SAS_me Posted July 12, 2005 Share Posted July 12, 2005 Hi all. Would this make you suspicious? An overview: Two years ago I starting gettting those gut feelings that DH was having an affair to the point of feeling like I wanted to puke! There were also signs, but no proof. I told him how I felt and he of course he swore I had nothing to worry about. The first time I questioned him he got angry and told me that the accuser is usually the one cheating! This lasted about 6 months. I was not cheating! Since my last gut feeling and my discussing it with him I have had no other gut feelings and avoided any suspicions I may have, telling myself not to worry. I decided that if it did happen, it's probably best that I don't know, get past it, it's not happening now. I had that gut feeling with my ex years ago and it was true. In 14 years of being with my husband, I never ever had any suspicions until that time. The kicker: My DH and I recently purchased new picture phones. We went away two days later for the weekend for our 7 year anniversary. On sunday morning he received a text message from an unfamiliar number and asked me if I knew who it was. I told him no and tried to forget about it. Two days later he left his phone home from work. He didn't know how to change some settings so I did that for him ...and of course I was curious about the text message so I looked at messages. There was one, with a picture of a woman's chest in a tiny tank top! Of course I asked him about it and he said he couldn't even make out what it was. Ahem, he's a mannnnn. He said he didn't know who it was and told me, "don't ya think I would've deleted it if it was anything I didn't want you to see?" Soooo... I did my best to believe him, but did go ahead and send her a text message from his phone to see if she would reply. She did. I asked her what she was doing, she said heading home. I asked her if she wanted to hook up, she didn't reply. A while later I called her phone and left her a message asking her why she was sending my husband messages. She called back and left a message on the phone (I wasn't home to answer it) stating that she meant to dial 455 not 520, she wasn't hitting on my husband and she had quite an attitude about it. So after a couple days I called this 455 number that she meant to send the message to. The person who answered stated they knew no one by her name. He sounded kind of confused... course I would've been to! He also has a cell phone for work that I don't have access to so he could be talking to someone on that. It's not a picture phone though. And he just happened to be on the road when he received these pics. So I blew it off... until yesterday when the phone bill came in. He had received another photo 1/2 hour before the one I saw. And apparently he did delete that one or I would've seen it! I'm thinking maybe he thought he had deleted them both. I tried "delete all" on my phone and it doesn't delete all. hmmmm Why didn't he mention that he had received another picture, or it just dawned on me, maybe he sent one??? I thought about telling him that I knew there was more to that one photo he received. And ask him to tell me what it is. He should remember that he had received two that day, don't ya think? How would you take this "picture" situation? What would you think? I couldn't even talk to him lastnight... I don't know what to say or even where to begin. I'm scared, angry and sad... havent eaten today, or yesterday, layed in my daughters bed until 3am this morning cuz I couldn't go to sleep, and sure in hell couldn't lay next to him. sorry so long SAS (scared, angry, sad) Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted July 12, 2005 Share Posted July 12, 2005 Aww man, that sucks. Just ask him. I say just say no to picture phones. Too much trouble. I can't imagine my H getting an accidental text from another woman showing pics! Did you look at the phone bill to see if any calls came from her? Or were made to that #? Link to post Share on other sites
A Fly onThe Wall Posted July 12, 2005 Share Posted July 12, 2005 Originally posted by SAS_me Would this make you suspicious? Ahh No.. I would know right away that the person is cheating or trying to cheat. No reason for suspicion when the evidence speaks volumes Link to post Share on other sites
JadeStar Posted July 12, 2005 Share Posted July 12, 2005 I would say trust your gut instinct. Sure its possible the women could have meant to dial another number, however, the fact you called the other number she "meant" to call and that person didn't seem to know her seems fishy to me. I would keep and eye on it and never call a person on anything until you have solid proof. When you do without proof and its just based on suspcions, then if they are doing something they shouldn't, then they will just get better at hiding it. Good luck. Jade Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted July 12, 2005 Share Posted July 12, 2005 Have him trade phones with you for a day. See if he freaks to the idea. Does he hide his phone, put it on vibrate, etc? Link to post Share on other sites
New_Wife Posted July 12, 2005 Share Posted July 12, 2005 Here are the famous excuses my ex used to come up with. It wasn't me I wasn't there If I was there, I didn't do it If I did do it, it wasn't what you think If it was what you think, you didn't get hurt If you did get hurt, you had it coming He could look me straight in the eye and lie his butt off. We had two children together. He fathered two more during the course of our marraige. I found out via the paternity paperwork. Do not torture yourself for another's actions. You MUST eat. You MUST survive and take care of your children. You can always hire a PI and know one way or the other. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
