Eddie Gonzales Posted November 5, 2016 Posted November 5, 2016 My ex has been behaving VERY odd as of late. I'm just going to recap the most significant things, so you guys can help me out a little. 1. My ex traveled to overseas for two months and I had heard she was seeing someone else. Anyways, during her vacation she started contacting me on Snapchat. It was like "Hey, what's up?" kinda talk, so I responded. Back and forth for a while and then I was at a party with our mutual friend and my ex must've seen this on Snapchat. While out, suddenly my phone called and I picked up. It was my ex who wanted me to hand my phone to our mutual friend. I did that and the next thing I know she was telling our mutual friend all about that guy she was seeing. The funny part was she didn't once try to call our mutual friend on the phone, she called ME so she could talk to our friend about that guy. I found that odd, especially since she was texting me during the day. 2. A couple of weeks later, while she still was overseas, she texted me AGAIN. Then, in the evening, I was about to go running when I saw she had called me on my phone, followed by a text where she wrote "Sorry, didn't mean to call you. Sorry." Problem was, it was on Facetime so it couldn't have been a mistake. I didn't think clearly at the time, so I just replied "no problem, **** happens ;)". Again, it was odd because she texted me during the day. 3. She knows my brother a little, but I found it pretty weird when she called him to ask him if he could help her find a present for the guy she's seeing for his birthday. I asked our mutual friend, who is very close with her, and she said my ex didn't even contact her about the present. It was VERY weird because my brother and her aren't that close. 4. A few days before she returned I got a notification on my phone that she had started following me on Instagram and liked a picture of mine. I followed back, but had a feeling that she was actually stalking me on Instagram for a while... it just felt out and out of the blue that she happened to like a photo I had JUST posted an hour later. 5. Then two weeks ago, she started texting me AGAIN and even snapchatted me from our mutual friend's phone. It was something along the lines of "Are you partying?" "What are you drinking" and stuff like that. A couple of hours later, she added a photo of her and this guy to Instagram, which I found odd because the last pic she added was from two-three months ago. I found it to be a weird coincidence that she posted that a couple of hours after she contacted me AGAIN. What's up with her? I'd be sooooo happy if you guys could help me out a little.
Jacob_Duluoz Posted November 5, 2016 Posted November 5, 2016 She's playing immature games with her phone. 1) Trying to make you feel like you're her servant by having you on call. That's just rude, you're not a receptionist or her secretary. 2) Trying to get your attention with a text and then shutting you down with the Facetime. 3) This is really crazy. Why does she even have your brother's phone number? Playing the jealousy card. 4) Attention getting. 5) Attention getting and jealousy. How old is she? This is honestly the behavior of a 13-year-old. She's just trying to get in your head and under your skin. 2
alphamale Posted November 5, 2016 Posted November 5, 2016 What's up with her? it depends on who broke up with who. if you broke up with her then she is trying to get back together. if she broke up with you then she is just messing with your head. 3
tilby Posted November 6, 2016 Posted November 6, 2016 Yep. She's playing mind games. Immature indeed. From what you have told us and assuming it is true, she's trying to gauge your level of interest by trying to make you jealous for whatever reason. I doubt she is seeing someone because usually people who have truly moved on wouldn't be contacting their ex out of respect for her new partner. Yes, I think she is still interested in you but we can't determine what her motive is. Maybe she's just lonely and depressed and needs to feel that someone is still attracted to her, or she could be trying to keep you as a back up. She might also be having a great time overseas and contacting you when she is drunk? Try not to think too much into it. Just go about your life, have fun and focus on yourself. 1
Author Eddie Gonzales Posted November 6, 2016 Author Posted November 6, 2016 it depends on who broke up with who. if you broke up with her then she is trying to get back together. if she broke up with you then she is just messing with your head. It was kind of mutual because we were arguing, it was long-distance and we kind of decided to go our separate ways. At first there was total silence between us, we didn't speak at all for a month or two as I was trying to move on and assumed she met someone else. Then I heard she started seeing someone, but it was around that time that she started to contact me on/off, going on two-three months now. It's extremely odd, because I don't understand why you would want to contact your ex when you're seeing someone new if you're happy with that person. The only reason I would do that is if that someone new wasn't what I had hoped for and it isn't really working out. I'm not going to play the victim card either, because I started seeing a girl and I have an urge to let my ex know, but that's probably only because I still have feelings for her...
