My boyfriend is sober, but we are still fighting

[Ashley S]

Hi. I haven't been on here because as you all know (from my posts in the past) my boyfriend was an alcoholic and we had a toxic relationship. I thought it was the alcohol, so I wasn't with for quite some time, then he went to rehab and wanted to prove himself that he can be clean and wanted to be clean from alcohol. I gave him a chance because I thought the drinking was the main reason why our relationship was so messed up, and maybe we'll have a normal, healthy relationship if he's clean. So, he has been clean for 4 months now, and all we do is fight about the dumbest things. I try to talk it out and not fight, but he turns everything into a fight. Blames it on me, and everything when I am being calm and diplomatic.

 

I seem to always be frustrated with him. Even though he's sober he is still the same in a way. He is distant and not as affectionate. He's too selfish where it seems he's only thinking about himself, which he should'nt be the prime focus, but he should just solely care about himself if he's in a relationship. It's not just you, it's you and another person you got to care for.

 

He's a local CDL truck driver, he landed a one time thing with his company that he goes to North Carolina and stays there for one night at a hotel. He was getting paid a lot for this. It was a good opportunity for a lot of money. However, I couldn't stop thinking "What if he's cheating on me? This is a good way to do it. Nobody could catch him, he'd be in a hotel." I just kept thinking he was going to cheat on me. So I pick him up Sunday when he got back. He was really tired from driving 11 hours straight. He told me he went to a bar and he hung out with a guy and he said there were these weird lesbians, and he couldn't believe they were married. I thought it was uneccesary to tell me that considering there was no story behind it? I immediately thought he was trying to or was cheating. So, I said "why were you talking to girls? No guy ever talks to girls, it's only in hopes that they get laid. Girls can talk to guys and not have a sexual motive, where as guys are ruled by sex. It's scientifically proven." It has been proven that girls can be friends with guys, and guys cant be friends with girls. They always will have a sexual desire for women. He cheated on me in the past, so I developed this insecurity from him. He's my first love, my first of everything, but when I became his girlfriend I had NO insecurity of him cheating on me, until 4 months into our relationship he said he only liked mixed girls, and he would talk to girls when we would fight and try to meet up with them, and one time we were only broken up for a day and I caught him with a girl at a hotel. I thought it was all the drinking, and I foolishly thought that this damage could go away if he were sober and we could move on, but it seems the trauma, insecurity, and damage is done no matter if he's drinking or not.

 

He kept telling me he's so "done" with me because I am too insecure. I told him it's because of all the crap he did in the past, and I am weary of him. He said he did that cheating stuff because he was a drunk and an idiot. I don't know why I have so much insecurity. I don't know what to do. I was quiet and slept on the couch, he just took the car and left for work the next day. He didn't even text me saying "I hope you're ok" or nothing. He just doesn't seem to care as much like he did. He was always wanting me, and it seems he's so about himself that he's more cold, and doesn't care that my feelings are hurt, because his excuse is "You always have a problem, and I am burnt out." He never wants to resolve anything.

[ExpatInItaly]

You're right about one thing - he doesn't care about you. He wouldn't have cheated to begin with, otherwise. So if he seems disinterested in your feelings, well, that's because he is.

 

It doesn't matter if he is your first love. It's good that he is sober now, but that doesn't mean your relationship is a healthy one. It's not. You can make a choice if you want to stay with a cheater, or leave.

 

Personally, I would have been gone a long time ago. If this is the same guy as your other threads, he's bad news. And that't not all down to a drinking problem.

[Tayla]

Let's " reframe" this. he gets off drugs .. Making small changes... And you seem to think his disease is cured! It takes years to grow a new way of being.. Stop tossing his past back at him. He has his flaws.. As do most folks.

 

I can feel for the disillusionment of each side... Yet step outside your selves .. Be adults, and mend fences. Both of you.

 

On a side note I disagree that gents are only friendly to ladies for one reason. Please share this "scientific " link . All or nothing thinking .. Pity.

[Redhead14]

Hi. I haven't been on here because as you all know (from my posts in the past) my boyfriend was an alcoholic and we had a toxic relationship. I thought it was the alcohol, so I wasn't with for quite some time, then he went to rehab and wanted to prove himself that he can be clean and wanted to be clean from alcohol. I gave him a chance because I thought the drinking was the main reason why our relationship was so messed up, and maybe we'll have a normal, healthy relationship if he's clean. So, he has been clean for 4 months now, and all we do is fight about the dumbest things. I try to talk it out and not fight, but he turns everything into a fight. Blames it on me, and everything when I am being calm and diplomatic.

