ErinSeMa Posted November 7, 2016 Posted November 7, 2016 Been emotionally cheated on by my ex. He used online dating websites and then lied to me about not using it. I feel so unattractive because he used it to talk to attractive girls. Now I feel like whichever guy I will end up dating will cheat on me with a more attractive girl. I cannot date anyone anymore. Maybe because of this experience, I'm more aware whenever I hear about people cheating. I realized cheating is so common and guys are willing to risk years of relationships. Please help me get through this emotional mess.
Herbalist Posted November 7, 2016 Posted November 7, 2016 You need to put the meaning behind behaviors where they belong, with the people who engage in the behaviors. His behaviors are not a reflection of you and have nothing to do with your attractiveness, and the his behaviors are also not a reflection of any other guy. They are just a reflection of himself. But hey I mean, look, a lot of people in general don't have their **** together when it comes to relationships. It's not just men, it's a humanity thing. I used to work at a company full of mostly women, worked there for several years and tons of them were cheating on their boyfriends/husbands, it was pretty gross. They'd invite me out to the bar with them sometimes but it made me too uncomfortable because they would get **** faced and just sleaze all over random guys at the bar. Was friggin awkward and cringey as hell. It can take a while for good people to find each other. Keep being a good person and keep hunting for a good person. And when someone does you wrong, remember it's on them and nobody else. 2
hippychick3 Posted November 7, 2016 Posted November 7, 2016 A cheater will cheat on the hottest woman on the planet because cheating is not about her, it's about him. It does not matter how attractive you are, the right guy will NOT cheat because it's not in his character to cheat. The key is to choose a decent, honest person with good morals and no track record of cheating...yes, easier said than done, but they do exist. Please don't let this affect how you view your own beauty. His lack of character has NOTHING to do with your looks.
Noproblem Posted November 7, 2016 Posted November 7, 2016 You are beautiful! He is not! You are beautiful! He is not! You are beautiful! He is not! Be happy you dodged a bullet, better now than later! Not all men are cheaters, and you don't need to be in a relationship right away. Take time for yourself now, take a break, relax and enjoy the perks of being single
5x5 Posted November 7, 2016 Posted November 7, 2016 Lots of men cheat as do lots of women, just like lots of men and women don't cheat. All relationships are at risk of some sort of betrayal. No matter who you are, participating in any relationship is done at the risk of facing such experiences. That said one can participate in relationships without having such experiences. Your ex certainly does not represent all men, just as you do not represent all women. Writing off an entire gender because of an individuals egregious behaviour is not a very healthy response. As to your self-esteem, your ex's conduct should have no relationship to your attractiveness. You would do well to appreciate the fact, that your sense of self worth is what makes or breaks how attractive you are. At the end of the day, you are lucky for having found out that your ex is a subpar partner for you. Anyway if you choose to withdraw yourself from relationships and wallow in self loathing to protect yourself. You should know that you are removing yourself from the opportunity to mutually share some happiness with another. Although life can often be unfair, you may as well pursue the joys for when they happen.
MarkIVSteel Posted November 7, 2016 Posted November 7, 2016 Been emotionally cheated on by my ex. He used online dating websites and then lied to me about not using it. I feel so unattractive because he used it to talk to attractive girls. Now I feel like whichever guy I will end up dating will cheat on me with a more attractive girl. I cannot date anyone anymore. Maybe because of this experience, I'm more aware whenever I hear about people cheating. I realized cheating is so common and guys are willing to risk years of relationships. Please help me get through this emotional mess. I know how you feel, OP. I got cheated on and dumped by the woman I was about to propose to. I find it hard to look at any woman the same way anymore. I know that all women aren't cheaters but anytime I'm on a date with one, I get cold and distant just thinking of how she will cheat on me in the future. It's such a negative mindset and I hate it.
Sunkissedpatio Posted November 7, 2016 Posted November 7, 2016 Firstly, I'm sorry that you had to go through all this with a jerk like that. My ex left me for someone considerably less attractive than me and yet it feels just as crappy. Having said that, my self esteem suffered due to the verbal abuse he put me through in the months leading up to our split. Leaving me for someone else is 100% on him. I refuse to ever look back and let that affect my self-esteem. Try and do the same, cheaters aren't a reflection of you they are a reflection on themselves. I know the pain you are in. You will look back and think "good riddance" I promise you that!
Buddhist Posted November 7, 2016 Posted November 7, 2016 (edited) It's unfortunate but yes some men are selfish and just follow wherever their penis leads them. The chances of them being so are higher the younger they are but many never grow out of this. You're right to feel angry, and frustrated and even jaded. Allow yourself to feel all of that for as long as you need to. It will pass, and eventually you will find someone worth being with. It's just your last BF wasn't and you found out about it in a terrible way. The thing to do now is plough into the greatest project you will ever invest in. You. Go ahead and become the best version of you that you are capable of being. Not to impress a man, but to be proud of yourself. Put your energies there and yes even swear off being in a relationship for a while. That will certainly help. You're learning the lesson everyone must learn at some point in life, to stop wasting your energy supporting, caring and trusting someone else. And turn that energy and caring towards yourself. Once you've built that better relationship with you, will have the best protection available from this kind of occurrence, a sense of self. Idiots like your ex won't even register on your radar once you fix your relationship with you and you will fail to give them any of your time. It seems counterintuitive because we are all brought up to believe in caring and supporting others often at the cost of ourselves. The time for selflessness will come, but it needs to come after you've done the work with you first. Be thankful that at least you've got the message now and not 10yrs into a marriage with someone unworthy. Trust me when I tell you this, practically no-one gets through life without experiencing this at least once. Make this time count for you. Edited November 7, 2016 by Buddhist
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