Why Do Girl Love To Friendzone Guys?

[reozeno]

Rejection doesn't need to be painful. It depends on how you think and how you deal with it.

 

John likes Sally but Sally loves Paul. John asks Sally out but as Sally doesn't feel as though she can give her attentions to John because she loves Paul she turns him down. John accepts the rejection with grace because he doesn't want to date girls unless they are fully invested in him as their boyfriend but is happy to be friends. Sally and John chat occasionally and say hello when they see each other. John goes to a party that Sally has organised and finds another girl he quite likes called Mary. Sally snogs Paul at the party but John doesn't notice because Mary just cracked a fantastic joke then snogged him. All the other guys are jealous of John and Mary because they are so happy...

 

See the difference. John isn't tortured. He just goes out and gets what is right for him and what he wants instead. He doesn't blame Sally or get nasty. As such he gets invited to meet more people one of who he gets on really well with.

 

Life isn't all peaches and cream. You will face rejection. Could be girls, a job, new mortgage on your house, that course your really wanted to do, finance for a car... []

 

[]Im asking why would a girl wants me to stay friends when im clearly stated i dont want to. People move on differently. i cut ties. If she turn up one day, will i say hi? yea!, but will i invite her to my wedding or party?no. So im a loser because im doing this?I think most people imaging i harshly blurt it out to her. But it was mutual tbh.

 

I think u knw the cases as you did comment some of my previous post. But she seeing other guy than me. I ask her, do she want continue get to know me? she said she can't be more than friends as the situation is she getting to know other guy.so,i told her sorry, as i dont want to be just friend. Tell her goodbye. n wish the best, as i will never msg or meet her again. Well she tries to stay friends but i said, no. I admit one thing, the reason i did this is becoz of myself. But did i being laying around sad? no. It makes me move on easier. weed out her from my mind.

Edited November 9, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Edited quote and response

[Toodaloo]

I gave her ultimatum due to uncertainty of her relationship. She's single, she's going out with The Guy but still communicate with me.

 

She is not single if she is dating another guy. All you are doing is creating dramas. Do not go for girls who are already taken.

 

She wants to be friends because she doesn't want to cheat on her guy and would rather deal with that properly and in an appropriate manner.

 

You are best off walking away if you think that this girl is in some way teasing you because she is not. She is being honest.

 

Im confused with what you trying to say.

 

Im asking why would a girl wants me to stay friends when im clearly stated i dont want to. I think most people imaging i harshly blurt it out to her. But it was mutual tbh.

 

Well if it went down as you describe why is it "torture" to you? If you just shrugged and walked away why the drama?

 

I think u knw the cases as you did comment some of my previous post. But she seeing other guy than me. I ask her, do she want continue get to know me? she said she can't be more than friends as the situation is she getting to know other guy.so,i told her sorry, as i dont want to be just friend. Tell her goodbye. n wish the best, as i will never msg or meet her again. Well she tries to stay friends but i said, no. I admit one thing, the reason i did this is becoz of myself. But did i being laying around sad? no. It makes me move on easier. weed out her from my mind.

 

She has been honest and you do not want to be friends. Its that simple and no need to get worked up about it. I think her reason for the rejection is glaringly obvious. She is already taken. So why make that all about her being mean to you because she thinks that you may be a decent guy and someone she may like to have in her life as a friend?

 

Its healthy to walk away but I don't understand why when you are so "cool with it" you are now saying that women (in general) are mean because they stay loyal to their boyfriends and turn down your advances?

[reozeno]

She is not single if she is dating another guy. All you are doing is creating dramas. Do not go for girls who are already taken.

 

She wants to be friends because she doesn't want to cheat on her guy and would rather deal with that properly and in an appropriate manner.

 

You are best off walking away if you think that this girl is in some way teasing you because she is not. She is being honest.

 

 

 

Well if it went down as you describe why is it "torture" to you? If you just shrugged and walked away why the drama?

 

 

 

She has been honest and you do not want to be friends. Its that simple and no need to get worked up about it. I think her reason for the rejection is glaringly obvious. She is already taken. So why make that all about her being mean to you because she thinks that you may be a decent guy and someone she may like to have in her life as a friend?

 

Its healthy to walk away but I don't understand why when you are so "cool with it" you are now saying that women (in general) are mean because they stay loyal to their boyfriends and turn down your advances?

