selinaluv Posted November 4, 2016 Posted November 4, 2016 (edited) Hello, So I am trying something new and multi-dating as much as possible. Being a single mom... not always possible. I am talking to a couple men, but of course a couple stand out. I had a first date with one last night. He was on vacation when we started talking and asked me out when he returned... saying he is very eager to meet me. We agree to meet in the city where I work, which is about a 10 min train ride from where he works. I live 30 min away. The afternoon of the date he texts me saying he has to attend a work Happy Hour event (he helps coordinate). I say that is fine and we will meet after. He states he probably wouldn't be done until around 8:00, with him arriving around 8:30. Meaning I would have been waiting around for him for 3.5 hours. I am not that concerned (and was a little tired) and tell him it's okay we can do a rain check. I even offer to come his way, but he doesn't want that. He responds "I'd rather meet, I don't want to put it off." That is pretty much when I get annoyed and tell him I would prefer to reschedule because I have an early day at work the next day. He still pushes, but I say no. It is hard for me to get away and with my daughter on a school overnight trip, this would have been a good time. I tell him I am still open to reschedule. He then proceeds to text me at 12:30 am telling me he just got home for happy hour and tells me it was fun. Now he is texting me as usual, but I am ready to next him. Should I even bother? It doesn't help that I had a great first date with another man on Tuesday, who made every effort to meet me for dinner after a long day of manual work. Someone who is continuing to reach out and seems to be very interested. I wanted to give last night's guy another chance, but I didn't like how it went down. Am I being too harsh? Edited November 4, 2016 by selinaluv
VeveCakes Posted November 4, 2016 Posted November 4, 2016 I think so....he sounded like he really wanted to meet up. Maybe one more chance then if flakey again forget it? 2
Boomerangmagnet Posted November 4, 2016 Posted November 4, 2016 If he helps coordinate the happy hours, it seems he would have been aware that one was happening before the date was made. 3
smackie9 Posted November 4, 2016 Posted November 4, 2016 No you gave that guy more than a second chance to listen to you and he still rudely pushed when you already told him no....then he pulls a pickup artist trick by texting you in the middle of the night to tell you he had a great time at happy hour....kind of rubbing it in your face that you missed out. He is disrespectful, kick him to the curb. 4
Author selinaluv Posted November 4, 2016 Author Posted November 4, 2016 I think so....he sounded like he really wanted to meet up. Maybe one more chance then if flakey again forget it? Thank you and I probably will. Only part I didn't like was when I gladly offered to rain check (I wasn't mad at all), he got pushy that he didn't want to wait any longer for the date. But... he wants me to wait 3.5 hours for him while he hangs out with coworkers. It just seemed inconsiderate right off the bat. 2
Author selinaluv Posted November 4, 2016 Author Posted November 4, 2016 No you gave that guy more than a second chance to listen to you and he still rudely pushed when you already told him no....then he pulls a pickup artist trick by texting you in the middle of the night to tell you he had a great time at happy hour....kind of rubbing it in your face that you missed out. He is disrespectful, kick him to the curb. Yeah, that is kind of how I felt. The late night text was odd.
Author selinaluv Posted November 4, 2016 Author Posted November 4, 2016 If he helps coordinate the happy hours, it seems he would have been aware that one was happening before the date was made. I also thought the same. Maybe he didn't think it would go so late? To me happy hour is like 4-6, which I would have been fine with. But I even offered to meet out his way to save time. He insisted on coming to me.
smackie9 Posted November 4, 2016 Posted November 4, 2016 Only part I didn't like was when I gladly offered to rain check (I wasn't mad at all), he got pushy that he didn't want to wait any longer for the date. But... he wants me to wait 3.5 hours for him while he hangs out with coworkers. It just seemed inconsiderate right off the bat. Don't ignore the red flags...... 3
thecrucible Posted November 4, 2016 Posted November 4, 2016 I know you feel! I find it a bit of a red flag as well when a man is pushy with you and doesn't seem to consider that you have priorities in life too and won't just come to him when he clicks his fingers. I'd be put off by his behaviour too including that odd text.
dumbass2 Posted November 5, 2016 Posted November 5, 2016 Wanting you to wait 3.5 hours for him is not considerate at all. When someone does that to someone that they should be trying to impress, that is not a good sign. The text after midnight was not cool. I think you should move on unless you are okay with what he did and it doesn't sound like you are. You have other options. 2
joseb Posted November 5, 2016 Posted November 5, 2016 So had you originally agreed to meet at 5, and he changed the time to 830 at the last minute? Or did you just agree to meet "Friday night" and then he confirmed the time later? Because if it's the former, then definitely very inconsiderate and I would forget him. If the latter, he probably doesn't have any idea you would be waiting around for hours. Women normally want to go home after work before dates, at least in my case that's what I've found.
Author selinaluv Posted November 5, 2016 Author Posted November 5, 2016 Thank you everyone. It didn't settle well and I do have better options I will explore. I wanted to give him the benefit, but I just don't have it in me. He asked me if I would be around this weekend and I told him I am out of town (which is true). He continues to ask me when I am leaving and when we can meet. Now sending multiple texts, which I have not responded. I think I am going to have to cut him loose and maybe/maybe not give an explanation. I feel like he is overcompensating now and we haven't even ever met, which is even more of a turn off.
