Annaroyal Posted November 5, 2016 Posted November 5, 2016 (edited) Hi everyone I was reaching out to you to help me overcome a recent breakup. Me and my boyfriend had been dating for 3 years. The day we met was the best day of our lives, we took things slow and I couldn't have been more satisfied with our relationship. He was exactly what I wanted in life, I fit in perfectly with his extended family, close with his mom and sister and dad, and he fit in perfectly with mine. He was adventurous, loved the outdoors, and had such a passion for being successful in life. I could trust this guy with my whole world, he never even spoke to girls the whole 3 years we were dating, and I loved him with my entire being. This guy loved me. I've never felt so loved in my life, he always talked about how I made him the happiest he's ever been in his life, how he didn't know what he would do without me and that he consistently pictured making me his wife so he could love me forever. I felt the exact same. The only issue we ever had in our relationship began to bother me in the latter half. He loved me so much that his favourite way to express is was to squeeze and tickle me and get in my face. I LOVED this when we first started dating but as we got more comfortable together sometimes I just needed a little space. I knew it was just him expressing his love for me. BUT when we would go out to the bar and drink with friends he was louder and more obnoxious in expressing his love for me. Last weekend, we were together all week, practically living together as I am a nurse at the hospital by his house. He came over friday night to my parents house for dinner and it was so amazing, we talked about our future, how much we loved each other and spoke about everything we always had. Saturday came around and we were going to the bar, I had had been in an irritable mood all day and I got to his house to get ready for halloween. He began to get loud and tickling me and I was not in the mood for it and I snapped and said we were done and left his house... This was the biggest mistake I've made in my life. After this, I called and texted him many times throughout the night apologizing. I realized I loved him more than anything in the world and that I wanted to make things work, as I knew his love for me was still there. We met up on Monday to talk things over and I pretty much begged for him to take me back. He wasn't going to change his mind, he said he needed time. My heart was in a million pieces, years of camping, travelling, working through school, etc flashed before my eyes. he was my best friend. He said he just wanted me to be happy, and that I seemed miserable with him. Which is very untrue as I was so happy, I believe i was just comfortable in the relationship therefore my attitude when I was stressed was not held back, especially when I was irritable and was getting tickled. I had considered breaking up with him due to the annoying tendencies I had, thats why i believe I snapped on the saturday night. After that night I realized that all these things I thought I hated, were him showing me how much he cares, and I really love that. He said he needed time, and I think this time apart will help me work on myself, and for me to be a more fun and positive person, as I believe he felt I was quite negative when he was trying to have fun. I haven't always been negative but we are both in university and the stress was getting to be a bit much for me. I think I need to take this time to better myself. I made the biggest mistake of my life breaking up with him saturday night, but I don't think I would have realized how badly I wanted to be with him if it wasn't for that. I love this guy more than anything in the world and I want to be able to show him this improved version of myself, the one that met him over 3 years ago that he fell in love with. I know he still loves me, as it was just 4 days ago we were at my parents talking about how in love we were. The issue we had on saturday night had presented itself previously in our relationship. I would regularly tell him I was annoyed when he was just trying to tickle me and stuff - i think this had to do with my stress and negative attitude. He told me many times during these arguments that I needed to change my attitude or things would''t work between us. I don't think I ever worked on my attitude because I knew how much he loved me, and continued to put up with me again and again telling me everything was ok. I took advantage of what an amazing guy he was and how much he loved me. Unfortunately, I think I ruined things with this guy. I know for a fact if I hadn't snapped and tried breaking up with him saturday that we would still be together right now. It sucks because I know that love was never a problem for us, I love him more than life itself and he loves me to the bottom of the universe. The issue was I needed to realize how lucky I was, and how I can improve myself as a person in a relationship. Do you think he would still be interested after some time apart for me to improve myself?? He did not want to break up with me, but he had felt it was best for my happiness. The breakup was devastating we were both crying so hard we could barely breathe. I was feeling very sad because I thought he gave up on me, but I realized I had pushed him to his breaking point, because I continued to have the same negative attitude around him. I know now that in order to be happy I need to change my attitude, with him or without him. I just hope I get an opportunity to make him happy, to show him how much I love his tickles, and most of all to love him the way he loves me. Do you think we have lost all chances of working things out? I don't think I can explain how much this guy means to me. I've never been treated so amazing in my life. Even looking at pictures of him still gives me butterflies 3 years later. We always told each other we were the loves of our lives. And now I can't even talk to him. My heart is in a million pieces, what should I do?? The hardest part is that I know he still loves me as much as he did before. If I hadn't gotten upset with him on Saturday we would still be sitting here together.. I feel as though this pain isn't going to leave. I just don't understand Edited November 5, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator paragraphs ~T
ExpatInItaly Posted November 5, 2016 Posted November 5, 2016 (edited) Despite what he says, he isn't coming back to you for your happiness. He is staying away from you for his happiness. Were you generally quite irritable? He may have just reached his limit and realized he isn't happy in the relationship anymore. But I have to wonder how happy you genuinely were if you were already considering breaking up with him. If you'd previously asked him to stop tickling you and he persisted, then you had a right to be annoyed. It's disrespectful of him to keep it up when you have told him you don't like it. Your initial reaction was to end it, which is significant. Perhaps you were hoping he'd chase after you? It is hard to say whether he will want to come back. Most people wouldn't want another go with someone who dumped them on an impulse. It doesn't speak well of long-term sustainability. Dumping someone should never be taken lightly, so you might just have to take this one as a hard lesson learned. It sounds like this tension was mounting for a while. I know you are seeing things through rose-coloured glasses at the moment, but re-read what you wrote. He annoyed you; he had said he wasn't happy with your attitude in general. Perhaps things weren't as great as you're now remembering. There is every possibility that this would have come to a head at some point in the near future. Edited November 5, 2016 by ExpatInItaly
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