Author Eddie Gonzales Posted November 6, 2016 Author Posted November 6, 2016 Yep. She's playing mind games. Immature indeed. From what you have told us and assuming it is true, she's trying to gauge your level of interest by trying to make you jealous for whatever reason. I doubt she is seeing someone because usually people who have truly moved on wouldn't be contacting their ex out of respect for her new partner. Yes, I think she is still interested in you but we can't determine what her motive is. Maybe she's just lonely and depressed and needs to feel that someone is still attracted to her, or she could be trying to keep you as a back up. She might also be having a great time overseas and contacting you when she is drunk? Try not to think too much into it. Just go about your life, have fun and focus on yourself. I'm trying to go about my life, but every time she contacts me I start missing her and stuff:( Also, I noticed she was drunk half of the time she contacted me, but that's also not an excuse because people that drunk-dial their exes when drunk are people who still have feelings for that person. I know it from experience. I don't know what's going on with that guy she's seeing and I'm not going to ask our mutual friend for obvious reasons, so I'm just going about and seeing this new girl, but honestly I'm afraid she's a rebound for me Worse thing is, I have an urge to post pics of me and this new girl on snapchat just so my ex can see it
Author Eddie Gonzales Posted November 6, 2016 Author Posted November 6, 2016 Let's say you broke up with your ex, what are the reasons you'd call them, text them or initiate contact with them? I fail to understand the lousy "it's just for attention excuse" some people on here claim. I have only contacted an ex if I was lonely and missed them, if I wasn't happy without them and/or if I still had feelings for them. There's not a single person in the world that would contact their ex if they were happy in a new relationship or they moved on. Not a single person, guy or girl. Same with making your ex jealous - that also stems from not being happy or being lonely or winning them back or stuff like that. So... my question to ya'll, have you ever contacted your ex out of the blue and if so, WHY?????
RocketQueen Posted November 6, 2016 Posted November 6, 2016 I personally would only ever contact an Ex if I genuinely wanted to try and rekindle something. I have learned the hard way in my break up that not everyone is the same and gave him too many chances judging HIM by my own morals and ways I would react. My Ex contacted me out of confusion,boredom, loneliness, familiarity and god knows how many other excuses, they were never genuine reasons and each one always left me feeling worse than the time before. Now, nothing short of him turning up dressed as a Knight on a horse would convince me of its authenticity...and even then, I'd find it a little pathetic. I cannot believe how hardened I have become to him. I do think leaving going NC actually helped as it gave me lots of opportunities to see how he had become a total stranger to me. 1
Zapbasket Posted November 6, 2016 Posted November 6, 2016 (edited) I don't think it has to be mutually exclusive. You can be "lonely" AND "want attention." It's rare for people to confront their feelings head-on. An ex might miss you, and sometimes wonder, "What if?" And at the same time, they might feel guilt for having hurt you, and miss pieces and parts of the relationship with you and parts of you, and so they reach out. Perhaps even they don't know why, and they're not trying to be villainous but their not being clear within themselves about what they want with YOU, ultimately, can send some very confusing messages to the one who never wanted the relationship to end and is not predisposed to understand anything except utter silence (which poses its own agonizing, near-impossible challenge) or declarations of, "I want you back." That's why people attribute selfishness to exes who reach out but don't want to reconcile, or say they "just want the attention." You can't instigate a one-sided breakup and expect that after rejecting someone in that way, you can keep in touch. A love relationship is an all-or-nothing proposition: you either except ALL of another person, or you get NONE of him or her. Their breaking up with you says they couldn't accept ALL of you, and now they're coming back to cherry-pick the pieces and parts, usually out of a combination of loneliness, nostalgia, and guilt. It's not about a relationship of ANY kind--it's very one-sided, and there's no real connection being cultivated. If you meant something to them, they'd have stayed to work on the relationship. To some extent you have to do that with everyone, right?--accept all of them, but with friends you can minimize your exposure to their less savory attributes. Even then, it's a balancing act. An ex calling you up is doing no such balancing act, simply reaching into the bin to hand-pick the pieces they liked. Meanwhile, YOU are not a bunch of "pieces." You are the sum total of pieces. Wanting pieces without wanting the sum is not any kind of relationship whatsoever. Dumpers often don't understand this; if they did, they'd leave their exes alone, or they'd work hard on getting clear within themselves about what they want before coming back to you deliver a clear message about who you are to them. Edited November 6, 2016 by GreenCove 3
alphamale Posted November 6, 2016 Posted November 6, 2016 ... but that's probably only because I still have feelings for her... yep, she broke up with you 1
Kelley Posted November 6, 2016 Posted November 6, 2016 I think exes reach out if they are not in a relationship because they need an ego boost, possible reconciliation (only if they are saying lets get back together) other than that they are bored, curious, just want to mess you about. If they contact you when they are in a relationship they are not happy and something is missing! Or maybe again they just need an ego boost! Unless they are seriously making an effort to reconcile, it's breadcrumbs and you are best not replying!
