sunflwer625 Posted July 12, 2005 Posted July 12, 2005 Tell me what you think of this situation? Ok I have a question!! But let me give some details first. A man and a woman are both divorced (him for 2 years and her a little longer) and they have been dating for almost 17months. He was married for 19 and she for 12-- both went through nasty divorces. Well she has gotten to the point where she ready to move to the next step-- living together. Neither one have a desire to marry right away, but she is wanting to move to this next level. He states that he is not ready yet. They have discussed it several times and he just doesn't want to get hurt. She doesn't either but I guess is alittle more trusting to take that leap. They are both very much in love, or so it seems, but what is she to do? She has tried several different approaches to try and achieve this. She has not been vindictive of manipulative in any way she has just tried to help him see that it might be time to move on and let go of his fears of the past. Do you have any male perspective on what she should do or what might be going on through his mind? Please let me know!!! Ok update onthis situation. It has gotten worse and I don't know what to tell her... I didn't mention in the last post that they do live about 100 miles from each other. Well he has decided to call it quits. She is just devastated. He says that he loves her but that it would not work and it's best to cut the strings before either one of them get more attached. He's afraid of mixing households whether they were living together or if she just moved to the same town and had her place. She was willing to leave it as it was or to move there and just get her own place just to see where the relationship went but he insists that it's better this way. But the thing that confuses me and that she keeps asking is why would he keep saying that he loves her, and that he doesn't know what he'll do if he can't talk to her everyday, and he doesn't know why he is so wishy-washy about it. I did hear him tell her that one minute he wants to keep the relationship but the next he doesn't. I saw the ordeal when they split and he was in tears where as she was holding strong and broke down later. I know there is nothing I can do but just listen but what is going on with these two? I'm at a loss-- i've never seen two people more in love but end something so good out of fear?! It amazes me-- I would love to have a relationship of love like theirs-- I'm confused. Sorry it's so long but I need clarity so that I can help her better. Thank you!!! Was he lying about how he feels? Does he love her or was he possibly trying to make it easier? She keeps asking what she has done wrong? If he ran because she did something, or if he found someone else, what? She asks all these questions and I'm not sure what to say! I can't imagine him being so tearful about ending it if he didn't feel that way. She has talked to some of our other friends to get some insight also and they tell her "He will call, just wait..." She keeps asking me if he will and I don't know what to say. Is this something that is typical in this situation, what should hse do if he does...? Thanks for replying!! Let me know what you think... This is from a prior post I had meade somewhere else-- It may seem unorganized but read and let me know what you think is going on with this guy. They haven't talked since he called it quits--last wednesday-- but what should I tell her. Would he have called by now if her wanted her back? or no? Thank You!!
Leah Posted July 13, 2005 Posted July 13, 2005 But the thing that confuses me and that she keeps asking is why would he keep saying that he loves her, and that he doesn't know what he'll do if he can't talk to her everyday, and he doesn't know why he is so wishy-washy about it. I did hear him tell her that one minute he wants to keep the relationship but the next he doesn't Is your friend having sex with this guy ? Well, I'm not a male so I guess I can't give a true "male" perspective, but I can tell you that I chat with guys from all over the globe so I think my suggestions may have some validity. There are two things I take from this scenario: 1. This guy is not as deeply involved as your friend and he's trying to cushion the blow to get out of the relation. 2. Or, if he's having sex with her he may want to string her (by telling her he's still in love, etc) but doesnt want the attachment to go with it. One thing is for certain, he really does not want to stay in this relationship. That is apparent right off. In closing, I'll give some womanly advice.... never "move in" with a man... you may look at this as a first step (toward marriage), but more often, it's the last step. Finally, think long and hard before you get into sexual relationships. Sound old fashioned? Well, it might be, but once they get it and there's no commitment, it's easier for them to head on to greener pastures. Good luck!
Recommended Posts