 

She is single. Now, i apologize if im using wrong words(im nt English speakers) for my post, But she is in process in getting to know The Guy. But she's not sure he's the one. They didn't declare as bf and gf. Thats y i enter the frame. Its not a drama.

[Toodaloo]

She is single. Now, i apologize if im using wrong words(im nt English speakers) for my post, But she is in process in getting to know The Guy. But she's not sure he's the one. They didn't declare as bf and gf. Thats y i enter the frame. Its not a drama.

 

She is seeing the man with it potentially being a romantic attachment.

 

She is being sensible and honest.

 

If she were to string you both along then I would have something to say about it but she isn't...

 

Anyway I think you are right to back off but wrong to assume that women just want a collection of men at their beck and call.

[reozeno]

She is seeing the man with it potentially being a romantic attachment.

 

She is being sensible and honest.

 

If she were to string you both along then I would have something to say about it but she isn't...

 

Anyway I think you are right to back off but wrong to assume that women just want a collection of men at their beck and call.

 

actually, she would seeing me and The Guy. As who's the best men win. But, the recent meet up put me in doubt where's my position is. So, i go and ask her if she wants to get to know me more. But the rest as posted above.

[preraph]

It's not that they want to friendzone guys. It's that they're waiting to meet one they like AND are physically attracted to.

[Mystique01]

I recently met a nice girl Sally(not real name), get to know her a bit but ultimately it ended with one way interest.

 

I have a policy toward all girls i met. If it's over i cut ties. No social media,etc watsoever. In or Before relationship. If something happens,i will send message/call/meet up for final resolve. An ultimatum. If she want me, we continue, if not, goodbye. Yeah, i will literally said it on that chat/call/meet up.Because i like to move on with my own terms. Not hers.

 

So back to the Sally, she sees me as a friend and i don't want to. I said goodbye to her as i dont want to have anything more with her as i approach her as potential romance partner. She seems insisted want us to remains friend. I later insisted, sorry, but im nt your friend.

 

It reminded me,actually most girl i did this, actually do the same. Why girls want a guy to be in friendzone? I don't want to be your friend.

 

Because just because she doesn't view you in a romantic way doesn't mean she doesn't still like you as a person.

 

Plus, I think sometimes people play the "let's still be friends" card because they don't want to come off looking like a jerk or they want to let you down gently from the blow of rejection for a romantic relationship.

 

Now if the girl is blatantly flirting with you, trying to hang out with you all the time when she CLEARLY knows you have romantic feelings for her and she doesn't feel the same way, then that is definitely very manipulative and cruel. I don't think that's right at all.

 

But I agree with someone else who mentioned that us women don't see guys in a "all or nothing" category. Just because you may not be what we're looking for in a bf doesn't mean that you aren't a good person to have fun with and chill with.

 

There were plenty of guys who I liked as friends, but knew deep down that their personalities or the way they treated me/other women wasn't what I personally wanted in a bf. It's hard to explain, but I was just looking for something different in a romantic partner. There were reasons why some of those guys were "just friends".

 

I'd def give a guy a chance if he was a friend AND also possessed the qualities I'm looking for in a bf.

[Mystique01]

What i meant by the toture is rejection is painful exp for anybody. since after u rejected a person, you continue your life as normal, chance are, your normal* life may deepen the hurt. Decent person should at least sees this.

 

I put a simple situation. John likes Sally, but Sally love Paul. Therefore, Sally reject John. But Sally wants to remains friend for watever reason. John agrees, and able to see his unrequited love making out in front of him.

 

What i suggest n wat i do as John? Wish her the best and never see her ever again. So John can move on. Is it extreme?

 

No, there's nothing wrong with that imo. Even I've had to limit my association with some guy friends that I developed feelings for who didn't feel the same way.

 

It's not done to be mean, but rather so that the heart can heal and you can move on in peace. In time, I was able to come back and remain friends with them. By then they both found other romantic interests so our "friendship" dynamic ended up changing anyway.

 

But yea, I'll admit it was hard to see them with other girls when I liked them.... But the little breaks here and there that I took in order to heal/move on were necessary.

