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think I got played [update: dump by text]

leogirl876

By leogirl876
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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Pop I don't have an issue with someone WANTING sex. But women say this "I WANT A RELATIONSHIP" not a FWB thing everyday, then have sex with a dude, then he fades and women act shocked when dudes act like dudes. He does not want a relationship, she went to his crib and had sex on his turf and he now knows he does not need to be in a relationship to have more sex. Sorry for the bluntness but tis true.

 

meh...I think you are pushing it a bit. Men want relationships as much as women. They too want companionship and children.

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Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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But, all of this means nothing really. He doesn't want a relationship and you do!!! Call him and ask to meet and end this. You're beating a dead horse.

 

I have missed the part where he doesn't want a relationship...?

Redhead14 Established Member

Redhead14

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I have missed the part where he doesn't want a relationship...?

 

Oh, gosh, I think I got mixed up with who I was replying to :) Senior moment.

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Popsicle Established Member

Popsicle

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I guess women should just go back to the days of not having sex until marriage

 

Well, I don't think that in the OLD DAYS women always waited til marriage to have sex . . . my ex husband's conception date was before his parents married and so is mine :) We didn't find that out until we were adults. We just thought everyone was so proper . . . :)

 

Well that is what every one thought and expected vs today men expect sex as soon as they try to have it with you and think they can dump you afterwards.

 

At the very least, it makes a case for waiting a to have sex for a long long time to weed them out.

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Redhead14 Established Member

Redhead14

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Well that is what every one thought and expected vs today men expect sex as soon as they try to have it with you and think they can dump you afterwards.

 

At the very least, it makes a case for waiting a to have sex for a long long time to weed them out.

 

Oh, I agree waiting is best . . .

Larryville Established Member

Larryville

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Men want relationships as much as women. They too want companionship and children.

 

But G we are on THIS particular situation. Look I’m not a “playa” I don’t have the personality and frankly I don’t have the mental energy it takes to be one.

 

But here there are thousands of threads like this where this situation plays over and over.

 

At the very least, it makes a case for waiting a to have sex for a long long time to weed them out.

 

If all you women sent out a memo to each other doing just that you MIGHT get men to be more compliant, thing is a lot more women want “just the sex” as much as the dudes, but then “feelings” get in the way.

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Popsicle Established Member

Popsicle

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Pop I don't have an issue with someone WANTING sex. But women say this "I WANT A RELATIONSHIP" not a FWB thing everyday, then have sex with a dude, then he fades and women act shocked when dudes act like dudes. He does not want a relationship, she went to his crib and had sex on his turf and he now knows he does not need to be in a relationship to have more sex. Sorry for the bluntness but tis true.

 

You're suggesting here that a woman saying "I WANT A RELTATIONSHIP" makes no difference at all because, as you said, "women say it everyday" and "dudes will act like dudes"?

 

Oh, and why do you think where they have sex makes a difference at all? If he wants to ditch her the next day, he will ditch her, even if they were at her place.

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Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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At the very least, it makes a case for waiting a to have sex for a long long time to weed them out.

 

Because women don't want sex? women don't want to jump in bed with that hot guy they're dating? Why are women denying themselves the pleasure of sex to keep a man?

 

You wait a long long long time and then what? He's bad at it, you don't like it. You wasted both your time.

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leogirl876 Established Member

leogirl876

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I’m sorry but I’ve read that on here more times than I can count….

 

 

 

I’m curious you have a history of self-esteem issues in relationships?

 

 

 

Well he already has won that prize, no need for him to be “exclusive” now. Also I’ll be blunt when dudes sense any insecurity he knows he can manipulate. If the dude was seriously into you would be no ambiguity.

 

 

 

That tells you everything you need to know. The question you must ask yourself (since you have already slept with him) will you just go with the FWB mode now, because he is NOT processing any future relationship with you.

 

 

 

That’s the thing, she said she made it CLEAR in the beginning. He either did not listen or did not care.

 

 

 

Exactly.

 

 

 

No, it won’t guarantee. This is the thing about “insecurity” if someone has that tendency they can be more easily manipulated. Dudes who are long time players know what to say and how to act until they get “the prize”

 

 

 

I stayed the night AT HIS CRIB and we had sex again the next morning.

