Rick_Ralty Posted November 5, 2016 Posted November 5, 2016 After about 3 weeks of being dumped from a 4 year relationship I started seeing this new girl I had met from college years ago (she had just gotten dumped from her longest relationship as well). We had known each other for 5 years as platonic friends before we started seeing each other. I always had a thing for her. She’s the hottest female I’ve ever known. There were many times with my ex of 4 years, were while we we dating, that I would fantasize about my college friend. But I never made any move because I was in a relationship and not an asshat. I’ve been seeing my college friend for about 3 months now and she's more physically attractive, more intelligent, and friskier. We’re taking whatever we have completely slow - but we’ve come to an understanding that we’re more than just friends with benefits. It’s also been surreal, because I never thought I had a snowball’s chance in hell at being college girl’s lover. She treats me really well and I’ve been feeling a stronger emotional connection with her… until it was my birthday. I have not talked to my ex in 4 months and while I recognize 4 months is still much too soon, I feel like I’ve substantially regressed. The few days before my birthday, I started thinking about my ex intensely. It’s completely ****ed up, because my college friend went all out for my birthday, and was very thoughtful, put a lot of effort into it - literally, it could not have been more perfect. I don’t know why I can’t stop thinking about the person who rejected me and everything I had and focus on the person who is putting effort into us and maintaining me. I have just wanted to talk to my ex so bad, I still love her, and I, dreadfully, hope that one day we can get back together - as much as I don’t want to admit it. I still haven’t spoken to her in 4 months, but I creeped her Facebook with all the stereotypical pitfalls. I feel like I'm being pulled apart in two directions. just need some advice or words of encouragement. Or… something.
Logo Posted November 6, 2016 Posted November 6, 2016 After about 3 weeks of being dumped from a 4 year relationship I started seeing this new girl I had met from college years ago (she had just gotten dumped from her longest relationship as well). We had known each other for 5 years as platonic friends before we started seeing each other. I always had a thing for her. She’s the hottest female I’ve ever known. There were many times with my ex of 4 years, were while we we dating, that I would fantasize about my college friend. But I never made any move because I was in a relationship and not an asshat. I’ve been seeing my college friend for about 3 months now and she's more physically attractive, more intelligent, and friskier. We’re taking whatever we have completely slow - but we’ve come to an understanding that we’re more than just friends with benefits. It’s also been surreal, because I never thought I had a snowball’s chance in hell at being college girl’s lover. She treats me really well and I’ve been feeling a stronger emotional connection with her… until it was my birthday. I have not talked to my ex in 4 months and while I recognize 4 months is still much too soon, I feel like I’ve substantially regressed. The few days before my birthday, I started thinking about my ex intensely. It’s completely ****ed up, because my college friend went all out for my birthday, and was very thoughtful, put a lot of effort into it - literally, it could not have been more perfect. I don’t know why I can’t stop thinking about the person who rejected me and everything I had and focus on the person who is putting effort into us and maintaining me. I have just wanted to talk to my ex so bad, I still love her, and I, dreadfully, hope that one day we can get back together - as much as I don’t want to admit it. I still haven’t spoken to her in 4 months, but I creeped her Facebook with all the stereotypical pitfalls. I feel like I'm being pulled apart in two directions. just need some advice or words of encouragement. Or… something. I would stick with the here and now. Your ex is your ex. I know the feeling of those thoughts creeping in on you when you're with someone else. It's an uneasy feeling especially if you're having a great time and they're making an effort and into you. Some activities will trigger thoughts and memories about your time with your ex. I ignored them the best I could until they went away. Give it a couple of weeks or a month. Invest in your new relationship and those thoughts will become history.
sandylee1 Posted November 6, 2016 Posted November 6, 2016 Think of why she dumped you and use that to move forward. You were together for 4 years and for whatever reason she wasn't happy. What would change about that in the future? I'd not go back to a person who dumped me, as I feel it gives them a chance to do it again, unless they had an exceptional reason for it.
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