Is this a Pick Up Artist technique?

November 6, 2016

I have had this happen to me so many freaking times now, I think it must be a PÚA technique or something.

First a couple of nice dates and attentive texting, seem to always have a nice vibe w these guys. smh Then I sleep with them and it's good (one guy who did this to me was literally the best sex I've ever had on the first try -- prob not part of the pattern, but makes it that much worse). Then I don't hear from them for 2 1/2-3 weeks. When they contact me (which I swear they always do in that time frame) they tell me they either lost their phone or it was broken. And then if I'm willing to suspend my disbelief they're actually pretty decent after that. One of them (the best sex one of course) I actually fell in love with and we had a really awesome few months together before he got orders to leave and we've stayed in close contact the last six months while he's gone.

But this pattern crops up so much that it just can't be a coincidence. I absolutely 100% don't believe they're all losing their damn phones!

ETA: every time it happens I have this intense urge to call my far away guy and tell him that he NEEDS to tell me the truth about what happened w him bc I think it's prob the same w them all. I always want it to be that things were so intense w us that it scared him away for a little while. But I think that's just the only explanation I'd feel okay about. I think it's much more likely it's some kind of technique

There's one other thing that they do, too, at least three have done this, but I haven't been keeping notes, so really not sure they all go it... after the date they text a lot for two or three days before they supposedly lose their phone. With my far away guy we spent tursday night together and texted a ton for a couple of days. Last text was Thursday night around 9 pm he said "I'm leaving my boy's house, will text you when I get home." Then nothing even tho we had plans for Friday night.

Edited November 6, 2016 by grays

November 6, 2016

The phone thing is uncanny-funny but really some people just want others with no self-esteem who they can treat like trash with no consequences while still getting sex from them.

So they will act really into you and try to make you feel special and whatnot and then sleep with you and try to make it the best sex you ever had, etc etc etc psychologists call it "love bombing" basically put on the best 'performance' they can to get you 'hooked'.

Then they drop you dead in the water to confuse and upset you and make you obsess over them. What happened? Why doesn't he/she answer my texts? Everything was going to great? I can't stop thinking about them! (That's the whole idea.)

Then surprise they are back, either acting like nothing happened (i.e. they didn't vanish for a while with no explanation) or with a blatantly lame and made up excuse. If you have piss poor self-esteem and are desperate and obsessed (like they hope you will be) then you will give it all a pass and sleep them again.

Now they know that you have piss poor self-esteem and that they can manipulate you and drop you like a sack of potatoes whenever they feel like it, come back and still get sex. When they get bored with you or something better comes along they can just ditch you again, go have sex with someone else and then come back and do it again.

It's not really like a magical PUA formula (although a lot of PUA stuff will touch on these things, like How To Be A Sociopath For Dummies. But plenty of people are sociopaths all on their own without any training.

Moral of the story is don't have sex after just a few dates unless you are genuinely okay if you never see them again afterwards (not right or wrong either way just be honest with yourself and **** everyone else's opinion of it) and don't respond when people treat you like that and then think they can hoover their butts back into your life.

November 6, 2016

I don't think it is a PUA tactic. I think it is part of today's "hook-up culture".

I don't understand it either. Why work so hard to get with a woman one time and then throw it all away with a lame excuse? It seems to me that you could have more sex with one woman if you treat her right. Rather than a series of one-night stands. But, that's the dating environment they are in and they don't know any other way.

November 6, 2016

I have had this happen to me so many freaking times now, I think it must be a PÚA technique or something.

First a couple of nice dates and attentive texting, seem to always have a nice vibe w these guys. smh Then I sleep with them and it's good (one guy who did this to me was literally the best sex I've ever had on the first try -- prob not part of the pattern, but makes it that much worse). Then I don't hear from them for 2 1/2-3 weeks. When they contact me (which I swear they always do in that time frame) they tell me they either lost their phone or it was broken. And then if I'm willing to suspend my disbelief they're actually pretty decent after that. One of them (the best sex one of course) I actually fell in love with and we had a really awesome few months together before he got orders to leave and we've stayed in close contact the last six months while he's gone.

But this pattern crops up so much that it just can't be a coincidence. I absolutely 100% don't believe they're all losing their damn phones!

ETA: every time it happens I have this intense urge to call my far away guy and tell him that he NEEDS to tell me the truth about what happened w him bc I think it's prob the same w them all. I always want it to be that things were so intense w us that it scared him away for a little while. But I think that's just the only explanation I'd feel okay about. I think it's much more likely it's some kind of technique

There's one other thing that they do, too, at least three have done this, but I haven't been keeping notes, so really not sure they all go it... after the date they text a lot for two or three days before they supposedly lose their phone. With my far away guy we spent tursday night together and texted a ton for a couple of days. Last text was Thursday night around 9 pm he said "I'm leaving my boy's house, will text you when I get home." Then nothing even tho we had plans for Friday night.

