lobsterbabe Posted July 12, 2005 Posted July 12, 2005 my bf and i have been going steady for a good 3mos now. we see each other everyday. i've already met his family. (he hasn't met mine yet). overall, it's been pretty good and solid. however, we have yet to talk about our pasts. he's divorced (a long time ago) and has a kid (the kid stays with the mom in another town). he just casually mentioned about it in the beginning of our relaionship but never went into details.. so was his past relationships. all he could say to me w/ his last gf was that they were together for about 3 years and that she was taking him seriously and he wasn't. and that she was pressuring him to marry her. which led me to asking him, "how come you were w/ her for 3 years and never took her seriously?" and he said that he didn't love her. or something like that.... is that really possible? i haven't had many long-term relationships (he has and actually enjoys it). i haven't mentioned anything about my past bf's to him... other than that i had been single for a while (and was casually dating) before i met him... like, a part of me is very curious about his past and would like to see a pattern on his dating behaviors.. but a part of me doesn't want to know too much. i feel i would put myself in a situation to be a bit insecure and jealous (like, do i measure up to the other girls he's been with?)... i don't know. i'm torn.. then i kept reminding myself: he's no longer with them. they broke up for a reason. he's with me for a reason. so, how do i bring that up??? how important is someone's past to the current relationship?
Moai Posted July 12, 2005 Posted July 12, 2005 In some ways it is important, because as you say it shows past dating behaviors, etc. That's always good to know. On the other hand, knowing too much about someone's past is never, ever good. It is a given that you'll hear something that'll freak you out, or that you will see him do something and wonder, 'Is this the first sign of what he did last time?" or something like that. I would fight the urge to know things like that. Don't ask, and if the subject comes up don't probe. Let him tell you what he wants you to know. He shouldn't really be talking too much about it anyway, as he is with you now, not them. As far as the three years not meaning anything, that is no big deal. I did it for five years. I wasn't waiting around for something better, either, it was just what I wanted for that time and when it started morphing into something I didn't want, it was over.
J dub Posted July 12, 2005 Posted July 12, 2005 Whats important is whether or not they learned from their past. THAT is what I would be concerned about.
alphamale Posted July 12, 2005 Posted July 12, 2005 Originally posted by lobsterbabe how important is someone's past to the current relationship? it really depends on what it is LOBSTERBABE..... if he has a history of breaking up with women for the wrong reasons that may be minor cooncern.... but, if he has a history as a serial killer then that would be a major concern...
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