shygurl Posted July 12, 2005 Share Posted July 12, 2005 Originally posted by New_Wife Here are the famous excuses my ex used to come up with. It wasn't me I wasn't there If I was there, I didn't do it If I did do it, it wasn't what you think If it was what you think, you didn't get hurt If you did get hurt, you had it coming He could look me straight in the eye and lie his butt off. We had two children together. He fathered two more during the course of our marraige. I found out via the paternity paperwork. Do not torture yourself for another's actions. You MUST eat. You MUST survive and take care of your children. You can always hire a PI and know one way or the other. Good luck. When me and my exH were separated (I left after I had him charged w/ assault and unlawful confinement) - I hoped and prayed that he'd get his head outta his arse and get some counselling and take responsibility for his actions and step up to the plate and be a husband.........but instead, he began sleeping with every chick in northern Canada. The first time I found out for sure he'd slept with someone his response was "well you made me feel bad about myself by having me charged so I slept with her to feel better about myself." Needless to say, a divorce was my next step. Link to post Share on other sites
onlyhuman Posted July 12, 2005 Share Posted July 12, 2005 Just be sure it isn't some freak or stalker sending these!A good explanation of the previous photo was he knew it was a wrong number and just deleted it!Yeah he should have told you about it but its not a huge sin! A bigger question to you is why are you suspicious and what are the signs that have caused you grief before the photo incident? I once did not tell an ex girlfriend about some girl hitting on me because I knew she was the jealous type.I wasn't guilty of anything and I knew from previous blowups how she would react....So I avoided it. I know I'm being the devils advocate here but your not sleeping with your husband now and this is getting serious?Better be sure! Link to post Share on other sites
lynnspies1 Posted July 12, 2005 Share Posted July 12, 2005 I had to share with you that I recently got two new phone one for personaland one for work, both of the numbers had prior owners before being assigned to me. I have received collection calls, racy text messages, calls from family and friends of the old numbers owners. It is a pain actually. If I were a guy and received an interesting porn or other type picture by mistake I might keep. On the other hand have you checked the calls to and from his phone? If you see any pattern in the length or number of calls to an unknown number you might want to check further. I found out my husband ultimately was having an affair through the number of calls to and from the OW. Good Luck, Lynn Link to post Share on other sites
StillHurtin Posted July 12, 2005 Share Posted July 12, 2005 I am so very sorry you are going through this. I agree, trust your gut here. I never knew my H was having an EA w/ a co-worker until I found a phone number on our cell bill that aI did not reconize. I went on Whitepages.com and looked it up. It didn't find a listing but it said what part of town it was. It was the same area where the OW lived. When I asked him who's # it was I expected a lie but he told me the truth. He called the OW b/c he had borrowed a CD from her and called her to inform her that he was going to burn it and give it back to her the next day b/c I was upset he borrowed it from her. I asked him why he couldn't just burn it and then give it back to her, why did he have to call her. Same lame excuse, he just wanted to let her know. A month later he said he wanted a D, I kicked him out and then the new cell bill came. Her number was on there several times a day, for several minutes to an hour at a time. They were having an A. I was not stupid, I knew what was going on. My advice is too keep checking those cell phone bills. He can easily delete any number he called or received and you would never find out but the cell phone bill can tell you all the calls. As for when you called the OW and she got nasty w/ you, sure sign of something wrong going on there since she got defensive. Link to post Share on other sites
shygurl Posted July 12, 2005 Share Posted July 12, 2005 Originally posted by StillHurtin As for when you called the OW and she got nasty w/ you, sure sign of something wrong going on there since she got defensive. I totally agree...and what got me too was the apparent discrepancy between the area codes: "She called back and left a message on the phone (I wasn't home to answer it) stating that she meant to dial 455 not 520, she wasn't hitting on my husband and she had quite an attitude about it. So after a couple days I called this 455 number that she meant to send the message to. The person who answered stated they knew no one by her name" Unless the Original Poster just made up these 2 seperate area codes as an example, but if these are really the area codes this "woman" mentioned, it doesn't even make sense. How could misdial 520 when you were really trying to dial 455? I could see one of the numbers being off by one number.....but there's a huge misdialing error here, it's not even believable. If a woman in this case (this ?other woman) is truly innocent, she wouldn't be all nasty and defensive and snotty. I once met a guy through the online personals. He was very very clear in stating in his profile that he was DIVORCED, had been for several years, had no children. We emailed back and forth for a bit but I found him to be rather boring and too stuck on himself so I never did agree to meet him in person. Several months later this woman emails me, says she's his wife..........he had a history of hooking up with single women on the Internet Personals and she'd checked through his hotmail acct and found my emails and she was wanting to know how long it had been since I'd communicated with him. I felt horrible!! Not only was she his wife, they had 3 children including one who was disabled. This poor woman was married to a long-time serial cheater who worked out of town a lot (funny, he'd told me he'd just recently relocated to this area - according to her, he was really just here visiting some pals).........and the only reason she stayed with him was because she'd been a housewife all her life, had no work skills and didn't know how she'd survive on her own while caring for the children (including the disabled child). It was heartbreaking. I felt so badly for her that I went through my sentbox and forwarded to her all of my emails to him as well as his previous emails to me..........and I shared everything he'd ever told me (lies).............I referred her to the "Marriage Builders" website, encouraged her to see a counsellor, to ask him to go for marriage counselling, I encouraged her to visit her pastor.........I really felt so bad for her.....and I did because I sincerely didn't know what a lying dog he was. Link to post Share on other sites