Author selinaluv Posted November 5, 2016 Author Posted November 5, 2016 So had you originally agreed to meet at 5, and he changed the time to 830 at the last minute? Or did you just agree to meet "Friday night" and then he confirmed the time later? Because if it's the former, then definitely very inconsiderate and I would forget him. If the latter, he probably doesn't have any idea you would be waiting around for hours. Women normally want to go home after work before dates, at least in my case that's what I've found. He knows that my home is 30 minutes away (60 during rush hour) from our meet spot, which was right by my work. The exact time was not set, but he did initially imply he would hop on train right after work. When I said rain check and he pushed, I then mentioned I would be off at 5:00 (which he did know) and that I didn't feel like waiting that late because I had a busy day at work the next day. I did say I could come to him and he said no. His final response was "Awwww, I guess I understand". Then he tried to say he may be able to leave earlier, but by that point it was too late in my head. Maybe harsh, but I was over the conversation and in no mood to meet him at that time. Clearly since happy hour lasted until 12:30, I am thinking he may have left me waiting even longer.
Author selinaluv Posted November 5, 2016 Author Posted November 5, 2016 I will also add he threw in afterwards a "Just know, I am vert excited to meet."
joseb Posted November 5, 2016 Posted November 5, 2016 Next time communicate when setting a date if you need to meet at a specific time. For example, saying you need to meet right after work, rather than assuming the guy knows this.
Popsicle Posted November 5, 2016 Posted November 5, 2016 Yeah something smells fishy with him. Trust your instincts. (PS- I think he was on another date rather than work HH and it didn't work out) 3
Author selinaluv Posted November 5, 2016 Author Posted November 5, 2016 Next time communicate when setting a date if you need to meet at a specific time. For example, saying you need to meet right after work, rather than assuming the guy knows this. Yes I usually do and it wasn't so much the later time. My Tuesday date actually started at 7:00, but that was established in advance because of his work schedule. I waited, had some coffee, and it was fine because I knew and agreed to it because it was acceptable to me. In this case, it was his sudden time change for happy hour and lack of concern and insistance that I should wait instead of reschedule. There is a way of going about this and this was not good. Add in I was lukewarm to begin with and doesn't help.
Author selinaluv Posted November 5, 2016 Author Posted November 5, 2016 Yeah something smells fishy with him. Trust your instincts. (PS- I think he was on another date rather than work HH and it didn't work out) I actually think it was happy hour but who knows. He doesn't seem smooth enough for two dates in one night, but who knows. lol that would actually be a better excuse to me (not that he would tell me) then Happy Hour.
mortensorchid Posted November 5, 2016 Posted November 5, 2016 You needed better coordination for this date to meet up. It wasn't going to happen for a few reasons, and ... It wasn't meant to be on that date / time. As for his pushiness? That gives me pause. The last time I was internet dating a few weeks/months ago I had someone not one but two people act pushy with me and I did not like it. One lived in another state and he was REALLY EAGER to drive to my state and meet me, which I thought was odd so I left it at that. Another blew me off after arranging for us to meet, attempted to reschedule and I just had a bad feeling and he got VERY ANGRY with me that I was not responding to his text/calls and soon the phone was lit up into the night. I blocked his number. Those who are pushy tend not to take rejection well of any kind. Of that, I am wary, and I think you should be of this guy. 1
MidwestUSA Posted November 5, 2016 Posted November 5, 2016 The text after midnight was an Ahole move. Write this one off. He sounds like he's full of something, mainly himself. What a dick. 3
Author selinaluv Posted November 5, 2016 Author Posted November 5, 2016 You needed better coordination for this date to meet up. It wasn't going to happen for a few reasons, and ... It wasn't meant to be on that date / time. As for his pushiness? That gives me pause. The last time I was internet dating a few weeks/months ago I had someone not one but two people act pushy with me and I did not like it. One lived in another state and he was REALLY EAGER to drive to my state and meet me, which I thought was odd so I left it at that. Another blew me off after arranging for us to meet, attempted to reschedule and I just had a bad feeling and he got VERY ANGRY with me that I was not responding to his text/calls and soon the phone was lit up into the night. I blocked his number. Those who are pushy tend not to take rejection well of any kind. Of that, I am wary, and I think you should be of this guy. I agree that the exact date details were vague and that was him. He initiated, confirmed date, and didn't give much more until he texted me that afternoon. I was ready to offer a suggestion, but I do prefer details to be a little more set. I do not do well with pushy. I just vetoed another before we met because he kept pushing that we should "flirt" and flirt when we meet for cocktails. I pushed back that I would like to keep it more casual and he didn't take the hint and sent me suggestive photos. That is extreme, but I feel many can be pushy. It makes me feel uncomfortable and is a turn off trigger for me. 1
Author selinaluv Posted November 5, 2016 Author Posted November 5, 2016 The text after midnight was an Ahole move. Write this one off. He sounds like he's full of something, mainly himself. What a dick. Yes, came off as very arrogant. All of it actually. I got that vibe before, but thought it was something that wouldn't impact me right away. Thank you for everyone confirming what I already thought. The feedback is helpful. Of course the one I really connected with may be commitment-phobe, happy, single guy. He seems to really like me, is very considerate, is reaching out, and seems to working towards a second date. But not sure if that is enough. Ugh! why is it so hard to find that match!?!?! 1
Author selinaluv Posted November 10, 2016 Author Posted November 10, 2016 Hello, To quickly follow up on this, happy hour date continued to ask when I would be available to meet. I told him I am not sure if I will be open to another date at this time. He continues to text small talk to me every day. I always feel block and delete is so harsh on these things, but I am getting to that point. Not sure what his deal is about pushing it and keeping daily contact when he couldn't make it a priority in the first place.
MidwestUSA Posted November 10, 2016 Posted November 10, 2016 Just block him. Think about that after midnight bragging text. Who needs that?
Author selinaluv Posted November 10, 2016 Author Posted November 10, 2016 Just block him. Think about that after midnight bragging text. Who needs that? Yep, that is also what some of my friends also told me. I agree and have other prospects. But this baffled me. Seems so interested to keep pushing. I honestly don't think he saw that text as an a-hole move. And that is probably a huge red flag.
Recommended Posts