to message me to tell me if it was still okay, but never does, the hours pass, and suddenly tells me he's off on a date with his girlfriend tonight. What is this guy's deal? Is it likely this girlfriend is real? Is this something made up to make me jealous? If she is real then why does he insist on contacting to tell me instead of letting me go and getting on with life with his new girlfriend? I'm so confused as to whether there is still something there or not. Thoughts?
Zahara Posted November 11, 2016 Posted November 11, 2016 What is this guy's deal? Is it likely this girlfriend is real? Is this something made up to make me jealous? If she is real then why does he insist on contacting to tell me instead of letting me go and getting on with life with his new girlfriend? I'm so confused as to whether there is still something there or not. Thoughts? I'm not even sure why you're sitting around dealing with this BS. Whether the girlfriend is real or not, getting kicked around should have you ceasing contact with him. Make you jealous? But why? I think he contacts you when he needs attention or sex and when this girl is in the picture he kicks you to the curb. Some guys thrive on an ego boost, especially when they know a woman is into them (you). There was nothing there to begin with. 5
smackie9 Posted November 11, 2016 Posted November 11, 2016 I'm getting the impression you were just FWB. Some people just "assume" things, then to find out it's not what they thought. I don't think he bs'd or used you, my guess he never really knew that you were more serious than he was. It would help things if you were honest with him and communicated how you feel.
Asti Posted November 13, 2016 Posted November 13, 2016 My boyfriend is currently doing this to a girl and it confuses the **** out of me. He tells me when he is texting her and is encouraging me to meet her. He says he wants to have more friends that are girls to give him prospective on our relationship since he doesn't have anyone to talk to about some issues he is going through. But, its a girl he went on a date with and slept with then told her he met me ad was in love within a day and wanted to marry me so he couldn't see her. Than he started texting her again which caused issues with us... it's odd. I can't figure it out either. When he showed me the stuff he texts her it's disturbing. How could she not think he wants to be with her and I am out of the picture when he texts things that are sexual. I explained to him that starting a friendship with a hook up is different from dating so if he wants to be just friends he needs to have just friends conversations with her. She recently texted him saying that his texts confuse her. But she is still hanging around! Hes irritated that she is confused about him just wanting to be friends and she is irritated that he is toying with her and I am irritated that I even have to deal with it!!! We and you should all move on! hahaha.
Grey40 Posted November 13, 2016 Posted November 13, 2016 I hate to say this, but I'm a guy and this is how I see it.. You are his backup plan at the moment. He likes you, has developed a bond and enjoys your company, which is why he wants to see you, but he's playing the field hoping to land something "better"--whatever that may be in his mind. The whole busy with work excuse is simply an excuse so that he can see other women. You're his fall back option it would seem to me. I think he assumes you're ok with just hooking up casually and not being exclusive or taking it slow. If at this point you want this relationship to be more than that, you need to tell him honestly what you're looking for, and if he's going to beat around the bush you need to move on. 1
Author EllieW909 Posted November 13, 2016 Author Posted November 13, 2016 I suppose it has been my fault so to speak if he does feel that I want to take things slow - about a month after first meeting him, I fell pregnant (not his - but know who the dad is) and told him that was my number one priority now, until I knew I met somebody that I really liked. As I said, a friendship developed, more times than not, we had met for dinner and coffee than simply sex. He had went up a notch just before meeting this girl, getting a bit more mushy with the whole xs at end of the text type thing, which neither if us were previously into. Its just a bit hurtful that someone who you've spent months getting to know slowly, who agreed they wanted to go slow too, who you've lent money to, been a shoulder to cry on for them, has all of a sudden met someone much more worthy of commitment than you. Then... Continue to be friendly with you. I know that I wouldn't be too thrilled if my new boyfriend was messaging another girl (even if it wasn't sexual) asking to meet up. Not sure why he's contacted again rather than letting it fade out..
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