Halfwaythere Posted November 6, 2016 Posted November 6, 2016 Hi there! I've never posted in this kind of site before so I'm sorry if this post is too long (or short). So backstory, I met a girl maybe 5 months ago. We kicked it off really well and became friends pretty quickly. When I first met her she had a bf who she had been with for a while. She would tell me that she wasn't really into him anymore and wanted to break up with him (which she did end up doing). So then she was single, we went out a few times together. I started to get feelings for her but didn't want to be rash and do anything stupid. Anyways over the next couple of months we would see each other almost every other week. I was getting a lot of mixed feelings from her, sometimes in seemed like she was into me, other times not so much. She would flake on me a bit. We never kissed or anything which is probably a huge giveaway that she only saw me as a friend. But she always seemed a little nervous around me which made me think that maybe she did like me a little. Anyways about a month ago we had dinner together and it was fun as usual. She said something to me which I thought was a little weird, about another (male) friend of hers who she said that she liked him less and less everytime he saw him. I'm kinda slow at picking up on things so I didn't think much of it at the time. So then, a couple of days later I find out that she has been seeing someone. And some of the comments that she had been saying to me were starting to make more sense, like 'I'm hardly ever at my place anymore' and stuff like that. It was a really big shock to me and I was pretty shattered about it. I had had feelings for her for about 3 months now so it kinda sucked. Well once I found out I pretty much stopped all communication with her( I had just got a new job so it was pretty easy). We probably went a month without any texts or anything, she liked a couple of my instagram posts but that's about it haha. Last week she texted me asking if I wanted to go out for a drink sometime. I was really busy so had to decline, I'm not 100% sure if I really want to see her yet. I guess I still feel a little bummed that she was seeing someone and didn't tell me about it. Anyway I guess the question I have is, should I see her and talk to her about stuff. Or just go out with her and pretend like we are just friends. Or just walk away from it completely. We are both late 20's by the way.
strawberryshortstack Posted November 7, 2016 Posted November 7, 2016 Unless you are truly okay with being just friends, and not hanging around in the hopes that she'll realize that she's in love with you, I would walk away. But before you decide, have you TOLD her how you feel about her?
Author Halfwaythere Posted November 7, 2016 Author Posted November 7, 2016 I've never told her how I felt. I gave a few hints, kissed her on the cheek a couple of times when saying goodbye and stuff. But no big confessions of love or anything like that haha. I'm definitely not looking for a friendship with her. To be honest I have no idea what I want to do... I should probably text her back at some point.. She is still on my mind a lot. I wouldn't know what to say to her if I saw her. She doesn't know that I found out she was seeing someone.
strawberryshortstack Posted November 7, 2016 Posted November 7, 2016 Tell her you want to be more than friends. She either doesn't know, or knows and doesn't reciprocate and hopes you'll get the hint. If you tell her and she doesn't reciprocate, then walk away.
Poe77 Posted November 7, 2016 Posted November 7, 2016 I'm definitely not looking for a friendship with her. . I think you just answered your own question...stay strong be a adult be honest tell her how you feel and if she doesn't want to try things with you then tell her your sorry but you are going to have to walk away for a while at least to let the feelings fade...just imagine how you will feel if she brings the new guy or any new bf around you? that's not going to be very fun dont put yourself thu that...
Author Halfwaythere Posted November 7, 2016 Author Posted November 7, 2016 Thanks! I think I will just take some time for myself and try to avoid her until I'm ready to see her again.
Terrorblade Posted November 7, 2016 Posted November 7, 2016 I have been in this position - with a woman who had just gotten out of a relationship and was newly single. As some of the previous posters have mentioned, I would recommend that you tell her how you feel about her. And also, ask yourself if you can be okay with being friends with her - and yes, that also comes with hearing about all the dates she is going on. If you are not okay with being a friend (till you think you can make her feel otherwise), I would recommend that you tell her how you feel, and if she doesn't reciprocate you go NC and move on. All the best.
