SamIam5 Posted November 7, 2016 Posted November 7, 2016 (edited) Hi everyone! So I'm new to the forum, and decided to join after reading some great advice that I found here. Anyhow, I could use some advice/help regarding my most recent breakup. Backstory: We dated for 5 months, but were only official for 1. She ended things with me due to a lack of common interests and because she felt we couldn't have fun together - even though I told her multiple times that I would like to try the things that she does for fun. I'm somewhat of an introvert, but still love being around people. I have no problem talking to strangers, and can keep a conversation going. But, I do love my alone time, and more importantly, 1-on-1 dates (staying in and watching a movie, etc.). My ex is the complete opposite. She's a big-time party girl. If she's not at a fraternity party with her sorority friends, she's probably at some random house party getting wasted/blacking out. I'm 25, she's 20. I hope you can see my dilemma by now. I didn't love her, and I knew/still know that she is 100% not the girl for me. The breakup is fresh (2 weeks ago), but I should still be able to get her off my mind Any advice? Words of wisdom? I'm taking a major test in 5 weeks (for a promotion) and just can't bring myself to focus on studying! P.S. Before she ended things, she asked to meet so we could discuss making our relationship work. We met, and she didn't say a word about making things work. I think that may be why I'm so bothered. Oh, there's also the fact that she said things like "You mean more to many than any other person ever has" and "You've shown me more respect than any other guy" I removed her from all social media, but she still follows me on IG and Twitter. Edited November 7, 2016 by SamIam5 2
Satu Posted November 7, 2016 Posted November 7, 2016 Short answer: You're incompatible. Best advice: *No direct contact. *No sending or receiving of messages. *Block any means she might use to contact you. *No replies to anything that gets through your blocks. *No indirect contact through third parties. *De-friend or delete her from all social media. *No monitoring of her on social media. *No 'little birds' feeding you news. *Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what she is doing or saying. If you go full NC, you'll gradually come to think about her less and less. Take care.
Author SamIam5 Posted November 8, 2016 Author Posted November 8, 2016 Short answer: You're incompatible. Best advice: *No direct contact. *No sending or receiving of messages. *Block any means she might use to contact you. *No replies to anything that gets through your blocks. *No indirect contact through third parties. *De-friend or delete her from all social media. *No monitoring of her on social media. *No 'little birds' feeding you news. *Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what she is doing or saying. If you go full NC, you'll gradually come to think about her less and less. Take care. Thank you. I guess I already knew that, but needed to hear (read) it from someone else. As for your checklist, I'm way ahead of you. I had to block her on a few social media sites because she didn't unfollow me herself. One more thing that I should have mentioned. We go to church and school together. School isn't an issue - she's an undergrad and I'm a grad. So, we don't see each other. However, we have tons of mutual friends at church. I'm sure we can both be civil and not start trouble, but I want to completely avoid seeing her, yet, maintain my relationship with our friends. 1
Satu Posted November 8, 2016 Posted November 8, 2016 Thank you. I guess I already knew that, but needed to hear (read) it from someone else. As for your checklist, I'm way ahead of you. I had to block her on a few social media sites because she didn't unfollow me herself. One more thing that I should have mentioned. We go to church and school together. School isn't an issue - she's an undergrad and I'm a grad. So, we don't see each other. However, we have tons of mutual friends at church. I'm sure we can both be civil and not start trouble, but I want to completely avoid seeing her, yet, maintain my relationship with our friends. Just make sure that you maintain your dignity at all times. If you do see her, be gracious and display your impeccable manners. "Hello, how are you? Oh, thats good - see you later." It doesn't need to be hard. Take care.
