Why Do Girl Love To Friendzone Guys?

[reozeno]

So move on with your life then. I highly doubt she's harassing you for friendship.

 

You're using your one experience as a way to categorize all women as if rejecting someone is a negative action like cheating or beating someone up. Rejecting someone is just as common and neutral as a sneeze or cough.

 

If she actually is seeing someone else, I highly doubt she's going to give two craps if you stop talking to her. So your complaint is really that you expected her to say yes and she didn't. Sounds like you convinced yourself that very neutral signals and her just being kind to you meant that she would want to date you and you were wrong. You did that to yourself, so the title of this thread should be, why can't men take a hint? Or, why does a woman's kindness automatically equal romantic interest to a man?

 

It's possible that she had slight interest in the beginning but you said or did something that turned her off by the time you asked her out. By the way you're trying to lump all women into one group, that wouldn't be a far-fetched conclusion to make.

 

But the main point is: you (and all other men making this ridiculous claim) were not "friendzoned", you were rejected. Point blank.

 

I don't get friendzone due to the fact i refuseto. I cut ties. After she rejected, she wants to stay friends. i don't stay as a friend. And again i want to point it out again, i dn blame her on how she's being nice or socialize but i knw enough whats constitute attraction.The story is much deeper than i just threw. I knw its just a short version of it but i assured u, most guy would think its a sign of attraction. Like how she exclude me in a crowd just to talk to me alone, msg me first to make a meet up, asking me if im dating, n alot more.

 

I understand,you feel the need defend woman. But again i assured u, i dn demonize woman. i dn blame them. and this topic isn't about blame woman.just that i found that some of them love to keep men as a friend even if the men doesn't want to. If you have something to add something to my original question, please do.

 

Thank you again for long answer.

[chumly]

Thank you for the answer. Love it. What you didn't know is that we are in contact with each other for awhile. Its not like oh! i met her, go n say i want to date in just 10 mins conversation.Thats insane.

 

But we have chat, met few times. Now, after getting bit closer, i want to bring her for a proper date. But she actually seeing another guy(not her bf but potential bf) and see me as a friend only. i refuse to remain friend because i want to move on easily. People think when I severe ties, its the end of the world, but it's not. Imo, most people consider somebody a friend even if that somebody is barely talked. I see things differently.With her,If we somehow in future cross path, ill say hi etc. But will i invite her to my party or wedding?no. It depends what u define as a friend.

 

While you may say it's immature, but it's how i move on. I let it be on my own terms. Regardless, i say through all the post here like no feeling, its very hard to do it. She is after all my friend and my crush. But It just the best for both us.

 

Hi...I then owe you an apology! I am very very sorry to jump to that conclusion like that! You are absolutely right than to sever ties with her as friends if it will cause you too much pain..however, I do wonder if she might have friends that you can connect with in some ways?? is that possible? If so, than it might be helpful to stay friends with her but again, if it is causing you too much pain and you have already been friends for a while than I think you have to do what is right for you. You have to watch out for yourself. Still though take it as a compliment that she must like something about you if she still wants to be friends. You just need to find a lady that will see those qualities and let the feelings grow from there;) You sound like such a nice person and I wish you the best of luck. Sorry again for the harsh advice..I hope it did not make you feel worse and I hope you feel better. and good luck:)

[dispatch3d]

So move on with your life then. I highly doubt she's harassing you for friendship.

 

You're using your one experience as a way to categorize all women as if rejecting someone is a negative action like cheating or beating someone up. Rejecting someone is just as common and neutral as a sneeze or cough.

 

If she actually is seeing someone else, I highly doubt she's going to give two craps if you stop talking to her. So your complaint is really that you expected her to say yes and she didn't. Sounds like you convinced yourself that very neutral signals and her just being kind to you meant that she would want to date you and you were wrong. You did that to yourself, so the title of this thread should be, why can't men take a hint? Or, why does a woman's kindness automatically equal romantic interest to a man?

 

It's possible that she had slight interest in the beginning but you said or did something that turned her off by the time you asked her out. By the way you're trying to lump all women into one group, that wouldn't be a far-fetched conclusion to make.

 

But the main point is: you (and all other men making this ridiculous claim) were not "friendzoned", you were rejected. Point blank.

 

haha ahhh for most guys, and probably a lot of girls too, getting rejected is not at all like sneezing or coughing.

[Chris2016]

Exactly.

You cease to become a sexual creature to the woman.

Add in that she now knows she can have you whenever she wants....you might as well just bail.

