think I got played [update: dump by text]

[leogirl876]

So I've been dating this guy for about 7 weeks. We met on OLD. I'm 40 and he's 53. We've been out on 10 dates, our communication over these last 7 weeks have escalated. At first it was a phone call a couple times per week or texts initiated by him, and after about the 5th to 6th date I started also initiating more communication and over the last couple of weeks, we were talking on the phone pretty much every day and/or texting every day. He always paid for dates, but I always offered but he always declined. I always said thank you and was appreciative.

 

I made it clear to him that I was looking for a relationship and that I'm not looking for anything casual or a FWB thing. I never put any kind of pressure on him to be in a relationship or for him to stop seeing other people. Well last week the conversation came up and he was asking me if I was seeing other people, I told no, I asked him if he was and he said no, I'd like for us to focus on each other. So to me, that makes me think this is a relationship.

 

So a couple nights later, I slept with him for the first time. After sex, he wanted to cuddle, talk, joke, etc. something that I'm not used to men doing, used to men falling asleep. I stayed the night and we had sex again the next morning. We spoke later that day on the phone.

 

He had to go out of the town over the weekend in which we talked a couple times over the phone and he was supposed to get back today. Now, I deleted all my profile pics, deleted my summary, and hid my profile. But I noticed his profile is still up, and he was active today. And haven't spoken to him since yesterday while he was out of town.

 

Do you think I'm jumping to conclusions or do you think I got played? My brother is telling me I should ask him about the active profile thing, but I've learned over the years that men will do what they want and it doesn't matter what I say. He could delete his profile and just open another one.

 

What do you guys think I should do? I must also add that I have trust issues with all men, every man I've dated I've found out they've lied so it's hard for me to give the benefit of the doubt. So I need outside input... Thank y

[TheTraveler]

So I've been dating this guy for about 7 weeks. We met on OLD. I'm 40 and he's 53. We've been out on 10 dates, our communication over these last 7 weeks have escalated. At first it was a phone call a couple times per week or texts initiated by him, and after about the 5th to 6th date I started also initiating more communication and over the last couple of weeks, we were talking on the phone pretty much every day and/or texting every day. He always paid for dates, but I always offered but he always declined. I always said thank you and was appreciative.

 

I made it clear to him that I was looking for a relationship and that I'm not looking for anything casual or a FWB thing. I never put any kind of pressure on him to be in a relationship or for him to stop seeing other people. Well last week the conversation came up and he was asking me if I was seeing other people, I told no, I asked him if he was and he said no, I'd like for us to focus on each other. So to me, that makes me think this is a relationship.

 

So a couple nights later, I slept with him for the first time. After sex, he wanted to cuddle, talk, joke, etc. something that I'm not used to men doing, used to men falling asleep. I stayed the night and we had sex again the next morning. We spoke later that day on the phone.

 

He had to go out of the town over the weekend in which we talked a couple times over the phone and he was supposed to get back today. Now, I deleted all my profile pics, deleted my summary, and hid my profile. But I noticed his profile is still up, and he was active today. And haven't spoken to him since yesterday while he was out of town.

 

Do you think I'm jumping to conclusions or do you think I got played? My brother is telling me I should ask him about the active profile thing, but I've learned over the years that men will do what they want and it doesn't matter what I say. He could delete his profile and just open another one.

 

What do you guys think I should do? I must also add that I have trust issues with all men, every man I've dated I've found out they've lied so it's hard for me to give the benefit of the doubt. So I need outside input... Thank y

 

I'm not seeing where you both said you were bf/gf or exclusive. From what you have written, technically he's still single and free to continue dating others.

[Buddhist]

I wouldn't exactly say 'I'd like us to focus on each other' to be a definitive relationship but it does sound like exclusive territory. If you don't want to confront him about his profile then you're just going to have to come to your own conclusion about it.

 

Pretty much everyone lies to get what they want. There just aren't any exceptions. It comes down to which lies you're comfortable with and which ones you aren't. Only you can decide on that.

[leogirl876]

I'm not seeing where you both said you were bf/gf or exclusive. From what you have written, technically he's still single and free to continue dating others.

 

Then what does focus on each other mean to a man? And when a woman tells a man she doesn't casually date and only sleeps with a man who's her boyfriend, how is that? He even said "I'm your man". I don't know what else, just because the exact words boyfriend, girlfriend didn't come out, how else would someone interpret it?

[TheTraveler]

Then what does focus on each other mean to a man? And when a woman tells a man she doesn't casually date and only sleeps with a man who's her boyfriend, how is that? He even said "I'm your man". I don't know what else, just because the exact words boyfriend, girlfriend didn't come out, how else would someone interpret it?