 

I don't see anything wrong with that. And imo, there's nothing wrong with letting a girl know that you might just need a little time to yourself before you can be "friends" with her. You may just need time to move on before you can possibly have that type of relationship with her.

[OatsAndHall]

I too had a difficult time understanding platonic relationships until I dated a woman who's company I truly enjoyed but it was obvious that her and I would not make a good match, romantically. She's a wonderful person, we talk ever-so-often and get along quite well.

[Grumpybutfun]

Friendzone is a term used by boys who do not see women as human beings unless they are sexually available to them. Is that really who you are?

G

[thecrucible]

I very much agree with Buddhist. Anyone who's met someone they like but isn't a good match will be more understanding about people rejecting them. When you get more experienced, you get more discerning. I like guys who are straight to the point and ask me out quickly so there is no uncertainty about who likes who. Or if they don't ask me out, there is some clarity in their intentions.

 

There is a male friend at the moment who still tries to hit on me from time to time even though I have explicitly said "I don't see you in a romantic way". I reckon the friend-zoning is more his self-perception than anything else.

 

Also we women can generally tell whether the man is genuinely interested or just chatting us up for the sake of finding any warm body.

[phineas]

this friendzone thing only becomes an issue when the man is spending money on the woman and doing favors for her he otherwise wouldn't do for someone he wasn't romantically interested in and when the woman knowing this allows him or even encourages him to do it.

 

I'm friends with women i'd love to date because we get along awesomely but for whatever reason they are just not interested in dating me.

 

But, they have slept with me a few times.

I guess that isn't friendzoned exactly because I also don't pay for them and when i help them out they pay me or at least feed me and get me drunk.

[LD1990]

If women are consistently putting you in the friend zone you should be evaluating what you're doing. It's not some crazy thing women are doing to every guy. Either they're not attracted, or you're not being sexual enough.

 

Most guys end up in the friend zone because they act too much like a friend and not enough like a man. You have to be aggressive and show your sexual interest in her. Do that and you won't need to mention silly disclaimers like "I don't want to be friends if you're not interested in me." It will be obvious enough by how you act.

[Sunkissedpatio]

Women friendzone guys who they don't feel a lot of chemistry for but like them as a person and think they are fun to hang out with.

 

A lot of us women don't get super offended if the guy is not feeling a blast of chemistry and wants to keep us as friends. We assume guys are the same but a lot of times guys just get offended and annoyed.

 

I just assume not friendzone a guy because if he is interested in more I'll likely offend him with the "friends" suggestion, as you have expressed here.

[reozeno]

Friendzone is a term used by boys who do not see women as human beings unless they are sexually available to them. Is that really who you are?

G

 

Stop making this post misogynistic. Im not demonize woman. Friendzone exist in both gender. Girl get it too. However depends on your definition of friendzone.

 

Plus, please read my original question. Not just the title.

[reozeno]

If women are consistently putting you in the friend zone you should be evaluating what you're doing. It's not some crazy thing women are doing to every guy. Either they're not attracted, or you're not being sexual enough.

 

Most guys end up in the friend zone because they act too much like a friend and not enough like a man. You have to be aggressive and show your sexual interest in her. Do that and you won't need to mention silly disclaimers like "I don't want to be friends if you're not interested in me." It will be obvious enough by how you act.

 

Why is it silly if i don't want to be her friend? I approach her with a intention of being more. I do make it clear for her. If the interest is not return back, it's silly if i walk away? Dont be ridiculous.

 

And im nt saying all im end up asfailure . I ask why a girl insists on being a friend when i don't want to do anything with her anymore. I don't want to be in a friendzone. simple.

Edited November 10, 2016 by reozeno
Accidental post

[Shining One]

I ask why a girl insists on being a friend when i don't want to do anything with her anymore.

She thinks she can change your mind and convince you to be her friend. Ironically, it's the same reason so many men are "stuck" in the friend-zone. They think they can change the woman's mind.

 

I've experience what you've described several times. I expressed romantic interest in a woman. She rejected my overtures and offered friendship. I declined the friendship offer and she pursued it. I even had one get rather nasty after I rejected her friendship overtures multiple times.

[Chris2016]

I think it depends ...

 

Hard to be friends:

• I've been emotionally invested; crush; or unrequited love.
  

 

Easy to be friends:

• We started out as friends.
  
• I did the rejecting.
  