 

I seem to always be frustrated with him. Even though he's sober he is still the same in a way. He is distant and not as affectionate. He's too selfish where it seems he's only thinking about himself, which he should'nt be the prime focus, but he should just solely care about himself if he's in a relationship. It's not just you, it's you and another person you got to care for.

 

He's a local CDL truck driver, he landed a one time thing with his company that he goes to North Carolina and stays there for one night at a hotel. He was getting paid a lot for this. It was a good opportunity for a lot of money. However, I couldn't stop thinking "What if he's cheating on me? This is a good way to do it. Nobody could catch him, he'd be in a hotel." I just kept thinking he was going to cheat on me. So I pick him up Sunday when he got back. He was really tired from driving 11 hours straight. He told me he went to a bar and he hung out with a guy and he said there were these weird lesbians, and he couldn't believe they were married. I thought it was uneccesary to tell me that considering there was no story behind it? I immediately thought he was trying to or was cheating. So, I said "why were you talking to girls? No guy ever talks to girls, it's only in hopes that they get laid. Girls can talk to guys and not have a sexual motive, where as guys are ruled by sex. It's scientifically proven." It has been proven that girls can be friends with guys, and guys cant be friends with girls. They always will have a sexual desire for women. He cheated on me in the past, so I developed this insecurity from him. He's my first love, my first of everything, but when I became his girlfriend I had NO insecurity of him cheating on me, until 4 months into our relationship he said he only liked mixed girls, and he would talk to girls when we would fight and try to meet up with them, and one time we were only broken up for a day and I caught him with a girl at a hotel. I thought it was all the drinking, and I foolishly thought that this damage could go away if he were sober and we could move on, but it seems the trauma, insecurity, and damage is done no matter if he's drinking or not.

 

He kept telling me he's so "done" with me because I am too insecure. I told him it's because of all the crap he did in the past, and I am weary of him. He said he did that cheating stuff because he was a drunk and an idiot. I don't know why I have so much insecurity. I don't know what to do. I was quiet and slept on the couch, he just took the car and left for work the next day. He didn't even text me saying "I hope you're ok" or nothing. He just doesn't seem to care as much like he did. He was always wanting me, and it seems he's so about himself that he's more cold, and doesn't care that my feelings are hurt, because his excuse is "You always have a problem, and I am burnt out." He never wants to resolve anything.

 

Four months of out rehab/being clean is barely scratching the surface in terms of being able to become emotionally healthy, suitable partner for someone else. In the very early stages of recovery, an alcoholic is still "living in the fog" of alcoholism. They are still operating with an alcoholic "mentality" which is to avoid, deflect, protect, shield themselves from stress, anxiety, hurt, pain, shame, etc. In the beginning of recovery, they might not be drinking, but they adopt other immature, dysfunction ways of dealing with anything that they don't want to deal with. That is the reason they became alcoholics to begin with . . . And, short term rehab programs are not effective for very long because the root cause for the alcoholism is never full addressed. Alcoholism is not a "free standing" condition, it is a symptom of deeper issues that need to be faced and dealt with in order for an alcoholic to fully "recover".

 

You are wasting your time and love on a person who is incapable of giving you what you need right now. And, it will take many, many years for him to be able to be a partner to anyone if at all.

[Popsicle]

I think they tell them in rehab that they are not ready for a relationship for a good solid year of sobriety. I didn't believe this at first when ny ex-BF went to rehab but now I believe it. It's so true. I found out that my ex started drinking again and is back in rehab. He started drinking again and was hiding it from everyone, including me before I broke up with him. I'm glad I got out of the R when I did. He was less pleasant with me after his first stint in rehab too (although I wasn't insecure like you are). It's a real struggle for them staying sober. They really have no time for you, they have to focus on themselves. He may be secretly drinking again, or at least, is cranky because he wants to drink and you're around. He went to a bar in NC, that's a red flag. Was he not drinking in there? You do realize that they can't even have one drop?

[Redhead14]

The withdrawals and temptations are very strong in the beginning. The physical toll it takes is extremely stressful. They cannot focus on anything but how they are feeling and the struggle is overwhelming. They may seem to be handling it better than they really are.