TUDOR Posted July 12, 2005 Share Posted July 12, 2005 Originally posted by shygurl Several months later this woman emails me, says she's his wife..........he had a history of hooking up with single women on the Internet Personals and she'd checked through his hotmail acct and found my emails and she was wanting to know how long it had been since I'd communicated with him. I felt horrible!! Not only was she his wife, they had 3 children including one who was disabled. This poor woman was married to a long-time serial cheater who worked out of town a lot (funny, he'd told me he'd just recently relocated to this area - according to her, he was really just here visiting some pals).........and the only reason she stayed with him was because she'd been a housewife all her life, had no work skills and didn't know how she'd survive on her own while caring for the children (including the disabled child). It was heartbreaking. I felt so badly for her that I went through my sentbox and forwarded to her all of my emails to him as well as his previous emails to me..........and I shared everything he'd ever told me (lies).............I referred her to the "Marriage Builders" website, encouraged her to see a counsellor, to ask him to go for marriage counselling, I encouraged her to visit her pastor.........I really felt so bad for her.....and I did because I sincerely didn't know what a lying dog he was. Great example of how to tell a wife about her cheating man and what was going opposed to the many destructive and thoughtless ways many people have talked about doing here on LS. Good for you shygurl! Link to post Share on other sites
Author SAS_me Posted July 13, 2005 Author Share Posted July 13, 2005 Thank you to all for your input. I needed to hear the optimistic replies about not jumping to accuse. I told him lastnight that the cell phone bill had showed another pic received or sent before the one I had viewed. He said he never got one. Well, it is on the bill.... but I'll let it go for now. I have checked cell phone records and this girls number has never been on it in the past. He does not hide his phone or put it on vibrate ever. My gut and my heart do not tell me he is having an affair, as I had felt before, and there have been no signs as in the past. So I will again try to keep my head straight and not jump to any conclusions. The girls sounded very young, immature and pretty ignorant. And who knows, maybe she did mean to send it to the 455... (to a man who didn't want to admit he knew her) or maybe she's just messing with us. He had a jeep for sale recently with cell phone # advertised. With the world today... it could be anything. I don't like making him feel like I'm accusing him of something, but if I didn't question what was found I'd go freekin nuts! Thanks again. Link to post Share on other sites
JadeStar Posted July 14, 2005 Share Posted July 14, 2005 I didn't read all the posts and maybe someone mentioned this, but just remember too, most of the time if some is cheating or doing something they shouldn't, its usually done on a consistant basis. So if you keep seeing this same number alot or see where he is returing the calls alot, then yes there may be more too it than you think. Good luck. Jade Link to post Share on other sites
dresden Posted July 19, 2005 Share Posted July 19, 2005 SAS, I am going through a rollercoaster time right now, and just want to say that the cell phone my DH (ha) has is a huge issue for me. I asked him about a month ago, when I first suspected an affair, if I could look at his cell. He said it was weird but ok, then after 30 seconds grabbed it back and said, OK, that's enough. Ever since, he carries with him even out to the pool while swims with our kid. He also is charging it at night somewhere in the house where I can't find it. On the other hand...well, if you're interested, read my thread. But watch that phone. I wish I could see his cell phone bills but he keeps them locked in his car trunk. Hmmmm... Ouch. It's all so painful and we don't deserve this junk. Anyway, good luck and keep us posted. Link to post Share on other sites
lynnspies1 Posted July 19, 2005 Share Posted July 19, 2005 Most cell phone companies will allow you to sign up for an electronic bill that can be e-mailed to you or viewed on the company web site. My husband and I have our service through t-mobile and I can view the calls he made about 30-60 minutes ago. All I needed was his phone number and social security number to view the bill. He did not even know I signed up for it because I had the conformation come to my e-mail account. If you know his service provider and his cell phone number you should be able to navigate through most of the sites and figure it out. If you are missing a piece of info call the company and see if they will help you set it up since you are the spouse. There are also ways to find out other screen names and e-mail accounts that may be set up on your computer. Just keep digging, just keep digging! Lynn Link to post Share on other sites
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