• I've shown interest, but never really emotionally invested.
  

[LD1990]

Why is it silly if i don't want to be her friend? I approach her with a intention of being more. I do make it clear for her. If the interest is not return back, it's silly if i walk away? Dont be ridiculous.

 

And im nt saying all im end up asfailure . I ask why a girl insists on being a friend when i don't want to do anything with her anymore. I don't want to be

in a friendzone. simple.

 

I'm not saying it's silly if you don't want to be her friend. I'm saying it's silly to have to mention it or preface your interaction with it as an ultimatum. If you act the right way she won't think of you as friend material. If she's still trying to be your friend, it's pretty simple - don't.

 

As far as why she does it, it's primarily an ego thing. Many women enjoy having guys around that want them, even if they have no feelings for those guys. It makes them feel good about themselves.

[reozeno]

She thinks she can change your mind and convince you to be her friend. Ironically, it's the same reason so many men are "stuck" in the friend-zone. They think they can change the woman's mind.

 

I've experience what you've described several times. I expressed romantic interest in a woman. She rejected my overtures and offered friendship. I declined the friendship offer and she pursued it. I even had one get rather nasty after I rejected her friendship overtures multiple times.

 

Finally met someone has similar experience. I think it got nasty due to the shift of the dynamic. Suddenly it was us who do the rejecting*. They couldn't move on with that.

[reozeno]

I'm not saying it's silly if you don't want to be her friend. I'm saying it's silly to have to mention it or preface your interaction with it as an ultimatum. If you act the right way she won't think of you as friend material. If she's still trying to be your friend, it's pretty simple - don't.

 

As far as why she does it, it's primarily an ego thing. Many women enjoy having guys around that want them, even if they have no feelings for those guys. It makes them feel good about themselves.

 

The ultimatum was referring to her romantic persuit. I want to know whom she's interested in. She interested in other guy and sees me as a friend and i don't want to be just friend. so i say goodbye.

[LookAtThisPOst]

She thinks she can change your mind and convince you to be her friend. Ironically, it's the same reason so many men are "stuck" in the friend-zone. They think they can change the woman's mind.

 

I've experience what you've described several times. I expressed romantic interest in a woman. She rejected my overtures and offered friendship. I declined the friendship offer and she pursued it. I even had one get rather nasty after I rejected her friendship overtures multiple times.

 

I knew of ones that would get nasty, too. One told me prior to putting a guy in the friend zone, that she started to cry when giving to him the bad news...because she knew that she was afraid he might reject her friendship.

 

I guess some guys fall for it thinking if they get emotional about it, then MAYBE there's "something there" and that's when he hopes things may get romantic.

 

this friendzone thing only becomes an issue when the man is spending money on the woman and doing favors for her he otherwise wouldn't do for someone he wasn't romantically interested in and when the woman knowing this allows him or even encourages him to do it.

 

I knew of women who would refuse men to pay for things for them or buy them things, but they would INSIST on paying their expenses. So with the men at this point, it's self-inflicted.

[Recon33]

John likes Sally but Sally loves Paul. John asks Sally out but as Sally doesn't feel as though she can give her attentions to John because she loves Paul she turns him down. John accepts the rejection with grace because he doesn't want to date girls unless they are fully invested in him as their boyfriend but is happy to be friends. Sally and John chat occasionally and say hello when they see each other. John goes to a party that Sally has organised and finds another girl he quite likes called Mary. Sally snogs Paul at the party but John doesn't notice because Mary just cracked a fantastic joke then snogged him. All the other guys are jealous of John and Mary because they are so happy...

 

In a perfect world...I'm not saying this doesn't happen, but I'd be willing to bet more guys don't experience this than the ones who do. I've never gotten into a relationship or even a date with a girl as a result of being friends with her friend first. I can only speak for myself though.

[Herbalist]

Oh wow 4 pages.

 

The truth, OP, is that we girls like to be big meanie heads to all the boys. We spend countless hours conspiring together on how we can be the biggest meanie heads ever. The best plan we ever came up with was to talk to a guy and then not have sex with him. May our diabolical reign of terror carry ever onwards.

[carhill]

Heh, and all this time I thought my exW was just chattering away about food recipes with her girlfriends. It's a conspiracy!

 

 

/sarcasm