This is a guy who's only looking to hook up when he wants and disappear when he wants. And don't believe the "I lost my phone" crap. Ok, maybe if you lost your phone or it broke, you'd be out of contact for 3-4 days until you could get another one, we live in a cell phone obsessed world that nobody loses their phone for 2-3 weeks, c'mon!!! This is a guy with what I've heard the term "low ego" he uses women to seek the validation he needs, once he gets it, he moves on, but then comes back around when he needs it again, either nobody else is giving him validation or he's bored with ones he's getting it from. It's called narcissistic supply!!! Drop him, they don't ever change!

November 6, 2016

Christ all mighty!!! I'm sure you're right about their behavior. It's so weird tho bc most of the time i really don't give a **** whether i see them again. And, i kid you not, my self-esteem is bizarrely through the roof. I pretty much think anyone who gets to spend any time with me is lucky as hell and there's always a great guy around every corner just dying to get with me. lol

I hate, hate, hate to think my far away guy did that. (I don't really give a crap about the others. Not really sure if I dated any of them after they did it, and if I did, was prob just if they were a good **** or something.) it's so hard to imagine because after that happened there was a crazy emotional thing going on for him -- his kid had disappeared for a year and a half, wasn't sure if he was alive or dead, and then suddenly showed back up during the time we were together -- that really opened us both up a lot. So I feel like I've seen his guts exposed, yk?

But at the same time there's a couple of other behaviors that I think kind of go along w the phone thing. A lot of guys I'm with say lots of supportive or praiseful things, but he never does, like never. And I showered him with that ****. I didn't for a moment think he wasn't bowled over by my beauty and general awesomeness though. lol I thought it was his insecurity that kept him from saying nice things.

The other crazy thing was that a few months ago I told him that I just couldn't get over him and I wanted to know how he felt bc I didn't want to waste my time. And he told me that he "doesn't get attached." Obviously I felt punched in the gut by that. But I wanted to know bc if he wasn't into me I wanted to really put it to rest. And that was my plan. I completely stopped contacting him. And then he came back a few weeks later saying he wanted me to come visit and started acting like he wished we could work things so we can be together when he retires a couple of years from now.

I'm really not sure what to think. I'm having a hard time not making some kind of excuse for him. But obviously, if he's purposely been making me feel bad, that's a total deal breaker. I was willing to entertain the idea that he spent three weeks unsure if he wanted to hang out with me, but I'm not okay with the idea that he spent three weeks purposely making me feel bad because it would make me feel so bad that he'd be able to manipulate me. The worst part is i can never really know unless he admitted it.

November 6, 2016

I don't think it is a PUA tactic. I think it is part of today's "hook-up culture".

I don't understand it either. Why work so hard to get with a woman one time and then throw it all away with a lame excuse? It seems to me that you could have more sex with one woman if you treat her right. Rather than a series of one-night stands. But, that's the dating environment they are in and they don't know any other way.

At this point in my life I am really all about the sex. I'd be ok with one or several lovers, as long as they keep me pretty busy. I don't want 400, tho, so I don't like one time things. But a lot of these guys, i think, are really just in it to see if you'll **** them and then they're out. It doesn't make a lot of sense.

November 6, 2016

At this point in my life I am really all about the sex. I'd be ok with one or several lovers, as long as they keep me pretty busy. I don't want 400, tho, so I don't like one time things. But a lot of these guys, i think, are really just in it to see if you'll **** them and then they're out. It doesn't make a lot of sense.

I know. It shouldn't be hard to figure out, but these guys ... just look at this board ... are so lost and confused. OLD and the culture has them so screwed up that they can't see what they want is right in front of them.

November 6, 2016

The dude isn't looking for a commitment 2 years down the road....he's just lookin for a temporary place to hang his hat to get some.

Kick him to the curb, stop wasting your time .......

November 6, 2016

These other guys.....they like the chase, they get an ego boost, it's fun, exciting.....steady with one person is boring.

November 6, 2016

These other guys.....they like the chase, they get an ego boost, it's fun, exciting.....steady with one person is boring.

I'd rather have a steady supply of orgasms. The chase is overrated.

November 6, 2016

I'm really not sure what to think. I'm having a hard time not making some kind of excuse for him. But obviously, if he's purposely been making me feel bad, that's a total deal breaker. I was willing to entertain the idea that he spent three weeks unsure if he wanted to hang out with me, but I'm not okay with the idea that he spent three weeks purposely making me feel bad because it would make me feel so bad that he'd be able to manipulate me. The worst part is i can never really know unless he admitted it.

That's exactly what he did, g, and on some level you already know it. If you can't deal, ditch him. But if you're really living the sex life, this shouldn't bother you too much and you should just keep him around for sex.

Being on the constant prowl means you need to be in total command of your emotions, believe me.

November 6, 2016

Here's how I see it.