 

Yup she stayed the night, sounds like it was about the sex to me and so her saying:

 

I made it clear to him that I was looking for a relationship

 

That went out the window, any prospects for a "relationship' are done.

 

I'm definitely not cool with a FWB thing. If that's all I get, then I'm out. And what difference does it make where we had sex? I'm in Grad school and my living arrangements aren't conducive for him to come to my house.

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leogirl876 Established Member

leogirl876

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have. I call BS on this one - I dated a guy for about two months, and did the same thing. Then noticed he was actively on the dating site still. I reactivated, and then we had the talk.

 

Interesting. I've even thought about reactivating mine if I don't hear from him or he keeps going on. Why make someone a priority if they're treating you like an option? Screw that!

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Larryville Established Member

Larryville

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You're suggesting here that a woman saying "I WANT A RELTATIONSHIP" makes no difference at all because, as you said, "women say it everyday" and "dudes will act like dudes"?

 

Oh, and why do you think where they have sex makes a difference at all? If he wants to ditch her the next day, he will ditch her, even if they were at her place.

 

Ok let me just say and maybe I’m vastly different I have never, in my entire dating life had a woman come to my crib where we had sex for the FIRST time.

 

I’ve never had a woman come to my crib in any circumstance until we had let’s just say “the relationship” talk.

 

I've had women flat tell me "I'm not coming over to your crib just yet"

 

So maybe my particular experience clouds my opinion thinking. Maybe this is a perception thing, maybe it’s “old fashion” remember I’m 53, maybe younger men/women don’t think it’s a big deal, do could be generational. I’ll concede that.

 

To me the “I want a relationship” verbiage is like crying wolf and in THIS particular case it was.

 

if the dude is a seasoned player, he will almost always get around that. if a dude is REALLY into you he will jump thru hoops to appease a woman and her wants and desires and WILL wait.

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Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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But here there are thousands of threads like this where this situation plays over and over. .

 

Women need to start changing their view on sex and think more like men. You feel like it, you do it as 2 consenting adults with no further agenda. You got pleasure, he got pleasure, end of story.

 

Why is it always about men using women for sex?? Why is it never the other way around?

 

When I dated I wanted sex! and I wasn't shy to take it and to enjoy it. If the man stayed or not after didn't matter. I had hot sex! I got something out of it and I know one day the right man will come back and stay and he did. BF and I had sex on 3rd or 4th date before talking exclusivity, he's still there after a year.

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SwordofFlame Established Member

SwordofFlame

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I think you are over-reacting at this point. I would give him 1 week to see if he deletes or hides his profile and if not I would bring up exclusivity just in case his 'I want to concentrate on us' did not mean exclusivity to him.

 

I agree with this. This is going to sound bad, but I've never hid or deleted my online dating profiles after agreeing to exclusive relationships with women, I simply just stopped logging on and looking on there.

Popsicle Established Member

Popsicle

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Ok let me just say and maybe I’m vastly different I have never, in my entire dating life had a woman come to my crib where we had sex for the FIRST time.

 

I’ve never had a woman come to my crib in any circumstance until we had let’s just say “the relationship” talk.

 

I've had women flat tell me "I'm not coming over to your crib just yet"

 

So maybe my particular experience clouds my opinion thinking. Maybe this is a perception thing, maybe it’s “old fashion” remember I’m 53, maybe younger men/women don’t think it’s a big deal, do could be generational. I’ll concede that.

 

To me the “I want a relationship” verbiage is like crying wolf and in THIS particular case it was.

 

if the dude is a seasoned player, he will almost always get around that. if a dude is REALLY into you he will jump thru hoops to appease a woman and her wants and desires and WILL wait.

 

Look, think all this is futile if you're dating a player (or wannabe player). A player will be a player and why in the hell would a woman want to reform a player anyway? Just don't date players. Many men are not players and would not subscribe to the player ways. I feel that most of a woman's efforts in the beginning should be in discerning whether or not he is a good guy or bad guy. Good guys act one way and bad guys act another and sex has nothing to do with it.

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leogirl876 Established Member

leogirl876

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Women need to start changing their view on sex and think more like men. You feel like it, you do it as 2 consenting adults with no further agenda. You got pleasure, he got pleasure, end of story.

 

Why is it always about men using women for sex?? Why is it never the other way around?