Author Halfwaythere Posted November 7, 2016 Author Posted November 7, 2016 Do you think it would be rude of me to just keep my distance without saying anything to her? Not sure if I am ready to open up to her yet... 1
ChatroomHero Posted November 7, 2016 Posted November 7, 2016 Do you think it would be rude of me to just keep my distance without saying anything to her? Not sure if I am ready to open up to her yet... I don't think it would be rude. I expect she knows you were interested and if you were going out that often as 'friends' and she never mentioned a boyfriend outright, I expect that was by design. Telling her how you feel, especially if she is seeing someone else would probably not go very well and be awkward. You don't want to be just friends with her so meeting up and discussing anything seems pointless until you are ready to deal with it on that level. If you've gone a while without a lot of contact it should be no big deal to just fade away. Even if you went out with her once, since you don't want to be just friends it's not like you would want to go out with her again in a friend capacity, so what is the point?
Author Halfwaythere Posted November 8, 2016 Author Posted November 8, 2016 Thanks for all the advice! I think it was just what I needed to hear
SaltAndLight Posted November 8, 2016 Posted November 8, 2016 The question I would have for you is: What do you want to do? Its obvious it still bothers you and you are not certain but is rekindling something you want? Or perhaps just a conversation of closure? You do have to guard your heart (and im not saying you will get hurt if you rekindle) Just find out if you really want to re-open that box in your life and go from there.
Author Halfwaythere Posted November 8, 2016 Author Posted November 8, 2016 I don't think I need any closure, probably just need some more time.. Having a conversation for closure would probably be very awkward for both of us as we haven't seen each other in about 5 weeks. Meeting up with her just to tell her that I'm sad that she is with someone doesn't seem like it could go down to well haha. I'll keep my head up high and move on
olivetree Posted November 8, 2016 Posted November 8, 2016 I don't think I need any closure, probably just need some more time.. Having a conversation for closure would probably be very awkward for both of us as we haven't seen each other in about 5 weeks. Meeting up with her just to tell her that I'm sad that she is with someone doesn't seem like it could go down to well haha. I'll keep my head up high and move on I think this is best. I think if she were really interested in you she wouldn't have started seeing someone else.
Author Halfwaythere Posted November 9, 2016 Author Posted November 9, 2016 You're right, if she was into me she would be next to me
Author Halfwaythere Posted November 18, 2016 Author Posted November 18, 2016 Update: Well a few things came up and I ended up going out for drinks with this girl. It turns out she has been seeing someone for the last couple of months. She kept on asking me what I thought about the relationship(I know the guy). I told her that I've got nothing to say about it and that I'm happy for her. She kept on bugging me about how I felt about it, so I opened up and told her that I had liked her for a while. She did the whole, you're a likeable guy and good looking and you'll surely find someone. She even offered to be my wingwoman which is nice I guess... She then told me that the guy was coming around so I left, and I guess I will probably never see her again. I feel like ****... but I'm glad I got the chance to tell her how I feel and I'm glad that she finally told me she was seeing someone. fml... 1
Author Halfwaythere Posted November 18, 2016 Author Posted November 18, 2016 Yeah definitely! I feel like I handled the situation quite well. Can't wait to get over her
Sweetfish Posted November 18, 2016 Posted November 18, 2016 Update: Well a few things came up and I ended up going out for drinks with this girl. It turns out she has been seeing someone for the last couple of months. She kept on asking me what I thought about the relationship(I know the guy). I told her that I've got nothing to say about it and that I'm happy for her. She kept on bugging me about how I felt about it, so I opened up and told her that I had liked her for a while. She did the whole, you're a likeable guy and good looking and you'll surely find someone. She even offered to be my wingwoman which is nice I guess... She then told me that the guy was coming around so I left, and I guess I will probably never see her again. I feel like ****... but I'm glad I got the chance to tell her how I feel and I'm glad that she finally told me she was seeing someone. fml... FML for sure... Glad you didn't get the girl... Think about it! She was hanging around you before she dumped her boyfriend. Dumped her boyfriend and monkey branched you and another guy. She straight out knows you liked her and gamed you into admitting you liked her for ego and as a reward she is gonna be your wingwoman and called you likeable wtf.. ha! Can you imagine being with this girl. In due time she will be telling a guy like your self how she is tired of you and ready to dump you...
Author Halfwaythere Posted November 18, 2016 Author Posted November 18, 2016 I dunno about that... I think she genuinely likes this other guy and I just lost fair and square(probably never had a chance). She really only sees me as a friend and wanted my honest opinion about him. I can't imagine being with her anymore and who knows maybe she will get tired of this guy after a while. Don't really care either way. It feels good having told her what was on my mind.
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