You pick kind of decent guys. Decent enough to woo you on a few dates before the sex. Decent enough that that they're not rude enough to completely ignore you after having sex with you...so they text you for a few days just so they don't seem like douchbags. The phone losing thing is weird but not uncommon....it's the easiest excuse in this day and age when everyone always has their phones glued to their sides...it's really the only excuse that would explain why they wouldn't see your text.

Then after a few days, they dont want to lead you on into a relationship so they're gone. Two to theee weeks later when they're looking to get laid again and can't find someone else, they start calling you again.

i don't see a way out of this unless you refuse to have sex with people who don't commit to an actual relationship with you first .

November 6, 2016

I have had this happen to me so many freaking times now, I think it must be a PÚA technique or something.

First a couple of nice dates and attentive texting, seem to always have a nice vibe w these guys. smh Then I sleep with them and it's good (one guy who did this to me was literally the best sex I've ever had on the first try -- prob not part of the pattern, but makes it that much worse). Then I don't hear from them for 2 1/2-3 weeks. When they contact me (which I swear they always do in that time frame) they tell me they either lost their phone or it was broken. And then if I'm willing to suspend my disbelief they're actually pretty decent after that. One of them (the best sex one of course) I actually fell in love with and we had a really awesome few months together before he got orders to leave and we've stayed in close contact the last six months while he's gone.

But this pattern crops up so much that it just can't be a coincidence. I absolutely 100% don't believe they're all losing their damn phones!

ETA: every time it happens I have this intense urge to call my far away guy and tell him that he NEEDS to tell me the truth about what happened w him bc I think it's prob the same w them all. I always want it to be that things were so intense w us that it scared him away for a little while. But I think that's just the only explanation I'd feel okay about. I think it's much more likely it's some kind of technique

There's one other thing that they do, too, at least three have done this, but I haven't been keeping notes, so really not sure they all go it... after the date they text a lot for two or three days before they supposedly lose their phone. With my far away guy we spent tursday night together and texted a ton for a couple of days. Last text was Thursday night around 9 pm he said "I'm leaving my boy's house, will text you when I get home." Then nothing even tho we had plans for Friday night.

You are having one-night stands PERIOD. The guys call after weeks because other options have dried up. They call you only when they need/want sex again. They didn't lose their phone, they found another girl to have sex with . . . or have other things they'd rather do for a while.

I always tell women that the first time they sleep with a man, especially early, she should assume it will be a one-night stand until he shows her otherwise by maintaining consistent contact and scheduling dates. If they disappear for weeks and then contact you, don't respond in any way, unless of course, you want to have sex again, but don't expect it to go anywhere.

November 6, 2016

See, the frustrating thing for me is that I don't need for these relationships to go somewhere. I'd rather not have a ONS but I don't want an exclusive relationship. I'm quite happy to have a loose friends w benefits type thing. These guys don't have to treat me ****ty to get what they want. I would probably almost always be fine w hanging out once every three weeks.

I wish I could post this somewhere for them. I need like a special Facebook page where I only friend guys I'm ****ing that will outline the parameters bc I think my parameters are different that most people's. I don't wanna tell them beforehand how not to be an ******* and once they've lost their phone it's over.

Sometimes I do think there's something more going on than them just being *******s. Far away guy, for example, is so f'ing damaged, and, sadly, that is a huge attraction for me. But his damaged-ness I think leads him to both lose his phone or be an ******* in other ways and to connect with me in really intense ways. For as much as it seems like he's putting up barriers, I've never had a guy suggest that we just stay in my apartment for three days straight and then just be completely focused on me the whole time. A lot of that time was spent having sex, but a lot of it was talking about stuff he never talks about.

So I dunno. I think a guy can be an ******* but still have a lot of good in him. I really don't want to be with an ******* or a guy who's willing to make me feel bad. But in rare cases, like this one guy, i feel like it could be worthwhile to work through it. The fact that he's far away makes it unlikely that'll come to pass w him. But if he was here I'd give it a shot.

November 6, 2016

You are having one-night stands PERIOD. The guys call after weeks because other options have dried up. They call you only when they need/want sex again. They didn't lose their phone, they found another girl to have sex with . . . or have other things they'd rather do for a while.

I always tell women that the first time they sleep with a man, especially early, she should assume it will be a one-night stand until he shows her otherwise by maintaining consistent contact and scheduling dates. If they disappear for weeks and then contact you, don't respond in any way, unless of course, you want to have sex again, but don't expect it to go anywhere.

So frustrating bc I very much doubt any of these guys has been having sex as much or with as many people as I am and I have never one felt the need to lose my phone.

Gotta say tho, I have almost never had a ONS. Just recently I've made a point of not exchanging numbers a couple of times and the guys tracked me down through friends of friends or something. So maybe I should work that angle. lol

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Is this a Pick Up Artist technique?

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