luv2dance0422 Posted November 4, 2016 Posted November 4, 2016 Hello Everyone, I am a 53 year old divorced mom. I was married for 25 years and have been divorced for 5. I've dated and was in a 2 year relationship that I ended the beginning of this year. Since then, I have been on a dating site and dated several. I started talking to this one guy back in May who is 51 and also divorced for 5 years. My children are 24 and 19 but he has younger kids (14, 12, 9). His 14 year old son lives with him. He pretty much told me from the beginning that he is very busy (works 10-12 hr days), has his one son living with him and sees his other kids every other weekend and doesn't have much time for a relationship. He is an awesome dad! I didn't think it would go anywhere so didn't put much thought into it but he continued to contact me and we finally met for the first time in July. We hit it off sooooo much better than either one of us thought. I tried to go in with no expectations....just dating and keeping my options open. I am NOT looking to get married again and I do NOT want to see someone every night. However, I would like a committed steady relationship....even if it's once a week. He was honest that he had a horrible marriage and between work and his kids, has no time for commitment. He likes his alone time and single life right now and maybe that will change down the road, who knows. But he even said to me several times how he didn't expect us to hit it off and see each other like we have. I guess I fooled myself into thinking him not wanting any "commitment" could change but it hasn't. We really get along so well and enjoy each other's company. I find him incredibly sexy, charming, kind, funny and just all around a nice guy. He treats me very well. I am still dating others, although nothing has stuck yet, but I like him sooooo much. Do I continue to see him while keeping my options open? Is there hope for someone like him (so damaged in his divorce) to commit? Again, I'm not talking marriage and seeing each other every night. I can't imagine my life without him in it. We have a great time together. But on the other hand, am I setting myself up for hurt? I read all these articles about walking away when a man says he doesn't want commitment but I don't feel like every relationship is the same. I broke it off the middle of Sept. and he was upset but said he respected my decision. Then continued to call and text me on the average of once a week. I ended up seeing him this past weekend and am as confused as ever. Any advice is greatly appreciated!
Author luv2dance0422 Posted November 4, 2016 Author Posted November 4, 2016 I thought of that also. He has told me he has strong feelings for me. He has been very honest with me on everything. Either way.....what to do?
mikeylo Posted November 4, 2016 Posted November 4, 2016 Using ' strong feelings for you ' is the easiest way to get you to accept the deal. Do it if you want to but under no expectation that he will come around. He has been upfront about it.
TheTraveler Posted November 4, 2016 Posted November 4, 2016 I thought of that also. He has told me he has strong feelings for me. He has been very honest with me on everything. Either way.....what to do? You have to ask yourself is this what you want from a man? Only you can answer that.
Author luv2dance0422 Posted November 4, 2016 Author Posted November 4, 2016 No, it's not what I want. And I have had no problems not continuing in these kind of relationships with others. But this guy.....ugh! Of course there is no way for me to know if it would work out long term, however, we really connect. Like I said, I'm keeping my options open. I am going on a first date with someone this weekend. But in the meantime, I struggle with keeping him out of my life.
TheTraveler Posted November 4, 2016 Posted November 4, 2016 No, it's not what I want. Move on He has another 4 years with the kid living at home and years more with his younger kids. You're not a priority and will not be for many years.
Author luv2dance0422 Posted November 4, 2016 Author Posted November 4, 2016 I was afraid to hear that. lol But thank you, that's why I'm on here and asked. I feel like a teenager at 53! I even think it's some of the "I want what I can't have" syndrome.
Larryville Posted November 4, 2016 Posted November 4, 2016 I am NOT looking to get married again and I do NOT want to see someone every night. I would like a committed steady relationship had a horrible marriage has no time for commitment. He likes his alone time and single life I am still dating others walking away when a man says he doesn't want commitment but I don't feel like every relationship is the same. I broke it off the middle of Sept. and he was upset but said he respected my decision. Then continued to call and text me on the average of once a week. I ended up seeing him this past weekend and am as confused as ever. He could be wanting a FWB deal. Using ' strong feelings for you ' is the easiest way to get you to accept the deal. Will say at first this interested me specifically because of the ages and you (OP) sound like so many women I meet on OLD. The confusion for me is this you say: I would like a committed steady relationship I would like for you or any woman here to explain to me what they think “a relationship” is to them. People dip their toe in the dating pond while at the same time wanting it all. Solitude of a single life, while wanting a dating “buddy” occasional cuddle buddy but don’t bother me unless I call you. You say you are not looking to get married, but say... I can't imagine my life without him in it. We have a great time together. But I am NOT looking to get married again and I do NOT want to see someone every night. (NOT in all caps) But on the other hand, am I setting myself up for hurt? Seriously contradictory, if you want a “relationship” invest emotionally (provided the other is willing to invest) If not just find a FWB buddy and stop wasting time and energy processing contradictory thoughts. SIDEBAR: I was about to post the above response and read your post: I feel like a teenager at 53! I even think it's some of the "I want what I can't have" syndrome. So never mind... you recognize it (the contradictions) issues that young people deal with, was not expecting that from someone in their 50's.
Author luv2dance0422 Posted November 4, 2016 Author Posted November 4, 2016 Thank you for your insight, Larryville. I do sound confused, don't I? lol What I want is companionship and someone who is on the same page. I know people who have been divorced and dated someone else for many years, neither wanting to live together or marriage. I don't think anything is wrong with that. To each their own. If it works for them and they are on the same page. However, I see why you think I am being contradictory. Thanks again!!
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