So I got over a girl I used to be infatuated with. What now?

[TheQuestioner]

So this might be a little long but I would definitely appreciate the help that LoveShack has to offer. I'm infatuated with a girl that I never dated and I regret turning her down.

 

 

7 years ago, I was 17 and in High School. I never dated anyone and was introduced to a very beautiful girl who was mutual friends with this one guy. She was new in school and I tried to get to know her. We'll call her L. L and I, used to hang out quite a bit and had lunch together every day. The mutual friend stopped hanging out and I found out she rejected him. She would always whisper and was super shy. After 3 months of communicating with her, I decided to ask her out to our prom that was coming up. L turned extremely red and was speechless. She couldn't talk and later approached me. She said that she couldn't go out with me to prom because since no one asked her out and it was a week away, she made plans with a close friend and decided to go somewhere with that person and her family. Well L's brother that had an Atomy and Physiology class with me wasn't there for a few days so her story checked out. After the weekend of Prom had passed, L came back but was dressing different. She wasn't wearing her usual hoody, and instead was wearing a very cute blouse and wore different make up. L wasn't whispering anymore and talked to me with a clear voice. At the end of the week, L told me that she had never had a Boyfriend before and decided that she wanted me to be her first Boyfriend. I was caught off guard and said no.

 

 

Well little did I know, I lost L as a friend. She stopped hanging out with me, and literally disappeared. I didn't see L until it was time to sign up to what school we wanted go to since we would be seniors the next year and a new school opened up. I decided to transfer to the new school and she wished me the best, but again she was kinda whispering again.

 

 

Throughout the years, I noticed something odd, I would begin to lose respect and friendship with people. I noticed that on Social media such as MySpace and Facebook, L was becoming friends with those people. I didn't want to connect the two together, but it was apparent she was doing something that was making me lose friends. I tried to reach out to her on MySpace, back in the day, and the few times that I had tried, I was blocked by her. So a friend of mine told me to make one account without using my name or pic, and sure enough we talked. I got to know more about her and realized that we were very compatible. I wanted to apologize, but my friend that helped me out, decided to take over and reveal who I am to her, but did it in a very awkward way. L immediately stopped responding.

 

 

I decided to give up, and during 2010 I finally ran into L face to face during my first year in College. L was surprised to see me and we talked like friends. I made the mistake of not apologizing and didn't reveal my feelings that I had for over a year at that point. Instead, I remade a MySpace and messaged her. L then opened up and told me that the reason why she stopped talking to me was she felt I was a fake friend that was toying with her, and wanted no more communication from me, and threatened me that she would take action if I bothered her again. I asked L why she felt like that, and apologized, but again I kept my feelings secret. L said that it was too hard and she wanted to move on and not be friends.

 

 

I had my friend reveal to L on Facebook when it became popular, that the nameless account a few months prior to us running into each other was actually him and not me. It didn't change anything and when I bumped into L again, she asked me why I was doing this. I told her I wanted to move forward and put this behind us and be friends again. She told me she didn't like me and to bug someone else for a change. I told her that I didn't like her, but I felt bad about the rejection that happened in the past. She immediately screamed at me, and said that didn't happen, curled herself up in the girls bathroom and began to cry. I was about to confess my feelings to her and tell her that I'm just scared to be rejected myself because in fact I do really like her. A teacher however, walked in and ruined my chances. The teacher confronted security about this and lied that I was threatening to harm her and L. I told Security my side of the story and they knew I was telling the truth because they had video footage. They informed me to go talk to the Dean of Students and I did. The Dean ended up bringing both of us into the office, but talked to me and L separately. He told me that she is upset and thought I was bullying her, and to reach a mutual decision decided to tell her and I that we aren't supposed to talk to each other and he gave me his card to inform him if she breaks her end of the bargain.

 

 

Well in 2012, I ended up having one college class with L, and overheard her gossiping about me a lot. L would tell her friend in the class how much she hated me, and then was shocked that I was dating a girl that she considered ugly, and couldn't believe what I saw in that girl. I never informed the Dean of Students of the Harassment that she did to me, because I didn't want to get her into trouble.

 

 

From then onward, I learned that L is seeing someone, and she would always act strangely around me. She would stare at me, talk loudly to friends, family and boyfriend about me, and when she's by herself, she would walk very normal, at a normal pace, but then walk super slow when she sees me, and would walk hunched over. I have made L leave a restaurant with her brother because of my current girlfriend and I entering in.