Chief1970 Posted November 8, 2016 Posted November 8, 2016 This is easy to figure out. She's 20 years old. She has no idea what she wants. She not ready for true love. She's just wanting to be chased. 1
Author SamIam5 Posted November 8, 2016 Author Posted November 8, 2016 Just make sure that you maintain your dignity at all times. If you do see her, be gracious and display your impeccable manners. "Hello, how are you? Oh, thats good - see you later." It doesn't need to be hard. Take care. Thank you. I guess my main concern is having to see her in general. For the time being, I just want to forget about her - so I can focus on the exam for my promotion. 1
Author SamIam5 Posted November 8, 2016 Author Posted November 8, 2016 This is easy to figure out. She's 20 years old. She has no idea what she wants. She not ready for true love. She's just wanting to be chased. That's what I figured. I knew going on that there was a chance we wouldn't date for too long. She seems both young and immature, but I figured maybe she was one of those "matured early" type girls. A lapse in judgement that won't happen again. 1
Author SamIam5 Posted November 10, 2016 Author Posted November 10, 2016 It has only been 2 weeks since my most recent breakup, and I'm already starting to feel lonely. I'm not depressed, but I am experiencing some symptoms of depression. Even after ending my last relationship (4.5 years long), I didn't feel this way...and that woman treated me a lot better than the last. I don't have a ton of friends, primarily because I was always busy during college and didn't have time to go out, and many of my college friends moved to a new state. Truth be told, my ex was pretty much the only person who texted me daily. How do you all cope with feelings of loneliness? I volunteer twice a week, but that isn't even helping.
Sweetfish Posted November 10, 2016 Posted November 10, 2016 It has only been 2 weeks since my most recent breakup, and I'm already starting to feel lonely. I'm not depressed, but I am experiencing some symptoms of depression. Even after ending my last relationship (4.5 years long), I didn't feel this way...and that woman treated me a lot better than the last. I don't have a ton of friends, primarily because I was always busy during college and didn't have time to go out, and many of my college friends moved to a new state. Truth be told, my ex was pretty much the only person who texted me daily. How do you all cope with feelings of loneliness? I volunteer twice a week, but that isn't even helping. Biologically, your body has set its self up to attach to this girl. NC will balance this back out and you'll be fine. It still tough none the less
Author SamIam5 Posted November 10, 2016 Author Posted November 10, 2016 Biologically, your body has set its self up to attach to this girl. NC will balance this back out and you'll be fine. It still tough none the less I've learned this from past relationships. But, for some reason, I'm finding it more difficult now than I have in the past.
Sunkissedpatio Posted November 10, 2016 Posted November 10, 2016 Hey Sam sorry it didn't work out. Unfortunately, whether you are the dumper or the dumpee the answer is the same for all. There is nothing you can do forget her or to make the feelings of loneliness go away faster. Just accept that you are feeling things that are unpleasant and that it is all part of the process of letting go. You know she wasn't right for you, so feeling lonely isn't something she can fix for you.
Sunkissedpatio Posted November 10, 2016 Posted November 10, 2016 On a side note, I am 6 months out of my split and just today I was thinking I feel pretty damn great! I have other personal things going on my life that are kind of sad but in terms of the break-up I feel pretty good. Try sitting in that loneliness for a while and learn to enjoy your own company. The moment you start to accept feeling alone and not having someone there for you it gets easier and you feel less of a need to be attached. Especially to someone for all the wrong reasons. Stay strong and don't run away from your feelings.
Author SamIam5 Posted November 10, 2016 Author Posted November 10, 2016 On a side note, I am 6 months out of my split and just today I was thinking I feel pretty damn great! I have other personal things going on my life that are kind of sad but in terms of the break-up I feel pretty good. Try sitting in that loneliness for a while and learn to enjoy your own company. The moment you start to accept feeling alone and not having someone there for you it gets easier and you feel less of a need to be attached. Especially to someone for all the wrong reasons. Stay strong and don't run away from your feelings. Incredible words of wisdom. Thanks so much! I knew going through 2 break-ups this year alone wouldn't be easy. Like they say, chin up!
MomLeslieM Posted November 11, 2016 Posted November 11, 2016 You seem to totally know it wasn't meant to be -- give yourself time - do the things YOU love to do and enjoy yourself. You will forget about her over time as you meet other people and hang with your friends. Work a little bit each day at studying for that promotion at work too and you'll start to feel more like yourself again. Hang in there - without her!
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