Katrina1 Posted November 6, 2016 Posted November 6, 2016 So I have been seeing this guy for about a month. He's wonderful, intelligent, good looking. We had a weird connection our very first date which only grew with each date. He has asked me to be exclusive and I agreed. He even introduced me to his mom already as his girlfriend. I am one of those girls that holds off a looooonnggg time before having sex because I know that it is emotional and intimate for me. I haven't had sex in almost a year with anyone besides my good ol vibrator until recently with him. It was great, but my overthinking I feel is going to be the demise of this relationship. Everyone tells me I am going too fast and that its a red flag that he asked me to be his girlfriend so soon. It is abnormal for me to jump until relationships, I usually go on 4 dates with someone and realize that I'm not interested in anything long term. Could having sex too soon this early on cause him to lose interest? Is knowing that he already "has" me going to make him comfortable and not put the effort he would have if we were not exclusive? Please help, my anxiety and overthinking will be the death of me!
Gaeta Posted November 6, 2016 Posted November 6, 2016 Did you have sex because you wanted to? Did you enjoy it? Then you lost nothing. Sex is something 2 consenting adults share equally. It's not some type of prize you hold as ransom. Whether you wait 3 dates or 3 months there is no garantee the man you have sex with won't end up breaking your heart. You have sex when you desire so and understand it's not a contract locking him into loving you forever. Even marriage won't lock anyone into loving you forever. There are men and women that will disappear after early sex and some men and women will disappear after sex even if they waited 6 months to get it. You did nothing wrong, unless you did not want to have sex and did it only to please him. Even statistics shows sex early or not has no incidence on the length of the relationship. 6
doyathinkso Posted November 6, 2016 Posted November 6, 2016 Some folks who haven't had the experience say that love at first sight doesn't exist, but they're wrong, poor things. That's what happened between me and my wife (of 38 years now) when, several hours after being casually introduced and having little interaction until ... we each glanced at each other at the same time and locked eyes. I fell right into those big brown orbs of hers and have been falling ever since. That being said, we also did not consummate our courtship for three months because who really believes in this sort of thing, and hey what's going on here, and let's take it slow so we see if we're both worth waiting for ... and you know what? It was.
doyathinkso Posted November 6, 2016 Posted November 6, 2016 (edited) Did you have sex because you wanted to? Did you enjoy it? Then you lost nothing. Sex is something 2 consenting adults share equally. It's not some type of prize you hold as ransom. Whether you wait 3 dates or 3 months there is no garantee the man you have sex with won't end up breaking your heart. You have sex when you desire so and understand it's not a contract locking him into loving you forever. Even marriage won't lock anyone into loving you forever. There are men and women that will disappear after early sex and some men and women will disappear after sex even if they waited 6 months to get it. You did nothing wrong, unless you did not want to have sex and did it only to please him. Even statistics shows sex early or not has no incidence on the length of the relationship. I love this quote, attributed it to the British Prime Minister Benjamin Disraeli: "There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics." Edited November 6, 2016 by doyathinkso
Author Katrina1 Posted November 6, 2016 Author Posted November 6, 2016 Oh I definitely wanted to have sex. As soon as I saw him walk into the restaurant I felt such a physical and emotional attraction to him. It just seems as in this generation, once you have sex, a woman loses her allure and the man seems to hold all the cards. I know it sounds immature but you are so accurate in that sex is not a prize to be won. I may have been physically ready but perhaps mentally I wasn't. 1
Gaeta Posted November 6, 2016 Posted November 6, 2016 Dating has changed a lot since 1874 and for the matter, since you met your wife as well. 2
Redhead14 Posted November 6, 2016 Posted November 6, 2016 So I have been seeing this guy for about a month. He's wonderful, intelligent, good looking. We had a weird connection our very first date which only grew with each date. He has asked me to be exclusive and I agreed. He even introduced me to his mom already as his girlfriend. I am one of those girls that holds off a looooonnggg time before having sex because I know that it is emotional and intimate for me. I haven't had sex in almost a year with anyone besides my good ol vibrator until recently with him. It was great, but my overthinking I feel is going to be the demise of this relationship. Everyone tells me I am going too fast and that its a red flag that he asked me to be his girlfriend so soon. It is abnormal for me to jump until relationships, I usually go on 4 dates with someone and realize that I'm not interested in anything long term. Could having sex too soon this early on cause him to lose interest? Is knowing that he already "has" me going to make him comfortable and not put the effort he would have if we were not exclusive? Please help, my anxiety and overthinking will be the death of me! I always tell women that the first time they sleep with a man, especially early, but even if they've seen them a few times, she should assume it will be a one-night stand until he shows her otherwise by maintaining contact and scheduling dates, etc. Sit back and observe. Stay out of his head and in yours in order to objectively evaluate how you are feeling in the relationship. It is a little too soon for him to be calling you his girlfriend, and oftentimes, a person will jump into a new relationship quickly and at some point, reality sets in and they kinda freeze and back off. What is this guys dating/relationship history? Is he recently out of a relationship? If so, you need to really pay attention. If he is recently out of a relationship, he may be distracted by having a new dating partner to avoid dealing with the previous hurt/confusion/uncertainty, etc. Is knowing that he already "has" me going to make him comfortable and not put the effort For now, sit back, and observe whether he seems to be putting in less effort or if he's putting in too much effort. Observe objectively. Live your life, keep busy and don't dwell on him. 4
soph-walker Posted November 6, 2016 Posted November 6, 2016 I think theres some good advice on the whole. I agree with the last post, keep yourself busy and dont let urself start thinkin to deep about him. I wish u luck!! 1
doyathinkso Posted November 6, 2016 Posted November 6, 2016 Dating has changed a lot since 1874 and for the matter, since you met your wife as well. You'll find out, if you haven't already. Have a nice life.
