KPChick000 Posted November 5, 2016 Posted November 5, 2016 I have been seeing this guy casually for a couple months. It is definitely a casual relationship/fling and I have no expectations that it will go any further. The first month he was very proactive and would be the one to initiate texting or getting together. The second month, not so much. He was not always available last month which I took as this fizzling out/him starting to lose interest/maybe he is seeing others. A couple weeks ago, he called me to hang out one night. We were all set to get together and were on the phone when he then said he had to do something first. Basically, he then stood me up. The next morning he texted me and said he had fallen asleep and that he was sorry. My reply back was: "so messed up". And I have not heard from him since. And I have not reached out since either. I know the logical thing is to move on, but somehow I can't (I mean I am capable but for some reason I can't). I had other guys interested around this time but I couldn't get into it because I had been seeing this guy. I feel like I chose the wrong guy, but that's another story. Anyway, I know me thinking about this despite him standing me up and him not being "bf material" is a sign that I am more invested than him. I want to see him, and I am already thinking about texting him and giving him "an out" in case he is not texting me because he thinks I am still mad -- Bad idea, right? If we continue this, I will likely start to grow stronger feelings for him, and he will likely not reciprocate. This is what my gut is telling me but there is a part of me that's like "who knows?". The logical part of me is saying I should just take this opportunity where he messed up to keep my dignity and move on. But at this moment I just want to see him (I am not going to lie; I miss the physical stuff). It takes a LOT for someone to hold my interest so I think that contributes some to my hesitation to find someone else. But I know deep down he is not the right guy. Aghhhh, just venting here and seeing if anyone has gone through something like this.
Nowty V Posted November 5, 2016 Posted November 5, 2016 Yep been through all of that. You have a current 'connection' with this guy, you've been physically intimate, you may need some 'sugar' but you need to let it go. It's hard to take the step into the 'void' but it has to be done. Don't carry a torch hoping he will reach out to you. Go NC, block/delete, do some work on yourself, move on. How you're feeling is natural. However you deserve way better than the way this clown is treating you. Your Man should Cherish you, don't settle for less. 1
TheTraveler Posted November 6, 2016 Posted November 6, 2016 He faded because he was seeing someone else or trying to get with someone else. He was probably bored or lonely one day and wanted to see what you been up to. A better opportunity came up and "he fell asleep." 1
mortensorchid Posted November 6, 2016 Posted November 6, 2016 Get out, get busy and do other things with your time. It's not worth it. You're sitting around thinking about this because you don't have enough to do with your time. Move on. 2
smackie9 Posted November 6, 2016 Posted November 6, 2016 We desire most what we can't have............... 1
soph-walker Posted November 6, 2016 Posted November 6, 2016 I have had this kind of feeling a couple of times and it isnt worth thinkin about..you got to move on and meet someone new or keep yourself busy with things it will only end with you hurting and feeling sorry for going back 1
Author KPChick000 Posted November 6, 2016 Author Posted November 6, 2016 Why is it that we are attracted to what we cannot have? I am kicking myself for having chosen this emotionally unavailable guy over another guy who had been more sincere and probably more suitable for a long-term relationship. But if I had chosen the nice guy, it would've been too easy. I am kicking myself for STILL holding onto this jerk. When we are together it is great. It is when we are not together that is the problem, but it is a big problem because we are not together a lot. I think I have the personality type that wants to see something through-- for some reason the outcome of me being hurt doesn't phase me all that much? Maybe it is instant gratification that I want? I haven't reached out to him, but I have been thinking about texting him for a few days now. Need to stay strong... 1
Mkn1010 Posted November 7, 2016 Posted November 7, 2016 Please please please move on with your dignity in tact. I briefly made a lame attempt at a similar situation (I guess you could call it a FWB situation) and I ended up liking the guy and telling him, by text, that I cannot continue to see him because I'm just not the type for cheap thrills and I wished him well. He did not reply at all until about two weeks later, saying "Its probably a good idea for you to delete my number". QUITE EMBARASSING! Invest your time and FEELINGS with someone available. These types also have the tendency to be quite cruel, in my opinion.
Mkn1010 Posted November 7, 2016 Posted November 7, 2016 Another thing I forgot to add is that I wholeheartedly believe that we feel more drawn to these types (and more 'chemistry') due to some kind of void within ourselves. I've had to ask myself whether I TRULY believe that I deserve someone who puts in the effort and wants to date me exclusively. I have read that 'chemistry' can actually be a red flag as there is a theory that we feel it with people who speak to our insecurities and help us re-live our subconscious most dysfunctional relationship traumas/habits etc.
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