BC1980 Posted November 6, 2016 Posted November 6, 2016 I think she's just bored and looking for attention. 1
Chief1970 Posted November 6, 2016 Posted November 6, 2016 I think my ex has gigs. Once I stopped chasing her, she started bumping into me more and more.
Author Eddie Gonzales Posted November 7, 2016 Author Posted November 7, 2016 yep, she broke up with you Nope, as I said it was mutual. Unless you think you can't have feelings for an ex unless they broke up with you which is by far the dumbest thing I've heard.
Author Eddie Gonzales Posted November 7, 2016 Author Posted November 7, 2016 I don't think it has to be mutually exclusive. You can be "lonely" AND "want attention." It's rare for people to confront their feelings head-on. An ex might miss you, and sometimes wonder, "What if?" And at the same time, they might feel guilt for having hurt you, and miss pieces and parts of the relationship with you and parts of you, and so they reach out. Perhaps even they don't know why, and they're not trying to be villainous but their not being clear within themselves about what they want with YOU, ultimately, can send some very confusing messages to the one who never wanted the relationship to end and is not predisposed to understand anything except utter silence (which poses its own agonizing, near-impossible challenge) or declarations of, "I want you back." That's why people attribute selfishness to exes who reach out but don't want to reconcile, or say they "just want the attention." You can't instigate a one-sided breakup and expect that after rejecting someone in that way, you can keep in touch. A love relationship is an all-or-nothing proposition: you either except ALL of another person, or you get NONE of him or her. Their breaking up with you says they couldn't accept ALL of you, and now they're coming back to cherry-pick the pieces and parts, usually out of a combination of loneliness, nostalgia, and guilt. It's not about a relationship of ANY kind--it's very one-sided, and there's no real connection being cultivated. If you meant something to them, they'd have stayed to work on the relationship. To some extent you have to do that with everyone, right?--accept all of them, but with friends you can minimize your exposure to their less savory attributes. Even then, it's a balancing act. An ex calling you up is doing no such balancing act, simply reaching into the bin to hand-pick the pieces they liked. Meanwhile, YOU are not a bunch of "pieces." You are the sum total of pieces. Wanting pieces without wanting the sum is not any kind of relationship whatsoever. Dumpers often don't understand this; if they did, they'd leave their exes alone, or they'd work hard on getting clear within themselves about what they want before coming back to you deliver a clear message about who you are to them. I want to hear from people who've done this. The only thing you see are people saying that "exes do that because of this and that" but when will someone on this board ADMIT they contacted their ex and, while they're at it, confess WHY they did it. I seriously think it's illogical to claim they only want attention. Like, WTF does that even mean?
Author Eddie Gonzales Posted November 7, 2016 Author Posted November 7, 2016 I think exes reach out if they are not in a relationship because they need an ego boost, possible reconciliation (only if they are saying lets get back together) other than that they are bored, curious, just want to mess you about. If they contact you when they are in a relationship they are not happy and something is missing! Or maybe again they just need an ego boost! Unless they are seriously making an effort to reconcile, it's breadcrumbs and you are best not replying! But her trying to make me jealous, is it because she wants me to chase her? I know that's why I've done things like this. Every time I would post pictures with another girl was to have my ex see it and want me back again. You know, want what you can't have.
