whatwhit Posted November 7, 2016 Posted November 7, 2016 Hello All, I hope all is well! Has anyone ever had a rough start in a relationship in the beginning and it turn out better for the long haul? My boyfriend and I have had a rough first 6 months. I have a lot of insecurities that I am working on and jealousy that I am working on. My boyfriend says he may seem distant because our relationship has been so negative that he started to detach himself from the relationship. Is there any hope when someone says that? Really want this relationship to be successful.
Herbalist Posted November 7, 2016 Posted November 7, 2016 It's not good to form a correlation between the success of the relationship and your success in working on yourself. These are two different things. The relationship may or may not work out. Usually if one person loses a lot of interest early on, usually then it won't work out. But hey who knows. What is way more important is that you are working on yourself. That's really great, make that your ultimate goal and take the relationship in stride. If the relationship ends, there will be other interested guys in the future.
Redhead14 Posted November 7, 2016 Posted November 7, 2016 Hello All, I hope all is well! Has anyone ever had a rough start in a relationship in the beginning and it turn out better for the long haul? My boyfriend and I have had a rough first 6 months. I have a lot of insecurities that I am working on and jealousy that I am working on. My boyfriend says he may seem distant because our relationship has been so negative that he started to detach himself from the relationship. Is there any hope when someone says that? Really want this relationship to be successful. Building a relationship is like building a house . . . if the foundation is weak or not built on firm ground, the structure and integrity of the project is unstable and deteriorates over time. You may get the house built but there are constant cracks and repairs being done and so much energy and time spent on all that and the inhabitants aren't enjoying the house they've built. Another analogy I like is Frankenstein's creation. He built a man using parts from other dead people. He got it to walk around and look like a man, but it wasn't pretty. The two of you need to work on yourselves before you can build a relationship with anyone. Insecurity and jealousy are the polar opposites of what a relationship needs to grow and be built on . . . 1
Author whatwhit Posted November 9, 2016 Author Posted November 9, 2016 Does anyone get jealous when your siginficant other likes or hearts members of the opposite sex profile pictures and posts? Is it a stupid thing to worry about?
PegNosePete Posted November 9, 2016 Posted November 9, 2016 What? I like and sometimes "heart" my female friends pics and posts all the time. Whether it's a stupid thing to worry about or not, depends if this is the only factor, or if there's more information that you haven't told us. In isolation, no, liking and hearting pics and posts of members of the opposite sex is absolutely normal and 99.999% of people do it. Social media doesn't ruin anything. People ruin relationships. Social media is just the tool they sometimes choose to use. 5
Author whatwhit Posted November 9, 2016 Author Posted November 9, 2016 I do have a tendency to be jealous and insecure. Every time I see my boyfriend heart, comment, or like a semi attractive females profile picture on Facebook my heart sinks.
smackie9 Posted November 9, 2016 Posted November 9, 2016 Relationships should have boundaries...tell him it makes you feel bad when he gives other females that kind of attention. It's ok to socialize but not in such a personal manner as that. Ask him how he would feel if you were doing that to a bunch of guys....I doubt he would appreciate it.
Author whatwhit Posted November 9, 2016 Author Posted November 9, 2016 Any other opinions? This is something that has bothered me!
Toodaloo Posted November 9, 2016 Posted November 9, 2016 I do have a tendency to be jealous and insecure. Every time I see my boyfriend heart, comment, or like a semi attractive females profile picture on Facebook my heart sinks. Well I am afraid that is your problem and not his. Its your insecurities and not him doing anything wrong. 1
sunshine2 Posted November 9, 2016 Posted November 9, 2016 I understand how you feel and thats why I do not friend my BF's on any social media. But you need to talk to him about this if it really bothers you. If you feel secure in your relationship, then this should not be a issue, but I have a feeling there is other things going on that are making you feel less secure.
Gaeta Posted November 9, 2016 Posted November 9, 2016 I have never added a bf to my FB. Defriend each other and do it for the relationship.
thecrucible Posted November 10, 2016 Posted November 10, 2016 I think it depends on the relationship. If the relationship feels insecure, you don't feel the man is all in and you don't feel appreciated or attractive to him, then social media can magnify in your mind. How many posts does he do this with? Are any of the women ex gfs? Does he have a lot of female friends on there? There are other factors to take into account. At the same time, I see what Gaeta is getting at. The real substance of the relationship is what happens in person.
basil67 Posted November 10, 2016 Posted November 10, 2016 I think the content of the post is highly relevant. If she's sharing cute baby animals and he goes all mushy at the kittehs, what harm is it if he puts a heart on the post? The heart is for the animals - not for her. However, if he's putting hearts on a hot profile picture, that's a different story. That said, I think you'd come off looking unattractive if you griped about simple 'likes'
basil67 Posted November 10, 2016 Posted November 10, 2016 we would all be better off without social media PERIOD. Social media is like many other things in life: Used wisely, it can enhance your life. Used badly, it can create terrible problems. 3
Eternal Sunshine Posted November 10, 2016 Posted November 10, 2016 I don't get why would someone not add their bf/gf to FB because it will ruin the relationship? FB adds a wealth of information, why would anyone want to be kept in the dark? FB has helped me uncover girlfriends, wives, that time he told me he was sick but was tagged at a party, that girl that he swore us just friend but is really FWB. Especially in this day and age where most are dating online strangers with no common ties and can tell you anything they want. Social media is an invaluable tool.
