GL 44 Posted July 12, 2005 Posted July 12, 2005 My ex fiance' recently stopped returning my phone calls. BAM. Stopped. We have known each other for app. 1 1/2 years. Prior to this I had broken up with HER because she was becoming distant and taking me for granted, losing respect for me and in general showing a lack of interest so I decided to end it,(even though we still said we loved each other). She was devastated and after several weeks found the courage to call and ask for reconcilliation. At first I didn't take her calls but after a week or so started feeling bad about it and talked to her. Long story short... We agreed to give it another try. We went out 2 times 3 1/2 weeks ago and I totally blew it. Looking back now I know I should have proceeded slowly and let her come to me and present a challenge for her to earn my forgiveness. What happened is a nightmare. I now know the very reason she grew distant previously is the same reason she stopped taking my calls. When we first met I was confident, had high self esteem and presented a challenge for her. Things were ever changing and fun. I SLOWLY morphed into the worst kind of "nice guy". And I wasn't aware of this change until it hit me too late. I became supplicant to her. Put her on a pedestal. Worshipped the ground she walked on. Became her manservant. Lost my balls in the process. I was clingy, needy, smothering. I think you get the picture. When I agreed to take her back, the two times we went out I was so obviously desperate for her approval and attention. Gushing like a school kid. She must have thought, WTF? I'm supposed to be winning him back and he's all over me from the get go. Just posting this is very hard. It was about as pathetic a figure of a man as you can imagine. She became cold and distant on the second outing of our "reconcilliation". I called 2 days later and got voice mail. Left a message to call me back. Nothing. Then went into panic mode. I left several messages over the course of the week doing the bargaining, pleading, etc. NOTHING BACK. At the end of the week I was so ashamed I thought I'll just give closure to myself if she won't give it to me so left a message, " If someone won't talk to you and won't make an effort to contact you then obviously they want you to go away. That's what I'm doing. It's over. Your probably wondering why I don't go find another girl and leave you alone. Well, that's what I'm going to do. Take care. It's been fun". ANYWAY, TO MY SURPRISE I received a message on my voicemail yesterday from her. She said she was making contact again. Not to call her but she would call again sometime. And she ended with the "muah" and "I love you". I have seen the error of my ways. I'm working on self improvement. I've ordered the book "No more Mr. Nice Guy". I'm done forever being a smuck and acting subservient to my woman. How should I proceed if I have a chance at all to get it back on track? Should I give her the gift of missing me more by being too busy to take her calls for a week or two? Some pointers I've picked up already is: Don't talk about my past miserable nice guy behaviour and that I know that was the problem. Be happy, upbeat. Don't ask alot of deep questions as to why she stopped returning my calls. Be the first one to get off the phone,"I'm busy, talk later". Basically. I think for any chance from here on out I would have to start anew and begin the seducing process all over again. Any and all advice and opinions very much appreciated.
Author GL 44 Posted July 13, 2005 Author Posted July 13, 2005 As I think more about this situation it may be fatal. My own advice right now is to ignore her and start withdrawing. I am trying to launch a new business and really don't need the drama of her & I and what may be. Only one problem, I love her deeply. Commencing self improvement in the areas of my life regarding relationships are also important. I'm so pissed that I let this happen. She was the love of my life. Regrets. May be too late for us.
j_nelson Posted July 13, 2005 Posted July 13, 2005 Hey man, it seems like you know what to do now. Don't worry, it's definitely not too late...especially after she left a message like that. I say be a little more of a challenge and let her come to you. Don't even think about talking about your 'relationship' with her until she makes it perfectly clear she wants you back. I think you are putting too much blame on yourself, you didn't screw up that bad or else she wouldnt have called you back and said I love you. Also, keep in mind it wasnt that long ago that she did want you back.....Just play it cool for now and I guarantee you things will get better...
Author GL 44 Posted July 13, 2005 Author Posted July 13, 2005 Originally posted by j_nelson Hey man, it seems like you know what to do now. Don't worry, it's definitely not too late...especially after she left a message like that. I say be a little more of a challenge and let her come to you. Don't even think about talking about your 'relationship' with her until she makes it perfectly clear she wants you back. I think you are putting too much blame on yourself, you didn't screw up that bad or else she wouldnt have called you back and said I love you. Also, keep in mind it wasnt that long ago that she did want you back.....Just play it cool for now and I guarantee you things will get better... Thanks for the advice. I'm going to play it cool and slow. Regardless of how this plays out I've learned a valuable lesson. I got sucked into the "nice guy syndrome". It will be "hard work" digging out from this but she's worth the effort. More of a challenge and less available for a while. Only time will tell.
A Fly onThe Wall Posted July 13, 2005 Posted July 13, 2005 There is nothing wrong with doing a little pleading, begging.. We have all done it. But once you reach a point that you feel embarrassed then it's time to move on. If you move on and run your life like she is not in it ,You stand the best chance someday of getting her back.. The key is you really have to move on .. Not just make it look like you have.
Author GL 44 Posted July 13, 2005 Author Posted July 13, 2005 Originally posted by A Fly onThe Wall There is nothing wrong with doing a little pleading, begging.. We have all done it. But once you reach a point that you feel embarrassed then it's time to move on. If you move on and run your life like she is not in it ,You stand the best chance someday of getting her back.. The key is you really have to move on .. Not just make it look like you have. Thanks Fly. You are 100% correct. I am moving on and not expecting her to come back. That is the only way I can heal.
ciara12step Posted July 14, 2005 Posted July 14, 2005 im in the exact same situation .. after a year realtionship, she just changed and got distant because of me falling into the "nice guy" syndrome , i had all the confidence in the beginning and she was just all over me 24/7. and now with me being too 'available' to her beck and call i think she grew out of her thoughts . She wants to still be friends but tells me its difficult to hang out with me because she is used to being with me. She didnt even ask for the breakup, i did, because she was getting more distant, she just said she wanted space and to iron out her past demons and stuff (she had a bad past). I dunno, its confusing to me how people just change and leave, i asked her if she sees a chance of us gettin back together in the future and all she says is she only knows about is whats goin on now (today) .
Author GL 44 Posted July 14, 2005 Author Posted July 14, 2005 Ciara, I'm starting to read for self improvement. No More Mr. Nice Guy (Dr. Robert Glover). It's a real eye opener. Next will be Co-dependency topics and love addiction. I'm trying to get a new business off the ground while working full time in my present line of work. It's really hard right now because I've temporarily lost my motivation and ambition. It's this funk we get into post breakup. I tend to obssess about her way too much. But time will heal the soul and spirit. Hang in there.
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