 

 

We're both 24, and this is now still going on. The last time I saw her, she was with the same guy engaged (engagement ring on left finger), and she was trying to show him off to me by holding him tight, but she locked eyes on me and literally tripped over the pavement because she wasn't watching out where she was going. I know L is angry at me, and despite me being with a loving, caring girlfriend that I have been for over three years, I am still asking myself why I never gave L a chance.

 

 

I'm still regretting it and I shouldn't be. My girlfriend has shown traits that L lacks. L dated one of my old friends and when he moved, he asked her to come with him, but she didn't and ended the relationship. My girlfriend did the opposite, and stayed with me when I was away in a different country for a few months. L has smoked pot before, my girlfriend hasn't. The problem that I see is my girlfriend and I have hardly anything in common. L and I do have a lot of things in common. We both draw, but like similar music and both are active people. I wish I didn't still like L. I wish I could move on. I'm not sure if L has moved on since ever she's been dating this guy, she is still bothered by me.

 

 

I don't know what to do because of my infatuation with L. I don't feel like I can give my loving girlfriend my all because of it. Mind you, since 2010, I have not talked to L period, nor messaged her. In fact I've been busy ignoring her. I don't even keep eye contact with her, despite her on numerous occasions looking at me and wanting to lock eyes. I don't know what to do. I love my girlfriend, but I've always wanted to know what it's like to love L and be with L. I felt like I messed up, and I can't seem to move on.

 

 

Please if anyone can, please offer me some advice on what I can do. I'm not wanting to hurt anyone in the process or play games. Thanks.

[mikeylo]

I read the entire thing !

 

Dude, move on. You screwed up pretty bad not once but for just about a few years ! Break up with your gf and get into therapy.

[smackie9]

Ya dude that ship has sailed a long time ago you have zero chance, your GF deserves someone who is emotionally available, and I agree you should seek out therapy to sort yourself out.

[TheQuestioner]

I read the entire thing !

 

Dude, move on. You screwed up pretty bad not once but for just about a few years ! Break up with your gf and get into therapy.

 

I'm trying to move on. I'm not sure if I'm wanting closure for the fact that I blew my chances with someone that I found attractive or what, but I am trying.

[mikeylo]

I'm trying to move on. I'm not sure if I'm wanting closure for the fact that I blew my chances with someone that I found attractive or what, but I am trying.

 

If you could , 7 years was more than enough. You need therapy.

 

What you have now is the regret. You are living with regret of not stepping up when you should / could have. This is the reason many people believe in taking chances even after they have screwed up. They put their ego aside and do the hard work. Your ship has sailed long ago.

 

A shy girl needs a different set of gloves.

 

Therapy is your only way forward.

[TheQuestioner]

If you could , 7 years was more than enough. You need therapy.

 

What you have now is the regret. You are living with regret of not stepping up when you should / could have. This is the reason many people believe in taking chances even after they have screwed up. They put their ego aside and do the hard work. Your ship has sailed long ago.

 

A shy girl needs a different set of gloves.

 

Therapy is your only way forward.

I know. Let me clear things up here... I'm not wanting to cause L to break up with her boyfriend, or get rid of my current girlfriend. That would be selfish on my end. As I stated, other than having things in common, L isn't a good person, my girlfriend is.

 

I shouldn't say that my girlfriend and I have hardly anything in common, because that would be a lie. We do like some of the same bands, I'm more Rock, and she's more Country. My girlfriend has tried her hardest to make really cute gifts for me. That means a lot. I know L has an ego, and I personally believe, she does have a little bit of feelings for me, but for the most part is treating me badly like this because of her ego.

 

What I think that I need to do, and I'm not sure if it's the right decision, is when L is giving me attitude again, confess to her that I did like her in the past, and that I was never trying to toy with her and move on. I think that's the regret right there.

[TheQuestioner]

I'm not trying to be mean or anything, but I've noticed that a lot of women who feel like they're solid 10s and are complete snobs, are indeed 6s or even 5s without that makeup. It's as if they created a persona with their unnatural looks.

 

I think the reason why I'm asking this was I had feelings for a girl for a long time, and I felt like I missed out on a great opportunity when I turned her down because I was caught off guard when she wanted to be more than friends. I tried to get back in to her life but she soon began spreading rumors and treating me horribly. Well, after years of "what ifs" I finally decided to check her up online where she decided to post a pic of herself with her new husband al natural, no makeup or any foundation, and I was shocked! I couldn't believe she looked like one of my relatives who I find fairly unattractive. I basically felt like I wasted all those years chasing an illusion when the person behind the mask was actually as ugly on the outside as she is on the inside.

 

Anyways, if you guys on loveshack having anything to add, I would love to hear it! Thanks.

[DramaInPajamas]

It depends on the person and what they do. I hardly wear any. Most people dont know that I am wearing make up. Without it, my skin is a little less even in terms of tone but other than that....I dont look different.