Zapbasket Posted November 7, 2016 Posted November 7, 2016 I want to hear from people who've done this. The only thing you see are people saying that "exes do that because of this and that" but when will someone on this board ADMIT they contacted their ex and, while they're at it, confess WHY they did it. I seriously think it's illogical to claim they only want attention. Like, WTF does that even mean? You've never had a person in your life you felt really ambivalent about, but they were into you and as you grappled with your ambivalence, their ardor towards you started to feel suffocating? And so you started avoiding them hoping they'd get the message? And then, when they finally did get it, and stopped showering attentions on you, suddenly you doubted yourself and thought maybe you were too harsh and so they you start being solicitous toward them again? And then when the tables now are turned and they're ignoring YOU, you feel foolish for having been so wishy-washy? I replied to your second thread before it was merged with your first one. Reading that first, more detailed post, your ex sounds like a pre-teen. I'm sure you can do better than her; she has years of growing up to do, emotionally. 1
BC1980 Posted November 7, 2016 Posted November 7, 2016 I want to hear from people who've done this. The only thing you see are people saying that "exes do that because of this and that" but when will someone on this board ADMIT they contacted their ex and, while they're at it, confess WHY they did it. I seriously think it's illogical to claim they only want attention. Like, WTF does that even mean? I've never done this, but most of my relationships were before texting and social media. I was dumped out of my last relationship, and my ex doesn't do social media. So I can't give you that perspective. However, I do think these breadcrumbs have a lot to do with wanting attention. You have to remember that before the break up, you gave your ex a lot of attention. It's probably hard for her to lose that. I also think it's only human to be curious about someone you broke up with and spent a lot of time with. You don't just forget about the person. 1
amaysngrace Posted November 7, 2016 Posted November 7, 2016 I've done it....it was a moment of weakness
Author Eddie Gonzales Posted November 7, 2016 Author Posted November 7, 2016 I've done it....it was a moment of weakness Could you elaborate? My ex is supposedly seeing someone while she's doing all these stuff to me. Had I moved on completely, I wouldn't bother. You have to remember, this didn't happen once for me. My ex has done it five-six times during the last two-three months.
Author Eddie Gonzales Posted November 7, 2016 Author Posted November 7, 2016 You've never had a person in your life you felt really ambivalent about, but they were into you and as you grappled with your ambivalence, their ardor towards you started to feel suffocating? And so you started avoiding them hoping they'd get the message? And then, when they finally did get it, and stopped showering attentions on you, suddenly you doubted yourself and thought maybe you were too harsh and so they you start being solicitous toward them again? And then when the tables now are turned and they're ignoring YOU, you feel foolish for having been so wishy-washy? No, never. I find what you just described above as pre-teen and immature. Either you're in or you're out for me. The only reason I'd do what you wrote was if I wanted them back. Maybe I would've contacted them once after the relationship (my other ex contacted me once and then never again), but this one has done it again and again and again and again and again.
Zapbasket Posted November 7, 2016 Posted November 7, 2016 No, never. I find what you just described above as pre-teen and immature. Either you're in or you're out for me. The only reason I'd do what you wrote was if I wanted them back. Maybe I would've contacted them once after the relationship (my other ex contacted me once and then never again), but this one has done it again and again and again and again and again. What I'm saying is that what I described above sounds along the vein of what your ex is doing. That's why I'm saying her reasons for contacting you don't matter. Her way of doing so is infantile, lacking content, and holds nothing worthwhile for you.
alphamale Posted November 8, 2016 Posted November 8, 2016 Nope, as I said it was mutual. there is no such thing as a "mutual" breakup
Been Posted November 8, 2016 Posted November 8, 2016 An ex will also contact you because they can-EGO. They get curious. They are bored. They want to see if they still have that power over you.
Author Eddie Gonzales Posted November 9, 2016 Author Posted November 9, 2016 An ex will also contact you because they can-EGO. They get curious. They are bored. They want to see if they still have that power over you. If you're in a new relationship and it's going great, you aren't 'bored' and don't need to see if you have power over your ex. Unless you're either in a rebound relationship or it's not going well.
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