 

However, i've hit a point where i don't catch feelings for women i'm not dating.

So if a woman is a good woman and a good friend (helps me meet other women) I can be friends with them.

Plus i have options.

 

And for women friends who show signs of liking me but don't want to date but at the same time are annoyed by other women wanting to date me?

 

those chicks are annoying.

So I just keep dating other women and give them less of my time.

 

They either disappear because they just wanted my attention or they see me as different now because other women want me and they all of a sudden want to hang out alone then initiate sex with me in order to not lose me and we end up dating.

 

but, this is something OP will eventually learn when he gets better with women.

 

I like the bolded advice, and advice in general in this post.

 

I'm a struggling guy, but as I continue socializing and making female friends, I think that's a good rule to remind myself of, "don't catch feelings for women you're not dating".

[reozeno]

Hi...I then owe you an apology! I am very very sorry to jump to that conclusion like that! You are absolutely right than to sever ties with her as friends if it will cause you too much pain..however, I do wonder if she might have friends that you can connect with in some ways?? is that possible? If so, than it might be helpful to stay friends with her but again, if it is causing you too much pain and you have already been friends for a while than I think you have to do what is right for you. You have to watch out for yourself. Still though take it as a compliment that she must like something about you if she still wants to be friends. You just need to find a lady that will see those qualities and let the feelings grow from there;) You sound like such a nice person and I wish you the best of luck. Sorry again for the harsh advice..I hope it did not make you feel worse and I hope you feel better. and good luck:)

 

It's ok. I appreciate the thought haha. I am allright. Thank you for the answer.

[ZA Dater]

There are a lot of negative connotations relating to so called friend zone. I see this differently.

 

If you are someone who battles to date and has limited experience I cannot emphasize how good a friend zone scenario can be. I always believed that you can go friend zone and then move up. A well known dating coach told me this theory is in fact incorrect.

 

However the number of married people I know who started off as friends seems to suggest this is a grey area.

 

I have really come to the conclusion that I'd rather be friend zoned by some I really like than force myself to like someone who would date me.

[joseb]

There is a big difference between two.people who got to know each other through mutual acquaintances, and someone who rejects the others romantic advances but offers the friendship olive branch.

It's likely the couples you know that started as friends are from the first category.

[Chris2016]

There are a lot of negative connotations relating to so called friend zone. I see this differently.

 

If you are someone who battles to date and has limited experience I cannot emphasize how good a friend zone scenario can be. I always believed that you can go friend zone and then move up. A well known dating coach told me this theory is in fact incorrect.

 

However the number of married people I know who started off as friends seems to suggest this is a grey area.

 

I have really come to the conclusion that I'd rather be friend zoned by some I really like than force myself to like someone who would date me.

 

How do you come to that conclusion?

 

Even as a struggling guy, I would not/could not do friend zone, if I really liked a lady and she didn't return the interest.

 

How about being friends with ladies, who you don't have romantic interest for, and who don't want to date you?

[reozeno]

There are a lot of negative connotations relating to so called friend zone. I see this differently.

 

If you are someone who battles to date and has limited experience I cannot emphasize how good a friend zone scenario can be. I always believed that you can go friend zone and then move up. A well known dating coach told me this theory is in fact incorrect.

 

However the number of married people I know who started off as friends seems to suggest this is a grey area.

 

I have really come to the conclusion that I'd rather be friend zoned by some I really like than force myself to like someone who would date me.

 

It really depends on your view of friendzone. I see it as a situation rather than a state. It's not friendship as most people suggest. Friendship happen when two people agrees to be friends. Here, the person will cherish,support,etc each other without romantic entanglement.

 

But friendzone is a situation when 1 person no longer want to be friends but others insist in being one. Its a situation where 1 person still have to continue role as a friend but he/she's not really agree to. Friendship is an agreement but not rejection. True, you can moves from the friend stage to romance stage in friendzone but to me it's unhealthy relationship. You want somebody who is your friend hoping one day you will be together, while you dating other person?

 

However, it doesn't mean u can't reject other person if you're not interested. But do know, what you suggest as a friendship* is not really fair for him/her. The rejector should always distant themselves for the injured party to heal n moves on. Unless the injured party insisted on remaining friends, therefore they are not friendzoned. This is my view on my friendzone. It's not an imagination.

[reozeno]

How do you come to that conclusion?

 

Even as a struggling guy, I would not/could not do friend zone, if I really liked a lady and she didn't return the interest.

 

How about being friends with ladies, who you don't have romantic interest for, and who don't want to date you?