 

Your post comes across as bitter and misogynistic.

 

Almost as if you are gloating that she (posing with her husband) looks ugly without make up.

 

Move on. Stop looking her up to gloat.

Edited August 13, 2016 by DramaInPajamas

[TheQuestioner]

DramaInPajamas, she didn't dump me. We hung out a few times and she wanted to be more. We didn't even go out once! I liked the friendship, and realized that I fancied her, so when I lost her completely, she became difficult and rude. What I'm trying to say is she isn't as good looking as I thought, and made me realize if I would have known what she looked like without being dolled up, I could have cared less. This girl was cruel, and made me lose a lot of friends.

[DramaInPajamas]

DramaInPajamas, she didn't dump me. We hung out a few times and she wanted to be more. We didn't even go out once! I liked the friendship, and realized that I fancied her, so when I lost her completely, she became difficult and rude. What I'm trying to say is she isn't as good looking as I thought, and made me realize if I would have known what she looked like without being dolled up, I could have cared less. This girl was cruel, and made me lose a lot of friends.

 

So you're shallow too?

 

aside the fact that she is not a nice person (so you say) you wouldnt have been interested if you'd known she was ugly (again you say) without make up?

 

Are looks all that matter to you? You want a woman to look flawless with and without makeup?

 

Are you a Don Juan? Are you utterly gorgeous with ripped muscles and alabaster skin?

 

For someone you never dated, looking her up years later to laugh at her appearance, you sound particularly bitter.

[TheQuestioner]

DramaInPajamas, I've dated both tall and short, skinny and curvy girls. Shallow is definitely not what I am. This person and I had a lot in common, both into art, comic books, cartoons etc. I think that's what caught my eye. But when she rushed things and wanted to quickly date, I wasn't ready. Afterwards she began looking more attractive throughout the years and I felt bad about it. But I soon found out that she spread a lot of rumors about me and caused me to lose a 3rd of my friends because she was a bitter loser. I did become angry with her, and at the same time upset at myself. One of my friends came back to me to testify this after she broke up with this girl's brother, and told me the whole family has an ego problem.

 

But once I saw her without makeup, it finally led me to move on. Mind you, she's still a knock out with it on, but terrible looking with it off. Not being shallow, just observant. Plus half of the girls I've dated, I've developed a crush on because what they were into and what type of people they were, had nothing to do with looks.

[DramaInPajamas]

This person and I had a lot in common, both into art, comic books, cartoons etc. I think that's what caught my eye.

 

In that case, it shoudnt matter what someone looked like if you had similar interests but you now say you wouldnt have looked twice if you'd known she was ugly without make up.

 

Sneering years later at her appearance without makeup. Why do you care?

 

Her husband doesnt and he is one that matters. If he saw this thread he would probably tell you to f-off. Shock horror he posed in a photo with her with no make up.

 

We wear make up because we want to. We like it: those of us that wear it. It isnt to deceive.

 

Thank god she never had sex with you. Imagine the trauma waking up next to her with no make up on in bed with you.

 

As I said you sound bitter.

[Sunkissedpatio]

We wear makeup because it accentuates the nice features we already have. Sure there are some women that wear makeup like an actor wears special effects makeup.

 

I doubt most women go from 5 to a 10 more like 5-6, or 7. So it's isn't that big a deal.

 

I feel like subconsciously it isn't that you saw her without makeup that made you move on but the fact she is happily married that did.

[Marc878]

I've seen this. So heavy you could scrape it off.

 

My daughter was a Cliniqe girl. Proper make up should just enhance what's already there. The less the better.

[Gaeta]

This sounds like the rent of a bitter man.

 

If you would have end up in a relationship with her you wouldn't have been bothered by her natural look.

[Sthrngem87]

Wearing makeup is just a way to enhance someone's attractiveness. It's just as deceptive as showering, wearing perfume/cologne, using teeth whitener, and shaving. When you do any of those things it's not how you naturally look or smell. There's no connection between being a snob and wearing makeup.

 

It seems like you're just bitter because it didn't work out with a girl so you feel like you need to judge her on the way she looks. Unless you were only with her because of the way she looks I don't see how it matters. You'd be better served just to get over it.

[ChickiePops]

I'm not trying to be mean or anything, but I've noticed that a lot of women who feel like they're solid 10s and are complete snobs, are indeed 6s or even 5s without that makeup. It's as if they created a persona with their unnatural looks.