 

It's time for you to stop focusing on HIM and what he is or isn't doing and start focusing on YOU. I promise you that you do not have the skills required to help him in anyway. So, use the emotional energy you are using to try to stick with him to good use. Use that energy for making yourself happy and doing what's necessary for you to not be "damaged" from this experience. The longer you stay in this relationship, the more harm you will do to your self-esteem and attitude toward the future.

 

And, if you are thinking for one minute, that abandoning him in his time of need is not the right thing to do, you should think again. This man cannot stand on his own two feet and move forward unless all his crutches are taken away. Anything and everything you do for him is enabling . . .

[Popsicle]

The withdrawals and temptations are very strong in the beginning. The physical toll it takes is extremely stressful. They cannot focus on anything but how they are feeling and the struggle is overwhelming. They may seem to be handling it better than they really are.

 

It's time for you to stop focusing on HIM and what he is or isn't doing and start focusing on YOU. I promise you that you do not have the skills required to help him in anyway. So, use the emotional energy you are using to try to stick with him to good use. Use that energy for making yourself happy and doing what's necessary for you to not be "damaged" from this experience. The longer you stay in this relationship, the more harm you will do to your self-esteem and attitude toward the future.

 

And, if you are thinking for one minute, that abandoning him in his time of need is not the right thing to do, you should think again. This man cannot stand on his own two feet and move forward unless all his crutches are taken away. Anything and everything you do for him is enabling . . .

 

Thank you so much for saying this Redhead14.

[Redhead14]

Anything and everything you do for him is enabling . . .

 

And this includes allowing yourself to be his emotional punching bag and source of his sense of control.

[Popsicle]

Anything and everything you do for him is enabling . . .

 

And this includes allowing yourself to be his emotional punching bag and source of his sense of control.

 

Right. So when he says he "done" with you, let him be done. Let it be over and do what it takes to move on. Including stop talking to him.

[Toodaloo]

my boyfriend was an alcoholic and we had a toxic relationship.

 

I gave him a chance because I thought the drinking was the main reason why our relationship was so messed up, and maybe we'll have a normal, healthy relationship if he's clean.

 

he has been clean for 4 months now, and all we do is fight about the dumbest things. I try to talk it out and not fight, but he turns everything into a fight. Blames it on me, and everything when I am being calm and diplomatic.

 

I seem to always be frustrated with him. Even though he's sober he is still the same in a way. He is distant and not as affectionate. He's too selfish where it seems he's only thinking about himself, which he should'nt be the prime focus, but he should just solely care about himself if he's in a relationship.

 

I couldn't stop thinking "What if he's cheating on me? This is a good way to do it.

 

Girls can talk to guys and not have a sexual motive, where as guys are ruled by sex. It's scientifically proven." It has been proven that girls can be friends with guys, and guys cant be friends with girls. They always will have a sexual desire for women. He cheated on me in the past,

 

He kept telling me he's so "done" with me because I am too insecure. I am weary of him. He just doesn't seem to care as much like he did. He was always wanting me, and it seems he's so about himself that he's more cold, and doesn't care that my feelings are hurt, because his excuse is "You always have a problem, and I am burnt out." He never wants to resolve anything.

 

Thats because he never will be able to resolve any of it.

 

Scientifically proven that men can't be friends with females? Seriously you have been reading way to much Cosmo.

 

You didn't have a toxic relationship as in past tense. You still have a toxic relationship.

 

We all told you before to end it. Clearly you didn't and clearly the resentment on both sides is growing.

 

The only reason why you are still in this is because you want to be in a relationship. Its not because you want to be in a relationship with him. He knows it and is fed up with it. In your heart of hearts so are you.

 

Time to quit.

[smackie9]

People turn to addiction to cope. He lacks coping skills for whatever reason, and turned to alcohol. It could be depression, something that happened to him in his childhood, genetics, I could go on and on. Anyways the others are right, he is still recovering. He is going to have this illness for the rest of his life, and it will be a lifetime of going to AA meetings and taking responsibility to keeping it in check.

 

Your insecurities are just aggravating him and wearing him down. He's pretty raw emotionally, and with out alcohol to cope, he is displaced emotionally.

 

Sorry but if you want this to work, you both need counseling and therapy. You both are fighting your own demons which makes things confusing and toxic. You cannot fix this on your own, it takes two to repair a relationship. If he isn't willing, you truly need to end this relationship. Stop being too insecure to walk away, for your own well being.