 

Well yes.

 

Focus on each other sounds nice, but it doesn't mean you want to be bf/gf or exclusive going forward.

 

Are you exclusive or not?

[leogirl876]

Well yes.

 

Focus on each other sounds nice, but it doesn't mean you want to be bf/gf or exclusive going forward.

 

Are you exclusive or not?

 

I thought so, but perhaps I was wrong. A man telling me he's crazy about me, and saying he's my man and I'm his girl, what is a woman supposed to think? Especially after going out on that many dates, talking every day, etc. Look, I'd be fine if he still wanted to date others, but don't make it seem like you're not when you are.

[leogirl876]

Well yes.

 

Focus on each other sounds nice, but it doesn't mean you want to be bf/gf or exclusive going forward.

 

Are you exclusive or not?

 

So yeah, so maybe I got played this time. If so, new lesson learned, only time will tell.

[Gaeta]

I think you are over-reacting at this point. I would give him 1 week to see if he deletes or hides his profile and if not I would bring up exclusivity just in case his 'I want to concentrate on us' did not mean exclusivity to him.

[leogirl876]

I think you are over-reacting at this point. I would give him 1 week to see if he deletes or hides his profile and if not I would bring up exclusivity just in case his 'I want to concentrate on us' did not mean exclusivity to him.

 

Ok, thank you for the advice!

[Sara1989]

I think you are over-reacting at this point. I would give him 1 week to see if he deletes or hides his profile and if not I would bring up exclusivity just in case his 'I want to concentrate on us' did not mean exclusivity to him.

 

Yep agree with this. You haven't actually had the exclusive talk yet, maybe you should have done that before sleeping together? but what done is done, if this guy likes you he will hide his profile or take it down.

[RobFLA]

I have made this mistake before... jumping to conclusions early in a relationship can be cause for danger... if you are right, you may not have the entire story, some people actually make text friends on dating sites. My lesson was don't jump to conclusions because things are not as they appear always BUT we do have to be cautious ... that said, think about this. Is he worth giving the benefit of the doubt and wait and see, i.e., is he a good enough person you can possibly establish a LTR with? Or is he easily dumpable...

 

What I learned: I messed up, I regret it to this day, I saw a new girlfriend constantly messaging guys on facebook, little did I know that she is one of those girls that doesn't have many friends that are female and that 90% of her friends are men of that % 1/10th of 1% she slept with before.

[Redhead14]

So I've been dating this guy for about 7 weeks. We met on OLD. I'm 40 and he's 53. We've been out on 10 dates, our communication over these last 7 weeks have escalated. At first it was a phone call a couple times per week or texts initiated by him, and after about the 5th to 6th date I started also initiating more communication and over the last couple of weeks, we were talking on the phone pretty much every day and/or texting every day. He always paid for dates, but I always offered but he always declined. I always said thank you and was appreciative.

 

I made it clear to him that I was looking for a relationship and that I'm not looking for anything casual or a FWB thing. I never put any kind of pressure on him to be in a relationship or for him to stop seeing other people. Well last week the conversation came up and he was asking me if I was seeing other people, I told no, I asked him if he was and he said no, I'd like for us to focus on each other. So to me, that makes me think this is a relationship.

 

So a couple nights later, I slept with him for the first time. After sex, he wanted to cuddle, talk, joke, etc. something that I'm not used to men doing, used to men falling asleep. I stayed the night and we had sex again the next morning. We spoke later that day on the phone.

 

He had to go out of the town over the weekend in which we talked a couple times over the phone and he was supposed to get back today. Now, I deleted all my profile pics, deleted my summary, and hid my profile. But I noticed his profile is still up, and he was active today. And haven't spoken to him since yesterday while he was out of town.

 

Do you think I'm jumping to conclusions or do you think I got played? My brother is telling me I should ask him about the active profile thing, but I've learned over the years that men will do what they want and it doesn't matter what I say. He could delete his profile and just open another one.

 

What do you guys think I should do? I must also add that I have trust issues with all men, every man I've dated I've found out they've lied so it's hard for me to give the benefit of the doubt. So I need outside input... Thank y

 

I always tell women that the first time they sleep with a man, even if she's been seeing him for a little while, she should assume it will be a one-night stand until he shows her otherwise by maintaining consistent contact and scheduling dates.

 

And, just because you both have said you're not seeing anyone else, it doesn't necessarily means it's a relationship, it's at least exclusive in terms of being intimate with others and just another period of evaluating the potential for a relationship by including another aspect, i.e. physical intimacy.