 

His conclusion is what he means by friendship. Not friendzone. Good friendship can leads towards romance.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Funny, in online dating if someone friend zones you, they don't want to see you again...even as a friend. It's happened to me.

 

If they are the people you see in real life, routinely via social circles...you're still around them only by means of the supportive social circle as it's self-sustaining.

[LookAtThisPOst]

 

However the number of married people I know who started off as friends seems to suggest this is a grey area.

 

 

Yeah, this kind of boggles my mind when I hear it, and it's USUALLY married couples I hear this about. Is that they were "friends for years" before tying the knot. Then I'm asking, "At what point did the romance come into play?"

 

It's as if they skipped as step.

 

I see FB posts of spouses saying to their spouses, "I married my best friend!"

 

Funny, for every woman that put me in the friend zone...I can't say that. So I am wondering how is it these people ever got married?

 

Also on the dating sites is the, "Friends first" statement, I'm wondering why saying that is even necessary?

 

I've actually seen women say in their profiles, but of course they are rare exceptions, "I'm not here to make friends, I have enough of those."

 

So in finding a romantic partner, each person has to be on the same page when it comes to how they view "friendships" with the opposite sex.

 

I recall a guy that was trying to turn something into a relationship over the weekend. Apparently, he had a trailer and was going camping with a bunch of friends over the weekend. This female "friend" of his carpooled with him as well as shared sleeping in the same camper together.

 

SHE only thought of him as a friend, his agenda was hoping to get a girlfriend after the weekend concluded.

 

After the camping weekend was over, he asked her to be his girlfriend, and she told him "Sorry, don't think of ou in that way."

 

That didn't go over well with him, as he thought it was a waste of time, but...why would she agree to sleep in the same camper with him?

[salparadise]

It's foolish for a man to expend precious time and resources on a woman who won't have sex with him. That's genetic suicide. But for a woman, having a number of providers/protectors waiting on queue... social security. Asymmetrical strategies.

[carhill]

Yup, basically it boils down to that. Good synopsis. It's a cruel reality and world out there OP. Better get used to it. Play the game or die. If you happen to get it wrong or aren't socialized into an understanding of the realities, it is a marked detriment but not one that is irrecoverable. It takes time and work but you can retrain your brain. Do not blame the ladies. They are doing what they are wired to do, what's best for them. Accept that.

[ZA Dater]

How do you come to that conclusion?

 

Even as a struggling guy, I would not/could not do friend zone, if I really liked a lady and she didn't return the interest.

 

How about being friends with ladies, who you don't have romantic interest for, and who don't want to date you?

 

Well I have done exactly that and I can tell you the inherent benefits far outweigh the vast negatives of continually trying to find someone to date and being rejected all the time.

 

I choose to see her interest in what we do together as interest of some sort, she taken an interest in my hobbies and yes I don't get all the physical things or the dinners I do get the feeling that I matter to someone and for me at least that counts a lot.

 

The fact I am interested in her makes the whole arrangement work for me, I don't think it would work with someone I wasn't attracted to. All of this flies in the face of much of what I said here but it works for me.

[ZA Dater]

It's foolish for a man to expend precious time and resources on a woman who won't have sex with him. That's genetic suicide. But for a woman, having a number of providers/protectors waiting on queue... social security. Asymmetrical strategies.

 

I am quite contentedly foolish.

[reozeno]

Yup, basically it boils down to that. Good synopsis. It's a cruel reality and world out there OP. Better get used to it. Play the game or die. If you happen to get it wrong or aren't socialized into an understanding of the realities, it is a marked detriment but not one that is irrecoverable. It takes time and work but you can retrain your brain. Do not blame the ladies. They are doing what they are wired to do, what's best for them. Accept that.

 

As OP, where is it a phrase im blaming the women? i mean any post here. I didn't. I ask why many women want to stay friends when a guys doesn't want to. If you have something to add, please do.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Well I have done exactly that and I can tell you the inherent benefits far outweigh the vast negatives of continually trying to find someone to date and being rejected all the time.

 

I choose to see her interest in what we do together as interest of some sort, she taken an interest in my hobbies and yes I don't get all the physical things or the dinners I do get the feeling that I matter to someone and for me at least that counts a lot.

 

The fact I am interested in her makes the whole arrangement work for me, I don't think it would work with someone I wasn't attracted to. All of this flies in the face of much of what I said here but it works for me.

 

Some of my male friends have told me that the benefit of being friends with women, is that they can introduce you to their other single friends.

 

True or not true?