Shanex Posted November 7, 2016 Posted November 7, 2016 Dating has changed a lot since 1874 and for the matter, since you met your wife as well. Quoted for truth. Pretty sure the soldiers of the French/German war of 1870 didn't use tinder to get laid.
lakerman34 Posted November 7, 2016 Posted November 7, 2016 So, here's my take. I would NEVER, EVER, EVER, EVER even TALK to my mom about another lady unless I had feelings towards said lady, let alone INTRODUCE introduce her as my GIRLFRIEND to my MOTHER. This dude is serious. I know of drunk college hookups that ended up being marriages. WHEN you have sex doesn't really matter. What matters is the two people involved. For all you know, while you are worrying, he's probably thinking about how amazing you are. My advice? Go with the flow. Don't assume anything. He called you his girlfriend, and until he says otherwise, that's what you are. 1
Author Katrina1 Posted November 7, 2016 Author Posted November 7, 2016 I always tell women that the first time they sleep with a man, especially early, but even if they've seen them a few times, she should assume it will be a one-night stand until he shows her otherwise by maintaining contact and scheduling dates, etc. Sit back and observe. Stay out of his head and in yours in order to objectively evaluate how you are feeling in the relationship. It is a little too soon for him to be calling you his girlfriend, and oftentimes, a person will jump into a new relationship quickly and at some point, reality sets in and they kinda freeze and back off. What is this guys dating/relationship history? Is he recently out of a relationship? If so, you need to really pay attention. If he is recently out of a relationship, he may be distracted by having a new dating partner to avoid dealing with the previous hurt/confusion/uncertainty, etc. Is knowing that he already "has" me going to make him comfortable and not put the effort For now, sit back, and observe whether he seems to be putting in less effort or if he's putting in too much effort. Observe objectively. Live your life, keep busy and don't dwell on him. He has mentioned to me that he hasn't been in a relationship since sophomore year of college and to be patient with him. Thank you for the advice, I often dive into my thoughts and dissect everything. I know this is a tragic flaw, and I don't want to pursue a discussion with him about this until I'm aware of my feelings as well as his. Thanks again
Author Katrina1 Posted November 7, 2016 Author Posted November 7, 2016 So, here's my take. I would NEVER, EVER, EVER, EVER even TALK to my mom about another lady unless I had feelings towards said lady, let alone INTRODUCE introduce her as my GIRLFRIEND to my MOTHER. This dude is serious. I know of drunk college hookups that ended up being marriages. WHEN you have sex doesn't really matter. What matters is the two people involved. For all you know, while you are worrying, he's probably thinking about how amazing you are. My advice? Go with the flow. Don't assume anything. He called you his girlfriend, and until he says otherwise, that's what you are. Thank you. I appreciate the bluntness. You are right, I need to get out of my head, which is easier said then done. Perhaps our norms of relationships are different, where I'm used to a partner texting me throughout the day and constant communication perhaps his busy schedule doesn't permit that. Men are just a different species and speak a language I do not understand or am even bilingual in. Ugh
leogirl876 Posted November 7, 2016 Posted November 7, 2016 I've seen it in my experience before (not all men) but some, where the guy gets more attached than the girl does after sex. So just sit back and see what he does. Don't be blowing up his phone or anything like that, act really cool, like nothing happened and see what he does. 2
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