 

I think the reason why I'm asking this was I had feelings for a girl for a long time, and I felt like I missed out on a great opportunity when I turned her down because I was caught off guard when she wanted to be more than friends. I tried to get back in to her life but she soon began spreading rumors and treating me horribly. Well, after years of "what ifs" I finally decided to check her up online where she decided to post a pic of herself with her new husband al natural, no makeup or any foundation, and I was shocked! I couldn't believe she looked like one of my relatives who I find fairly unattractive. I basically felt like I wasted all those years chasing an illusion when the person behind the mask was actually as ugly on the outside as she is on the inside.

 

Anyways, if you guys on loveshack having anything to add, I would love to hear it! Thanks.

 

We wear make up because it makes us feel prettier. Do you shave? Do you get haircuts? Do you work out? Do you pay attention to the clothing you wear? Same concept.

 

Also..do you have relatives that you DO find attractive? Because if so, that's slightly worrying...

[Michelle ma Belle]

Wow. I mean, you're entitled to your opinion about how girls look horrible without makeup but it absolutely comes off as shallow. Unless you date girls who wear clown make-up, going without shouldn't be THAT shocking for heaven's sake.

 

As for your comment about chasing an 'illusion' just proves my point that you really ARE shallow. You were looking at this girl with only your eyes and nothing more. Beauty comes in all forms but you have chosen to judge how beautiful a woman is by the way she presents herself on the surface. THAT is the purest definition of shallow my friend.

 

Reading this just makes me feel so blessed to have been with men who have always told me that I'm just as beautiful without my make-up as I am with it. But then again, they looked at me with more than just their eyes.

 

Good luck to you dude.

[Satu]

Many women wear makeup because its fun. And it is fun.

 

I like wigs. Good wigs. Because they're fun.

 

I was out with a male friend the other day, and he was wearing a very subtle makeup, and he looked great. I didn't spot it right away, because it was very subtle. He's a singer, and very passionate; a Lord Byron type, so it suits his personality.

 

No prob

 

 

Take care.

[No_Go]

I can't stop wondering what kind of make up this woman was wearing.

I wear make up daily. Why? Because I like it It is like a play to me. BUT - I make sure it is BARELY visible. The only 2 things that may be distinguished without staring are eyeliner and some shades of lipstick (rarely the second btw). The rest is distinguishable only for (some) women

 

In my experience guys define as 'make up' very caked-on foundation, unnatural contouring, or colors that don't typically exist on the face (e.g. blue eyeshadow). The rest they can't detect AT ALL. I'm not even joking.

[Satu]

Oh good! An excuse to post a poem.

 

 

She walks in beauty, like the night

Of cloudless climes and starry skies;

And all that’s best of dark and bright

Meet in her aspect and her eyes;

Thus mellowed to that tender light

Which heaven to gaudy day denies.

 

One shade the more, one ray the less,

Had half impaired the nameless grace

Which waves in every raven tress,

Or softly lightens o’er her face;

Where thoughts serenely sweet express,

How pure, how dear their dwelling-place.

 

And on that cheek, and o’er that brow,

So soft, so calm, yet eloquent,

The smiles that win, the tints that glow,

But tell of days in goodness spent,

A mind at peace with all below,

A heart whose love is innocent!

 

- Lord Byron, 'She Walks in Beauty.'

[Bialy]

I'm one of those women who doesn't wear makeup. I workout regularly and take long walks -- in this heat and when it comes to exercise, it's just so much better for my skin to not put anything on it. Soap, water, facial scrub, basic lotion - that's pretty much my routine.

 

During the winter months, I'll wear a bit on special occasions.

 

95% of the time, I'm without any.

 

My sister is the exact opposite - go figure!

[BaileyB]

I don't actually feel like makeup makes much of a difference. If anything, I don't like women who wear too much makeup. Either you like her and you find her attractive, or you don't. And truthfully, it's what's on the inside that matters most.

 

I find your post somewhat offensive. I hope this woman found a husband who doesn't rank her based on looks, but loves the person that she is...

[Grisho]

-Some people are hiding a birth mark or scar

-Some people have such low self-esteem, that they cannot bear the look of their natural face

-Some people are raised in that dreadful pageant circus, so are conditioned to feel they have to put on very dramatic make-up

-Some people surround themselves with magazines and reality TV shows focused on tearing down natural-looking people, and encouraging changes to one's appearance

-Some people like painting their face and like make-up

-Some countries allow people to be bombarded with fake images of beauty and materialistic living, and not images of people eating healthy food and playing sport - the result is people obsessed with the appearance of their face (and Donald Trump's), and not global warming (nor the danger that Trump poses)

[HeartDesires]

Oh great, now it's makeup shaming

 

Women don't need to feel bad just because they enjoy applying makeup.