[Bee4Shine]

It does sound like you are insecure and rightly so. It is a hard place to be in because you spend half your time worrying that he is cheating and the other half trying to control him. Neither work and neither are good for you. If you cannot come to a place in your relationship where you are confident that he is 100% devoted and committed to you and your relationship, how long will you wait until you realize that he really doesn't want a committed relationship? How long will you allow him to have the ease and comfort of a GF who allows him to have what he wants when he wants it? I know this sounds harsh, but allowing, facilitating behavior that is not faithful, not healthy and not good for either one of you is not helping, it is hurting both of you.

 

Counseling...anything to help him understand that a mature relationship is not sustainable when one is unfaithful. It only leads to heartache and pain.

[Ashley S]

Well everyone. We are done. He is the biggest lowest form of life. He brought out the worst in me a couple of months ago. If I told you everything that happened in our relationship it would take forever. But he was so mean and toxic. He said the cruelest things to me. He also instilled insecurity in me because my therapist said "if you were a insecure person naturally you would be insecure the minute he made it official with you. You were fine and not concerned about him.cheating until he started to talk and sleep with girls." exactly. He brought out the worst in me but I literally paid for everything and I go to school. I spent all of my school money on him. Let him stay at my.place for free. Let him use my car for free. I did everything. I was so loyal and cleaned and took care of.him. meanwhile, he's making $900 a week with his job but yet I was pulling my weight and I didn't have a job. Just school money. I bought him gifts he never bought me one. Not even on my birthday. Nothing.

 

Well let me tell you about this incident. He was drinking as usual and bare in mind I have been dealing with mental abuse, I simply asked him what he wanted to eat. Hetwas drunk and said "you're psychotic like your father." I said "excuse me?" he said "you heard me bitch. You're just as psychotic as Your dad." I said "why? Because I'm asking you where you want to eat? Is that psychotic? That's unnecessary to be calling me names like that Jake. I am not.saying or do anything wrong." as I'm walking out of the room he said "you're an unloyal, worthless bitch." I snapped I literally started throwing things at him I pushed him I hit him. I tried to kick him down the steps when he was leaving. I literally lost it. I called the cops and was vengeful. I literally became someone I never was. I never did anything of that sort in my.life!!! I called the cops and I told him I'll get him back for all the crap he did to.me and I told him I was sick of.taking his crap. I called the cops and lied and said he hit me. They arrested him and about an hour later I felt bad and realized what I've done. I felt so bad I wanted to commit suicide because I never did anything like that in my life. When he got out he said he felt bad for what he did and we made amends. He then went into rehab. I tried to make things right I showed up at the court date and said I wanted it dropped. They wouldn't so I wrote a letter and didn't show up to the second court date saying it all was a big misunderstanding and he's not a criminal. I tried to make it right but since he's on probation from an assault with his ex he still had anger management classes. The judge said "when you finish your classes in December we'll drop this whole case." I was so happy nothing came out of it he just has to show.up to another hearing in December and it'll be dropped.

 

He seemed fine with this and relieved. So was I. But then he started throwing it in my face when I was guilty about it and he knew the tremendous guilt I had. He wouldn't let it go it seemed. I thought he would. He just kept bringing it up and saying I betrayed him and ****ed him.over when he's not looking at the bigger picture. He made me snap. So, he said to me yesterday. "We are always fighting you're a cop called and had me.thrown in jail. I can't trust you. You're scary." so we broke it.off. I'm hurt. He is so happy to be away from me when all I did was care and loved him. Yeah I made a mistake but I fixed it and he doesn't care. He doesn't realize all what he's done to me to.make.me snap and bring out the worst in me. He's being so cruel and making it out like I'm.the terrible person. When I did nothing but loved him. This hurts really bad that he just crushed me and is making me out like I'm the bad guy. I can't believe how broken my.heart is that he doesn't care how much he hurt me and used me

[Popsicle]

Hot mess.....

[Redhead14]

Well everyone. We are done. He is the biggest lowest form of life. He brought out the worst in me a couple of months ago. If I told you everything that happened in our relationship it would take forever. But he was so mean and toxic. He said the cruelest things to me. He also instilled insecurity in me because my therapist said "if you were a insecure person naturally you would be insecure the minute he made it official with you. You were fine and not concerned about him.cheating until he started to talk and sleep with girls." exactly. He brought out the worst in me but I literally paid for everything and I go to school. I spent all of my school money on him. Let him stay at my.place for free. Let him use my car for free. I did everything. I was so loyal and cleaned and took care of.him. meanwhile, he's making $900 a week with his job but yet I was pulling my weight and I didn't have a job. Just school money. I bought him gifts he never bought me one. Not even on my birthday. Nothing.

