Snotty Posted November 4, 2016 Posted November 4, 2016 I met a woman 5 months ago on OLD. We had great conversation. Seemed to get along great. Started seeing each other quite frequently. After about 2 months, she said we were not exclusive. We had a discussion about this. I told her how i felt, that i wasn't going to date anyone. I wanted to see where this would go. Every couple weeks she would bring up she is not committing to a relationship. I asked her if she had any guys chasing her and she said yes. She said they ask her out and she says no. I asked if she told them she was seeing someone and she said no. She said she had on guy make mention of our pics on fb. When we first met, she would take pics of us, and post them on fb. This has stopped. Now when we go places, she posts where she is, but no mention of me. The other day we went out with another couple. She took a pic of them, put it on fb that she was out with friends.... no mention of me. She knows i care for her. I don't throw it in her face. When we have 'relationship' talks, i let her know how i feel, followed by her letting me know she does not want a relationship. A few weeks ago, she asked what would i do if she decided she didn't want to do this anymore. That was a surprising question. Her actions loudly say relationship. Yet she pushes me away with words, and often states she doesn't want to send mixed messages. Whenever we have a 'relationship' talk, she lets me know we are just friends, who have sex. I guess i really need a woman's point of view. Am i wasting my time. Should i hang on for a couple months to see if she draws closer to me? I care for her, but at the same time, i don't want to get hurt over this.
leogirl876 Posted November 4, 2016 Posted November 4, 2016 She sees you as a FWB type of thing and that's it. If you want a relationship, then you should find someone else. 4
LostOnes05 Posted November 4, 2016 Posted November 4, 2016 Bro, this woman does not want a relationship with you. Whenever someone's actions don't match their words...run. The writing is on the wall and she's lying to you if she says guys ask her if she's seeing someone and she says no, but doesn't go out with them...with no mention of you and telling you to your face that after 2 months you aren't exclusive. Not only are you wasting your time, you're putting your heart on the line for someone whose heart is not even remotely in it. Trust me....save yourself the trouble and date other women and cut off the sex with her so you can make a rational decision. Because where I'm standing it's pretty clear she doesn't care about you at all. 3
Satu Posted November 4, 2016 Posted November 4, 2016 snip Whenever we have a 'relationship' talk, she lets me know we are just friends, who have sex. Her words mean exactly what they say. If you're happy with this, carry on. If not, move on. Take care. 3
TheTraveler Posted November 4, 2016 Posted November 4, 2016 It's not what you want. Why waste your time hanging on? Start dating others and start pulling yourself away immediately. 3
smackie9 Posted November 4, 2016 Posted November 4, 2016 Sorry dude, you are not going to find one person on here that's going to say, she wants a relationship with you. From what you have posted, she's getting ready to move on soon. 2
Satu Posted November 4, 2016 Posted November 4, 2016 "Should i hang on for a couple months to see if she draws closer to me?" That strikes me as being a male version of what some women think: "He's a bit of a jerk, but I think I can change him." She's as close to you as she wants to be, and no more. 1
Author Snotty Posted November 4, 2016 Author Posted November 4, 2016 Well.... i guess that was pretty clear... Thanks to all. I guess i knew the answer to my delima but just didnt want to admit it to myself. about a minth or so ago... we were out, and one of the guys chasing her was there. We were with a group of friends, and she invited him to our table. I didnt want to come accross as an ass, so i didnt say anything, and never questioned her about it. Never thiught i would be the nieve one. Thanks for the wake up 1
smackie9 Posted November 4, 2016 Posted November 4, 2016 Just invest your heart in someone who is wanting to invest their heart in you....... 3
Author Snotty Posted November 5, 2016 Author Posted November 5, 2016 Sorry dude, you are not going to find one person on here that's going to say, she wants a relationship with you. From what you have posted, she's getting ready to move on soon. I guess you called that one. She said she needed a break.... Then mentioned we could still have sex....
preraph Posted November 5, 2016 Posted November 5, 2016 You are wasting your time. She isn't really into you and is just killing time until someone she likes better comes along, or just anyone different comes along. She would probably be relieved if you broke up with her, and you probably should do that.
soph-walker Posted November 5, 2016 Posted November 5, 2016 Agree with what people are saying here. Preserve your heart and be with someone who is interested in having only your attention..no one elses
soph-walker Posted November 5, 2016 Posted November 5, 2016 Infact, I'd just completely cut her off..I don't normally condone 'ghosting' but I think you need to take some of the power back as it's all in her hands at the moment.
