Do I really want to end my two year relationship ??

[emily_m]

I'm extremely confused about my feelings right now and so I'm really hoping for some good advice.

 

I'm almost two years into my first serious relationship and I have never, until now, even doubted my feelings towards my partner.

 

Lately I just feel an overwhelming urge to be single and and the thought of it is really exciting and saddening me at the same time. My partner is amazing, he has such a kind heart and is very genuine and I know he loves me a lot. He's handsome, affectionate, a great cook and generally we are happy and relaxed in each other's company - and are completely ourselves around each other. I love him too and I'm still very much attracted to him.

 

He's very mature but is 6 years younger than me and is definitely not as proactive as me; which can at times cause a strain as I feel as though everything is always left to me to arrange and figure out. Of course, he thinks I should relax and be more laid back like him. I guess this kills it a bit for me as I really don't want to feel like I'm playing the role of his mum. Although he is independent, I guess he just has a different approach to me. He's happy waiting for opportunities to come to him.....or not.

 

Probably the biggest negative for me is the sex. He's just too nice. It's never been particularly exciting, I guess it's just got to a point now where I'm really craving a good rough roll in the hay, so to speak. I'd never cheat on him, but I think at the moment this is a huge deal for me. And up until recently, I'd never even thought about another guy in that way. It's making me sad just writing this my mind is even wandering back to past partners and chemistry fuelled nights of passion that I really miss.

 

Despite being 30, this is my first long term relationship and I feel like I maybe became used to being single and am just craving this freedom back? I really have no idea whether that could be the underlying reason. And whether breaking it off is the right thing to do. Despite my feelings, I actually think it could be a huge mistake, as he's such a great guy. I've dated my fair share of idiots in the past....hence why none of them ever became my boyfriend. I think at the time my partner now was maybe a safe choice, and it felt so nice to be with someone so lovely and reliable; minus the excitement. But maybe we're becoming more like friends?

 

I'm suffocating right now with all this confusion and I don't feel like I can discuss it with anyone as I feel like even that is betraying him (silly maybe, I know).

 

Fear of being alone isn't a factor as I don't want to replace him with another relationship. I just want to be single and selfish, and not think of anyone else for a while.

 

Any advice greatly appreciated. If you've been in a similar situation before, even better. Please help!

 

Thanks for reading

[Frozensushi]

Have you brought these issues up to him? If not you should try. But, it kinda sounds like you want out. The fact you even made this post shows you have some major doubts about the relationship.

[Kelley]

It sounds like you are really unhappy at the moment. I think life is too short and if you are unhappy then make a break for it. It maybe worth talking to him, but is he really going to change overnight, is it fair to ask him to anyway? I was in a relationship where I also felt suffocated and not happy, leaving was the best thing I did. Even though it hurt it was the right thing, I couldn't see being with him for potentially the rest of my life. He went on to meet someone and get married, I was happy for him. Not all relationships are destined to last forever it's just the way it goes. You just have to do what is right for you but be respectful of his feelings. I wish you all the best.

[Sunnymae]

I dated a guy that was nice, handsome, funny educated, and affectionate. But I'll tell you the first time being intimate was disappointing. Like you said he lacked passion, was too gentle, and maybe b/c he married his high school sweetheart he didn't seem experienced for his age. He didn't know how to please me, was inadequate the in fore play and selfish in that respect, as long as he got his. He asked me how it was for the first time, I didn't have the heart to tell him. So we tried again and the second time was even worse than the first. I finally had to tell him I wasn't feeling the chemistry when we were together. He didn't speak to me for a few months, but I just recently saw him, and I offered to meet up and go to a comedy show, since everything else we are very compatible. If I were Asexual I would have definitely stayed but b/c Of my expectations I was not able to see overlook this.

Edited November 4, 2016 by Sunnymae

[lauri]

Hey, I'm really sorry to hear what you're writing but I want you to understand that there is absolutely nothing wrong with you.

 

In my experience, there is two types of relationships a man has with a woman: 1) with her mind 2) with her body.

 

Your mind can love him but if your body is not having its needs met it leads you into this spiral of confusion. You cannot negotiate attraction to someone and by him not being able to stimulate the "body relationship" it leads to you being unhappy.