 

Well let me tell you about this incident. He was drinking as usual and bare in mind I have been dealing with mental abuse, I simply asked him what he wanted to eat. Hetwas drunk and said "you're psychotic like your father." I said "excuse me?" he said "you heard me bitch. You're just as psychotic as Your dad." I said "why? Because I'm asking you where you want to eat? Is that psychotic? That's unnecessary to be calling me names like that Jake. I am not.saying or do anything wrong." as I'm walking out of the room he said "you're an unloyal, worthless bitch." I snapped I literally started throwing things at him I pushed him I hit him. I tried to kick him down the steps when he was leaving. I literally lost it. I called the cops and was vengeful. I literally became someone I never was. I never did anything of that sort in my.life!!! I called the cops and I told him I'll get him back for all the crap he did to.me and I told him I was sick of.taking his crap. I called the cops and lied and said he hit me. They arrested him and about an hour later I felt bad and realized what I've done. I felt so bad I wanted to commit suicide because I never did anything like that in my life. When he got out he said he felt bad for what he did and we made amends. He then went into rehab. I tried to make things right I showed up at the court date and said I wanted it dropped. They wouldn't so I wrote a letter and didn't show up to the second court date saying it all was a big misunderstanding and he's not a criminal. I tried to make it right but since he's on probation from an assault with his ex he still had anger management classes. The judge said "when you finish your classes in December we'll drop this whole case." I was so happy nothing came out of it he just has to show.up to another hearing in December and it'll be dropped.

 

He seemed fine with this and relieved. So was I. But then he started throwing it in my face when I was guilty about it and he knew the tremendous guilt I had. He wouldn't let it go it seemed. I thought he would. He just kept bringing it up and saying I betrayed him and ****ed him.over when he's not looking at the bigger picture. He made me snap. So, he said to me yesterday. "We are always fighting you're a cop called and had me.thrown in jail. I can't trust you. You're scary." so we broke it.off. I'm hurt. He is so happy to be away from me when all I did was care and loved him. Yeah I made a mistake but I fixed it and he doesn't care. He doesn't realize all what he's done to me to.make.me snap and bring out the worst in me. He's being so cruel and making it out like I'm.the terrible person. When I did nothing but loved him. This hurts really bad that he just crushed me and is making me out like I'm the bad guy. I can't believe how broken my.heart is that he doesn't care how much he hurt me and used me

 

Sweetie, I'm sorry you went through all this. But, now I'm going to give you a dose of tough love . . . He didn't use you, you allowed yourself to be used and you were so outwardly focused on him/the relationship that you "lost yourself".

 

It's important to take ownership of your role in this. That is where you begin to start over. If you own your role and stop blaming your partner entirely, it'll be easier to focus on you and address the reasons why you accepted all this for so long.

 

Now it the time to focus on YOU for a change. Take some time to grieve. But while you're doing that, try to celebrate the fact that you will be/can be a much stronger, secure, independent person in the future who knows what she wants and accepts nothing less than she deserves.

[introverted1]

I called the cops and lied and said he hit me.

 

Are you seriously expecting your bf to "let it go" that you had him arrested and charged based on your lie?

 

Your bf has issues.

 

You have issues.

 

This is an unhealthy relationship.

 

Letting him go and getting counseling for your own issues is the best possible course of action.

 

p.s. No one else can "make you" become a terrible person. You own your actions, just as your bf owns his.

[Redhead14]

Sweetie, I'm sorry you went through all this. But, now I'm going to give you a dose of tough love . . . He didn't use you, you allowed yourself to be used and you were so outwardly focused on him/the relationship that you "lost yourself".

 

It's important to take ownership of your role in this. That is where you begin to start over. If you own your role and stop blaming your partner entirely, it'll be easier to focus on you and address the reasons why you accepted all this for so long.

 

I say it's better for a person to own their role in a situation because . . . I can't stay mad at myself for long I own it, I address it and work toward doing better in the future.

 

Now it the time to focus on YOU for a change. Take some time to grieve. But while you're doing that, try to celebrate the fact that you will be/can be a much stronger, secure, independent person in the future who knows what she wants and accepts nothing less than she deserves.

[Ashley S]

Are you seriously expecting your bf to "let it go" that you had him arrested and charged based on your lie?

 

Your bf has issues.

 

You have issues.

 

This is an unhealthy relationship.

 

Letting him go and getting counseling for your own issues is the best possible course of action.