 

Sit back and observe. He's away now, so don't put too much expectation on contact, but when he's back, he should pick things up from where they were.

 

If he picks up with contact and seeing you again, I would simply mention that you've closed your dating profile and see how he feels about that subject.

 

Just be patient for now and see how things go when he's back. If he contacts you while he's away, great, but don't worry too much about it right now.

[leogirl876]

I always tell women that the first time they sleep with a man, even if she's been seeing him for a little while, she should assume it will be a one-night stand until he shows her otherwise by maintaining consistent contact and scheduling dates.

 

And, just because you both have said you're not seeing anyone else, it doesn't necessarily means it's a relationship, it's at least exclusive in terms of being intimate with others and just another period of evaluating the potential for a relationship by including another aspect, i.e. physical intimacy.

 

Sit back and observe. He's away now, so don't put too much expectation on contact, but when he's back, he should pick things up from where they were.

 

If he picks up with contact and seeing you again, I would simply mention that you've closed your dating profile and see how he feels about that subject.

 

Just be patient for now and see how things go when he's back. If he contacts you while he's away, great, but don't worry too much about it right now.

 

Well he got back in town yesterday, but haven't heard from him. He called me on Sunday while he was gone, but not since he got back in yesterday. Should I reach out at all, or sit back and see if he contacts me?

[Gaeta]

I always tell women that the first time they sleep with a man, even if she's been seeing him for a little while, she should assume it will be a one-night stand until he shows her otherwise by maintaining consistent contact and scheduling dates.

 

And, just because you both have said you're not seeing anyone else, it doesn't necessarily means it's a relationship, it's at least exclusive in terms of being intimate with others and just another period of evaluating the potential for a relationship by including another aspect, i.e. physical intimacy.

 

Sit back and observe. He's away now, so don't put too much expectation on contact, but when he's back, he should pick things up from where they were.

 

If he picks up with contact and seeing you again, I would simply mention that you've closed your dating profile and see how he feels about that subject.

 

Just be patient for now and see how things go when he's back. If he contacts you while he's away, great, but don't worry too much about it right now.

 

I would like to add that exclusivity does not guarantee a relationship will continue after sex. We can date someone for a certain amount of time, establish exclusivity before sex, then sex happens and it's not what was expected, or one of the 2 doesn't feel the needed connection to continue. It happens and it's no ones fault.

 

Each time I read a woman on here saying she should have bring up exclusivity before having sex I wish they understood it won't guarantee anything.

 

You must have sex because you want to no matter what tomorrow brings.

[leogirl876]

I would like to add that exclusivity does not guarantee a relationship will continue after sex. We can date someone for a certain amount of time, establish exclusivity before sex, then sex happens and it's not what was expected, or one of the 2 doesn't feel the needed connection to continue. It happens and it's no ones fault.

 

Each time I read a woman on here saying she should have bring up exclusivity before having sex I wish they understood it won't guarantee anything.

 

You must have sex because you want to no matter what tomorrow brings.

 

True, but, a lot of women can't separate sex from feelings, so when a woman has sex with a man, it's because she really likes him, and then when he ghosts, it's very painful for her.

[Gaeta]

After 7 weeks dating you should feel comfortable contacting him and stop keeping track of who contacts who.

 

Men aren't different than us in that aspect, they also need we show interest, concern, follow up, etc.

[stillafool]

True, but, a lot of women can't separate sex from feelings, so when a woman has sex with a man, it's because she really likes him, and then when he ghosts, it's very painful for her.

 

So what does a woman do in this case? Does she just not have sex? No, there are just no guarantees so have the sex because you want it. If you feel you can't handle having sex without a formal commitment then don't have it until you get one. Even then, if the sex isn't acceptable to one of the partners it can still not work out and a break up takes place. So what are you to do never have sex again?

[Patrice]

have. I call BS on this one - I dated a guy for about two months, and did the same thing. Then noticed he was actively on the dating site still. I reactivated, and then we had the talk.

[Larryville]

I made it clear to him that I was looking for a relationship and that I'm not looking for anything casual or a FWB thing.

 

I’m sorry but I’ve read that on here more times than I can count….

 

So a couple nights later, I slept with him for the first time. After sex, he wanted to cuddle, talk, joke, etc. something that I'm not used to men doing, used to men falling asleep. I stayed the night and we had sex again the next morning.

 

I’m curious you have a history of self-esteem issues in relationships?

 

I'm not seeing where you both said you were bf/gf or exclusive. From what you have written, technically he's still single and free to continue dating others.

 

Well he already has won that prize, no need for him to be “exclusive” now. Also I’ll be blunt when dudes sense any insecurity he knows he can manipulate. If the dude was seriously into you would be no ambiguity.