 

I'm not going to lie to you, I've had girls break up with me over stuff similar to this. I wasn't experienced enough or I just couldn't statisfy her...it hurt, but it wasn't a lie. But she did me and herself a favour by ending it...in the end she would've been miserable which would have made me miserable.

 

My suggestion to you, as hard as this is going to be, is end it. No matter what you do you won't be able to fix the sexual compability...it's either they know how to get you going or they don't.

[emily_m]

Thank you all for your great advice!

 

I think what I'm struggling with is, after two years, I guess it's normal for things to feel a bit 'boring' and to crave the excitement that newness brings. I feel like I could be being a bit picky because I'm feeling irritated and craving alone time. And I don't necessarily want to give up when maybe it's just a break I need.

 

I would obviously discuss this with my partner, but what are people's thoughts of taking a bit of a break...say, going on a trip for a couple of weeks alone? Or living separately so we can make the most of our time together and still have space and alone time when needed. We do have our own friends and interests already, but obviously for me that's not working.

 

I think that maybe this is just me, and no matter who I date, I'll always crave space. Which I don't think is a bad thing, it's just how to make it work...

[Kamille]

Before taking a break: why not tell him you want a good night of rough sex? Anyone should be capable of delivering that kind of good. Or am I missing something?

[LifeNomad]

almost in same exact situation

 

 

2 yrs relationship

she is younger than me by 8 yrs (im 33, shes 25)

 

 

and although sex is good on our part, that's the only thing I like. Otherwise I crave just being alone, having friends over, girls or whatever, and just most of the time feel like I don't wanna be with her.

 

 

The main issue with me is that she moved in with me so I would need to tell her to go, and that to me is the hardest part, watching her pack her things etc

 

 

im still debating it though. Good luck please post up if you do or don't or what you decide!

 

 

and I crave the space too. Ive told her as well, I don't mind being alone, I like being with her but there ar etimes Id rather be alone even if I don't do anything

[Sweetfish]

I agree with Kamille. These "nice guys" that people label usually have sexually fantasies and fetish thats WAY beyond yours. The thing is he is scared to express these fantasies. Have you ever seen the kinda of porn he watches or looks at? You probably also set the tone at how aggressive the sex is and he may fear doing something that might turn you off. Instead of searching for excitement else where, why dony you try to unlock it on the "green grass" you have now.. you know water it a little bit.

 

So this is what I'm going to express...

 

When you needed someone nice and kind and treated you with compassion you valued the relationship and got with your bf.

 

Now your needs have changed so you want freedom and excitement. Now your feeling to bail.

 

Then your going to seek the sex you want and freedom....

 

While your enjoying your self... he will be broken and suffering. I'm not saying you won't be hurt too... but I have a feeling the void will be filled with the new found freedom.

 

So when you resolve this need for this sex.. which means another guy will be evolved and you meet a new man.. what keeps you from not getting bored with him or upset he doesn't pay attention to you or cares for you?

 

I'm just giving you scenarios..what could happen..

 

It's not fair for this guy that his usefulness has expired just because a new need has arrived in your mind and body.

 

Instead of bailing.. try to communicate to him how you feel...

Edited November 10, 2016 by Sweetfish

[Herbalist]

Well if you tell him that you want to take a break, then he will probably want to know why. So the conversation is inevitable unless you decide to end things without trying to address the issue first. So might as well go for it otherwise, as far as telling him what's up.

 

What I have heard (well read, mostly) from a lot women over the years, though, in some form or another, is that if they have to ask a guy to be passionate with them, then it ruins it. I think for many they want to feel pursued in a sexy, primal way, which makes sense given that arousal is very psychological for women. Also people can't just turn on the passion, like manifest it out of nowhere. So often times when they would ask for more passionate sex, the results were kind of like getting caught up in the tire of a moving vehicle.

 

So in a way it's understandable if you have a gut feeling that asking him wouldn't resolve the issue.

 

Maybe best bet to try before calling it quits is to try to initiate some rougher / more primal sex, yourself, see if he gets into it or goes Pillow Prince.