 

p.s. No one else can "make you" become a terrible person. You own your actions, just as your bf owns his.

 

I don't expect him to neccesairly "let it go", but in the same breath he came back to me, and wanted to be with me, and change himself because he said he felt bad for making me snap like how I did because of how he treated me. I snapped,i'm not making up excuses, I literally though was putting up with his drunken abuse for a year and just swallowing it, and he hurt me so much, and I just kept making up excuses that "it's not him it's the drinking". So, I had a bad perception on everything, and I feel a tremendous amount of guilt on what I did. But he should also feel guilty about what he did to me. My therapist told me if that was my character, I would snap out and do that every time he was being rude towards me. SO, she told me not to let my anger and my black out moment define me. Because that's not me. I am not that kind of person, and that's what's scary is that he brought out the worst in me and i did something I never did before.

 

I tried to make things right, and felt bad, and he knew that. I did make things right because it's going to get dropped. In the same breath he shouldn't be throwing it in my face about what I did if I am taking full ownership, making things right, and trying to move on. He didn't have to be with me either. That;s mental abuse at that point because there's no reason to throw that incident in my face if I am well aware of everything.

[Redhead14]

I don't expect him to neccesairly "let it go", but in the same breath he came back to me, and wanted to be with me, and change himself because he said he felt bad for making me snap like how I did because of how he treated me. I snapped,i'm not making up excuses, I literally though was putting up with his drunken abuse for a year and just swallowing it, and he hurt me so much, and I just kept making up excuses that "it's not him it's the drinking". So, I had a bad perception on everything, and I feel a tremendous amount of guilt on what I did. But he should also feel guilty about what he did to me. My therapist told me if that was my character, I would snap out and do that every time he was being rude towards me. SO, she told me not to let my anger and my black out moment define me. Because that's not me. I am not that kind of person, and that's what's scary is that he brought out the worst in me and i did something I never did before.

 

I tried to make things right, and felt bad, and he knew that. I did make things right because it's going to get dropped. In the same breath he shouldn't be throwing it in my face about what I did if I am taking full ownership, making things right, and trying to move on. He didn't have to be with me either. That;s mental abuse at that point because there's no reason to throw that incident in my face if I am well aware of everything.

 

I am not that kind of person, and that's what's scary is that he brought out the worst in me and i did something I never did before. -- This is the signal that demonstrates that you lost yourself in this relationship. If you had been addressing issues with him head on from the beginning of the relationship and those things were being addressed adequately by you both, you would never had all this pent up rage and resentment. It tells me that you had clearly been pushing things aside, sidestepping, not fully addressing those things. Yeah, you may have said something once in a while, but you never drew a line for yourself or him and there were never any real consequences for him.

 

there's no reason to throw that incident in my face if I am well aware of everything -- This is the last experience he had with you. In his alcohol pickled brain, he cannot and does not accept responsibility nor can he focus on the bigger picture with you. He is incapable of seeing beyond the here and now. It could have gone another way -- you could have exited the relationship first and done it with dignity. When you do that for yourself, it makes you stronger and helps you feel as though you had control/regained control over your life. Frankly, I think he was waiting for something like this from you so that he could have a reason to leave and make you the bad guy. He was an opportunistic alcoholic at least.

 

Keep moving. Do not entertain any more contact with him.

[BaileyB]

I haven't read the whole discussion, but what I have read sounds really dysfunctional. Learn from this experience, and move on...

[BluesPower]

Now that you are out of this R, please take some time to work on any issues you may have.

 

Really, try to get some therapy and figure out why you allow yourself to be in a relationship like this in the first place.

 

Those issues will not just go away because you are done with this guy. If you don't start to understand your self worth, and understand what is normal behavior in a relationship, you may end up with the same type of guy.

 

Look at yourself in the mirror, you are a beautiful young woman, you deserve a guy that will cherish you and love you properly.

 

Learn from this, grow from this and when you are ready find the right kind of guy.

 

Good luck...

[Tayla]

redhead gave fair advisal.

 

I cannot be objective in thought on your false report.

 

Put away the martyr garb.

 

Be a lady who learns lessons.

[preraph]

He's just not a good guy. You need to learn to stop encouraging guys who aren't behaving nice. I remember your old posts and you were just always tacitly if not outright letting really bad dudes into your life. i realize your family is also enabling this. So I think the sooner you move out and away from them and make a new set of friends, the better! You're better than these guys you end up tolerating.