katiegrl Posted August 4, 2016 Posted August 4, 2016 Thank you again, so much! So I guess this means it's probably the best decision not to even reach out to him at all, as a friend, because he apparently saw me quite differently and I would just look desperate and creepy, right- and just accept that he's gone for good? I don't know about looking desperate and creepy but I certainly don't see the point in making contact again. Do you really think you can go back to being just friends anyway? I don't think he ever saw you as just a friend. You were a fantasy. Now you're not. Yeah it sucks, but IMO best to just try and forget about it and move on. I know it hurts... but time does heal, promise. BTDT. Take care of yourself. hugs 1
Author Lexxi Posted October 21, 2016 Author Posted October 21, 2016 Hi everyone, I posted a few months back about a friend of mine who lives out of state and came to visit me for the day. We had a great time, had sex, and afterwards, he was clearly disengaged and sort of distanced himself until I had to take him to the airport. Sleeping together was not a new thing for us, as we have known each other 10 years and hooked up before before we moved on to marrying our now ex-spouses. After his visit, I did bring up that he seemed uncomfortable and confirmed that was the case because he did not feel right being in my home that I shared with my ex-husband. Ok, understood. That was a few months back and we only spoke a few times since that visit, and I never brought up his comfort level again. Last week, he asked if I could come out this time for a visit. I was ok with it, and based on his level of comfort last time being in a home shared with an ex, I opted to get a room as well so we would both be comfortable. This trip is in a couple of weeks. He just asked today if we were still on and I confirmed that we are. He then sent a shirtless photo of himself and said "finally we can be alone and undisturbed this time and have the utmost privacy." I then responded with a compliment telling him how great he looked in the photo and said "yes, finally, last time you weren't the most comfortable so I want to make sure you are- we are going to have such a great time! :)" And sent a photo of myself- just a sexy photo but not nude by any means. What response did I get? He didn't even acknowledge my photo like I did for him, which is acceptable, but his text was "ok why do you keep critiquing me about me being uncomfortable, was the sex that bad?!? Really?" I responded telling him he misunderstood and I had a great time but I was only repeating what he told me and I meant nothing negative by it. He just said "doesn't matter, next time will be different. And that was it. I didn't respond after that. Just gave me a bad vibe- I went from being excited to angry and perhaps I'm overreacting and will be ok in a couple of weeks when it's time to visit, but we have plans to go to a nice dinner, watch a concert as well and just having some casual fun but this left me with a bad feeling. He has always kind of been this way, easily offended and takes things wrong and lashes out an it. Is this something you think I should reconsider?
kmack513 Posted October 21, 2016 Posted October 21, 2016 Lexxi phone calls and talking are a lost art. there is no tone to texts other than emoji. Call him and have a chat. 1
smackie9 Posted October 21, 2016 Posted October 21, 2016 yes......if it doesn't feel right, that's because it's not. Walk away.
Zahara Posted October 21, 2016 Posted October 21, 2016 You received good advice in your last thread about this guy. If you still want to see him, lower your expectations and just treat it as a meetup for sex and fun. If you don't, you're going to keep getting hurt. 1
Author Lexxi Posted October 21, 2016 Author Posted October 21, 2016 You received good advice in your last thread about this guy. If you still want to see him, lower your expectations and just treat it as a meetup for sex and fun. If you don't, you're going to keep getting hurt. Thank you, Zahara. Yes, I did receive great advice last time and I am doing just that- treating it as something casual and fun. But at the same time, I want to be treated with some form of respect, I've always been considerate towards him. Maybe I misunderstood, but his text seemed crazy and he just seemed to have overreacted.
Fishfingersareyummy Posted October 21, 2016 Posted October 21, 2016 Thank you, Zahara. Yes, I did receive great advice last time and I am doing just that- treating it as something casual and fun. But at the same time, I want to be treated with some form of respect, I've always been considerate towards him. Maybe I misunderstood, but his text seemed crazy and he just seemed to have overreacted. That's why it's best to phone each other up. Communication is key and it's far easier to communicate by voice than it is by text messages.