[VeveCakes]

Do not throw out a good catch because of boredom. Instead find more time for yourself...maybe a hobby you have? Or get a new hobby so you don't spend as much time together.

 

There is f all out there...

[Sweetfish]

Well if you tell him that you want to take a break, then he will probably want to know why. So the conversation is inevitable unless you decide to end things without trying to address the issue first. So might as well go for it otherwise, as far as telling him what's up.

 

What I have heard (well read, mostly) from a lot women over the years, though, in some form or another, is that if they have to ask a guy to be passionate with them, then it ruins it. I think for many they want to feel pursued in a sexy, primal way, which makes sense given that arousal is very psychological for women. Also people can't just turn on the passion, like manifest it out of nowhere. So often times when they would ask for more passionate sex, the results were kind of like getting caught up in the tire of a moving vehicle.

 

So in a way it's understandable if you have a gut feeling that asking him wouldn't resolve the issue.

 

Maybe best bet to try before calling it quits is to try to initiate some rougher / more primal sex, yourself, see if he gets into it or goes Pillow Prince.

 

 

That's the thing...

 

One minute women give the assumption that they want to make passionate love and the next wild sex. Men then have to decipher and change to these ever growing and changing needs.

 

You may find out he may feel the same as you.

 

Communication...

 

I agree talk to him... but I wouldn't express you want to leave just yet...

 

Serious express your feelings. Express what you want.. tell him that you feel tied down. Guys are going to pursue you and tell you everything to make you feel sexy or like a women and a lot of times those men just want you just for sex.

 

Next thing you know ur next thread is I regret breaking up with my boyfriend.

 

Because seriously there really isn't much out there...

[AT15]

Based on my Experince in a sexually boring relationship, I stayed and it go worse. I say follow your gut. Sex is a HUGE part of a long lasting relationship. It's another important form of communication. It's at the top of the passion and intimacy list. Do not ignore. I would express your sexual desires to your current BF. But if nothing changes, accept that you're not sexually compatible.

[Sweetfish]

Based on my Experince in a sexually boring relationship, I stayed and it go worse. I say follow your gut. Sex is a HUGE part of a long lasting relationship. It's another important form of communication. It's at the top of the passion and intimacy list. Do not ignore. I would express your sexual desires to your current BF. But if nothing changes, accept that you're not sexually compatible.

 

Yes and No.

 

In another thread a guys wife had a surgery. The surgery caused sexually complications. So your saying since the guy is not getting the sex he wants he should bail.

 

The key in a long lasting relationship is the other person has your back 100%. What I notice now these days is that's too boring. Your partner having your back 110% is the key to a soild lationship..

 

Another thread a women was going to cheat on her husband with this amazing co-worker that said all the right things and made her feel the "spark" finally the co-worker at the end was a douche bag and thanks good for not risking her family to cheat.

 

She too was actting on a gut feeling.

 

Another thread a female cheated on her boyfriend to be with another co-worker.. the co-worker now ignores her and she feels used.

 

Yes, I know the OP has not cheated.

[Sweetfish]

Based on my Experince in a sexually boring relationship, I stayed and it go worse. I say follow your gut. Sex is a HUGE part of a long lasting relationship. It's another important form of communication. It's at the top of the passion and intimacy list. Do not ignore. I would express your sexual desires to your current BF. But if nothing changes, accept that you're not sexually compatible.

 

Yes and No.

 

In another thread a guys wife had a surgery. The surgery caused sexually complications. So your saying since the guy is not getting the sex he wants he should bail.

 

The key in a long lasting relationship is the other person has your back 100%. What I notice now these days is that's too boring. Your partner having your back 110% is the key to a soild lationship..

 

Another thread a women was going to cheat on her husband with this amazing co-worker that said all the right things and made her feel the "spark" finally the co-worker at the end was a douche bag and thanks good for not risking her family to cheat.

 

She too was actting on a gut feeling.

 

Another thread a female cheated on her boyfriend to be with another co-worker.. the co-worker now ignores her and she feels used.

 

Yes, I know the OP has not cheated.

 

But I would express these sexual desires and see what he says first. Some guy having sex with you and your boyfriend sex can be two different kinds of sex because the boyfriend may feel you think different of him..

 

So talk to him..