[JewelD]

haha ahhh for most guys, and probably a lot of girls too, getting rejected is not at all like sneezing or coughing.

 

If you read, I said rejecting someone, not being rejected. Although depending on how much you date and what kind of person you are, this would also apply to people on the receiving end of the rejection. The point I was making is that it happens a lot and it's completely normal for a person who is not interested in you to tell you so.

[carhill]

As OP, where is it a phrase im blaming the women? i mean any post here. I didn't. I ask why many women want to stay friends when a guys doesn't want to. If you have something to add, please do.

I did. An agreement with the poster who analyzed the dynamic very concisely and as a much older man than yourself who's lived it. Take away what you want from that. Or nothing. Your choice.

[salparadise]

Well I have done exactly that and I can tell you the inherent benefits far outweigh the vast negatives of continually trying to find someone to date and being rejected all the time.

 

I choose to see her interest in what we do together as interest of some sort, she taken an interest in my hobbies and yes I don't get all the physical things or the dinners I do get the feeling that I matter to someone and for me at least that counts a lot.

 

The fact I am interested in her makes the whole arrangement work for me, I don't think it would work with someone I wasn't attracted to. All of this flies in the face of much of what I said here but it works for me.

 

I guess I can see how that might work if you're truly resigned to being ineligible for reproductive opportunities. Being around a female is the next best thing to with one. Basic acceptance I got from my mother, plus the dinners.

 

So how's it going to feel if she comes up with a new guy and says, sorry ZA but he makes me wet... or what if you suddenly discovered that a nod and a wink made their panties disappear and lit a fire in their belly? That existential thing will kick in so fast... I think this compromise is tenuous at best.

 

You're basically saying, ok due to my lack of success playing by guy rules, I'll play by your rules and even though I can't win it will still feel like I'm in the game. Delusion is a wonderful thing when you get it working for you the right way.

[NuevoYorko]

It's foolish for a man to expend precious time and resources on a woman who won't have sex with him. That's genetic suicide.

 

It's also genetic suicide for a man to have sex with a woman and use birth control.

 

Women aren't only useful for sex.

[salparadise]

It's also genetic suicide for a man to have sex with a woman and use birth control.

 

Women aren't only useful for sex.

 

 

Oh I sense a debate in the making here, and I love the smell of napalm in the morning!

 

Let me see... daily sex with birth control vs. wining and dining, being an emotional tampon and wishing you could get sex just once in awhile. No parity there.

 

Do you really not get the origin or the gist of it? It would take a lot of typing to explain it from scratch. Perhaps just pick up a copy of Dawkins' The Selfish Gene. I'm sure you could get on at The Strand, corner of E. 12th and Broadway in East Village.

[NuevoYorko]

Oh I sense a debate in the making here, and I love the smell of napalm in the morning!

 

Let me see... daily sex with birth control vs. wining and dining, being an emotional tampon and wishing you could get sex just once in awhile. No parity there.

 

Do you really not get the origin or the gist of it? It would take a lot of typing to explain it from scratch. Perhaps just pick up a copy of Dawkins' The Selfish Gene. I'm sure you could get on at The Strand, corner of E. 12th and Broadway in East Village.

 

No debate. Just pointing out that for some of us, women have other value than as sexual receptacles. It's really not either "emotional tampon" or "wining and dining" for all men. Whatever works for you, man.

[ZA Dater]

I guess I can see how that might work if you're truly resigned to being ineligible for reproductive opportunities. Being around a female is the next best thing to with one. Basic acceptance I got from my mother, plus the dinners.

 

So how's it going to feel if she comes up with a new guy and says, sorry ZA but he makes me wet... or what if you suddenly discovered that a nod and a wink made their panties disappear and lit a fire in their belly? That existential thing will kick in so fast... I think this compromise is tenuous at best.

 

You're basically saying, ok due to my lack of success playing by guy rules, I'll play by your rules and even though I can't win it will still feel like I'm in the game. Delusion is a wonderful thing when you get it working for you the right way.

 

My point is for me something I like is a lot better than continuous searching and finding nothing I like.

 

 

The bold part is correct. My point here is something is what you make if it, friend zone has a lot going for if you are coming from a back ground of no success with ladies at all.

 

 

Sure if you have had girlfriends then yes I can understand why it might not seem ideal. I have never had sex so I have resigned myself to not ever having it, which is probably why I see the intrinsic benefits of friend zone more acutely.

 

 

All I trying to say is things aren't so yes and no there are grey areas and the OP might friend a good friend much better than a poor date.