 

When I dated I wanted sex! and I wasn't shy to take it and to enjoy it. If the man stayed or not after didn't matter. I had hot sex! I got something out of it and I know one day the right man will come back and stay and he did. BF and I had sex on 3rd or 4th date before talking exclusivity, he's still there after a year.

 

I absolutely wish I could have sex like a man, but that's not how I'm built. I have sex with a man, my heart gets involved. Now obviously, I'd rather him disappear now instead of months later, that would be worse but still, I can't have sex like a man.

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leogirl876 Established Member

leogirl876

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Look, think all this is futile if you're dating a player (or wannabe player). A player will be a player and why in the hell would a woman want to reform a player anyway? Just don't date players. Many men are not players and would not subscribe to the player ways. I feel that most of a woman's efforts in the beginning should be in discerning whether or not he is a good guy or bad guy. Good guys act one way and bad guys act another and sex has nothing to do with it.

 

Thing is, he acted like a good guy, and maybe a really good player can act like that. I guess time will tell if he reaches out for another date or not. If he doesn't, then there's my answer.

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leogirl876 Established Member

leogirl876

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I agree with this. This is going to sound bad, but I've never hid or deleted my online dating profiles after agreeing to exclusive relationships with women, I simply just stopped logging on and looking on there.

 

Well he was logged on yesterday, so....

Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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I absolutely wish I could have sex like a man, but that's not how I'm built. I have sex with a man, my heart gets involved. Now obviously, I'd rather him disappear now instead of months later, that would be worse but still, I can't have sex like a man.

 

But you do understand that whether you have sex at 3 dates or at 3 months it won't guarantee he'll stay, right?

 

If you have sex after 3 dates and he bails = little hurt

If you have sex after 3 months and he bails = big hurt

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Larryville Established Member

Larryville

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Women need to start changing their view on sex and think more like men. You feel like it, you do it as 2 consenting adults with no further agenda. You got pleasure, he got pleasure, end of story.

 

G I totally agree, but as many say often “feeling” get in the way.

 

Why is it always about men using women for sex?? Why is it never the other way around?

 

For me a couple of times it was. I actually had a women tell me, “damn you developed feelings for me, I wasn’t expecting that.” Was a punch in the gut, I was into her she was into the physical ONLY and liked the attention.

 

When I dated I wanted sex! and I wasn't shy to take it and to enjoy it. If the man stayed or not after didn't matter. I had hot sex! I got something out of it and I know one day the right man will come back and stay and he did. BF and I had sex on 3rd or 4th date before talking exclusivity, he's still there after a year.

 

The difference with older women, they don’t have those old insecurities and just go for what they want, but this is why I said what I did about the “I want a relationship” quote. Folks just need to be more honest about it up front.

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Popsicle Established Member

Popsicle

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Thing is, he acted like a good guy, and maybe a really good player can act like that. I guess time will tell if he reaches out for another date or not. If he doesn't, then there's my answer.

 

No, players don't act the way good guys do. And I personally don't think this guy is a player based on the little information you've presented. He hasn't contacted you for only 1 day, for crying out loud. You're being paranoid. Just text him.

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SwordofFlame Established Member

SwordofFlame

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Well he was logged on yesterday, so....

 

It depends on what dating app this is. If he still has it on his phone, it can show him as online when he's really not.

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Popsicle Established Member

Popsicle

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Well he was logged on yesterday, so....

 

Please stop.

Again, those apps show you logged on when you're not. I know this is true, I've tested it.

Or, Maybe he never signs out? When I was on, I didn't bother signing out because I'm lazy like that and the damn thing shows you logged on anyway if you are logged out so why bother.

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Popsicle Established Member

Popsicle

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...but this is why I said what I did about the “I want a relationship” quote. Folks just need to be more honest about it up front.

 

Go tell that to men.

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Patrice Established Member

Patrice

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someone more suitable. If he calls, he calls. It doesn't sound like you had a firm commitment about being in a relationship. If he knows you are still looking, you might light a fire under his behind.

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leogirl876 Established Member

leogirl876

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No, players don't act the way good guys do. And I personally don't think this guy is a player based on the little information you've presented. He hasn't contacted you for only 1 day, for crying out loud. You're being paranoid. Just text him.

 

It's been 2 days, and some people are saying wait and see if he reaches out and others are saying to text him. The last we spoke he said he'd call me later. I certainly don't want to chase a guy and look needy.

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