 

Now, I deleted all my profile pics, deleted my summary, and hid my profile. But I noticed his profile is still up, and he was active today. And haven't spoken to him since yesterday while he was out of town.

 

That tells you everything you need to know. The question you must ask yourself (since you have already slept with him) will you just go with the FWB mode now, because he is NOT processing any future relationship with you.

 

I would give him 1 week to see if he deletes or hides his profile and if not I would bring up exclusivity

 

That’s the thing, she said she made it CLEAR in the beginning. He either did not listen or did not care.

 

I always tell women that the first time they sleep with a man, even if she's been seeing him for a little while, she should assume it will be a one-night stand until he shows her otherwise by maintaining consistent contact and scheduling dates.

 

Exactly.

 

Each time I read a woman on here saying she should have bring up exclusivity before having sex I wish they understood it won't guarantee anything.

 

No, it won’t guarantee. This is the thing about “insecurity” if someone has that tendency they can be more easily manipulated. Dudes who are long time players know what to say and how to act until they get “the prize”

 

So what does a woman do in this case? Does she just not have sex? No, there are just no guarantees so have the sex because you want it. If you feel you can't handle having sex without a formal commitment then don't have it until you get one.

 

I stayed the night AT HIS CRIB and we had sex again the next morning.

 

Yup she stayed the night, sounds like it was about the sex to me and so her saying:

 

I made it clear to him that I was looking for a relationship

 

That went out the window, any prospects for a "relationship' are done.

[Popsicle]

If he had to go to work yesterday after his busy weekend, he's probably tired! Let he man rest without condemning him as a player. He'll probably contact you today, geez.

If you're that worried, send him a text or call.

 

And those dating sites say you're online even when you're not. Don't freak out about that until you've at least told him that you want your profiles taken down. Someone has to say it.

[Redhead14]

Well he got back in town yesterday, but haven't heard from him. He called me on Sunday while he was gone, but not since he got back in yesterday. Should I reach out at all, or sit back and see if he contacts me?

 

Great, he contacted you while he was gone. So what if he hasn't reached out to you since yesterday! You've been dating for awhile and are now exclusive . . . there isn't anything wrong with you reaching out to him. Technically, the ball is in your court because he reached out last.

 

But, all of this means nothing really. He doesn't want a relationship and you do!!! Call him and ask to meet and end this. You're beating a dead horse.

[Popsicle]

I’m sorry but I’ve read that on here more times than I can count….

 

 

 

I’m curious you have a history of self-esteem issues in relationships?

 

 

 

Well he already has won that prize, no need for him to be “exclusive” now. Also I’ll be blunt when dudes sense any insecurity he knows he can manipulate. If the dude was seriously into you would be no ambiguity.

 

 

 

That tells you everything you need to know. The question you must ask yourself (since you have already slept with him) will you just go with the FWB mode now, because he is NOT processing any future relationship with you.

 

 

 

That’s the thing, she said she made it CLEAR in the beginning. He either did not listen or did not care.

 

 

 

Exactly.

 

 

 

No, it won’t guarantee. This is the thing about “insecurity” if someone has that tendency they can be more easily manipulated. Dudes who are long time players know what to say and how to act until they get “the prize”

 

 

 

I stayed the night AT HIS CRIB and we had sex again the next morning.

 

Yup she stayed the night, sounds like it was about the sex to me and so her saying:

 

I made it clear to him that I was looking for a relationship

 

That went out the window, any prospects for a "relationship' are done.

 

Well damn. I guess women should just go back to the days of not having sex until marriage. That would be fine with me.

[Larryville]

Well damn. I guess women should just go back to the days of not having sex until marriage. That would be fine with me.

 

Pop I don't have an issue with someone WANTING sex. But women say this "I WANT A RELATIONSHIP" not a FWB thing everyday, then have sex with a dude, then he fades and women act shocked when dudes act like dudes. He does not want a relationship, she went to his crib and had sex on his turf and he now knows he does not need to be in a relationship to have more sex. Sorry for the bluntness but tis true.

[Redhead14]

Well damn. I guess women should just go back to the days of not having sex until marriage. That would be fine with me.

 

I guess women should just go back to the days of not having sex until marriage

 

Well, I don't think that in the OLD DAYS women always waited til marriage to have sex . . . my ex husband's conception date was before his parents married and so is mine We didn't find that out until we were adults. We just thought everyone was so proper . . .

[Gaeta]

Well damn. I guess women should just go back to the days of not having sex until marriage. That would be fine with me.

 

And then risk marrying a micro-penis...I wouldn't take that risk