Zahara Posted October 21, 2016 Posted October 21, 2016 Thank you, Zahara. Yes, I did receive great advice last time and I am doing just that- treating it as something casual and fun. But at the same time, I want to be treated with some form of respect, I've always been considerate towards him. Maybe I misunderstood, but his text seemed crazy and he just seemed to have overreacted. Well, you can't force someone to treat you with respect or to be considerate just because you're extending it to them. If he's looking at you as sex and fun, chances are, that's all he sees you as -- a casual fling. Don't expect or think you deserve anything more. If you are, then you need to back away from him. If you want sex and fun, just online date. You won't have an issue having no strings attached and guys that are closer to you without having to book hotel rooms for sex. This guy seems to already be getting under your skin so best for you to detach. I don't think you can do casual with him.
Author Lexxi Posted November 10, 2016 Author Posted November 10, 2016 Hey everyone, I just got back this past weekend from my visit to my friend I had posted about several times on here. Quick recap- met 10 years ago when I was visiting a friend in his state, hooked up, since then we we have gone through marriage, divorce and children but once in a blue moon I would receive a hello text from him. Two years ago since we were both single now, the communication has been consistent, he moved closer to me although still in another state (45 minute plane ride). He flew to see me in July- first time we've seen each other in years so it was a little nerve wracking. He only spent the day here. Then he wanted me to see him so I flew out there this past weekend. He has a roommate so I opted for a hotel room. Luckily I have flight credits so I didn't have to pay for hit but the hotel was a bit pricey. I didn't stay out there a full 24 hours but since I thought we would have more time than last time, and have the privacy of our own room, things would be more laid back and fun. Basically we had sex when I got there, went to eat at a restaurant which was paid by a gift card given to me, in which I told him of course the waitress still needed to get a tip (we can't just leave), and he pretended he would pay for the tip with his credit card... $250 meal I just said F it, and paid cash for the tip. Then went back to the room, sex, then he fell asleep right away. Upon waking up, prior to going to the airport, I thought we could at least have a damn quickie and he didn't even try, he showered and put on his clothes. So I didn't do anything, plus I still don't know what his boundaries are, if I try to do something while he's clearly getting ready. Or if I can even try to hold him at night or out in public or even sneak in a kiss in bed if we're NOT having sex. When we are out, no affection whatsoever. In bed, the whole night, nothing. Following day when I arrived home, he texted me asking "hey, is everything alright?" Answered yes and asked why? He said it seemed to act short with him and he wanted to know if he upset me. That came out of nowhere cause I wasn't acting short at all, even gave him a big hug and kiss on the cheek when he dropped me off at the airport. He also acknowledged that he fell asleep too early in that text saying "next time I'll chill on the booze lol" with emojis. As I sit here, I now question what I even want from this. The distance, the fact that I'm not getting everything I want and I pretty much paid for sex, all because I am very attracted to him, no one else I've known that has all the same interests and I do enjoy being with him. And maybe just the comfort of knowing him for many years. What I also didn't like is when he picked me up from the airport, we hadn't even got to the hotel yet and as he was driving, he asked me if I was dating anyone at home or seeing guys. I told him no, which is the absolute truth and he said he didn't believe me and said "come on, you can tell me, nothing's gonna change my opinion of you!" Then when I asked him the same question, he paused then said he likes a certain type of girl (sort of referring to my traits), and there aren't really many of those in his state so his options are very limited. So I gave him a definite answer and he just danced around the question. I though FWB relationships - you don't have to worry about that and can tell the person you're seeing other people? He talked about seeing me again soon. What do you all think? If there was any chance of this ever becoming something like a LDR, I'm ok with working something out, it is a very short flight. Not sure if he's holding back for now to see how things go or if you all think I have permanently been placed in the FWB category and have no way of ever getting out of that and into something a little more meaningful. Thanks in advance everyone!
darkmoon Posted November 10, 2016 Posted November 10, 2016 try a little affection when you see him, see how he responds, then do not push, you sound v keen, could overwhelm him, just a little affection for now
basil67 Posted November 10, 2016 Posted November 10, 2016 If he had been thinking of you as a potential girlfriend, he wouldn't have treated you so much like a casual hookup. His actions were of a man who clearly only wanted no strings sex. 1
Author Lexxi Posted November 10, 2016 Author Posted November 10, 2016 I understand that. But I've also had FWBs in the past where it was clear on both sides that it was just no strings attached, but we still cuddle, kiss in public, even just lay in bed while holding each other watching a movie. Clearly he's just not that type, I like that stuff just don't want to try it with him if he showed no interest in doing it in the first place.
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