Author Snotty Posted November 9, 2016 Author Posted November 9, 2016 It seems as if i have moved from the dating forum to the break up forum. This is this short version...met a woman on OLD. Her profile stated she was looking for a relationship. After going out two months, she made it clear we were not exclusive. I told her I was not going to date anyone else. I wanted to see where this went. I also told her if she wanted to date others, it was her choice, but i would no longer see her. Her verbage then later changed to not committing to a relationship. Then she would refer to us as just friends. Yes, we were having sex. So... a couple weeks ago she sais she needed a break. She said she felt smothered. I never once went to see her, or talked to her unless she wanted. After she said she needed a break, i stopped all contact. The next day she invited me over. I did not want to go... but i went anyway. I stayed an hour or so, and left. She contacted me again later in the day. I went again. She said we were just friends. I left, and as always, did not contact her. This was sunday.... yesterday she called. It was trivial. Called twice today. Then she sends me a text today, and says i take it you dont want me to contact you while we take a break. At that point, i told her we need to talk. I am going to tell her that i dont want to be her male girlfriend, nor her f buddy. If she needs a break, adios. Does anyone disagree? Is a 'break' a cowards way of breaking up? 3
Kelley Posted November 9, 2016 Posted November 9, 2016 In my experience needing space, lets go on a break means let me keep you on the back burner while I see if I can do better. You should listen to what she says, she sees you as a friend that she has sex with. She doesn't want an exclusive relationship she feels smothered. If you want something more serious then you need to go elsewhere. I would go NC and just move on and find someone that wants what you want. 2
Satu Posted November 9, 2016 Posted November 9, 2016 The relationship has no foundation. Just walk away with your dignity and self respect intact. Hold your head high and move on. Forget the friend thing, its nonsense. Take care. 4
ExpatInItaly Posted November 9, 2016 Posted November 9, 2016 So, she is only comfortable being "close" to you when she knows there is no expectation of commitment. As soon as you two begin to act more like a couple, she bolts. She likes you as a FWB but not a boyfriend. I would just move on, OP. This one isn't going anywhere. 1
fromheart Posted November 10, 2016 Posted November 10, 2016 At that point, i told her we need to talk. I am going to tell her that i dont want to be her male girlfriend, nor her f buddy. If she needs a break, adios. If you want a relationship and the woman doesn't, thats the right thing to say and do. But why do you want a relationship with her? She doesn't sound too great.
SamIam5 Posted November 10, 2016 Posted November 10, 2016 Personally, I don't do breaks. If you're that indecisive about a person, then either you're not "looking for a relationship" or don't want to be with that person. End of story. Why on earth would she need a break after only 2 months of dating? The whole "I feel smothered" thing sounds suspect. A person is smothered when someone does too much for them and won't give them their alone-time. Clearly, that isn't what you're doing. I would move on. She clearly doesn't know what she wants.
basil67 Posted November 10, 2016 Posted November 10, 2016 Is a 'break' a cowards way of breaking up? Except in this case, there's nothing to break up.
Author Snotty Posted November 10, 2016 Author Posted November 10, 2016 I just left her place..... I told her i didnt want to be her male girlfriend, i didnt want to be her secret friend (she hides me on fb) im not going to be a f buddy, and im not going to take a break. After exchanging civil words, she wanted a hug. I asked her why, she said she just needed one. Then she said she understood why i am doing what i am doing. Then she said she just needed a break to get her head straight. I told her again... i wasnt going to be her male girlfriend anymore, im not goi g to be a secret, and im not going to be a f buddy. I then left. She wanted another hug. I told her no... i dont need a sympathy hug. She then replied that she needed one. I told her there were things i needed and i never got them, and then i told her goodbye. now i am going NC 2
fromheart Posted November 10, 2016 Posted November 10, 2016 Well played. Later on you might think that you've been an A hole, you haven't you're just looking out for yourself. Notice the change in dynamics as soon as you applied the rule of walking away. Expect breadcrumbs, stay strong. 2
Frozensushi Posted November 10, 2016 Posted November 10, 2016 Good job! Now just walk away and never look back. You did the right thing. 1
Author Snotty Posted March 1, 2017 Author Posted March 1, 2017 (edited) So... the short version. Been seeing this woman about 10 months now. For some reason i am a secret on fb. She very seldom posts anything about us. Thats fine, its her fb. Spent all night with her at the doctor. She posts she is there. No mention of me. All kinds of responses from people. Get better etc. she responds to all of them with thanks.... no mention of me taking her... being with her. I drop her off late last night. I tell her i wont send her a good morning text so i dont wake her up. She has been fb it all morning... replying. I hear nothing from her. No text.... no call. Am i being petty, or is it time to back off. Edited March 1, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator merged threads for context ~6
dumbass2 Posted March 1, 2017 Posted March 1, 2017 If this is the same woman you mentioned in your Nov thread, it sounds like she is still not fully in on the relationship like you want. It sounds like you are not secure with where this is going. She is not giving you the assurance that you are looking for. I saw my last ex for 6 months and we never got into the whole Facebook thing even though we were both on there. This post of yours sounds kind of needy, but when couped with your last thread you made on her, she appears to not be compatible with what you are looking for. I think she kind of showed you before that she is pretty iffy on a long term relationship with you. Can't force someone to want the same thing you do.
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