Gaeta Posted November 10, 2016 Posted November 10, 2016 I don't get why would someone not add their bf/gf to FB because it will ruin the relationship? Because it's a trap for misinterpretations.
Buddhist Posted November 10, 2016 Posted November 10, 2016 Does anyone get jealous when your siginficant other likes or hearts members of the opposite sex profile pictures and posts? Is it a stupid thing to worry about? No. And yes.
OatsAndHall Posted November 10, 2016 Posted November 10, 2016 There are so many complexities to a relationship, why make social media one as well?
LastAcorn99 Posted November 10, 2016 Posted November 10, 2016 (edited) I feel it’s normal to feel a bit green, sometimes, where your special other is concerned. Personally, i wouldn’t be bothered by my significant other commenting or reacting to general posts and pictures; however, if the content of the posts that he reacted to makes me uncomfortable, I would definitely speak with my SO. I believe that for a relationship to thrive, boundaries should be there alongside trust, respect, and openness. Hope this helps. Take care! Edited November 10, 2016 by LastAcorn99 1
Eternal Sunshine Posted November 10, 2016 Posted November 10, 2016 There are so many complexities to a relationship, why make social media one as well? Social media is not a serparate entity of anything. It's controlled by people that own the accounts. The way a bf acts on social media is not something that's completely separate of how he acts in real life. For example, if he "likes" provocative, attractive female pictures on FB, he is likely to oogle attractive women in real life. It may not be dealbreaker for everyone but I would rather have that information. Men will also often claim that you have "missinterpreted" something to save their a$$. If you have nothing to hide, hide nothing. 1
Els Posted November 10, 2016 Posted November 10, 2016 Judging from what you've told us, if social media didn't exist you would still have the same problems. It would just be insecurity over your bf talking to a woman at work, or taking a phone call from a female friend, or meeting up with her in a group setting, or other equally innocuous deeds. I'm not saying your bf is 100% innocent, but there isn't any information in your opening post that sounds dodgy. I mean, should he refrain from having any attractive female friends or conversing with women in any way as well? What are those pictures of? Do you not have any male friends at all? Or friends period? 2
GoreSP Posted November 10, 2016 Posted November 10, 2016 The idea of not having my bf on social media is weird to me. If I was so insecure with my relationship that social media could ruin it, perhaps I shouldn't be in this relationship.... 2
mortensorchid Posted November 10, 2016 Posted November 10, 2016 I was saying to someone not too long ago how much Facebook and the like has changed our lives. Things can get real weird, real fast. You never know what can/will happen, it brings out things in us we didn't know existed. All I can say is that we must learn the hard way. Whatever that hard way may be.
No_Go Posted November 10, 2016 Posted November 10, 2016 he is likely to oogle attractive women in real life The surprise is that EVERY heterosexual man is doing this regardless of their FB behavior Some are just more discreet. I personally HATE adding relationship info on FB because of stalkerish acquaintances. It is hard to be in a relationship anyway, why get the pressure of all the 'friends' in your circles? If it is just 'adding' BF/GF as a friend - ok, that's fine, but if I need to reflect character from fb for someone that I see on presumably daily basis... It is a mission lost. Social media is not a serparate entity of anything. It's controlled by people that own the accounts. The way a bf acts on social media is not something that's completely separate of how he acts in real life. For example, if he "likes" provocative, attractive female pictures on FB, he is likely to oogle attractive women in real life. It may not be dealbreaker for everyone but I would rather have that information. Men will also often claim that you have "missinterpreted" something to save their a$$. If you have nothing to hide, hide nothing.
Eternal Sunshine Posted November 10, 2016 Posted November 10, 2016 he is likely to oogle attractive women in real life The surprise is that EVERY heterosexual man is doing this regardless of their FB behavior Some are just more discreet. I personally HATE adding relationship info on FB because of stalkerish acquaintances. It is hard to be in a relationship anyway, why get the pressure of all the 'friends' in your circles? If it is just 'adding' BF/GF as a friend - ok, that's fine, but if I need to reflect character from fb for someone that I see on presumably daily basis... It is a mission lost. I never add relationship status info. I only add them as a friend. 1
Recommended Posts